Doctor Stegosaurus returned to his office Cave in Boulder Colorado on October 1st.

He had opened his practice in June, but as emergencies required the services of the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency. He had not been at home long enough to see or treat any patients. Now he had a line of needy patients lined up outside the entrance of his Office cave, but this did not alarm him; being a socialist, Stegosaurus saw long lines as a normal feature of healthcare.

“My first patients in line were Widow Ground Sloth and her son Junior,” said Doctor Stegosaurus.

“What is wrong, Widow Ground Sloth, that you and Junior should come all the way from South Africa to see me?”

“Oh, Doctor Stegosaurus,” said a very worried Widow Ground Sloth, “Junior and I are very hale and hearty. We are just fine, but the problem is many of the trees in our grove! They are developing black spots on them! I wonder, is it safe for the tree? Will the trees so afflicted live or die? Are their leaves and bark safe to eat? I’m very worried about Junior; he’s a growing sloth, and I worry about the negative impact on his long term health! Please help!”

“Do you have a sample for me to inspect?” asked Doctor Stegosaurus.

“I do,” confirmed Widow Ground Sloth, a very distressed mother. “I didn’t eat any of it on the way here; I figured it would be useful for you to make an accurate diagnosis.”

“Good move,” affirmed Doctor Stegosaurus, who inspected the leaf intently upon its being presented by Widow Ground Sloth.

“Very interesting,” said Doctor Stegosaurus. “it appears that the trees of your grove suffer from a case of fungi, which may be a form of parasitic alga such as (Cephaleuros virescens).”

“Oh dear,” said Widow Ground Sloth. “This sounds fatal to our beloved grove. Are the leaves safe to eat, Doctor Stegosaurus?”

“Has it been cool and rainy in South Africa lately?” inquired Doctor Stegosaurus.

“Yes, it has,” confirmed Widow Ground Sloth.

“This is what has caused the fungus to grow and multiply so quickly. It is unsightly, but will not harm you or your son Junior. It will not kill any tree in your grove.”

“Thank you Doctor Stegosaurus. I have had a long journey to get here, but this news and peace of mind is worth the long journey.”

“Fear not and be well,” said Doctor Stegosaurus, as Widow Ground Sloth and Junior departed happily back to South Africa.

Then, Doctor Stegosaurus called in his second patient, and it was Iguanodon, who had also come a long way, from Maidstone, England.

“Iguanodon!” exclaimed Doctor Stegosaurus. “Another visitor from a distant shore! You have traveled far! What malady brings you to the shores of America?”

“Ah, friend Doctor Stegosaurus, I am doing very well, and my family has been blessed by the grace of God with good health as well. The problem is with our hardwood trees within my wife’s garden.”

“What is the matter with them? Did you bring leaves for me to inspect?” asked Doctor Stegosaurus.

“Yes, I fear we will shortly have a less ornamental garden in our backyard if this disease is allowed to progress. Here they are, leaves of the Birch trees.

Iguanodon presented his leaves to Doctor Stegosaurus for inspection, and Doctor Stegosaurus peered at them closely and nibbled at one of the leaves after sniffing it.

“Hmmmm….” said Doctor Stegosaurus. “It appears your backyard’s trees are suffering from a fungal disease common to hardwoods known as Anthracnose. This disease primarily affects the leaves, but can also from time to time affect the tree’s stems. The damage may be moderate or severe, but in any case there is little we can do to save this delicious duo of trees in or near your yard. Brown spots and blotches are common and are also known by the name leaf blight.

While this is usually only a cosmetic issue, twig dieback may occur, and if allowed to progress in an extreme state, may be fatal to your trees. The remedy here may be eating of the leaves that have fallen, pruning back the dead twigs, and water your trees regularly. This disease is not fatal to you and yours; send my regards to your lovely wife, please, but fear not for her yourself or your children. Your family will not become extinct in eating of these leaves.”

"I am relieved, Doctor Stegosaurus. Thank you and God bless you.”

As Iguanodon left happily to return to his home in England, Doctor Stegosaurus awaited his next patient, which he found, much to his surprise, was his brother Allosaurus !!!

“Brother Allosaurus! What brings you here today?” asked Doctor Stegosaurus. “Please be kind and don’t eat me today!”

“Ah, Doctor Stegosaurus, for some reason you always think I am hungry and going to eat you but I am completely innocent and just stomped by to see how you are and congratulate you on your recent graduation and opening of your medical practice. I am innocent and a mere, humble, meat eating theropod just trying to get by in the world.” rejoined Allosaurus.

“In that case, I accept your compliment, but you have to understand your history and our longstanding sibling rivalry. It is hard to believe you when you have in your possession such sharp claws and teeth as you do. Remember, I may be a herbivore with only 64 teeth designed for roots and low hanging vegetation, “ but I do have a cool, spiky tail and I will not hesitate to use it if I feel I need to defend myself.”

“I heard how you became a millionaire, Doctor Stegosaurus. I am proud of you and your mother. Have you seen her or our father Professor Marsh lately?” asked Allosaurus.

“I have not seen my mother in some time. I know she loves me, though she left me a 44.6 million dollar trust fund, by being an early investor in broadleaf trees; our mutual father, Professor O.C. Marsh I have not seen at all since March 18th, 1899; I am not sure what he has been up to lately, but he must be very busy discovering dinosaurs and Ice Age megafauna.”

“Indeed,” said Allosaurus.

“You aren’t going to try and convince me that you have a problem with a grove of trees or ornamental shrubbery, are you? Because, being a skeptic after more than 140 Million years experience with you, I must say I do not believe you in all honesty.” said Doctor Stegosaurus.

“What can I do to convince you I am merely stopping by to wish you well?” asked Allosaurus.

“Eat less red meat,” suggested Doctor Stegosaurus.

“Awwwww, gee, but I don’t have the teeth for being a vegetarian. I’m innocent, I tell you. I won’t even have a mid life crisis and think about becoming a plant eater. I like meat too well.” rejoined Allosaurus.

“Don’t tell me your favorite meat is….Stegosaurus ribs.”

“How did you guess??”

“You are impossible!” exclaimed Doctor Stegosaurus. “Please, let me get back to my patients, Allosaurus it has been nice to see you and thank you for your good wishes.”

“Well, if I can’t have Stegosaurus ribs, can I at least have a Stegosaurus hip?”

“No, you may not! I’m proud of my ornithischian hips, they prove that someday I’m going to evolve into a Red Tailed Hawk, so I am sure to need all the bird-hips I can get. Sorry.”

“Well, okay, then. I guess I’ll go see if Brontosaurus will let me eat him for a while. Let me part by saying I am sure you won’t be a Red Tailed Hawk when you evolve you are more likely to be a band tailed pigeon.”

“I will take the high road and not be angry with you if you leave now and let me attend to my patients. If you see Brontosaurus, tell him I said hi.” said Doctor Stegosaurus

Thus, Allosaurus departed, and Doctor Stegosaurus spent the rest of the day treating the tree diseases brought to his attention.

Doctor Stegosaurus held a press conference in his hometown of Boulder, Colorado Monday afternoon and was very excited to announce some very important news to his friends and neighbors in his adopted city.

“My friends and neighbors, I greet you today with news I hope will be to your benefit."

“After long hours of study I have obtained my medical degree from the University of Colorado School of Medicine with a specialty in tree diseases. This is not new news from my last press conference on May 19th, but it is now time to update you on progress. Effective today, June 23rd 2025, I have opened an office here in Boulder to serve your medical needs, which will be affiliated with the school from which I have graduated.

Now you may say, 'That's very nice, Doctor Stegosaurus, but I can't afford healthcare in this day and age, it is just far beyond my ability to pay the bills; they keep coming and I can't keep up.'

"If this is you, my friend, fear not, I have good news for you. Last year my accountant Corythosaurus informed me that through my mother's wise investment in broadleaf trees, I had become a millionaire, so I have no need for pecuniary gain. If you can manage and feel so inclined, I do love trees and will accept payment in trees, just as with my School of Dance, but with my practice payment will never be required of you."

I am a caring dinosaur and want to help each of you mammal and dinosaur alike, according to socialist principles. This means your healthcare will be free."

Leave your contact information to sign up for my services, as I look forward to solving all your medical issues related to tree diseases.

I will also have a satellite office located in the town of my discovery, Morrison, Colorado, and you may leave your contact information with that office, and it will reach me in short order. I look forward to serving you and being your lifelong family Doctor. Thank you.”

On May 19th, 2025, Stegosaurus held a press conference and made an exciting announcemennt.

"Thank you for coming out today, wonderful mammals of Boulder, Colorado. I am so pleased that you are here. I have an important announcement to make. Today, May 16th, 2025, after starting a journey that began in 2007, ( or maybe it was last week ), I have graduated from the University of Colorado School of Medicine with a Doctorate specializing in Tree Diseases. I will be hanging up a shingle and opening a Doctor's office here in my adopted city, with a satellite office in the town of my discovery, Morrison, Colorado on Monday, June 23rd, and I want you all to know I care and will practice Universal Socialist Healthcare, so you will get treated at the low cost of "free", though you may barter trees, ferns and other low hanging vegitation if you are so inclined.

There is a high probability that you will be diagnoed with a tree disease, but I want to reiterate that my services are absolutely free. I can afford it; I am worth 44.6 million dollars already so I don't need a Doctor's salary, and want to give back to my community. I will pay off my student loans because I don't believe in socializing things that are my responsibility. Be advised that the same caveat that comes with my School of Dance applies; bring your own legal representation in case an impromptu session of my School of Dance takes place. Thank you so much for your suppport, I look forward to serving you and being your neighborhood Doctor for Millions of Years."

"Yesterday I stomped forthrightly to Virginia Tech's Department of Large Animal Clinical Sciences for my annual check up," said Stegosaurus.

"Apart from a sore jaw, I have been very well, but I just needed a check up, I assure you. In addition to the usual, you know, its the season for de worming ... I also needed my teeth floated and what I really wanted was for the veterinarian to see if she could do something or anything about my weak bite."

" I spoke to my vet; I said, 'Oh, Ms. Virginia Buechner-Maxwell, I am sure you've seen the recent news about the study done on my bite. I am thoroughly upset with this revelation! Although it probably explains why my jaw is often so sore, I am really perplexed, since I was under the impression that my bite was a lot stronger than it has been for these last few million years. Is there anything you can do to improve it? Anything at all?"'

"I hate to be the one to inform you, Stegosaurus," said Buechner-Maxwell carefully. "But I have looked over all the studies and reports on the matter in the last few days and I can tell you exactly why your jaw is sore."

"You can? Can you help fix it?" asked Stegosaurus.

"Let me explain," said Buechner-Maxwell. "All the studies that I have read show me that you are a plant eater of the class which is concerned chiefly with low hanging vegetation. Sometimes you may stand on hind legs like brother horse to reach specific branches of a certain diameter, but there is nothing I can do. I shall not usurp the power of Nature itself. I cannot even if I wanted to. So my suggestion is, if you want to know what is making your jaw sore the reality is broadleaf trees. Yes, those trees which you so admire. I am sorry to be the one to bring it to you. You need to cut back on the bigger trees and keep focused and content on the low hanging branches, ferns, mosses and other foods for which your teeth are designed."

"This is profoundly disappointing," observed Stegosaurus glumly.

"In time you will find this corrects, and when it does you can treat trees as treats instead of a full diet," said Buechner-Maxwell.

I thanked the vet for her time and expertise and stomped home in a disappointed yet enlightened frame of mind. It will certainly bring a few unexpected and unwelcome changes to my diet. However, we are all given obstacles to overcome in life. I will succeed and adjust to this one in relatively no time at all. Especially with the love and support of such loyal and dedicated friends and fans."

"I am spending Christmas in Kentucky with my class," said Stegosaurus. "We will be at the Ashland estate in Lexington trying to protect the Fraxinus quadrangulata from the nasty Emerald Ash Borer Beetle. I have mentioned before my extreme dislike of insects! They are such selfish creatures! How could they not consider the consequences of their actions ? What will happen if they make the Fraxinus quadrangulata extinct? Trust me, I know by experience that extinction is forever!"

"Two of the Fraxinus quadrangulata on the grounds of the estate are more than 300 years old," observed the extroverted plate lizard. " I hope that I can control my own appetite long enough to save them."

"Oh, my aching stomach!" complained Stegosaurus. "It seems that while looking for the Franklinia alatamaha my appetite, as it usually does, got the better of me and I accidentially ate a Lyonia ferruginea. I am now quite under the weather, and Rhedosaurus is going to have to be patient and wait for his waltzing lessons. I hope he understands, as he is already in Cuba waiting for me. Maybe he can relax and smoke cigars with Raoul and Fidel until I can get down to my School of Dance.

If any one would like to send get well wishes to my email address I'd really appreciate it!"

Stegosaurus held a press confrence on Wednesday to announce his endorsement of the Fabri-Kal company. "I have started my second job as an arborist," said Stegosaurus. "....and as a steward of the environment I feel it is important to endorse those corporate entities who share my vision of a clean and green America. I am proud to endorse the Fabri-Kal company for its commitment to environmentally concious products that help reduce waste and preserve trees for future generations of Americans to enjoy and for future generations of hungry Stegosaurids to eat."

"My New Year's resolution for 2008 was successful!" exclaimed Stegosaurus happily. "I've lost the last half ton! I feel great! I'm a fit and trim 6,800 tons now! Just where I want to be!"

"The economic situation in the country today has caused me to look at going to medical school," Stegosaurus continued. "It's hard for a Stegosaurus to make a living just in Horticulture Consumption or Hokie Bird Protecting so I am looking to expand my horizons at the Asplundh Tree Management Services Company. Wish me luck!