Welcome, Mr. Stegosaurus, to Evening Edition.
Stegosaurus: Thank you, Fred. I am pleased to be here. Thank you for the opportunity. I love press conferences and interviews.
Fred Echols: Well then you have come to the right place. You seem to be quite active for someone 140 million and ....
Stegosaurus: five.
Fred Echols: yes, five. And very creative. Are there any other hobbies or creative endeavors which I have failed to mention?
Stegosaurus: I would be glad to talk about them, Fred. I also want to thank you and all the fine folks at WVTF public radio for celebrating my birthday every year, and for giving me a place to record my multi platinum wax cylinders.
Fred Echols You're welcome.
Stegosaurus: I think it should be mentioned that I love bird watching! I've said it before I wish I could turn into a bird and fly away, although I know that isn't going to happen any time soon. Occasionally I'll take a vacation and float forthrightly on my raft to New Zealand, where The Moa Birds and I have some great times. Don't forget to mention too, my newest business venture, The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency, which has helped Moas and Mammals rebuild after the earthquakes in New Zealand. We've also spent some time helping our friends in Japan.
Fred Echols: I am very impressed, Mr. Stegosaurus. You seem very involved in civic and political affairs. Do you plan to run for office again any time soon?
Stegosaurus No, sir I do not. I enjoy public service, and I congratulate Senator Salazar on his appointment to the Department of the Interior. It is a promotion of sorts to be placed in the President's cabinet. But my only ambition now is to be a farmer scientist. Some days I think about starting a campaign, but then I get distracted by ferns and rosebushes. While I would not rule out the possibility entirely, I'm presently perfectly happy in private life. It just takes time I think that could be better spent on my private charity and business interests.
Fred Echols: I must compliment you that you are very articulate for someone who has a brain the size of a walnut.
Stegosaurus Thank you. Don't take offense, but honestly, mammals think they are so much smarter because they have larger brains. Yet you remember a year ago, speaking of politics, when they tried to convince us that my friend, the Honorable Congresssaurus Triceratops of Wyoming did not exist!? Its the most absurd thing I've ever heard! He's been my friend for 68 million years!!
Why, next thing you know, they'll try to convince us that a draconian tax scheme and adherence to international law over and above local and state authorities will reverse the global environmental changes we are presently experiencing!
Fred Echols: So, Mr. Stegosaurus. Are you a global warming skeptic?
Stegosaurus: Well, no. But it should be as obvious as the beak on your face, or my face, rather, that the process is cyclical, and mammals could slow it down, but not stop or reverse it entirely. I remember last time this happened; I thought I could do something about it at first, but eventually I gave up and became extinct instead.
You want to do something? Save a dinosaur! Stomp forthrightly everywhere you go! Protect your environment by enforcing private propery rights. It should be no surprise that I am an advocate for alternative fuel sources. Too many mammals think that in order to solve a problem you need to make that problem bigger. Think small. Think local, and you will end up with big results. Your own history proves this to be so.
Fred Echols: Well, let us go to the phones, and speak to Joe in Danville, who has a question for you on alternative fuel sources. Thank you, Joe, you're on the air, with Mr. Stegosaurus.
Joe: THANK YOU SO MUCH AND THANK YOU FOR THE PUBLIC SERVICE, WVTF PUBLIC RADIO. You say, Mr. Stegosaurus, that you support other fuel sources. What kind of fuel sources would you support? I support fuel cells! Also, don't you think the Government should sponsor an energy independence day? Finally a last question and then I'll take my answer off the air. Don't you think it is contradictory for you to eat so many trees, and lecture others about care for the environment? THANK YOU THANK YOU WVTF AND STEGOSAURUS.
Stegosaurus: Well, Joe that is a lot of questions let me see where I can start. I am pleased to hear you mention fuel cell technology. It is a start, and one I think ought to be expanded by private industry. I do not think your Government should sponsor or subsidize anything. Though I am very large I also own a number of small businesses. If you allow free enterprise to determine the course of action, the praxeological conclusion as experience has shown, would be less is more. Small ideas can spread into the maximum amount of prosperity within a short amount of time. Again, your own history as a people has shown this.
How can a central authority determine for ALL the proper course of action? In some rare cases this theory can function, but for the most part could be handled better locally, closer to home. For the environment, I would decentralize. You know what kind of environmental conditions you have on hand, and the individual entrepreneur could harness that power into profit for himself, and benefit all. It would be a regional condition dependency, so that in one place, wind would work best; in others, solar. In some, I would have to confess, your mountainous regions, particularly, coal and oil would still be your best option. This is why rules from a central authority on this issue would have shortcomings. International rules could also have a disasterous effect on the soverign status of your country and the National security of your borders.
I do not think it is contradictory to eat trees and care about the environment. A dinosaur has to eat! And, after all I don't eat all trees. I don't eat Juglandaceae, or Ginkgoaceae. And in all honesty, sir. If a world without polar ice caps was good enough for me, its good enough for you too.
Fred Echols: Well, then. Let's go to the phones and talk to Rachel in Roanoke. Rachel, you're on the air with Mr. Stegosaurus.
Rachel: Yes, Mr. Stegosaurus. As you know, in the book of Romans, 1 and 24 it begins to state the end times that we are now in. I believe this is so, but we can stop that do you know how we can stop that? It says in 6:23 of Romans we must turn to God to be saved, and we can do that by loving each other. Can you not see this can be achieved, that we can turn back to our hearts with land healer groups?
Stegosaurus I am sure you mean well. I know you are getting information from ancient sources, and as an ancient animal I am fond of ancient things. There can be much benefit from learning about the past experience, and much benefit from finding common ground and loving one another, but I also think that that no matter what hard times we face, if we are mammal or dinosaur, we must sometimes in order to find hope, and sustainability for the future look to sources outside the traditions to which we have been used to relying upon. I do not doubt your intentions or your good heart; yet I can't help but think that you would benefit much from reading some more modern, balanced literature in addition to that which you have heretofore relied upon. I am, as I have said, 140 million and 5, fond of ancient things and very set in my ways but I am also fascinated by modern technology and the way it opens up the mind to so many future possibilities. This could be what we all need to live together. Thank you for your call.
Fred Echols: Now let's go to the phones and talk to Susan in Galax. Susan, you're on the air with Mr. Stegosaurus.
Susan: Mr. Stegosaurus, I heard your response to Joe in Danville. You sound like a Republican! How did you ever get the support of NPR?! Do you love guns and hate gay people too?
Stegosaurus: Susan, I don't use guns. I have a cool, spiky tail. And when you have a cool, spiky tail you have an inherent restraint that guns do not provide. Mammals have guns to protect themselves because they lack a cool, spiky tail, but they ... most of them in my experience .... also lack the laid back demeanor of a herbivore. If they ate more plants and had a cool spiky tail there would be a lot less violence with guns or anything else. Perhaps evolution will work on that someday. It would be nice if mammals had a cool spiky tail.
Who says I have animosity towards gay mammals because I am an advocate for private entrepreneurship? You should stop this polarizing nonsense and cease to think like someone with a brain the size of a walnut. There are too many problems in the world today to waste time defending myself against this absurd accusation. You have a larger brain. Please use it. Next call please.
Fred Echols: And one last call before the news break from Jebediah in Floyd. You are on the air with Mr. Stegosaurus, Jebediah.
Jebediah Do you support a commodity backed currency, such as gold or silver? If so, can you not see the problems inherent in it? A commodity backed currency would limit the amount of money available, and limit the number of people we could help!
Stegosaurus: Yes, Jebediah, I support a commodity backed currency. I understand the amount of gold and silver available is not equal to the amount of dollars presently in circulation. This is why legal tender laws should be dispensed with, and other things, other commodities in addition to your gold and silver allowed to be used to back them. I am aware of the way that gold and silver is mined, and that there are some mammals who have moral issues with it. Perhaps an association should be formed to ensure workers' safety; I would strongly suggest trees be used as a commodity. This would eliminate the problem of morality with gold and silver. Also, is it moral, then, to continue to use fiat money, and to steal from the poor through inflation and borrowing? Not every Nation has the moral scruples that the United States has with gold and silver mining, and the Nation with a strong currency is also strong in other ways as well. Personal liberty depends upon sound money. You have to learn about the consequences of actions in everything and understand it is not as simple as "proper redistribution." Wealth is created through a process and is not limitless. Do not obstruct this process. Instead, make this process available to all, and the amount of poverty and dependence will shrink. Help the poor by giving them the opportunity to help themselves.
There are some who say it is only a small group of speculators making money, and such a system would still lead to a series of little economic bubbles. Your own history has shown, sir , that while there is no perfect depression or panic free economic system, the most prosperity has come to America during its Gold Standard years; the most opportunity to make the dreams of mammals everywhere possible. Depressions would still occur; but they would be less frequent and not as deep. This series of bubbles argument was what your present central bank used to justify its formation, and continued existence. Now you have had centralized banking for almost 100 years. Your purchasing power has been reduced 95 per cent, you are in excess of 14 trillion in debt, and involved in three pointless wars that seem to have no end in sight. Again I feel it bears repeating that your history has shown that your depressions under the Gold standard were smaller and less frequent., and given the choice I would choose sound money over fiat money any time.
Fred Echols: Thank you for joining us on Evening Edition; we are about to take a break for NPR news, and be back. Stay with us to hear more conversation with Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado.
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Fred Echols: Welcome back to Evening Edition. If you're just joining us, we've been speaking to the large and lovable Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado. You have expressed a lot of political opinions in our first half, Mr. Stegosaurus; I am not sure that you are not planning to run for office! Now I have one question I hope you will feel comfortable answering. In spite of all your free market rhetoric, did you or did you not cast your 2008 ballot for Eugene Victor Debs?
Stegosaurus: No problem. Yes, Fred I did. . I am big, and therefore Government should be big but only go the places I want it to. Have faith that a Federal authority which claims the power to provide you with all your needs will never trample on your civil rights, even though history has shown this to be the end result in any age. Mr. Debs looks out for the little guy; and even though I am big, I care about the little guy too.
Fred Echols: You do realize that this position is contradictory from that which you expressed in our first half, right?
Stegosaurus: Yes, Fred. This is the paradoxical contradiction of modern American life.
Fred Echols: And you are aware that, as you put it, Eugene Victor Debs has been .... extinct ... for some time.
Stegosaurus But Fred, so have I.
Fred Echols: Okay. Onto other things. What other things that interest you have we not discussed yet?
Stegosaurus: How much I hate insects! Indeed they are obnoxious and annoying creatures! They are selfish by eating trees to the point of making the entire species of tree extinct! They are small and get under my scales and in my eyes! There are few things I wish I could use my cool, spiky tail on, that would have no effect whatsoever! Insects are a form of technology I wish had never been invented. If I ever find out who invented them I will whack them with my cool, spiky tail AND stomp on them forthrightly! How do you like that!?
Fred Echols: It makes me glad I am not an insect. Also, I did not invent insects. Just so you know. Let's go back to the phones and speak to George in Charlottesville. George, you're on live, with Mr. Stegosaurus.
George: Mr. Stegosaurus, hello.
Stegosaurus: Hello, George.
George Thanks for taking my call. I have a question about the Stegosaurus School of Dance. I have two left feet, always have, and I'm 76 years old. Going to be 77 in July. Is there any hope for me? I'd love to be Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, but all my life I've danced like Franklin Cover. Can you give me lindy hop lessons? Please help.
Stegosaurus: George, thank you so much for your call! I'm certainly glad to help! You say you are in Charlottesville, well then you're in luck! There is a Virginia branch of the Stegosaurus School of Dance ready to come to your aid! Leave your number off the air with our screener, and I'll be glad to get back to you as soon as possible! Let's get started today. I founded the Stegosaurus School of Dance to help people like you!
Fred Echols: And now we'll go to Richmond, and talk to Carol. Carol, you're on with Stegosaurus.
Carol: Hello, Stegosaurus! I just wanted to say I am really impressed by your spiff, sexy plates and cool, spiky tail! If you ever get tired of waiting for Marilyn Maxwell, feel free to give me a call! I'd love to take you out for a good time!
Fred Echols: [ laughter ]
Stegosaurus: Well, thank you, Carol I'm very flattered. I'm not sure what to say to such a munificent offer. I'm really rather attatched to Marilyn at present, though I know I have many adoring fans all over the country and the world. Thank you.
Fred Echols: And now, Stephen, from Lynchburg has a question. What's on your mind, Stephen?
Stephen: Stegosaurus, I'm a big fan of your New York Times Best Seller, Gardening Tips With Stegosaurus! Can you help me? I am at wits' end! I am a gardener myself, and I am having trouble keeping my tomato plants alive. They seem to be suffering from a slow, top down wilting, and I am afraid that they will completely die! Is there anything I can do to save them?
Stegosaurus: Well, it looks like you could be suffering from Early Blight of Tomato. I'll give you an 11 point list I've gathered from my friends at the University of Maine.
1. Use only clean seed saved from disease-free plants.
2. Remove and destroy crop residue at the end of the season. Where this is not practical, plow residue into the soil to promote breakdown by soil microorganisms and to physically remove the spore source from the soil surface.
3. Practice crop rotation to non-susceptible crops (3 years). Be sure to control volunteers and susceptible weeds.
4. Promote good air circulation by proper spacing of plants.
5. Orient rows in the direction of prevailing winds, avoid shaded areas, and avoid wind barriers.
6. Irrigate early in the day to promote rapid drying of foliage.
7. Healthy plants with adequate nutrition are less susceptible to the disease.
8. Minimize plant injury and the spread of spores by controlling insect feeding.
9. Hand picking diseased foliage may slow the rate of disease spread but should not be relied on for control. Do not work in a wet garden.
10. Use resistant or tolerant varieties.
11. The preventative fungicide chlorothalonil (Bravo) used on a seven to ten day schedule gives effective control
12. And actually, here's a 12th point, Stephen. If all of that fails, just eat your plants whole and start all over again in new soil plowed by your cool, spiky tail.
That's usually what I do, rather than point 11, which involves non organic farming. It is really the most practical thing to do.
Fred Echols: We are nearing the end of our time on Evening Edition tonight, Stegosaurus. Do you have any closing remarks, any wisdom of the ages to leave us with?
Stegosaurus: I really appreciate the opportunity to appear on your program Fred. I love interviews, and press conferences. If I could leave you all with any advice it would be to relax. Eat more aloe plants, and don't forget to stop and smell the rosebushes before you eat them. I may be 140 million and 5, but I know that every day above ground is a gift which should not be wasted. Be nice to your fellow mammal. Only use your cool, spiky tail for plowing. And never stomp forthrightly on anybody intentionally. Thank you so much for having me. I'm sure its much better programming than a discussion about the National debt.
Fred Echols: Thank you, Mr. Stegosaurus, and thank you listeners, for tuning in to Evening Edition. Tune in next week, when we'll talk to a trio of local financial advisors, and our topic will be the National debt. Thank you, again Stegosaurus. Good night to all, from Fred Echols, WVTF and Radio IQ News.
