Friday, December 25, 2015

"When the college semester was over, I was at home resting on break when, on the day before Christmas Eve I was visited at home by my friends Trachodon and Agathaumas," said Stegosaurus.

"What brings you to visit me, good friends? Here, let me share with you a meal of holiday Pteridophytes. It is Christmas; these are not of the low fat variety."

"Thank you kindly," said Trachodon, and immediately set about eating the meal that was provided.

"Trachodon and I have come to ask you a favor," said Agathaumas.

"What do you require of me?" asked Stegosaurus. "I will try my best to be of help."

"Well, thank you," said Agathaumas. "As you know, Christmas Day is nearly upon us."

"...and," said Trachodon, looking up gratefully from his delicious, unexpected meal, "We'd like you to intercede with Stegosaurus Claus on our behalf."

"Why would you need me to do that?" asked Stegosaurus. "Have you two done something to end up on the Naughty list?"

"I hope I may say without vanity, no," said Agathaumas. "We have... I think fair to say, met the criteria for the Nice list."

"I think you should," said Stegosaurus. "So, what's the problem? What's the concern?"

"Well, we think we've both been pretty good this year," said Trachodon, as Agathaumas dug into his own Pteridophyte meal. "But..."

"....We're not sure Stegosaurus Claus will visit us, because we're Nomen dubium"

Agathaumas swallowed a bite of ferns, and said, "We're concerned, in short, that Stegosaurus Claus will pass us by just because we don't really exist. Trachodon's teeth, "discovered" in 1856 are probably actually teeth of a Parasaurualophus or a Corythosaurus... and though there was great pomp and circumstance when I was "discovered" in 1872, when it comes down to it, I'm just some misidentified Congresssaurus Triceratops vertebrae. But the fact remains that Trachodon and I .... we've been really, really good this year and we would like to find we have presents Christmas morning just like the dinosaurs that do exist."

"You will have to forgive me, if I have not noticed the good works that you do," said Stegosaurus. "Not that I am questioning your character in any way."

"We understand," assured Trachodon; "Indeed, the good works we do, we do in silence, as befits dinosaurs that don't exist."

"This is quite proper, and admirable," said Stegosaurus. "It is proper of anyone whether they exist or not."

"If you promise to keep what we tell you in confidence, we will explain to you some of the things we have done, and perhaps you can relay this information to Stegosaurus Claus for us," said Trachodon.

"I will be glad to be of help," said Stegosaurus, "Though I am sure Stegosaurus Claus will know; he knows everything. He knows when you are sleeping and awake, naughty or nice, all of that."

"Very true," said Agathaumas, but if we were real, Trachodon and I would be millions of years old, yet in all that time, we have not ever received one Christmas present. This is why we come to you. You are very popular among the dinosaurs; you are easily recognized as one of the classic examples of what a dinosaur is, even small children love you for some reason, so if you intercede with Stegosaurus Claus for us, I'm sure he will be moved to leave us presents."

"Small children might know me, but not many would know Agathaumas," said Trachodon with sympathy.

"I would really like to be loved by small children for Christmas," said Agathaumas. "No child ever plays with Agathaumas toys because there are none."

"I could reference you both to my public relations firm, my agent at the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actors Guild Local 14065. My agent is really big in the industry... she's an Argentinosaurus. It isn't all bad. Don't be despondent upon Christmas because you both appeared with me in The Lost World film last month ..... or maybe that was 1925. It wasn't that long ago, I know. And both of you have been painted by my friend ( and yours ) Charles Knight. You have your place in history, if not the fossil record."

"Well, you know about the times we joined you and the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency .... particularly that year the Moa Birds suffered the earthquake in New Zealand." said Trachodon.

"I am sorry," said Stegosaurus. "I do not recall your having been there. I apologize for not noticing."

"No, that is okay," said Trachodon. "Remember the good works we do we do in silence. Remember too, in January of this year Julio and his children? I helped you replace his roof."

"Well! You are indeed very humble about the good works you do!" exclaimed the surprised plate lizard.

"And just a few weeks ago, the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency went to Texas with Rhedosaurus and his lovely wife," said Agathaumas.
"The Moa Birds were there, too... and so was I. I built a few dams."

"You have made your case." said Stegosaurus. "I will do what I can for you both. I will say that the odds are good, because Rhedosaurus and his wife receive presents every year, and they don't exist either."

"Thank you so much," said Agathaumas. "It really means a lot to us."

" When my friends finished their Pteridophyte meal, I bid them a good holiday, and they departed with plans to help run a soup kitchen on Christmas Day. As it turned out, I did not have to speak to Stegosaurus Claus," said Stegosaurus. "Trachodon and Agathaumas woke up on Christmas morning to Christmas presents for the first time in their lives. And I wrote a letter to my agent at the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor's Guild to see if I could help improve their public relations. I can't think of two dinosaurs more deserving of the attention. I hope my readers will take example of the good that Trachodon and Agathaumas have done and apply it themselves not only during this Christmas Season, but all throughout the year."


 
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