Stegosaurus returned from Tibet on January 8th, very tired from all of his recent travels. He welcomed the return to his cave in Boulder, Colorado, his favorite place to rest his weary claws. He didn't even eat anything as soon as he got home ( except of course, his raft ), he simply returned to his cave and slept.
At one point, he woke up, went outside to his yard, and fell asleep again in the sun. It was in this way that his loyal accountant Corythosaurus discovered him, on the morning of January 18th. Stegosaurus was at first startled, since he'd forgotten that January 18th was the day they had set aside for Corythosaurus to discuss the results of his 2024 tax filing.
“Good morning, Stegosaurus,” said Corythosaurus. “I hope I didn't wake you. I have some important news to tell you. It is good news, too ! I'm pretty sure you won't believe me, but it is all quite true!”
“Greetings, friend Corythosaurus!” said Stegosaurus. “Always nice to see you, but please don't keep me in suspense! Tell me, what makes this year so much more exciting than any other year?”
“This year, the year 2025 is your year, Stegosaurus !!” insisted Corythosaurus.
“I have filed your 2024 tax return, and after crunching all the numbers I've discovered that you, beloved by children, studied by mammal scientists, celebrated in film and comic book, both serious and comical, you, you narrow faced roof lizard, Mr. Stegosaurus, you are a millionaire worth 44.6 MILLION dollars !!”
“What ?!?” Stegosaurus exclaimed incredulously. “How did that happen?!?”
“I am not entirely sure, my first immediate thought is it is a result of you being so humble and frugal, but then I thought some more for something told me that there was more to the story, more than meets the eye.”
“Tell me, don't be so dramatic. Has there been an inheritance? A long lost relative perhaps? I haven't read the news, I've just returned from visiting cousin Wuerhosaurus in Tibet and I am totally out of the loop. How in the world could I possibly be a millionaire ?”
“I have discovered that you have an inheritance, Stegosaurus. One we didn't know about until now. It seems that your mother made an early investment into broadleaf trees, just about the time you had come out of your shell, and the success of broadleaf trees over the last 140 Million years or so, since the early Cretaceous period has put you into another tax bracket. “ explained Corythosaurus.
“Well, isn't that something! I had no idea my mother was so concerned about my future.
Her prescience as an investor is impressive. We dinosaurs, you know, we aren't so good usually at thinking ahead. I know a lot about my father, Professor O.C. Marsh, but I don't know too much about my mother. All I can remember is that she found me one day while she was eating a cabbage patch.
I guess this means that I should be hanging around with rich people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates or Warren Buffett. I don't know, do you think Bill Gates would let me eat trees? He seems overly concerned about the environment. I also know that Elon Musk has made a lot of money making the mammals' transportation devices electric, and as we well know I am a fan of alternative fuel sources, but I am not sure given recent news that he and I would see eye to eye on a very many key principles. He does not strike me, suddenly as a supporter of my favorite candidate Eugene Victor Debs.
Maybe Warren Buffett would be more my style. We have in common the fact, for example, that we're both very old. I like finding common ground. I am not sure how old he is, but he looks like he is 140 million years old”.
“Maybe I'll buy an island, or a country, such as Greenland, or Canada. It would be great to establish the funding for a meteor detection system in this country to prevent the destructive extinction we experienced in the past.” said Stegosaurus.
“I advise you not to let your newfound riches go to your head”, said an amused Corythosaurus. “Remain the humble, altruistic, kind and gentle Stegosaurus we all know and love.”
“You're right, Corythosaurus. I appreciate your advice. There is much wisdom in what you say.”
“Let us go eat some broadleaf trees now, and we'll discuss ways in which I can use my wealth to help others as well as myself. I can think of a few honorable charities to which I'd like to donate my money and my time. There are so many causes I feel so passionately about.”
“I also advise you to be frugal and careful about how, when, and to whom you are charitable. Don't let anyone, mammal, dinosaur, or megafauna take advantage of your generosity.”
“Again, good advice, Corythosaurus. Thank you. I find it hard to think in the long term sometimes, with a brain the size of a walnut. Thank you for keeping my head out of the clouds.”
“This is my job, not just as your loyal accountant, but as a friend.” said Corythosaurus. “Now shall we go and dine?”
“Yes, indeed, let us go. I think there's a grove or two of Maples and Oaks just over the next hill.” said Corythosaurus.
The two friends then set off over the hills and enjoyed a delicious meal of Maples, Oaks, and homemade bread with Diet Coke.
Everyone in the forest lived happily ever after.
