It's A Stegosaurus World

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Sunday, July 18, 2021

"The Moa Birds returned to their native New Zealand a few days after my birthday," said Stegosaurus. " I then spent a few weeks of solitude in my cave, only leaving to consume the occasional grove of Picea pungens.

"In July, early July, after the holiday, I received, just when I was feeling sociable again, a visit from my old friend, retired Congresssaurus Triceratops.

"Hail, good friend Triceratops !!" said I. "What causes you to leave Wyoming and come to visit me in my beautiful native State, Colorado??"

"Well met, friend Stegosaurus!" exclaimed Congresssaurus Triceratops. "I recalled sometime last week, or maybe it was about a year or two ago that I visited and we attempted to extract sunlight from cucumbers by the wisdom of one mammal, Johnathan Swift. Following his instructions we could not fail, I reasoned, and while you were consulting with your loyal accountant Corythosaurus, I actually succeeded in our goal. However, in my zeal to show you I became hungry and ate the cucumbers; I shortly realized my error, but could not duplicate my results, setting us back to square one, essentially. My hope is, that you still have mammal Swift's instruction book, and we can again try to succeed at our goal. Imagine the great day for science when it is discovered that a dinosaur duo such as us, contributed positively to the great body of mammal science, long before the mammals, with their well known larger brains discover it ! I have my heart set on this endeavor."

"I know this means a lot to you, Congresssaurus Triceratops," said Stegosaurus. "However, given our past difficulties, and I hope you will not take this poorly, as I value your friendship, I think it most prudent that we work with mammals to help us reach our goal. I understand your temptation that caused our failure as I have gotten close on my own in the past and given in to eating the cucumbers before they produce light to extract."

"I understand, friend Stegosaurus," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "We all have certain areas at which we excel, and those at which we fail. I have spent many millions of years in the administration of the law and Government. I have been a part of Greek and Roman Governments in their prime, and have seen them deteriorate and fail, just as the Government and its traditions fail here in America at this moment in history. The horns on my frill and nose are where socialists go to become extinct; I have gored many in my time. But there are some things at which I cannot excel, and I also think it prudent that a dinosaur should be honest with himself and admit what he can and cannot do; this is the path to honor and respect as well as dignity."

"Well stated, friend. Well stated. You still have that knack for eloquent public speeches," said Stegosaurus. " I have recently received communication from my cousin in South Africa, Kentrosaurus; He has told me of a very smart mammal he has met named Steve Beaver; and this mammal has restored an Avocado grove for Widow Ground Sloth and her son Junior. if he can plant Avocados, then he must certainly know how to extract sunlight from cucumbers. If you agree to this, I will ask my cousin to see if this famous mammal, friend of the megafauna and dinosaur, to visit Colorado. Surely with his help we will succeed."

"I agree," said Congresssaurus Triceratops; and thus, we contacted Kentrosaurus, and he told me that the famous mammal known as Steve Beaver was willing to come help. It would be some time as he was traveling by raft; but dinosaurs are very patient creatures; when you have seen 140 million and 15 years it is something you learn; and so we waited. Finally on Sunday, July 18th, a much anticipated visitor came to my cave.

"Hello, Stegosaurus," said Steve.

"Hello, welcome to my home Colorado, and I am pleased to introduce you to my friend from Wyoming, Congresssaurus Triceratops, ( retired ), " said Stegosaurus.

"Pleased to meet you Triceratops. I have heard a lot about you," said Steve.

"I have long anticipated your visit, and likewise glad to make your acquaintance." said Congresssaurus Triceratops.

"Kentrosaurus told me you needed my assistance. What can I help you two with?" asked Steve.

Stegosaurus brought out a copy of Gulliver's Travels, and explained everything as best he could.

"We are fascinated by science and the wisdom of mammals. Ever since I read this scientific treatise by Mr. Swift, I have been fascinated with the idea of extracting sunlight from cucumbers. If a mammal in a flying city can do it, so can a dinosaur .... and when Congresssaurus Triceratops retired I found he shares my ambition to contribute the the realm of science in a way that will astound the mammals with large brains. We wish so very much to be the dinosaurs that advance science for the benefit of mammals, that way, they'll stop making fun of us for having walnut brains and respect the intelligence of dinosaurs, if we are alive or extinct, or even nomen dubium. "

"If I tell you what I think, will you promise not to be upset?" asked Steve.

"Of course," said Stegosaurus and Congresssaurus Triceratops in unison.

"Okay. I just don't want to be stabbed with horns or whacked with a cool, spiky tail,"

"Have no fear and please be honest," said Stegosaurus.

"Here it is, bluntly," said Steve. "You cannot extract sunlight from cucumbers. This is an impossibility."

"But, but, how?!?" sputtered Congresssaurus Triceratops. "We put them in the sun and they get very warm, charged with the power of the sun. There must be a way to extract or discharge all that energy."

"We want to help the mammals, the environment, and ourselves by advancing science. If we can do this, perhaps we don't have to become extinct," said Stegosaurus.

"We already are extinct, Stegosaurus. Maybe you missed the worst part of it, the meteor, but we're still extinct." said Congresssaurus Triceratops.

"Sigh," said Stegosaurus.

"You must both understand that this book, this very famous book is a satire. Much of it is a joke. It wasn't til recently that I encountered talking horses; I would never have believed that. Even if horses can talk, I'm pretty sure that it is not possible to extract sunlight from cucumbers," explained Steve.

"Sister Quagga proves horses can talk," said Stegosaurus. "Or that they can be heard by the animal they are addressing at the time they need to be heard in a language that listener understands. "But I was hoping that there was some way that sunlight bearing cucumbers may also be a part of reality."

"I'm sorry to tell you they are not," said Steve sympathetically.

"Well, drat !" said Congressaurus Triceratops, stomping his foot in frustration. "I guess there's no hope for me now but to become a lobbyist like other retired politicians; how drab."

"Do not lose heart, Congresssaurus Triceratops," said Steve. "I can help you there. There are lots of options for someone of your skill set."

"I want to hunt down this Johnathan Swift and stab him with my horns, but that would surely violate the 8th Amendment. If there is one thing I cannot tolerate it is a liar."

"I understand the frustration, but let us not talk of terrible deeds, even if Mr. Swift is long extinct. There are lots of lucrative options besides being a lobbyist for someone of your skill set. Give me an idea of what you'd like to do, and maybe I can still help you. Perhaps you could make some extra money playing extinct in a museum." Steve suggested.

"I've done that !" exclaimed Stegosaurus. "I do that all over the United States and more recently, in other parts of the world."

"It is very lucrative," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. " But I already do that. Have been for quite a while. But I want to do more than do well financially. I just want to do something that will be good for society. I want to be useful in my retirement years. I could live a few million more years yet, unless another meteor strikes."

"I like eating plants," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "I even remember when grass was invented."

"Well, here's a thought." said Steve. "Have you ever tried growing plants? Maybe you could grow some plants and then open a greenery or garden center. If you can control your appetite and not eat your stock you could do very well. Lots of mammals like plants, and there are lots of mammals to sell plants to. "

"Now this is an interesting thought," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "If you cannot extract sunlight from cucumbers, can you teach us how to grow our own cucumbers?"

"This I can do," said Steve.

"Capital!" said Congresssaurus Triceratops.

"It is still sad and frustrating that we cannot extract sunlight from cucumbers," said Stegosaurus. "I once thought we were so close!"

"I know," said Steve. "But, running a greenery, you could attempt several kinds of hybrid vegetables, and perhaps create a new vegetable, to the benefit of science and animals everywhere. I have been thinking of this myself for some time."

"I'm glad we have made the acquaintance of this mammal," said Congresssaurus Triceratops to Stegosaurus, "He is indeed very smart. " ..... and then to Steve, " I am very pleased to meet you, Steve Beaver. Thank you for helping an old politician dinosaur find a new path in life."

"You're welcome," said Steve.

"What a great day," said Stegosaurus. "Let us all break from the heavy work of thinking and eat a nice meal of Avocados."

"An excellent choice!" said Steve.

The meal and conversation about Avocados and the versatility of other vegetables continued well into the night. The adventure was just beginning.

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

"My birthday has come around again," observed Stegosaurus. On the last day of May as I was bidding farewell to the Moa Birds as they returned to New Zealand, one of them humbly asked if they might remain guests in Colorado at my cave to help me celebrate my 140 Million and 15th birthday. Of course I agreed, and was delighted to have someone to spend time with and celebrate my birthday.

The Moas tried my cake, as seen in the photo, but they did not care for it as much as they do the leaves of plants, the roots of trees, or that fairly new invention known as grass. I explained to them the tradition of cakes on birthdays, and they then understood more than it seemed before, but they still didn't like it much. I am well known to prefer trees, leaves and roots myself, but once a year I eat cake, and so be it, I had more for myself. Perhaps next year I shall have a birthday pie, and see what the Moas think of birthday pie.

I didn't want to disappoint my well meaning friends, so when I finished my cake I went out with them out of Boulder and to the town of my birth, Morrison, Colorado, where we dug for roots with our claws, and I enjoyed eating grass with them, until an angry mammal came out of his cave and told me in no uncertain terms, "I don't care if you ARE the State fossil, get off my lawn, you and your big bird friends !!!"

It was only because it was my birthday and I am mild mannered that I did not use my cool, spiky tail. Refusing to let the experience cloud the enjoyment of my birthday we climbed the hills and mountains til we found a nice stand of Pinus aristata; the delicious nature of that good food lifted our spirits and restored our good humor. I am blessed to have so many good friends who enjoy going on adventures. Having adventures with good friends makes life fun, exciting and interesting. I hope your life is as fun, exciting and interesting when you are yourself 140 Million and 15 years old. Cheers to another blessed year !!"

Friday, May 14, 2021

In Mid May we arrived in San Francisco, California by raft; I bid farewell to my class mates til next semester, and as they went on to tour the Sequoiadendron giganteum The Moa Birds and I continued on to my cave in Colorado. Arriving therein, I was prepared to rest my weary traveling claws and watch the Moa Birds graze in my yard ( very relaxing ), but to my surprise when I arrived at my cave I found waiting my good friend Rhedosaurus.

"Stegosaurus !! You must come at once!" he declared with a sense of urgency I had never seen him exhibit before. "Call the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency into action, for we must immediately travel to Lexington, Kentucky to help the mammals out of another flood!"

"A flood? Again?" Stegosaurus sighed. "Very well, we shall leave in the morning. Moa Birds, will you come with me in the morning, or leave with Rhedosaurus?"

"We will travel with you, Stegosaurus," said Moa Bird, "But don't take it personally, Rhedosaurus; we appreciate you coming all this way from New York to let us know about the dire situation for the people of the Commonwealth of Kentucky."

"No worries, Moa Birds," replied Rhedosaurus. "I understand it is a long journey from your native land of New Zealand. I shall at once depart for Kentucky. My lovely wife and the other members of the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency are already there. I will let them know you are on the way. " And Rhedosaurus departed for Kentucky.

In the morning the Moa Birds and I stomped forthrightly ( The Moas have to stomp, you know; they are flightless birds )

When we arrived in the city of Lexington, Kentucky, we saw immediately that the streets were quite flooded indeed. We also could not miss Nigersaurus working with Western Black Rhino and our non existent friend Agathaumas. We were compelled to get right to work, seeing the seriousness of the situation for the suffering mammals of the area. Our friends understood and dispensed with any formal greetings that under normal circumstances we would exchange. The mammals' shopping center Lexington Green, on Nicholsville Road and New Circle Road was in danger of being overtaken by the sea; This had the potential to displace some 200,000 mammals who live within 5 miles of it. There sure are a lot more mammals these days than I remember from my youth. Anyhow The Moas were sent to carry sandbags on their backs and in their beaks to help protect the CYL Sauna Studio; Agathaumas told me that he and Nigersaurus had finished building a temporary wall ( of which Nigersaurus himself was a part ), which was protecting Palmer's Fresh Grill & Seafood from further damage but all of their fishes and other seafaring animals had escaped to the sea and it would be hard to find them and save them before the water receded.

"Just do the best you can," said Stegosaurus. "Don't be hard on yourself for a loss you cannot control."

As I let small children ride my back between my spiff, sexy plates to safety I saw Rhedosaurus and Lady Rhedosaurus with Western Black Rhino, blocking water from entering Joseph - Beth Booksellers, and thereby saving many books. I am sure the mammals will appreciate that.

"Where are the mammal rescue teams?" asked Western Black Rhino.

"There were a few policemen here at one time," said Rhedosaurus.

"Yes, were being the operative word ... " said Lady Rhedosaurus. "My husband ate them ... again."

"I'm sorry, honey," said Rhedosaurus. "I know it looks bad for our reputation. Especially in these modern times. I'll try better."

"I know you will. I know. Its just that sometimes I feel like I can't take you anywhere ........."

Eventually the rain ended and the waters receded. Mammals came and used their machines to help speed the process; Nigersaurus helped them by drinking a lot of it.

Then, the sun was bright and high so we stopped by the Lexington City Cemetery to see if we could all enjoy some sunbathing, but alas, just as in years past, we were denied!

Still no sunbathing in the cemetery. Not even for dinosaurs and megafauna. So, we settled for our second option, I nice meal at the arboretum before we each returned to our respective homes.

I returned to my cozy cave in Colorado, just in time to celebrate my birthday.

Saturday, April 24, 2021

In April, my College Class and I were sent on our class final to document, study and eat the trees and verdure of the land of New Zealand. I was overjoyed, for it gave me the perfect excuse to visit my old friends the Moa Birds, whom I had not had the pleasure of watching in some time. We all eagerly got on our rafts and floated forthrightly to the mighty mountain uplands, and absolutely delightful swampy lowlands of that country. The trip, as it always is, was long, but we all left from our Native State of Colorado, USA, and thus, had brought a healthy supply of our favorite Picea pungens to eat along the trip.

We each had our own raft; I did not travel with anyone on my raft but we had each other in sight the whole time. When the time came in Early May to arrive in New Zealand, we did not seek our friends The Moa Birds right away; and as usual no one came to greet us, but I was not alarmed as I have been to New Zealand before, and knew where to go to find them. Instead, as we were all tired of Picea pungens by three weeks of nothing but, my class and I eagerly stomped about until we found some familiar Cyatheaceae, which warmed my heart and reminded me of my childhood, since they had been around since my mother found me while she was eating a cabbage patch, and I was but a young plate lizard, just barely out of my shell. They are the tallest family of surviving ferns from the Jurassic ( or, possibly the Cenozoic, though I do vividly remember them being pointed out to me by my mother when I was young. ) And we all had to stand on our hind legs to reach the best leaves, and sometimes knock them down, but it was worth it. When you are almost 140 Million and 15 you will understand the attraction to nostalgia and longing for the past. When we had eaten our fill we all stomped forthrightly over the hills to the uplands, in search of The Moa Birds. We had seen some Haast's Eagles circling above as our rafts arrived on the North end of the South Island, a nature preserve and National State Park named after a famous mammal named Abel Tasman. ( 1603 ~ 1659 ). Along the way we found and heartily consumed an abundance of Alsophila colensoi, these were in the lovely swamps on the North end of the Island. Dicksoniaceae, another delicious swamp dwelling fern, which I am sure my cousin Wuerhosaurus remembers from his youth since they have been here since the late Cretaceous Period. Cibotium was itself part of this family until the mammals classified Cibotium as a family of its own in 2016. Either way they are both very delicious. I always like to look for and consume some Dicksonia fibrosa, while in New Zealand, since it only grows in this country. I have a real fondness for the fern family, and in the last few million years or so have become a real connoisseur. Likewise with the Dicksonia squarrosa, which the native mammals use as decorative plants in their gardens; they also build fences out of them from time to time.

It was then, when we had finished the Polypodiophyta and ready to move on to the Pinophyta when we encountered a grazing herd of The Moa Birds in a clearing. We all agreed, having the strong desire to evolve into birds someday, ( its a bird hip thing, maybe you wouldn't understand unless you have bird shaped hips. ) that we should sit and be quiet and simply observe them for some time. This was a very relaxing thing. I find watching birds to be one of the most calming activities one can undertake; whether we are enjoying their beauty in the moment or dreaming of the day we will evolve feathers and wings and fly away it is one of the things I enjoy most in my life. I never tell my classmates about my wishes to evolve into a bird, for they are very proud of being 6 ton, 9 foot tall and 30 foot long plate lizards with cool, spiky tails and spiff, sexy plates. They would probably laugh at me. Maybe they secretly have the same dream, but I am too shy to ask.

Finally I decided we should let the Moas know we were watching them, so I stomped ( as quietly and carefully as someone can stomp when they are 6 tons, ) and since I was successful they were not in any way alarmed. I was greeted heartily.

"Why, Stegosaurus !! How nice to see you !! How long have you been watching us ? When did you arrive?" Moa Bird asked me.

"Not too long ago, friend Moa Bird .....I am here with my entire college class. We are studying the trees of New Zealand for our final exam and it is very fortunate that I have friends here because I can learn and visit you at the same time."

"Delightful. Welcome," said Giant Moa. "Call your class out of the bushes. Might I suggest we all pass the time by digging for roots with our claws .....?"

"Oh what a great idea !! I wouldn't have thought of it but we do have that in common. I love to dig for roots with my claws. Are you sure you don't have a mammal brain, thinking of such great ideas as this?" asked Stegosaurus.

If Moa Birds could smile, ( which they can't ), Moa Bird would have smiled. Moa said, "No, Stegosaurus. Just a bird brain." I called out my class, and they all came out of the forest, some grazing right away, others already digging for roots, having heard our conversation. The arrival of the other Stegosaurids caused some circling Haast's Eagles to think twice about eating the peaceful Moa Birds. I like to watch the Haast's Eagles too, they have a majestic wingspan I'm envious of, but I don't like the fact that they are fond of eating my Moa friends. Its too bad they aren't vegetarians also.

We enjoyed the rest of our time in New Zealand; our class final also required us to consume some of the native Angiospermae, and generally I like flowers, they are one of the greatest inventions of modern times. But today in the swamps, there were a lot of insects about, and I really didn't feel like getting the insects in my eyes and under my scales. However, I needed to put up with it in order to complete my final and get a good grade. To this end we found and consumed Dodonaea viscosa, Coprosma acutifolia, ( another lovely plant native to this land ), Coprosma arborea, which also bears delicious fruit, Cordyline, and Dracophyllum. We remained until the first week in May, and when we were about to get back on our rafts headed for Colorado, the Moa Birds surprised us by asking if they'd be able to come back with us and visit America for a while. "We haven't traveled in a while, and just as you enjoy our native plants, there are some plants in America that don't grow here," said Moa Bird.

"Of course you are welcome," said Stegosaurus. So, we were able to enjoy the company of the Moas in their native land for about three weeks, and then they got on rafts and joined us in America for a while. I was so delighted. My life is so blessed to have so many good friends around me, and so many rich, full enjoyable adventures.