"When I had returned to my cave in Colorado from Vermont, I was again glad to take my rest. As I rested with a calming meal of aloe plants, I began to dream about the day that I would evolve. Since my hips are already bird - shaped, I know I am likely to evolve into a bird at some point, ( though I am disappointed that I have not yet been discovered with feathers like some of my contemporaries and not contemporaries.) Sometimes it is frustrating, but it can also be pleasant to dream of the future," said Stegosaurus.

"Sometimes I think it would be nice to evolve into a Red Tailed Hawk. I would have a large range; throughout most of North America including Canada. I would thrive well in deserts, in grasslands such as prairies and / or meadows; as I am now I would be at home in forests ( I think living on the edge of deep, dark old forests is really an ideal situation), farmer's fields, and even the urban areas where the mammals live. I would not live too deep into the arctic areas, but that's okay; I don't do that now. The only problem with this situation is my diet. I would become a bird of prey eating mammals / rodents and sometimes chickens. After 140 million and 15 years I am well adjusted to eating plants. Roots and trees. I even have a degree in horticulture consumption, which would be useless if I started eating chickens".

"So I thought some more. What if I were to evolve into a hummingbird ?? I have watched them from time to time and they are always so bright and colourful; they look so cheerful as they busily zip about hither and yon extracting nectar from flowers. When I have visited the State of California I have seen a particular type of Hummingbird I'd like to evolve into called Anna's Hummingbird. Named after a mammal known as Anne Debelle, Princesse d'Essling. ( 1802 ~ 1887 ) . I would primarily live on the West Coast of the United States, in Southern California or Baja. The mammals have worked hard though to plant ornamental flowers that the Anna's Hummingbird likes and it has allowed their range to expand into Arizona, Nevada and Texas. If you look really hard you can find them in some of the Southern United States. Anna's Hummingbird has been found as far as British Columbia where I would be their "official bird" just as I am now Colorado's "official fossil"".

"Because of the presence of nectar feeders placed by mammals, the Anna's Hummingbirds have in some places even acclimated to colder temperatures. I also might develop a taste for the insects that annoy me so much now. I would have no scales for them to get under but instead beautiful plumage. the male species of the Anna's Hummingbird particularly is so very beautiful. Instead of dull green scales and yellow plates I'd have rainbow coloured feathers to show off as I merrily flew about drinking from flowers. I would be the only male species of Hummingbird to sing a courtship song, and as we all know I do like to sing already. Do you think Hummingbirds know how to sing Questa O Quello ?? There are so many birds to choose from though that I'd like to be I just can't make up my mind".

"I have often thought of evolving into the very common Band-tailed pigeon. I have noted that the Band Tailed Pigeon suits my temperament; I would have some range that would overlap with the Anna's Hummingbird into British Columbia, California and Arizona. I'd also reside in Washington, Utah, Oregon, New Mexico and right here in Colorado. So I wouldn't have to go far from where I am now. My range would also extend into Central America, Mexico and Argentina. I would live in forests among the oak trees and conifers. This is a place I'm already well at home. My diet would consist of acorns, seeds, berries and other small fruits. The Mammals have introduced the Band Tailed Pigeon to English Holly and English Ivy; a modern food I already consume. I would be the largest pigeon of North America but also relatively quiet for a bird. I wouldn't get to sing as much as if I were an Anna's Hummingbird. Rather than a cave, I would live in a nest made of twigs, and fly in flocks of about 50 birds. So I would be quiet but very social".

"But I don't know for sure what I'd like to evolve into I probably have a few million more years to decide. What do you think ?? Have you any suggestions for what I should evolve into?"

This post dedicated to the memory of Seth Williamson ( March 3rd, 1949 ~ October 6, 2011 )

Stegosaurus looked at his reflection when he woke up in the morning and realized that he hadn't evolved lately. So he went to the river and consulted his good friend Eusthenopteron for advice.

"Eusthenopteron," said he, "I wish I knew the secret to evolving. It seems like forever since there has been any change. I sure would like to start growing feathers like some of the smaller theropods have, but though I have been patient, I haven't grown a single feather. Still nothing but scales, day in and day out. What does it take? I am almost 140 million and 10! When is it going to start happening for me? What did you do to start evolving?"

"There is no quick answer, friend Stegosaurus," said Eusthenopteron. "It takes time, and evolution runs on its own schedule. First I had to evolve legs. Then, I had to evolve lungs. Then, I had to crawl out of the water and stomp uphill! Both ways! Both ways, mind you! It wasn't easy!"

"I've been eating Austrian pines lately and it occurred to me the other day how savings is tied to the natural interest rate, but ... that won't help me grow feathers," complained the frustrated Plate Lizard. "I would give anything to have feathers, or to evolve in some way like other dinosaurs have lately."
"There are some who would consider that knowledge a form of evolution," observed Eusthenopteron sympathetically. "My suggestion to you is that you consult Science Daily for the latest on an evolution schedule. Good luck!"

Stegosaurus went home and checked Science Daily on the internet, but found no clear answers.

"I might consult the legendary Thesaurus," said Stegosaurus to himself, "But he is just as elusive as the timetable of evolving."

Then, suddenly it occurred to the pensive Plate Lizard: "I know who I can consult for advice! I will go to the Dinosaur Retirement Home and consult Nyasasaurus and Dimetrodon! They are sure to know the answers to my questions as they have been around a lot longer than I have."

So Stegosaurus stomped forthrightly to visit his elderly friends. When they came into sight he declared, "Hail, friends Nyasassaurus and Dimetrodon! How fare ye this fine, day?"

"Excellent well, Stegosaurus! The sun is shining, my retirement cave is cozy, I am well fed, and there isn't a meteor in the sky!" rejoined Dimetrodon.


"What brings you to visit us today? We are so pleased to see that you have paid us a visit. Please stay for a while," encouraged Nyasassaurus.

"I am come for advice," said Stegosaurus. "I woke up this morning frustrated because I have not evolved lately and would really like some advice from those older than me on how begin this process. I have bird hips, but no feathers. Some theropods have feathers, but not me; not yet. I have been so patient, and yet day in and day out no change.... is there anything you can advise me to do? I have already stomped to the river and spoken to Eusthenopteron; he suggested I check the internet, but I have found no clear answers there."

"My heart goes out to you, friend Stegosaurus," said Dimetrodon ... "And I so wish to help you as you have been such a benefactor to me, getting me a nice cave at the Dinosaur retirement home, and a pension with the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature screen actor's guild Local 14065. The only thing I can offer you in a way of advice, even with all my elder years, is simply patience."

"Keep your spirits up, Stegosaurus. A lot of your friends feel your pain; you are not alone but evolution has a mind of its own and works in slow and mysterious ways. No one, no matter how old they are can say with any certainty when evolving starts. Evolving can't be marked in a calendar; its progress may be incremental and not as fast and obvious as we'd all like, but I can guarantee you it is sure. We can all look forward to a glorious day when the great majority of us turn into birds and fly away."

"Perhaps," interjected Nyasasaurus, in an effort to be helpful, "You can pause to meditate under your old friend, the Ginkgo biloba, of the family Ginkgoaceae; the ancient tree may give you some insight."

"You are right; I have a lot of respect for the Ginkgo biloba, as it is older than I am. My cousin Wuerhosaurus has taught me something of this meditation. Perhaps I should try it. Peace of mind is a valuable thing, and it can be cultivated. Perhaps if I clear my mind, the answer will become obvious .... and that will be a glorious day indeed. Thank you both so much for your advice."

"No trouble at all very glad to help," said Nyasasaurus. "Come back and visit us any time!"

"Good luck!" said Dimetrodon.

"I woke up this morning, and look at the amazing changes! I'm evolving!! I'm so excited to be growing feathers I wonder what is going to happen to me next," said Stegosaurus.



"I can stop being envious of my friends who have feathers now! Isn't this just grand!?

What perfect timing, too. Cousin Wuerhosaurus wrote me last week and told me that even Tyrannosaurus Rex has feathers now and I really started feeling left out. Even though I'm one of the most popular of the dinosaurs I couldn't help feeling like I was late to the evolution party. But not any longer! I'm finally cutting edge!"



"The first thing I did when I found I had feathers was to go out and celebrate! I stomped forthrightly and danced the lindy hop all the way to the town arboretum. I thought the first to share my joy should be the children who love me so, so I went to the Children's garden, thinking, 'This must be where they grow them!' But when I got there there were no children to be found. I consoled my self by sampling some of the fine verdure."



"Just thinking about how this might improve my relationship with the birds I love to watch so much, I climbed to a high place to see if I had gained the ability to fly. Sad to say so far it isn't so. Maybe tomorrow. One note of warning, kids: don't try jumping off of high places at home or anywhere else! It is dangerous and you could hurt yourself very badly or even become extinct so be cautious and careful at all times!"



"After I learned that I could not ( yet ) fly, I decided to dine on some Pinus nigra to see if it improves my knowledge of economics."

"This is really a very interesting development. The summer should be quite exciting to say the least. I think I'll contemplate the significance of my feathers as I plow in my garden in preparation for planting this season's tomato crop. Wait until my friends The Moa birds find out about my feathers! Gee I hope they won't be jealous if I do start flying .... "



This blog post in memory of Seth Williamson. Work without Mr. Seth is like Stegosaurus without a cool, spiky tail. It just ain't right...