Doctor Stegosaurus held a press conference in his hometown of Boulder, Colorado Monday afternoon and was very excited to announce some very important news to his friends and neighbors in his adopted city.

“My friends and neighbors, I greet you today with news I hope will be to your benefit."

“After long hours of study I have obtained my medical degree from the University of Colorado School of Medicine with a specialty in tree diseases. This is not new news from my last press conference on May 19th, but it is now time to update you on progress. Effective today, June 23rd 2025, I have opened an office here in Boulder to serve your medical needs, which will be affiliated with the school from which I have graduated.

Now you may say, 'That's very nice, Doctor Stegosaurus, but I can't afford healthcare in this day and age, it is just far beyond my ability to pay the bills; they keep coming and I can't keep up.'

"If this is you, my friend, fear not, I have good news for you. Last year my accountant Corythosaurus informed me that through my mother's wise investment in broadleaf trees, I had become a millionaire, so I have no need for pecuniary gain. If you can manage and feel so inclined, I do love trees and will accept payment in trees, just as with my School of Dance, but with my practice payment will never be required of you."

I am a caring dinosaur and want to help each of you mammal and dinosaur alike, according to socialist principles. This means your healthcare will be free."

Leave your contact information to sign up for my services, as I look forward to solving all your medical issues related to tree diseases.

I will also have a satellite office located in the town of my discovery, Morrison, Colorado, and you may leave your contact information with that office, and it will reach me in short order. I look forward to serving you and being your lifelong family Doctor. Thank you.”

"As of June 1st, It seems I have reached another birthday!" exclaimed Stegosaurus. "140 Milliona and 19! Wow! How delighted I am to share my 140 Million and 19 years of wisdowm with all the world. If only my brain were larger I'd remember at least a witty saying or two. Maybe three. I will certainly reflect once again, as I do every year how pleased I am to be here with you having adventures year after year even though part of me longs for the days when I was just out of my shell, I look forward to every new day and new experience. This year was a milestone year for me as I graduated college with a doctorate in tree diseases, which goes to show that no matter how old you are there is always room for learning something new.

Although I enjoy and relsih new experiences, I have a great deal of respect for the old traditions, and one of these things I respect is cake. Especially when it comes to birthdays as birthday cake is a long standing tradition.

My advice to you this year is firstly to stomp forthrightly everywhere you go. Do it with purpose! Whatever you do, keep learning. A mammmal's education is not complete until he or she becomes extinct.

Always be kind; it costs nothing to be kind. Only use your cool spiky tail in your own defense or the defense of those you love, your family your siblings whom you came out of your shell with; your immediate family. Remember where you came from so that you know where you are going, and do not be distressed. Worry only makes things worse so do what you can to prepare for the unknown but do not obsess over perfection that never was and never will be. Enjoy the moment, and you are sure to have many more relaxing moments in your future."