In late September, just before the start of the Fall season, Stegosaurus stomped forthrightly to Scotland to visit his friend Plesiosaur before his semester started at school. On the banks of Loch Ness, he joined Plesiosaur to make a joint statement during a public press conference.

"Good afternoon, press corps of Scotland, and places around the World .... Dinosaurus and Megafauna, Hello, I'd like to welcome you to the banks of Loch Ness, in beautiful wonderful Scotland. I'm pleased to see you all here today," said Stegosaurus. "I am here this fine afternoon with my friend Plesiosaur to talk to you. She would like to make a statement to the press regarding her recent "appearance" in the loch."

"Thank you, Stegosaurus," said Plesiosaur. "You are so kind."

"Good afternoon, loyal friends and fans. I would like to address my recent "appearance" in the news. I know you all love me, and since about 1933 a lot of very bad photographers have taken very bad photographs that purport to be of me in this very loch. I am told that I am personally responsible for boosting the tourism industry of the lovely country of Scotland which I think loves me most of all. I appreciate the attention, honestly I do, but after 83 years it is finally time to come clean and be honest about this whole business of Loch Ness and what and who lives there. I must say that this press conference was not called without a good deal of soul searching thought and consideration. The last thing I want to do is harm the fanciful dreams of small children, the ambition of slightly kooky researchers, and certainly not the tourist industry of my friendly hosts in Scotland. I hope I can be forgiven if what I say here today causes any sadness, or economic calamity.

It is just that I have to be honest. This new picture of "me" is nothing more than a trio of seals. Nothing against seals, I like seals they are some of the most adorable mammals invented since mammals were invented. They're just not ME. Also, I am not Eels. Some of the pictures that are supposed to be of me are actually Eels. They are very large Eels; we have very large Eels here larger than the average but they are just Eels. Nothing against Eels OR seals, but they are not ME. The truth is, I do not live here at all. I do not live in Canada; I am not Ogopogo of Lake Okanagan. I am not Champ, the Lake Champlain Monster, I do not live in Sweden, or Patagonia. I have never met any Saints in the Christian religion; Not here at Loch Ness or anywhere. In fact, I do not live here at all. I'm very sorry to disappoint you."

"Now everyone calm down! Calm down!" Insisted Stegosaurus, trying to still the anxiety of a murmuring press corps. "Please eat some aloe plants...."

"I DO have good news," said Plesiosaur. "I do not live here, but I know someone who does. Be calm, please be calm."

The press became quiet and listened.

"I do not live here..." said Plesiosaur, "....but my friend Elasmosaurus does. We look very similar, which is why we can be confused... particularly with the grainy pictures that are taken here. We just don't photograph well, I suppose. But the trick is that Elasmosaurus, she's agoraphobic, so she does not come to the surface. She's always been afraid of mammals, but since mammals have dominated the landscape in the last few million years there are just too many to make her feel comfortable about coming to the surface. She assures me that it isn't you, its her, so don't feel badly, please. You probably won't see Elasmosaurus and you won't see me because I don't live here. You will see some nice and friendly seals and Eels. Thank you, everyone, thanks for coming. I know it sounds harsh, it has been a joke that has gone on for over 80 years, and I just couldn't let it go on anymore. I suspect in spite of this press conference today the sightings will yet continue for generations more, since many mammals are blind to facts that contradict what they want to believe about anything, so I hope you all will continue to have fun photographing seals, Eels and logs and trying to convince your friends and neighbors that they are me. Thank you and good afternoon."

Plesiosaurs Don't Live In Loch Ness