Since I posted on this blog the story of my illustrious movie career last month where reference was made to The Stegosaurus School of Dance, many people have asked me about it and how it came to be. Well take a rest a bit. Have some fresh Adder's Tongue ( ophioglossum vulgatum ) on me. It's right from my garden and the last of the season... I'll be glad to tell the tale.

In 1933 as I said I filmed dancing scenes for the RKO film Flying Down To Rio, scenes which were sadly removed from the final cut of the film. However, during this time no less a talent than Mr. Fred Astaire himself gave me compliments on my dancing technique. I was so proud that I blushed; possibly even more than the time that Ginger Rogers kissed me.

You'd think I'd have taken up dancing right away. Why did it take me almost a decade to create the Stegosaurus School of Dance, you ask ? Well let me tell you. It was such a disappointment to me when my scenes were cut that it was some time before I could think of dancing again. Or maybe I just forgot. Since my brain is the size of a walnut I don't have much of a hippocampus. Anyhow, in the 1940's and '50's I was a frequent visitor to the island nation of Cuba. I would visit my friend Fulgencio Battista, who was at that time the President of the Cuban Republic. President Battista was a great man; we'd smoke fine cuban cigars together and discuss socialist and communist ideals. I was always a welcome guest in his home. His lovely wife Marta Fernández de Batista,used to bring me palm fronds to eat; she was such a sweetheart.

On one of my several visits to that island nation, I had the pleasure of also making the aquaintance of the legendary Madame LaZonga and her two latin daughters. It was 1943, and I was given Six Lessons With Madame Lazonga where I developed my hips and my knees. And by the way, she liked me, so the lessons were free.

Her confidence, and the confidence of her lovely daughters re ignighted my love of dance, and I quickly learned the seductive salsa. It was very effective in flirting with Ms. LaZonga's two latin daughters, who were quite adorable, let me tell you. They also taught me the flamenco, the tango, the rhumba, and the new la conga.

After that, through the kindness of President Battista I was given a plot of land where I founded The Stegosaurus School of Dance. It has now been in existence for over 60 years, which isn't very long by the way Stegosaurids measure time, but is very impressive for homo sapiens, apparently. There are satellite locations of my School based in Paris France, ( where my cousin Lexovissaurus lives, ) London England,Vienna Austria, Tokyo Japan, Quebec and Toronto, Canada, and the US States of New York, Virginia and Kentucky. I am on the cusp of opening a location in my native state of Colorado, which I am proud to say will be my first location in the Western part of the US. After that location opens in Boulder, I am looking to expand to Utah, Montana and California as well. It's possible that a location may appear in Portugal; that is being negotiated as we speak.

These are the dances that I teach at the Stegosaurus School of Dance :

All the above mentioned dances, as well as The Lindy Hop, which I love; It's my favorite. Also its derivative The Jitterbug, The Foxtrot, The Waltz, and Ballet.
The Polonaise, The Mazurka, The Galop, The Tarrantella, among others. To stay current I also teach The YMCA dance, and a little bit of improvisational " Rave Dancing ". I do not teach belly dancing, which I have decided to leave to the female Stegosaurids, or the Chicken Dance, which I feel is best left to the specialty of animals known as birds. I like birds and birdwatching, which is why I leave it to them. The Lindy Hop is my favorite dance because I like the idea of flying. I'd really like someday to grow wings and soar away, but I know that will probably never happen.

So that's the tale of the beginnings of the Stegosaurus School of Dance. If you ever decide to take up dancing, let me teach you; we'll have a grand time together !

" I am proud to tell you of a major accomplishment today, " said Stegosaurus proudly.

" This weekend I graduated from Virginia Tech with a degree in Horticulture Consumption ! It has been a lifelong dream of mine to be college educated and to prove that just because you have a brain the size of a walnut does not mean you are stupid... After all... " remarked Stegosaurus wryly, " It's not the size that's important, its how you use it. That's what matters. "

The final was tough, I had to eat so many different varieties of verdure. Even some I hadn't seen before in my entire life. But I passed with flying colors. During the final I also gained ground on my New Years' resolution. I gained 4 hundred tons ! Now I'm halfway to my goal ! Remember I want to gain 800 tons at least in this year.

They gave me my diploma in Lane Stadium, because at 9 ft. tall and 30 ft. long of course I wasn't going to fit into the basket ball arena.

The only problem that presented itself on my grand day was the fact that all the extra tons I gained in the last week got me stuck as I left the stadium !

It took some time for people to figure out what to do, so much so that I started to get hungry and breifly considered eating my diploma; but I controlled myself.

I met a very smart Austrian fellow who helped get me free. We put our heads together, and being college educated used the basic principles of aeronautical engineering to get me out of my predicament.

This nice Austrian, a Mr. Ludwig C. Gantner, then went to President Stieger and asked if I could act as an additional University mascot. I thought about what I'd look like in the University colors of maroon and orange.

President Stieger decided in his wisdom that I should act as a protector to the Hokie Bird, seeing as how, he said, " The Hokie Bird and Stegosaurids are descended from each other. " I do not know how he figures that, but I was not inclined to question him on the matter.

So imagine that ! Two great emoluments in one day ! ( I'm college educated now and allowed to use big words )

I am now employed as VPI's Hokie Bird Protector. If any one insults or harasses the Hokie Bird, or damages or defaces one of his statues, I will stomp on them forthrightly; or I will thrash them with my thagomizer !!

Stegosaurus On The Silver Screen

" Here's a clip from one of my recent movies, " Walking With Dinosaurs," said Stegosaurus." As you can see I'm a regular Laurence Oliver on the silver screen. Don't worry about the baby Diplodocus; he was unharmed and only playing extinct. "