"My first semester of college is over!" announced Stegosaurus. "To celebrate I've taken some time off and stomped on over to Spain, where the biggest Stegosaurus footprint has been found. You see that was before my diet.
I am building a branch of the Stegosaurus School of Dance here, so I'll be in Spain for a while. To mark this occasion, Flamenco dancing will be half off for the month of May.
Also, to honor my friend Frankie "Musclehead" Manning who became extinct on April 28th, all Lindy Hop dance lessons are half off as well. It is a shame that mammals become extinct so young; he was only 94. "
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Stegosaurus Races
Mark Johnson: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Stegosaurus Races at Church hill downs, in Louisville, Kentucky We welcome you to this storied event, millions of years older than another race held here which involves horses, to watch Stegosaurus and his cousins race at Church hill downs. We have at the starting gate, the large, lovable Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado, USA, Kentrosaurus of Kenya, Africa; Stegosaurus Claus of Brazil, and Lexovissaurus of France. We inform you with much regret that Wuerhosaurus of China had intended to participate, but he is coming by slow boat, which being aptly named has yet to arrive. The Stegosaurids wait at the gate for the race to begin."
In the growing crowd of race attendees milling about waiting for the Kentucky Derby ( involving horses ) to begin, was a Mr. Herring and a Ms. Scott leading their cat, Na Nyuk Fish, on a leash. None of the people in the crowd seemed to be looking at the racing field of Stegosaurids; as they were all too busy standing around drinking Mint Juleps and talking about horse bloodlines and horse sperm, two very popular topics which precede any horse race. This was not the case for Mr. Herring.
Mark Johnson: "And, they're off! ..... Stegosaurus at first in the lead, Kentrosaurus at the outside, Stegosaurus Claus and Lexovissaurus bringing up the rear. Aren't they odd, ladies and gentlemen, watching them race about the track.... and what a thunderous commmotion it causes! At the first turn now, Kentrosaurus takes the lead, Stegosaurus now in second place. Lexovissaurus keeping good pace beside Stegosaurus Claus. This is a sight that has to be seen to be believed. "
"Look!" exclaims Mr. Herring, pointing out to the track just as the racing dinosaurs turn the corner. "Stegosaurus! Stegosaurus on the track!"
Ms. Scott looks but sees nothing. " I think you've had too many Mint Juleps," rejoined Mr. Herring's interlocutoress.
Mark Johnson: "And we're now in the home stretch! Lexovissaurus is picking up his pace, leaving Stegosuarus Claus in the dust! Kentrosaurus is barely in the lead, with Stegosaurus falling firmly into the second position! Here comes Lexovissaurus now ladies and gentlemen! Really picking up speed! And its Lexovissaurus by a nose / beak, with Kentrosaurus in second place, Stegosaurus is third, and Stegosaurus Claus fourth. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, Lexovissaurus of France is the winner!
So félicitations to Lexovissaurus of France!"
Stegosaurus Races Press Confrence, May 2nd 2009 Church hill downs, Louisville, KY
Stegosaurus: My cousins and I have called this press confrence today to express our joy at attending the annual Stegosaurus races yet again, and to set the record straight regarding a misconception.
Please welcome to our press conference today in addtion to myself my cousin Kentrosaurus, of Africa, my cousin Lexovissaurus, of France and our friend and benefactor who has come from Brazil, Stegosaurus Claus. It was very nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule of making toys for all the good boys and girls of the world to speak with us today.
We regret to tell you that our cousin Wuerhosaurus of China wanted to be here but he is not. He wanted to race, but left China by a slow boat which has yet to arrive.
collective sigh of regret from the audience.
Kentrosaurus: Thank you for attending today.
Lexovissaurus : Je suis heureux d’être ici aujourd’hui.
Stegosaurus Claus: I'm glad to be here as well. I might have left Brazil, but I'm still making a list and checking it twice, even now. So, be good!
Stegosaurus: The first statement we'd like to make is that we sure have enjoyed racing today, We can race pretty fast for such awkward creatures goodness knows, especially Lexovissaurus who won the race.... but we'd all like to make a joint statement that even though we have 8 points of similarity with our good brother horse and we are easily confused with him....
Kentrosaurus: The similarity is very striking. If we're grazing in a field together its very hard to tell us apart. I invited our sister Quagga over for Christmas, and our neighbors were totally confused.
Stegosaurus: .... yes, and even though some places in these parts like to think so we'd all like to release a joint statement that, unlike our brother horse, we have never ever, worn saddles of any type. Not western, not english, not australian... none at all.
Lexovissaurus: Absolument aucun ne me convient. Je n’ai jamais porté de selles. Jamais. Je ne suis pas comme mon Cousin Américain, je n’ai pas beaucoup d’épatantes sexy plaques et je ne veux pas les couvrir avec un inconfortable truc fait de peaux mammifères. J’ai déjà fait une observation de ceci, c’est que pas seulement ne portons-nous de selles, nous les Stégosaures ne portons pas de chapeaux. Pas jamais, pas du tout .....
Kentrosaurus pokes Lexovissaurus... Um, cousin... don't look now, but, well, we have a Stegosaurid with us....
Stegosaurus Claus: ...who happens to be an exception to the norm. You can't help but notice, Lexovissarus, that I always wear hats.
Lexovissaurus: blushing ... Je veux avoir des cadeaux pour Noël, alors, je reconnais mon erreur. Je reconnais mon erreur. Et j’aimerais aussi aujourd’hui dire que je suis fier d’avoir gagné la course, de cette ancienne tradition qui est répéter depuis plus de 160 millions d’années. Merci pour vos applaudissements et vos félicitations. Hourra pour la France ! J’aimerais faire don de mes gains de la course aujourd’hui à Bethlehem Farms, pas long d’ici à Lexington. Cela va les aider à fournir des soins pour les chevaux de mon frère qui ont eu de la malchance.
crowd applause.
Stegosaurus: Thank you, thank you all. Now if the press will excuse us, as grass is one of the finest new inventions of our modern age, we must go forthwith to trim the lawn at the Ashland estate in Lexington; and I understand that there is a very big arboretum nearby there which looks very delicious.
If you will, please excuse us....
Stegosaurus Claus: Thank you for coming to our races today. I'll see you Christmas Eve, if you all are good!
Kentrosaurus: I was very pleased to take part in the races today. Thank you for attending.
Lexovissaurus: Je vous remercie tous pour être venu. Maintenant je ne c’est pas ce que vous allez faire, mais moi je vais avoir du fromage avec mon pâturin ......
Mark Johnson: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Stegosaurus Races at Church hill downs, in Louisville, Kentucky We welcome you to this storied event, millions of years older than another race held here which involves horses, to watch Stegosaurus and his cousins race at Church hill downs. We have at the starting gate, the large, lovable Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado, USA, Kentrosaurus of Kenya, Africa; Stegosaurus Claus of Brazil, and Lexovissaurus of France. We inform you with much regret that Wuerhosaurus of China had intended to participate, but he is coming by slow boat, which being aptly named has yet to arrive. The Stegosaurids wait at the gate for the race to begin."
In the growing crowd of race attendees milling about waiting for the Kentucky Derby ( involving horses ) to begin, was a Mr. Herring and a Ms. Scott leading their cat, Na Nyuk Fish, on a leash. None of the people in the crowd seemed to be looking at the racing field of Stegosaurids; as they were all too busy standing around drinking Mint Juleps and talking about horse bloodlines and horse sperm, two very popular topics which precede any horse race. This was not the case for Mr. Herring.
Mark Johnson: "And, they're off! ..... Stegosaurus at first in the lead, Kentrosaurus at the outside, Stegosaurus Claus and Lexovissaurus bringing up the rear. Aren't they odd, ladies and gentlemen, watching them race about the track.... and what a thunderous commmotion it causes! At the first turn now, Kentrosaurus takes the lead, Stegosaurus now in second place. Lexovissaurus keeping good pace beside Stegosaurus Claus. This is a sight that has to be seen to be believed. "
"Look!" exclaims Mr. Herring, pointing out to the track just as the racing dinosaurs turn the corner. "Stegosaurus! Stegosaurus on the track!"
Ms. Scott looks but sees nothing. " I think you've had too many Mint Juleps," rejoined Mr. Herring's interlocutoress.
Mark Johnson: "And we're now in the home stretch! Lexovissaurus is picking up his pace, leaving Stegosuarus Claus in the dust! Kentrosaurus is barely in the lead, with Stegosaurus falling firmly into the second position! Here comes Lexovissaurus now ladies and gentlemen! Really picking up speed! And its Lexovissaurus by a nose / beak, with Kentrosaurus in second place, Stegosaurus is third, and Stegosaurus Claus fourth. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, Lexovissaurus of France is the winner!
So félicitations to Lexovissaurus of France!"
Stegosaurus Races Press Confrence, May 2nd 2009 Church hill downs, Louisville, KY
Stegosaurus: My cousins and I have called this press confrence today to express our joy at attending the annual Stegosaurus races yet again, and to set the record straight regarding a misconception.
Please welcome to our press conference today in addtion to myself my cousin Kentrosaurus, of Africa, my cousin Lexovissaurus, of France and our friend and benefactor who has come from Brazil, Stegosaurus Claus. It was very nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule of making toys for all the good boys and girls of the world to speak with us today.
We regret to tell you that our cousin Wuerhosaurus of China wanted to be here but he is not. He wanted to race, but left China by a slow boat which has yet to arrive.
collective sigh of regret from the audience.
Kentrosaurus: Thank you for attending today.
Lexovissaurus : Je suis heureux d’être ici aujourd’hui.
Stegosaurus Claus: I'm glad to be here as well. I might have left Brazil, but I'm still making a list and checking it twice, even now. So, be good!
Stegosaurus: The first statement we'd like to make is that we sure have enjoyed racing today, We can race pretty fast for such awkward creatures goodness knows, especially Lexovissaurus who won the race.... but we'd all like to make a joint statement that even though we have 8 points of similarity with our good brother horse and we are easily confused with him....
Kentrosaurus: The similarity is very striking. If we're grazing in a field together its very hard to tell us apart. I invited our sister Quagga over for Christmas, and our neighbors were totally confused.
Stegosaurus: .... yes, and even though some places in these parts like to think so we'd all like to release a joint statement that, unlike our brother horse, we have never ever, worn saddles of any type. Not western, not english, not australian... none at all.
Lexovissaurus: Absolument aucun ne me convient. Je n’ai jamais porté de selles. Jamais. Je ne suis pas comme mon Cousin Américain, je n’ai pas beaucoup d’épatantes sexy plaques et je ne veux pas les couvrir avec un inconfortable truc fait de peaux mammifères. J’ai déjà fait une observation de ceci, c’est que pas seulement ne portons-nous de selles, nous les Stégosaures ne portons pas de chapeaux. Pas jamais, pas du tout .....
Kentrosaurus pokes Lexovissaurus... Um, cousin... don't look now, but, well, we have a Stegosaurid with us....
Stegosaurus Claus: ...who happens to be an exception to the norm. You can't help but notice, Lexovissarus, that I always wear hats.
Lexovissaurus: blushing ... Je veux avoir des cadeaux pour Noël, alors, je reconnais mon erreur. Je reconnais mon erreur. Et j’aimerais aussi aujourd’hui dire que je suis fier d’avoir gagné la course, de cette ancienne tradition qui est répéter depuis plus de 160 millions d’années. Merci pour vos applaudissements et vos félicitations. Hourra pour la France ! J’aimerais faire don de mes gains de la course aujourd’hui à Bethlehem Farms, pas long d’ici à Lexington. Cela va les aider à fournir des soins pour les chevaux de mon frère qui ont eu de la malchance.
crowd applause.
Stegosaurus: Thank you, thank you all. Now if the press will excuse us, as grass is one of the finest new inventions of our modern age, we must go forthwith to trim the lawn at the Ashland estate in Lexington; and I understand that there is a very big arboretum nearby there which looks very delicious.
If you will, please excuse us....
Stegosaurus Claus: Thank you for coming to our races today. I'll see you Christmas Eve, if you all are good!
Kentrosaurus: I was very pleased to take part in the races today. Thank you for attending.
Lexovissaurus: Je vous remercie tous pour être venu. Maintenant je ne c’est pas ce que vous allez faire, mais moi je vais avoir du fromage avec mon pâturin ......
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