In January, Stegosaurus paid a visit to his loyal accountant, Corythosaurus, just to find out how his various businesses had done in the previous year. Stegosaurus found Corythosaurus predictably down by the river.

"Hello, Corythosaurus," said Stegosaurus as he approached.

"Hello, Stegosaurus, what brings you to visit today?" rejoined the busy hadrosaur, who seemed distracted as he looked up at the trees.

"I was wondering if you could tell me if any of my businesses had turned a profit in the last year," said Stegosaurus.

"Sure let me finish what I am doing here and we can talk all about it," replied Corythosaurus.

"Why are you looking at the trees, are you going to eat them?"

"This stand of Betula nigra will someday be a work of art, at which I will make a profit. I am deciding which ones to take down that they might make good stock for my woodworking projects."

"They look quite delicious," observed Stegosaurus.

"Maybe so, but we don't eat these trees, they will be used to create art in my new woodworking projects."

"Are you still baking bread?"

"No, no more bread. Not as a business. I'm all about woodworking now."

"I will help you," said Stegosaurus. "Just let me know what tree you want down and I will emulate brother horse by standing on my hind legs for a brief period of time in order to knock it down."

"That would be fine, Stegosaurus, just remember: don't eat the trees; I need something to create with so we cannot dine on these trees. If you'd like for your help I'll take you to visit a few Asimina triloba that I found last week just down this very same river. The fruit of the Asimina triloba is probably my favorite new invention, at least right after Diet Coca Cola."

"That would be delightful, Corythosaurus. Thank you."

So the two dinosaurs worked together most of the afternoon knocking down Betula nigra and breaking their branches. It was hungry work, but again Corythosaurus reminded Stegosaurus not to eat the Betula nigra and be patient for the Asimina triloba which they'd go to very shortly.

When Corythosaurus and Stegosaurus arrived at the Asimina triloba just down the river, Corythosaurus asked Stegosaurus, "How are your studies going, friend Stegosaurus?"

"Oh very well. I have a mere 4 classes to go before I finish for my doctorate with a specialty in tree disease."

"Delightful. Delightful," rejoined Corythosaurus. "Let me tell you regarding your businesses, other than playing extinct in museums, your best and most lucrative endeavor remains as always your School of Dance. You should definitely keep doing this. It is what most mammals above Elementary School level remember you for, especially in Cuba."

"I'm glad to hear it. I love my School of Dance," said Stegosaurus, who then paused to swallow a bite of fruit from the Asimina triloba.

Stegosaurus then continued, "Well I remember that my attempt at apartment manager for mammals failed because mammals don't eat trees, and dinosaurs don't use money."

"The lessons of the Market can be harsh, but it was a worthy effort," observed Corythosaurus.

"I guess it would help if I'd eat more of the Pinus nigra, but there are none about just now."

"Don't feel bad, yours is not the first business to fail," said Corythosaurus.

"Well this Asimina triloba sure is delicious. I should eat more of them !!" Stegosaurus declared.

"As long as we practice conservation, what I planted will last some time yet," said Corythosaurus.

"I hope your woodworking business does well," said Stegosaurus.

"Me too," said Corythosaurus. "Speaking of the Pinus nigra, I've been trying to add more of them to my own diet in hopes that that will help my success."

"Let us eat to your success," said Stegosaurus, as he began to chew on a branch of Betula nigra.

"Wait, Stegosaurus ! STOP!! Remember, please don't eat the stock !!" exclaimed Corythosaurus.

"Oh, I'm sorry, forgive me," said Stegosaurus.

"You are forgiven," said Corythosaurus. "Just remember that eating your stock is really bad for business."

Stegosaurus and Corythosaurus continued to eat trees through the afternoon, except of course, the Betula nigra.

Later they went to the Royal Alberta Museum and played extinct for awhile, which was novel to the mammals, since the museum does not have Stegosaurus or Corythosaurus on permanent display.

"One day last week I was visited by my loyal, hard working accountant known as Corythosaurus," said Stegosaurus. "We have rarely met in person, being such busy individuals, but I had received word from him that we needed to meet to discuss an important business matter, so I invited him to my home in Colorado".

"I have stomped all the way from my home in the Red Deer River of Alberta to discuss with you an important matter," said Corythosaurus.

"I will attend with great interest the things that you have to say, but do tell, how is our mutual friend Styracosaurus doing?"

"Styracosaurus is doing just fine; he has asked you to come visit some time soon, as he cannot eat all the coffee plants by himself."

"Have you eaten coffee plants?" asked Stegosaurus.

"I considered it at one point, but now I have stumbled upon an invention of the mammals called Diet Coke and that is my favorite."

"I have never tried this mammal invention," said Stegosaurus. "But returning to the important reason for your visit, is it that brings you to Colorado? What concern could be so great?"

"Well you know I am your loyal hard working accountant and I have for years kept an eye on your various investments. Many are doing well you have chosen wisely many times. Of course, with me as your advisor, how could you fail? But there is one endeavor that has not panned out the way we had hoped. Both of your apartment complexes designed for mammals, in Sunnyvale, California and the other in Santa Monica are failing.
We started them out in March 2014 with high hopes, but it looks now like the best thing might be to close them down and re direct those resources into other things."

"What ever you think is best," said Stegosaurus; "I trust your judgement but tell me what is the cause of this?"

"We've tried, but they never really quite took off as we'd hoped to start. As it turns out the first couple of years we barely broke even, and since 2016 we have been losing money. I even tried opening a bakery to sell bread at the Santa Monica location but there appeared to be little interest."

"Why? You do make a good bread," said Stegosaurus.

"I do make a good bread, but there were not a lot of mammals living there at the time to have the impact I had expected, and I much prefer my home on the Red Deer River in Canada to the hustle and bustle of California."

"What do you think was the cause? Not your baking?"

"No not at all it is the business model. Mammals really don't use trees as currency in any capacity, and they don't eat them at all. The apartments are too small to fit dinosaurs and in order to modify the apartments for them, we'd have to tear down the old complexes and rebuild. It's just too expensive."

"But I don't understand. Weren't the mammals spending enough to live there? Did the forests become extinct? I knew I had been away from California for too long!" exclaimed Stegosaurus.

"Now Stegosaurus, you know that an economy requires more than mammal spending. We could make a law that says mammals get 100 extra a month in spending money because they are smaller and thus, suffer disadvantages that we taller, heavier dinosaurs do not, but that in and of itself would not solve the problem. It is not a long term view and does not take into account the effects of such a policy on the whole group. Why there is more to a mammal economy than that certain species spend while others are taxed because certain groups think they can afford it or deserve it.

What about considering the payment of wages?

The importance of capital maintenance ?

How to account for the lack of new capital investment?

Nothing is ever that simple."

"Well, what if a mammal lives in New York and bagels cost $7.00, why can't that mammal be paid $15.00 an hour?" asked Stegosaurus.

"Sigh." said Corythosaurus. "You haven't been eating Austrian Pines lately, have you?"

"Why no, why do you ask?" asked Stegosaurus.

"I am taking you to dinner; after a good meal of Austrian Pines you will figure it out."

"Okay it is a deal," said Stegosaurus. "I will guard you, and if any bears accost you, I will whack them with my cool, spiky tail."

"Fair enough." said Corythosaurus.

"If you feel like it later", asked Stegosaurus, "Will you bake some bread? Maybe the mammals in Santa Monica were not impressed, but I am very fond of your baking skills."

"Thank you kindly good friend. If there is time, I will be glad to," said Corythosaurus.

"I have had an interesting July full of hard work," declared Stegosaurus.
The fall semester of my medical school had ended, and since June I had relaxed in my native State of Colorado living the easy and care free life of a farmer scientist. I've recently read fascinating scientific tales of a mammal who attempted to extract sunlight from cucumbers, and had been trying to duplicate this feat. Then, I heard news of a terrible wind storm called a Derecho, which caused a great deal of property damage, and even extinction for some mammals from the midwest into the southern states."

"This of course sent both the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency and The Stegosaurus Construction Company into action so I abandoned my cucumber project, and my classmates and I were very busy for over a week, working with the mammals to restore order to the storm damaged areas. While the mammals worked diligently at mammal work, my class and I ate many downed trees, and the Stegosaurus Construction Company also stomped in where necessary to help rebuild mammal structures. It was a pleasure to work with them, and to help in any way we could to make the area nice for mammals to live in. "

News Coverage of the Derecho ( Roanoke Times, Roanoke, Virginia )


Photos of Derecho storm damage ( Rockbridge County, Lexington,Virginia )

"This tree was very delicious," said Stegosaurus. "The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency came to the aid of the mammals who lived here, and then The Stegosaurus Construction Company rebuilt the roof of this structure, because roofing is our specialty."

"For someone so large, I sure do obtain a lot of enjoyment from the challenge of running small businesses. Many of them, like my School of Dance are well documented. One which has not received as much attention is my professional modeling career." said Stegosaurus.


"The first photo is of me with my old friend Charlie Knight about the time that I began my career in modeling. It was sometime last week, or maybe it was 1899 .... Somewhere around there; I can't remember exactly. "



"Taken while enjoying a nice meal of ferns."





"Taken during the finals week, back when I was studying for my degree in Horticulture Consumption."



"With my friends at one of the King Kong Dinosaur Cast Reunions."



"One of my nude scenes. Tasteful, don't you think?"


"See? Black & White photos are even flattering to a Stegosaurus! Aren't I beautiful? My friend Ray Harryhausen thinks so. What do you say?"

"Having finally completed my 300 page essay on the Alnus Maritima, I've left Oklahoma and am now in my home state of Colorado engaging in a bit of small business enterprise," said Stegosaurus.

"Today I have founded The Stegosaurus Construction Company.

I know with the financial markets the way they are today it does not seem like now is the time to go into the construction business, but I can guarantee you that you will have a job with my company! This is provided that you do not mind your boss having a cool, spiky tail! "

"Our motto: ROOFING IS OUR SPECIALTY !"

As always, Stegosaurus accepts payment in trees.

"Actually, school keeps me quite busy," continued the loquatious roof - lizard. "When I leave Colorado I have to go to Maine and study the Chionanthus virginicus, and then I have to stomp down to Florida and see if my class and I can find the elusive Franklinia alatamaha. This is all in addition to my job as Hokie Bird protector, and its that time of season again! It seems the life of a Stegosaurus is always busy !"