Stegosaurus went to the flower shop today to get some flowers for Marilyn Maxwell.
" I went to the local flower shop and got some Marigolds for her because they matched her hair, " swooned the love struck dinosaur. " But then, " he lamented," I got hungry before I could give them to her, and ate them. I went back to the flower shop with the intention of getting more Marigolds, but my appetite got the better of me, and I ate all of the flowers in the place. That made the proprietor angry, and he threw me out. "
Stegosaurus sighed.
" I then walked down the sidewalk to the candy shop and bought her chocolates instead. I hope she likes them. I don't think they're very edible. "
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Stegosaurus Is My Second-Favorite Dinosaur
By Sherman C. Koltuck
The Onion
February 7, 2007
The bones in its face just make it look so cool. It's huge, its knees are awesome, and of course, it has tail spikes. I would be totally remiss if I didn't mention the sweet tail spikes.
Stegosaurus is definitely, solidly, my No. 2 favorite dinosaur of all time. No. 2, mind you, out of all dinosaurs. Ever. Even Ankylosaurus, though I imagine some of the so-called experts out there will find that pretty hard to believe.
Reason No. 5 for loving Stegosaurus is because it could regularly and easily knock down trees. Huge trees. Which is awesome.
Ranking things, like Stegosaurus, comes in second, right behind drawing, and just ahead of my mom, who's currently at a solid No. 3.
She's up from No. 5 after a stellar showing this past Christmas.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Run to your bookseller now and demand he stock the latest New York Times # 1 bestseller :
GARDENING TIPS WITH STEGOSAURUS
by, Stegosaurus
To Be Released Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Do you keep a garden and want to know how you can make it look more vibrant, more colorful, more alive ? Perk up your flowers, increase the yield of your vegetables, or how your spiky tail, ( if you have one , ) can double as a plow ? Then, you've picked up the right book my friend !
Stegosaurus packs all of the wisdom that a creature who has a brain the size of a walnut can into this self help gardening book for your benefit ! Just read this excerpt :
******
" When my friends stop by and visit me, they are often in awe of my wonderful garden. They say to me, 'Stegosaurus, how is it you keep your garden so full of the verdure you want, the plants, the flowers, the vegetables, and keep out undesirable fibrovascular life forms , such as kudzu ? I have tried everything I can think of to be rid of kudzu, and no matter what I try it keeps coming back ! I'm at my wit's end ! HELP ! "'
" The answer, my friends is simple. The easiest solution in regards to the eradication of kudzu and other undesirable weeds is simply to eat them. Yes, eat them. Did you think it was going to be complicated ? Well let me tell you it may seem complicated, but when it comes right down to it, its just gardening. Now I confess, that kudzu sometimes needs some help; its kind of tough and is not as pleasing to the palette as, say, rosebushes or lily of the valley. Kudzu is still quite good however, with a small bit of ranch dressing. Not too much; Kudzu only needs a touch of extra taste.
I find I must disagree with our friends over at Stegosaurus.org, who report that we Stegosaurids do not take dressing on our salads, but on the contrary I do, and I always look at kudzu as an after dinner snack, the hard candy of the fibrovascular world.
I hope this helps."
So don't delay ! Order your copy of GARDENING TIPS WITH STEGOSAURUS today !
Orders recieved before midnight, February 13th will be autographed by the author at no additional charge !
GARDENING TIPS WITH STEGOSAURUS
by, Stegosaurus
To Be Released Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Do you keep a garden and want to know how you can make it look more vibrant, more colorful, more alive ? Perk up your flowers, increase the yield of your vegetables, or how your spiky tail, ( if you have one , ) can double as a plow ? Then, you've picked up the right book my friend !
Stegosaurus packs all of the wisdom that a creature who has a brain the size of a walnut can into this self help gardening book for your benefit ! Just read this excerpt :
******
" When my friends stop by and visit me, they are often in awe of my wonderful garden. They say to me, 'Stegosaurus, how is it you keep your garden so full of the verdure you want, the plants, the flowers, the vegetables, and keep out undesirable fibrovascular life forms , such as kudzu ? I have tried everything I can think of to be rid of kudzu, and no matter what I try it keeps coming back ! I'm at my wit's end ! HELP ! "'
" The answer, my friends is simple. The easiest solution in regards to the eradication of kudzu and other undesirable weeds is simply to eat them. Yes, eat them. Did you think it was going to be complicated ? Well let me tell you it may seem complicated, but when it comes right down to it, its just gardening. Now I confess, that kudzu sometimes needs some help; its kind of tough and is not as pleasing to the palette as, say, rosebushes or lily of the valley. Kudzu is still quite good however, with a small bit of ranch dressing. Not too much; Kudzu only needs a touch of extra taste.
I find I must disagree with our friends over at Stegosaurus.org, who report that we Stegosaurids do not take dressing on our salads, but on the contrary I do, and I always look at kudzu as an after dinner snack, the hard candy of the fibrovascular world.
I hope this helps."
So don't delay ! Order your copy of GARDENING TIPS WITH STEGOSAURUS today !
Orders recieved before midnight, February 13th will be autographed by the author at no additional charge !
Sunday, February 4, 2007
" Everyone knows Bennie Moten wrote my theme song, " The Kater Street Rag", " said Stegosaurus yesterday. ...." but now I have found that some kind person has written a nice song about me, and I really like it a lot.
It's so true ! I'm just like that in real life !
I do have bony plates on my back, and spikes on my tail ! What's really neat is that my name is Stegosaurus ! How do they know me so well ?"
My Name Is Stegosaurus
"Whoever you are, nice person, thank you from the bottom of my heart ! "
It's so true ! I'm just like that in real life !
I do have bony plates on my back, and spikes on my tail ! What's really neat is that my name is Stegosaurus ! How do they know me so well ?"
My Name Is Stegosaurus
"Whoever you are, nice person, thank you from the bottom of my heart ! "
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