It being the beginning of base - ball season, Stegosaurus reflects upon his brief career in professional sports.

" It was during the depression, " said Stegosaurus. " 1937. I was living in Chicago at the time and trying to find work just like everyone else. I was walking down West Addison Street when I saw a notice that told me about thte availability of a dream job, and I couldn't believe my eyes. Bill Veeck, the head groundskeeper at Wrigley Field was looking for an assistant ! I took the notice right away and went in to see if I could get an interview.

I did, and was hired on the spot. Mr. Veeck brought me into the ballpark and directed me to mow ( eat ) the tall grass in the outfield. " Now, " he said, " Don't eat ALL the grass, and whatever you do, don't eat the ivy I just planted on the outfield wall. " Then Mr. Veeck departed, and left me to my work.

I had been starving and thought that grass was the best I had ever eaten. Before I knew it, the entire grassy area of the ballpark was perfect for play. When I looked up, I was still hungry, and had forgotten Mr. Veeck's instructions about the ivy. As usual l let my appetite cloud my better judgement. So I began to eat the ivy.

When I was about halfway down the outfield wall, Mr. Veeck came in and he was very upset. He said,

" YOU ! I just planted that !! You.... I.... you get out of here and never come back ! "

I hung my head and tried to apologize, but Mr. Veeck wouldn't hear it, and I had to leave.

I was very sad because I loved that job, and thought I might appeal to the commissioner of baseball,Judge Kennesaw Mountain Landis, to get my job back. So I went to see him.

He granted me an audience, but in the end he rejected me. Everyone knew that Judge Landis was racist; he didn't like black people, and he certaintly didn't like Stegosaurids. Not even when he was a little kid. He told me, " Son, I don't know what Chicago was thinking, but you're a Stegosaurus, and its not seemly for Stegosaurus to play baseball. "

And he banned me. Just like that.

I am still sad about that sometimes, but I console myself by playing umpire at children's sandlot games.
Small children really love me for some reason. "