"The Moa Birds returned to their native New Zealand a few days after my birthday," said Stegosaurus. " I then spent a few weeks of solitude in my cave, only leaving to consume the occasional grove of Picea pungens.
"In July, early July, after the holiday, I received, just when I was feeling sociable again, a visit from my old friend, retired Congresssaurus Triceratops.
"Hail, good friend Triceratops !!" said I. "What causes you to leave Wyoming and come to visit me in my beautiful native State, Colorado??"
"Well met, friend Stegosaurus!" exclaimed Congresssaurus Triceratops. "I recalled sometime last week, or maybe it was about a year or two ago that I visited and we attempted to extract sunlight from cucumbers by the wisdom of one mammal, Johnathan Swift. Following his instructions we could not fail, I reasoned, and while you were consulting with your loyal accountant Corythosaurus, I actually succeeded in our goal. However, in my zeal to show you I became hungry and ate the cucumbers; I shortly realized my error, but could not duplicate my results, setting us back to square one, essentially. My hope is, that you still have mammal Swift's instruction book, and we can again try to succeed at our goal. Imagine the great day for science when it is discovered that a dinosaur duo such as us, contributed positively to the great body of mammal science, long before the mammals, with their well known larger brains discover it ! I have my heart set on this endeavor."
"I know this means a lot to you, Congresssaurus Triceratops," said Stegosaurus. "However, given our past difficulties, and I hope you will not take this poorly, as I value your friendship, I think it most prudent that we work with mammals to help us reach our goal. I understand your temptation that caused our failure as I have gotten close on my own in the past and given in to eating the cucumbers before they produce light to extract."
"I understand, friend Stegosaurus," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "We all have certain areas at which we excel, and those at which we fail. I have spent many millions of years in the administration of the law and Government. I have been a part of Greek and Roman Governments in their prime, and have seen them deteriorate and fail, just as the Government and its traditions fail here in America at this moment in history. The horns on my frill and nose are where socialists go to become extinct; I have gored many in my time. But there are some things at which I cannot excel, and I also think it prudent that a dinosaur should be honest with himself and admit what he can and cannot do; this is the path to honor and respect as well as dignity."
"Well stated, friend. Well stated. You still have that knack for eloquent public speeches," said Stegosaurus. " I have recently received communication from my cousin in South Africa, Kentrosaurus; He has told me of a very smart mammal he has met named Steve Beaver; and this mammal has restored an Avocado grove for Widow Ground Sloth and her son Junior. if he can plant Avocados, then he must certainly know how to extract sunlight from cucumbers. If you agree to this, I will ask my cousin to see if this famous mammal, friend of the megafauna and dinosaur, to visit Colorado. Surely with his help we will succeed."
"I agree," said Congresssaurus Triceratops; and thus, we contacted Kentrosaurus, and he told me that the famous mammal known as Steve Beaver was willing to come help. It would be some time as he was traveling by raft; but dinosaurs are very patient creatures; when you have seen 140 million and 15 years it is something you learn; and so we waited. Finally on Sunday, July 18th, a much anticipated visitor came to my cave.
"Hello, Stegosaurus," said Steve.
"Hello, welcome to my home Colorado, and I am pleased to introduce you to my friend from Wyoming, Congresssaurus Triceratops, ( retired ), " said Stegosaurus.
"Pleased to meet you Triceratops. I have heard a lot about you," said Steve.
"I have long anticipated your visit, and likewise glad to make your acquaintance." said Congresssaurus Triceratops.
"Kentrosaurus told me you needed my assistance. What can I help you two with?" asked Steve.
Stegosaurus brought out a copy of Gulliver's Travels, and explained everything as best he could.
"We are fascinated by science and the wisdom of mammals. Ever since I read this scientific treatise by Mr. Swift, I have been fascinated with the idea of extracting sunlight from cucumbers. If a mammal in a flying city can do it, so can a dinosaur .... and when Congresssaurus Triceratops retired I found he shares my ambition to contribute the the realm of science in a way that will astound the mammals with large brains. We wish so very much to be the dinosaurs that advance science for the benefit of mammals, that way, they'll stop making fun of us for having walnut brains and respect the intelligence of dinosaurs, if we are alive or extinct, or even nomen dubium. "
"If I tell you what I think, will you promise not to be upset?" asked Steve.
"Of course," said Stegosaurus and Congresssaurus Triceratops in unison.
"Okay. I just don't want to be stabbed with horns or whacked with a cool, spiky tail,"
"Have no fear and please be honest," said Stegosaurus.
"Here it is, bluntly," said Steve. "You cannot extract sunlight from cucumbers. This is an impossibility."
"But, but, how?!?" sputtered Congresssaurus Triceratops. "We put them in the sun and they get very warm, charged with the power of the sun. There must be a way to extract or discharge all that energy."
"We want to help the mammals, the environment, and ourselves by advancing science. If we can do this, perhaps we don't have to become extinct," said Stegosaurus.
"We already are extinct, Stegosaurus. Maybe you missed the worst part of it, the meteor, but we're still extinct." said Congresssaurus Triceratops.
"Sigh," said Stegosaurus.
"You must both understand that this book, this very famous book is a satire. Much of it is a joke. It wasn't til recently that I encountered talking horses; I would never have believed that. Even if horses can talk, I'm pretty sure that it is not possible to extract sunlight from cucumbers," explained Steve.
"Sister Quagga proves horses can talk," said Stegosaurus. "Or that they can be heard by the animal they are addressing at the time they need to be heard in a language that listener understands. "But I was hoping that there was some way that sunlight bearing cucumbers may also be a part of reality."
"I'm sorry to tell you they are not," said Steve sympathetically.
"Well, drat !" said Congressaurus Triceratops, stomping his foot in frustration. "I guess there's no hope for me now but to become a lobbyist like other retired politicians; how drab."
"Do not lose heart, Congresssaurus Triceratops," said Steve. "I can help you there. There are lots of options for someone of your skill set."
"I want to hunt down this Johnathan Swift and stab him with my horns, but that would surely violate the 8th Amendment. If there is one thing I cannot tolerate it is a liar."
"I understand the frustration, but let us not talk of terrible deeds, even if Mr. Swift is long extinct. There are lots of lucrative options besides being a lobbyist for someone of your skill set. Give me an idea of what you'd like to do, and maybe I can still help you. Perhaps you could make some extra money playing extinct in a museum." Steve suggested.
"I've done that !" exclaimed Stegosaurus. "I do that all over the United States and more recently, in other parts of the world."
"It is very lucrative," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. " But I already do that. Have been for quite a while. But I want to do more than do well financially. I just want to do something that will be good for society. I want to be useful in my retirement years. I could live a few million more years yet, unless another meteor strikes."
"I like eating plants," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "I even remember when grass was invented."
"Well, here's a thought." said Steve. "Have you ever tried growing plants? Maybe you could grow some plants and then open a greenery or garden center. If you can control your appetite and not eat your stock you could do very well. Lots of mammals like plants, and there are lots of mammals to sell plants to. "
"Now this is an interesting thought," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "If you cannot extract sunlight from cucumbers, can you teach us how to grow our own cucumbers?"
"This I can do," said Steve.
"Capital!" said Congresssaurus Triceratops.
"It is still sad and frustrating that we cannot extract sunlight from cucumbers," said Stegosaurus. "I once thought we were so close!"
"I know," said Steve. "But, running a greenery, you could attempt several kinds of hybrid vegetables, and perhaps create a new vegetable, to the benefit of science and animals everywhere. I have been thinking of this myself for some time."
"I'm glad we have made the acquaintance of this mammal," said Congresssaurus Triceratops to Stegosaurus, "He is indeed very smart. " ..... and then to Steve, " I am very pleased to meet you, Steve Beaver. Thank you for helping an old politician dinosaur find a new path in life."
"You're welcome," said Steve.
"What a great day," said Stegosaurus. "Let us all break from the heavy work of thinking and eat a nice meal of Avocados."
"An excellent choice!" said Steve.
The meal and conversation about Avocados and the versatility of other vegetables continued well into the night. The adventure was just beginning.
