“When I finished eating the Community Arboretum in Lexington in June, ( Don't worry, it will grow back; I didn't eat it all! ) I decided to stomp forthrightly to some bucolic field somewhere just to see if I could visit with Brother Horse. The mammals were surprised to see a Stegosaurus stomping around this time of year when it is not time for the Stegosaurus Races; and even then, those who usually do only notice us when they are inebriated.
Nonetheless, because of my popularity I was soon surrounded by Mammals, especially small children saying to me, “Where are you going, Stegosaurus? Nice to see you this time of year; What brings you to town? The Stegosaurus Races have already passed for the year.”
At the same time many small children clambered around me, as they usually do, asking for rides on my back, and I stopped to address all the questions, which one has to do from time to time when you are such a famous dinosaur as I am. I try to be kind, so I addressed the questions first.
“How kind of you all to ask. If many more of you show up, I will have to hold a formal press conference, and you know how I love press conferences. I am here in the grand Commonwealth of Kentucky to visit Brother Horse. I hope maybe he will share some of that great new invention with me, Kentucky Bluegrass. Grass is one of my most favorite new inventions, and some of the best is right here in Kentucky. Now mammal childrens, I said, specifically addressing my most popular constituency, Yes, you may have rides on my back if you are careful and let your mother or father help you up safely.
I knelt down on my knees to make it easier for the mammal children to climb on me, and though a few did need help from their parents all made it safely and the mammal children were overjoyed as children are ( I love that about them ), as I stomped forthrightly down the road and back again.
“Yay!!!” They exclaimed. “Thank you, Mr. Stegosaurus !! Thank you for spending time with us, you are our favorite dinosaur of all dinosaurs!”
“You're welcome, and thank you for the compliments. There are a lot of dinosaurs out there, and you chose me as your favorite for some reason. That really means a lot to me,” said Stegosaurus.
“Have a nice time visiting Brother Horse!” said the mammal children. They waved enthusiastically as I stomped forthrightly down the road.
Shortly after leaving the crowd and adoring mammal children, I came upon a wonderful field of Bluegrass, rolling hills of that most wonderful of new inventions, grass. And there he was, in the middle of the field, Brother Horse !!
“Hail, Brother Horse !” I exclaimed, finding the entrance, but that same entrance blocked by a metal gate
Brother Horse looked up, but I already was thinking of a way I could bypass the gate and enter the field with him. I thought until my thinker was sore, and eventually came to the realization that Brother Horse jumps fences all the time, and I am related to him, so maybe I COULD jump the fence just like he would if he had the notion to do so. I went to the nearest hill overlooking the field and figured if I could get a running jump, I might be able to leap over the fence. It works in my mind, but remember my mind is only the size of a walnut.
I took a running jump and imagined myself gliding safely over just like Brother Horse does, but alas !! As I leaped over the gate, my cool, spiky tail and its spikes hooked themselves on the gate, which pulled the gate up from the earth, with a great clatter, and then I hit the ground, not on my feet as I had hoped, but landing sideways on my shoulder, the impact of my 6 tons leaving a mark upon the Earth.
When Brother Horse saw and heard the commotion, he galloped over shortly to my aid.
“Stegosaurus!” He exclaimed. “Are you Okay?”
“Oh yes, Brother Horse,” replied Stegosaurus, “Just a bit clumsy as usual.”
“Welcome to the Commonwealth of Kentucky. What brings you to visit me?” asked Brother Horse.
Stegosaurus got up off the ground and stood up, saying,”I have been visiting Kentucky since my college class ended; first I visited with Trilobite and Fake Trilobite, then, I went to Lexington and ate most of the Community Arboretum. Now I have come to visit Brother Horse, hoping that he will share some wonderful Kentucky Bluegrass with me. Sorry for the mess; I think I wrecked your gate,”
“Do not worry about the gate,” said Brother Horse, there's plenty of the grass you seek here and I will share with you though I will say that the gate being down does give us options if we want to take an adventure or two beyond the fence.”
“I love this new invention, grass,” said Stegosaurus. “Thank you for introducing me to it. My friend Congresssaurus Triceratops also enjoys it; he remembers it was just invented when he first came out of his shell.”
“Grass is delicious, especially here in Kentucky,” said Brother Horse.
Then, Stegosaurus and Brother Horse grazed in silence for a while, creating a bucolic scene for anyone to see, though nobody did, because in spite of the crowd of mammals earlier, now nobody was around.
After a while, Stegosaurus observed, “Look how many things you and I have in common. What a wonderful thing it is that my head and your head are about the same size. What a wonderful thing it is that we both have tails. What a wonderful thing it is that we are both herbivores. What a wonderful thing it is that we both walk on all fours. What a wonderful thing it is that we can both stand on our hind legs for brief periods of time. What a wonderful thing it is that we are both herd animals; what a wonderful thing it is that we were both discovered by Professor O.C. Marsh; and most of all, we are both beautiful when grazing.”
“Ah, yes,” said Brother Horse. “We have much in common being related, kind of, in a round about way if you stretch things quite a bit.”
“....and let us not forget, we both can run about 5 miles per hour!” exclaimed Stegosaurus triumphantly.
“Three cheers !!” exclaimed Brother Horse. Then, he paused. “Hey, wait,” he said, “Did you say 5 miles per hour?”
“Yes, yes I did,” said Stegosaurus.
“Well, I regret to inform you that I misspoke. I am a horse; I can indeed run faster than 5 miles per hour. In fact, I can run on average about 40 miles per hour; I am an Arabian, and one of the fastest horse breeds on the planet. My name, other than Brother Horse is Windsurfer, and no slow horse is named Windsurfer. I am 15.1 hands, sired of Moses x Riunite, I am horse, and I am fast!”
“As my friend Bob Hope once observed,” said Stegosaurus, “Half these horses should be in wheelchairs. The only reason they fight for the rail is it gives them something to lean on.”
“By this absurdity, do you mean to challenge me to a race?” asked Brother Horse incredulously.
“Ah, but I jest,” said Stegosaurus.
“Do you even know what a wheelchair is?” asked Windsurfer.
“No,” said Stegosaurus.
“Neither do I,” admitted Windsurfer.
“That said, the speed of your Brother Horse is nothing to jest about. Your challenge is accepted. Let us not race here. You have knocked down the gate and thus, we could leave here and go race at the proper venue, Churchill Downs.”
“Where the Kentucky Derby is held?” asked Stegosaurus.
“The same,” confirmed Windsurfer.
“Well, I didn't intend to challenge you, but now I feel obligated if your blood is up for a race,” said Stegosaurus
“You will lose, but I admire your determination. When you take part in the Stegosaurus Races you race with other Stegosaurids, but as I leave you in the dust you will see exactly how fast your Brother Horse is.”
As the two entered Church Hill Downs and proceeded to the racetrack, they noted that no mammals were around.
“With no one around, this will be a very short event,” said Windsurfer.
“I will be generous and give you a few lengths advance ahead of me. I acknowledge that there is a great difference between 5 and 40 miles per hour.”
I feel bad for accidentally challenging you, Brother Horse. I am sorry.” said Stegosaurus, as he took his offered position.
“Fear not, Stegosaurus. When I win we will still be friends. We shall return to my field, and graze in a bucolic setting.” Rejoined Windsurfer.
The race was indeed over almost as soon as it began. Because they were friends, they did not allow the results to change their friendship. They indeed returned to grazing in Windsurfer's field later that afternoon.
