" I am proud to tell you of a major accomplishment today, " said Stegosaurus proudly.

" This weekend I graduated from Virginia Tech with a degree in Horticulture Consumption ! It has been a lifelong dream of mine to be college educated and to prove that just because you have a brain the size of a walnut does not mean you are stupid... After all... " remarked Stegosaurus wryly, " It's not the size that's important, its how you use it. That's what matters. "

The final was tough, I had to eat so many different varieties of verdure. Even some I hadn't seen before in my entire life. But I passed with flying colors. During the final I also gained ground on my New Years' resolution. I gained 4 hundred tons ! Now I'm halfway to my goal ! Remember I want to gain 800 tons at least in this year.

They gave me my diploma in Lane Stadium, because at 9 ft. tall and 30 ft. long of course I wasn't going to fit into the basket ball arena.

The only problem that presented itself on my grand day was the fact that all the extra tons I gained in the last week got me stuck as I left the stadium !

It took some time for people to figure out what to do, so much so that I started to get hungry and breifly considered eating my diploma; but I controlled myself.

I met a very smart Austrian fellow who helped get me free. We put our heads together, and being college educated used the basic principles of aeronautical engineering to get me out of my predicament.

This nice Austrian, a Mr. Ludwig C. Gantner, then went to President Stieger and asked if I could act as an additional University mascot. I thought about what I'd look like in the University colors of maroon and orange.

President Stieger decided in his wisdom that I should act as a protector to the Hokie Bird, seeing as how, he said, " The Hokie Bird and Stegosaurids are descended from each other. " I do not know how he figures that, but I was not inclined to question him on the matter.

So imagine that ! Two great emoluments in one day ! ( I'm college educated now and allowed to use big words )

I am now employed as VPI's Hokie Bird Protector. If any one insults or harasses the Hokie Bird, or damages or defaces one of his statues, I will stomp on them forthrightly; or I will thrash them with my thagomizer !!