The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency arrived in Export, Pennsylvania on July 25th, with guest Ankylosaurus in tow; behind him followed the sauropods Apatosaurus, Diplodocus, Brachiosaurus, and Nigersaurus. Then followed Rhedosaurus, Lady Rhedosaurus, Trachodon, and Agathaumas. Additionally, stomping behind was Western Black Rhino, and Woolly Rhino.
“This is a quaint little town,” said Ankylosaurus to Stegosaurus. “Yes,” replied Stegosaurus. “As of the last census, there are only 893 mammals here, but they still need our help.”
“It is peaceful here, the foliage looks delicious, the only thing that could improve it would be a nice body of water,” said Apatosaurus.
“Alas,” replied Brachiosaurus, “This little borough is only 0.4 square miles,”
“You could stomp right by and miss it,” observed Diplodocus, “I am glad to have visited Export and to help the few mammals that live here.”
“Are any of them policemen?” asked Rhedosaurus. “I'm hungry.”
“Dear husband, please mind your manners! What impression will we make if we eat the populace? Especially when the population is so small! Besides, you promised me that you'd modify your diet!” scolded Lady Rhedosaurus.
“I did,” admitted Rhedosaurus reluctantly.
“Look here,” said Woolly Rhino to Western Black Rhino. “It is an international, ministerial and missionary college for Holiness Pentecostals.”
“We must inform Woolly Mammoth,” said Western Black Rhino. “Perhaps he will come to give them a special sermon.”
“That would bring him great joy,” said Woolly Rhino.
“This town has had a functional post office since 1892, but the coal mines from which the borough has gained its name has shut down,” said Stegosaurus.
“It was known as Westmoreland's Coal Company South #2,” said Ankylosaurus. “It has been abandoned for some time, and the mammals here forgotten much of its history but have, with much fanfare uncovered the entrance in January, 2019.”
As the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency approached the Helltown taproom of Export, Nigersaurus exclaimed happily, “ Even without a body of water I can sing “Up A Lazy River” while we work.”
“Remember, we are not here to drink the beer, only to help wash the cans. The flood waters were cleaned up by the mammals in June,” said Stegosaurus. “With our small brains, it is too easy to become inebriated.”
“We should be fine, Agathaumas and I, since we don't exist.” said Trachodon.
“As should my wife and I,” said Rhedosaurus.
“Maybe so, but we should still proceed with caution since no one has ever yet tested that theory,” advised Stegosaurus. “Maybe we can try some off the clock, if our clients are willing to share.”
As the dinosaurs and megafauna approached Stegosaurus saw a mammal open the door, say, “Come look at this, John.” and shut the door again.
After a moment, the door opened a second time, and two mammals stood in the doorway, looking awe at the sight before them.
“I did not expect the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency to be real dinosaurs,” said John.
“And megafauna,” observed Jeff.
“Of course we are real,” said Stegosaurus. “We are here to help you wash beer cans. A terrible disaster has befallen this establishment.”
“But we can help fix that,” said Agathaumas.
“Come on in. Good to see you,” said John. “Jeff and I have placed our beer outside since the taproom is much too small for animals of your size.”
“Mammals can be so thoughtful,” observed Apatosaurus as the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency set to work.
“We have 100 cases of beer to clean for a very large festival which may attract as many as 10 thousand people, er, mammals.” said John.
“We can help with that gladly,” said Brachiosaurus. “If only there were a nice body of water to lounge about in.”
“We know where a nice body of water is, Brother Brachiosaurus, and we can take you there in a few short days,” said Jeff.
“What is this I hear about a large body of water?” asked Nigersaurus.
“There are two relatively nearby,” continued Jeff. “Coopers' Lake, and Lake Arthur.”
Then John turned to Stegosaurus and asked him, “What do you think of beer?”
“Beer contains alcohol,” said Stegosaurus, “...and unfortunately goes right to my head because my brain is the size of a walnut.”
“I understand, Brother Stegosaurus,” said Jeff, “We can reward you with non alcoholic options.”
“I appreciate that,” said Stegosaurus. “The last thing you want is a drunk Stegosaurus dancing the Torudion at your pub.”
The sauropods were excited about the advertised bodies of water, so the work proceeded very quickly.
Both John and Jeff promised to teach Nigersaurus a song or two other than “Up A Lazy River.”
“I am sorry,” apologized Nigersaurus. “It is the only song I know!”
Pretty soon he was singing “The Leaving of Liverpool,” and “The Old Dun Cow.”
When all 100 cases were professionally cleaned, John wondered how many sqaure feet a camping dinosaur would get at Coopers' Lake, and Jeff regaled Ankylosaurus with the goat story.
The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency enjoyed this strange, mammal festival, remaining for the entire two weeks of the event, and then, took their leave, headed to assist the mammals in Kerr County, central Texas.
