Doctor Stegosaurus held a press conference in his hometown of Boulder, Colorado Monday afternoon and was very excited to announce some very important news to his friends and neighbors in his adopted city.

“My friends and neighbors, I greet you today with news I hope will be to your benefit."

“After long hours of study I have obtained my medical degree from the University of Colorado School of Medicine with a specialty in tree diseases. This is not new news from my last press conference on May 19th, but it is now time to update you on progress. Effective today, June 23rd 2025, I have opened an office here in Boulder to serve your medical needs, which will be affiliated with the school from which I have graduated.

Now you may say, 'That's very nice, Doctor Stegosaurus, but I can't afford healthcare in this day and age, it is just far beyond my ability to pay the bills; they keep coming and I can't keep up.'

"If this is you, my friend, fear not, I have good news for you. Last year my accountant Corythosaurus informed me that through my mother's wise investment in broadleaf trees, I had become a millionaire, so I have no need for pecuniary gain. If you can manage and feel so inclined, I do love trees and will accept payment in trees, just as with my School of Dance, but with my practice payment will never be required of you."

I am a caring dinosaur and want to help each of you mammal and dinosaur alike, according to socialist principles. This means your healthcare will be free."

Leave your contact information to sign up for my services, as I look forward to solving all your medical issues related to tree diseases.

I will also have a satellite office located in the town of my discovery, Morrison, Colorado, and you may leave your contact information with that office, and it will reach me in short order. I look forward to serving you and being your lifelong family Doctor. Thank you.”