“My college class and I were sent to the Commonwealth of Kentucky for our finals, so on May 1st after Oblitiosaurus returned to his native Spain, I stomped forthrightly South,” said Stegosaurus. Usually the finals have us investigating various species of trees, as you will recall, but this one was all about bodies of water so we found ourselves at the reservoir of the Cumberland river in South Central Kentucky. This Is the largest body of water in the State, it is 50,000 acres (20,000 hectares). It made me wish I had brought my raft. I wasn't expecting to need my raft.

What we had to do in this body of water was seek shale underneath from the Ordovician period, the second period of the Paleozoic, an age before my time 443.8 million years ago.

It was tricky, swishing through water with my cool, spiky tail. Trying to break up the rocks below to expose the shale we were looking for; I am not, as you know, a seafaring animal. It was exhausting, and frustrating because my claws were getting stuck in the mud. Then, to my surprise I heard something say to me, “Hey, watch out there!” I looked around, and didn't see anyone around me, other than my classmates, and this was not the voice of a Stegosaurus, obviously. I began swishing my cool, spiky tail again, and then a second time I heard another voice say to me,

“Will you please stop ? Be careful, now !”

This time I stuck my head under the water to see if I could see anything, and I did ! I saw two small creatures at my feet so I lifted my head out of the water, ( again, not a seafaring animal ), and scooped them up with my claws.

“We are Trilobites of a sort,” said one.

“Hello, I'm a Stegosaurus. Are you of the sort that can live on land, or are you fully seafaring?” asked Stegosaurus.

" I am a Trilobite; we were alive between 520 and 252 million years ago. The age of my species was 485.4 Million years ago. In all this time, it was not until last September that the mammal scientists used a high resolution 3D scan of one of my fossils to determine my diet.

Generally, I eat thin-walled shells, bits of echinoderms, that family of creatures which includes sea” urchins and starfish. Scientists have speculated that we Trilobites may have had dual digestive tracts, which is a really nice feature to have; I'll get back to you if they can determine anything noteworthy.” “Well, that is very interesting,” agreed Stegosaurus. “Now second Trilobite, what can you tell me about yourself?”

“Well my story is quite fascinating. I was born on Mars, but grew up on the South side of Chicago.”

“What?” asked Stegosaurus, surprised by the answer of the second Trilobite.

“Oh, don't listen to him,” said the first Trilobite. “He's fake.”

“I look like I'm made of flesh, but its really just fancy paper mache.”

“You're just a fancy rock. Not even a fossil.”

“I may be a rock, but I identify as a fossil.”

“Whatever you are, I'll be your friend,” said Stegosaurus.

“Tell me what you think of Chicago; I lived there briefly during America's Great Depression in the early 1930s.”

“Oh, I was born in Youngstown, Ohio, but I come from the Stars. My spirit name is Stardust.”

{ sings } “We are stardust, we are golden / we are million year old carbon / and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden.”

[ sings ] “Sometimes I wonder why I spend / my lonely nights dreaming of a song..”

Frustrated, First Trilobite exclaimed, “Will you please stop?!?”

Second Trilobite continues singing: “Stop! In the name of love........”

First Trilobite turned to Stegosaurus. “Just ignore him; he'll get bored.”

“I love to garden,” observed Stegosaurus. “I use my cool, spiky tail as a plow.”

“Next time I garden I'm planting some tomatoes,” said Fake Trilobite.

“You can only plant underwater things in your underwater garden. We're largely seafaring animals!” exclaimed First Trilobite.

“Well, if I could plant tomatoes I would,” said Fake Trilobite.

“Hey, I have an idea. Let's go out to eat. I'd like to try out The Old City Cemetery in Lexington. Let me go get my false teeth.”

“Impossible,” said Stegosaurus. “My cousins and I have tried, but we've been denied each time. There is a law.”

“You're right, Stegosaurus, that law is still in effect,” said First Trilobite. “You cannot dine there.”

“Very well, I'm not that hungry anyway,” said Fake Trilobite. “It's time for the news! CNN is my favorite news source. They say they're America's most trusted news source, so it must be true!”

“One of these days I hope you will evolve critical thinking skills and common sense,” said First Trilobite.

“I was friends with Thomas Paine prior to the American Revolution. I was the little Trilobite that could, sitting on his shoulder and encouraging him to write his pamphlet 'Common Sense'.

“Oh that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. How can a Trilobite help a mammal write? You have no arms !! You also don't need false mammal teeth to eat. You look absurd wearing dentures, by the way.”

“Well if I had arms I would. I really would. I'm going to be somebody someday. I could've been a contender! You forget about that time I attempted heavyweight champion of the world. Mohammed Ali beat me though, because he really was the greatest. Then, I decided to start a wrestling club.”

“Mohammed Ali beat Sonny Liston, and Sonny Liston was not, I repeat, NOT a Trilobite.”

“That's what you know,” countered Fake Trilobite. “Maybe I can't be a boxer. I didn't know in order to be a boxer you need arms. So I tried wrestling.”

“If you can't be a boxer without arms, how can you wrestle without arms?!? You can't write like Thomas Paine either !! “

“I can whisper in his ear....”

“Look, just accept who you are and be the best Trilobite a Trilobite can be. You don't have to make stuff up to succeed in life. If you don't cut it out, you're going to end up glued to a cheap box in a mammal fossil shop, and sold for an exorbitant fee.”

“Well, at least then I'll be worth something to somebody!”

“You see what I go through?” asked First Trilobite as he turned to Stegosaurus and sighed. “He's been this way since the Cambrian Period. It is time to return me to water. Will you please help return me to the sea? I guess you'd better return the both of us.”

“Okay, I will gladly do this for you. It was nice meeting you, and I hope we get to talk again someday.”

Stegosaurus returned the Trilobites to the sea, and decided to remain in Kentucky through July with his classmates. He could not visit the Old City Cemetery, but he did enjoy the Community Arboretum immensely.

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The Earth 140 Million Years Ago: It's A Stegosaurus World, We Just Live In It.

In the month of February Stegosaurus was visited in Colorado by his Spanish friend Oblitosuarus.

“Hail, good friend!” said Stegosaurus as he saw Oblitoosaurus arriving. “I am so pleased to see you, stay and visit for a while.”

“I shall, Stegosaurus I shall,” rejoined Oblitosuarus. “I have come to the United States in hopes of seeing you and explaining to you the trees of my native land while we enjoy some trees of your native land.”

“Welcome to America,” said Stegosaurus. “How are things on the Iberian Penninsula?”

“Just fine ." said Oblitosaurus. “This is where we regularly eat Fagus sylvatica I live in a forest full of them.”

“How delightful!” declared Stegosaurus.

“Have you got any forests of that depth here? What kind of trees grow there?” asked Oblitosaurus.

“Oh, we have entire forests of Picea pungens but we don't have as many forests of anything like we used to when I was just out of my shell. I miss the world I grew up in.”

“So do I, Stegosaurus. The age when we dinosaurs ruled the earth.”

“Do tell,” said Stegosaurus “What other kinds of trees grow on the Iberian Penninsula?”

“Other than Fagus sylvatica we have entire forests of Quercus robur which are quite delicious; have you ever had any of them?”

“I think not,” said Stegosaurus. “It looks like I am going to ask my college instructor if we can take my class on a Field Trip to Spain. I do so love to eat exotic species of Oak from time to time.”

“They are quite a treat,” said Oblitosaurus. “If you like other species of Oak you will love Quercus robur.”

“My favorites still remain the trees of my youth, which I first cut my cauliflower shaped teeth on when I was so young, the Cycads and their families. “I've refused to eat the Ginkgo biloba out of respect for the fact that they are even older than I am.”

Oblitosaurs laughed.

“Oh my friend, I find this so amusing! I hope you will forgive me for my laughing but I do respect a dinosaur who holds to his principles.”

“No offense taken my friend, as I am glad to have brought some levity to the situation life is too short not to laugh even if you are 120 to 140 Million and 16, soon to be 17.” said Stegosaurus.

“Now I ask, do tell, what other kind of trees are native to your homeland?”

“Well now, let me see,” thought Oblitosaurus. “We have many types of forests including more Oaks, Birch, Firs, and Beech trees. In the The Mediterranean region we have the quite delicious Quercus pyrenaica, and in that area there are groves of many types of deciduous forests. These lower, wetter areas include the lovely Alnus cordata , Willow, Ash, Elm, and Poplar groves. Entire groves, my friend! Entire groves! You have heard of that new invention, grass, correct?”

“Ah yes, introduced to it by my brother horse. Congresssaurus Triceratops enjoys it, too,” said Stegosaurus.

“We have not yet met, but I admire your friend's taste in grass,” said Oblitosaurus. “We have at certain times of the year grass called in latin Tripidium ravennae and heather. We have in the lowlands a few Ulmus Minor, and the Ulmus glabra, at the elevation of about 1400 metres we have growing Quercus rotundifolia a magnificent specimen of tree. Magnificent. The Balearic Islands contain Cyclamen balearicum which prefers to grow in the shade of evergreens. I am sure you'd enjoy them. They're one of my favorites and I can highly recommend them. Oh, I cannot fail to mention the delicious Juniperus thurifera. There are so many more but I hope this short list entices you to sometime come visit me in Spain. Bring your class, please we will all eat together.”

“I would be delighted,” said Stegosaurus. “Now let me tell you more about the trees native to my Colorado as you have come all this way to learn of them. Now I have already mentioned the delicious Picea pungens, but I think another type of tree you would like to consume would be the Pinus aristata or maybe the Quercus gambelii, given all the Oaks you eat in Spain,” said Stegosaurus. “Here in Colorado we also have the wonderful Acer negundo of which many have heard me praise in the past. There is here the Prunus virginiana …. beware Mammals! don't choke on it! “

“Oh, Stegosaurus, you have a sense of humor for sure,” observed Oblitosaurus.

“Life is too short not to, even if you are over 140 Million Years old,” said Stegosaurus.

“We also have a tree in Colorado favored by Stegosaurus Claus himself, the Pseudotsuga menziesii as the mammals often use it for their Christmas trees, Stegosaurus Claus eats them regularly. I think you will like them too.”

“I will follow the recommendations of my friend Stegosaurus. Any tree good enough for Stegosaurus Claus will be good enough for me,” said Oblitosaurus.

“Your trust in me is admirable, good friend. Let me tell you now about the Picea engelmannii, we have to go to the higher elevations to get this one, so it can get a little cold that high up. It's worth it though. If you stay around for an extended period we could stomp forthrightly to a grove of them I know of well.” said Stegosaurus.

“There certainly are a great number of trees here in Colorado USA as there are in my native Spain” said Oblitosaurus.

“Yes we have a great variety. This is enough talking for now; let us eat and I will gladly tell you more about trees another time. All this talking about trees makes me very hungry!” said Stegosaurus.

“Agreed, my friend, let us dine!” exclaimed Oblitosaurus.

Oblitosaurus did remain a delighted guest at Stegosaurus' cave in Colorado through February, March, and April, eating the trees of Colorado, while Stegosaurus enjoyed showing off his college education by explaining each of the native species to his Spanish friend.

Stegosaurus returned to Boulder, Colorado and his cave on the 9th of January, and though he was glad to have enjoyed the holidays with so many friends, he was also glad to be at rest.

After several days of resting his weary claws, on January 13th he received a visit from his loyal accountant Corythosaurus.

"Is it time to file my taxes already, or have you come just to eat trees with me?" asked Stegosaurus as he saw Corythosaurus approach.

"We can do both, my friend," said Corythosaurus. "It is good to see you; how did your Holidays go?"

"Wonderful I was in California with Triceratops and Dimetrodon, and then went to West Virginia to spend time with the Giant Ground Sloth family."

"That sounds delightful. I had a nice holiday season myself." rejoined the loyal hadrosaur.

"Let us dine first before we look at my taxes," said Stegosaurus.

"As you wish," said Corythosaurus. "Where do you suggest we eat? What kind of tree is on the menu today? I'm up for anything," he continued.

"Oh, I don't know. How about we start with one of my favorites, the Picea pungens, and then stomp out forthrightly to a beautiful grove of Acer negundo that I know of," suggested Stegosaurus.

"I will gladly take your recommendation." said Corythosaurus.

The two friends first consumed a pair of Picea pungens, and then climbed a hill and then down again until they reached a marshy floodplain. Here was found a wonderful grove of Acer negundo, where Stegosaurus observed, "This is my favorite spot to eat the Acer negundo in peace. These trees grow well in urban areas, but eating in front of the mammals can sometimes be distracting because they are so surprised to see a Dinosaur. Even here, where I am the State Fossil."

"These are delicious," said Corythosaurus. "A meal this delicious for some reason I can't quite fathom, makes me feel like relating my life's story."

"Well, I will be delighted to hear what you have to share," said Stegosaurus.

"Let me drink some Diet Cola to start with," said Corythosaurus. "Would you like any?"

"No thank you," said Stegosaurus.

"Well, now, " said Corythosaurus, my life story starts a lot like yours, Stegosaurus."

"How so?" asked Stegosaurus.

"Well, one day a Mommy Corythosaurus met a Daddy Corythosaurus, and they liked each other very much. Then, one day they got together and wiggled a little bit, then I was born.

I lived 75 to 77 million years ago, a very long time, and then, one day I went down to the Red Deer River in Alberta BC, and became extinct. In was there, in 1911, that a Mr. Barnum Brown, who was also known as Mr. Bones, ( 1873 ~ 1963 ) discovered me. The name he gave me is from the Greek language, κόρυθος,(korythos), after a Corinthian Helmet, and my name literally means Helmeted Lizard. Charles Sternberg ( 1885 ~ 1981 ) discovered my two best fossils in 1912. Unfortunately Because a British paleontologist had asked for the two fossils in order to study them, he sent them to Arthur S. Woodward ( 1864 ~ 1944 ) so I took a seafaring trip on a mammal ship called The SS Mount Temple. Unfortunately the mammals were at war with each other in a war called The Great War, or World War I. On December 6th, 1916, an enemy ship fired upon us, and the SS Mount Temple was sunk; my fossils were lost.

"How unfortunate !!! I'm so sorry, " said Stegosaurus.

"No worries but thank you," said Corythosaurus. "In spite of being a mild mannered vegetarian, I am an experienced war veteran."

"You and I, we have something in common, " said Corythosaurus.

"And that is?" asked Stegosaurus.

"Like you, I am bird hipped, an Ornithischian."

"Well, welcome to the family," said Stegosaurus.

"I am directly related to other Hadrosaurs such as Lambeosaurus, and Hypacrosaurus, we have a similar skull structure and crests on our heads."

"It is a very distinctive crest," said Stegosaurus.

"Why, thank you," said Corythosaurus. "With our crests, we can call for a mate, or make other noises, such as warnings, for example if we are ever visited by your brother Allosaurus."

"How useful," observed Stegosaurus.

"The sound is similar to a brass instrument, such as a trombone. So, if I wanted I could join a jazz band."

"You live a fascinating life," said Stegosaurus.

"A fascinating life browsing for soft vegetation, drinking Diet Cola and sounding like a trumpet."

"No wonder we're such good friends," said Stegosaurus.

"Yes, friend Stegosaurus. Shall we take a break from eating, file your taxes, and then we'll gather trees I can use in my woodworking business."

"Sounds like a great idea, Corythosaurus. I remember my promise not to eat your stock."

Corythosaurus visited Stegosaurus through most of the 2nd half of January. He returned to Canada on the 26th of January.

Stegosaurus left the State of California on December 18th; he apologized to Congresssaurus Triceratops for not having the time to help him and Steve Beaver gather the trees that they wanted to take back to Wyoming with them. Triceratops told him "It is okay, my friend. Thank you for coming, but please stomp forthrightly before you are late getting to West Virginia."

Stegosaurus observed, "I took my friend's advice, and arrived in the State of West Virginia on December 23rd, inst;. I knew that the family reunion of the Ground Sloths, including my friends Widow Ground Sloth and Junior, would be in Greenbrier County, West Virginia where the mammal Colonel John Stewart discovered the Ground Sloth fossil there in the year 1797. He immediately informed then Vice President Thomas Jefferson, which is why it is sometimes called Megalonyx Jeffersonii. The Megatherium was discovered in Argentina in 1788, and classified by Georges Cuvier the following year. The mammals of West Virginia declared The Giant Ground Sloth to be their State Fossil in the year 2008.

As I stomped forthrightly into Greenbrier County, a jubilant Junior Ground Sloth ran up to me, a 20 foot child weighing in excess of 8 thousand pounds. "They grow up so fast ........." I thought.

"Stegosaurus !! I am so glad you are here to celebrate Christmas with us! Mama, mama, Stegosaurus is here !!"

Then Widow Ground Sloth approached me, a full grown Megatherium a little more subdued, but very cheerful.

"Delighted to see you, Stegosaurus !! Thank you for coming !! Welcome for Christmas. You know Junior, let me introduce you to our other family members. We have enjoyed living in our South African Avocado grove; but it is nice to be home again and visiting with our extended family."

"I am pleased to be here and to spend the Holiday with you and yours. Thank you for inviting me," replied Stegosaurus.

"Widow Ground Sloth led me into a wooded grove, where there were many Giant Ground Sloths; Junior followed close behind me," said Stegosaurus.

"Well, I see the party has truly begun !!" Declared a large Ground Sloth drinking from a prepared bowl of Hot Negus. "I invite you to drink with me here, Stegosaurus from this bowl of Negus, and we shall embrace the joy of the Season and welcome the birth of the Lord and Savior !!"

"Stegosaurus, I welcome you to meet my Father in Law," said Widow Ground Sloth.

"I am pleased to make your acquaintance," said Stegosaurus, trying to determine how much of the Negus the Giant Ground Sloth had consumed; he certainly was enjoying himself.

"Nice to meet you", said Father In Law. "The real Stegosaurus. Or, are you Stegosaurus Claus?"

"No, my friend, I am not Stegosaurus Claus; Stegosaurus Claus lives in Brazil; I live in Bolder, Colorado, having moved from where I was discovered in Morrison."

"Ah well, nice to meet you just the same. Come, join me in a drink of Negus. I am not as inebriated as I appear. I am approaching 11 thousand pounds; it takes a lot to put me in my cups."

"Very well," agreed Stegosaurus, and he took a drink from the bowl of Negus.

"I assume that Stegosaurus Claus will be here by Christmas," said Father In Law.

"He usually is; and I am sure Junior has been good this year," said Stegosaurus.

"Certainly," said Father In Law. "Come, Stegosaurus, have another drink with me, and then I shall introduce you to my lovely wife, Widow Ground Sloth's Mother In Law."

Stegosaurus took another drink, and Father In Law continued; "It was such a pity when Widow Ground Sloth's husband, my son, became extinct in the California tar pits a few years ago, but your cousin, Kentrosaurus, and later mammal friend Steve Beaver, I hear has taken good care of them and they enjoy their Avocado grove."

"They do," said Stegosaurus. "You have heard correctly."

Then a female Ground Sloth approached Father In Law Ground Sloth and spoke to him.

"Honey, I heard you speak of Avocados and wanted you to know the Avocados imported to West Virginia have arrived for the party, and we can now eat dinner."

"Ah, Stegosaurus! Here she is, my lovely wife, Widow Ground Sloth's Mother In Law. Dearest..." he then said, addressing his wife: "Let us invite our guest Stegosaurus to the Avocado Grove, and we can introduce him to the other Ground Sloths here at our reunion."

"Delightful!" said Mother In Law Ground Sloth. "Welcome, Stegosaurus, and Merry Christmas to you!"

"Nice to meet you, and to you the same," said Stegosaurus. Widow Ground Sloth and Junior Ground Sloth followed close behind, ready to dine on the Avocados that they themselves had brought for the party from South Africa.

"Stegosaurus, let me introduce you to more of our family members," said Widow Ground Sloth. "But first, tell me, would you enjoy an Avocado that Junior and I brought from South Africa ? It was only a few thousand years ago that such delicacies would grow here in the mountains of West Virginia."

"If you have any to spare I would be delighted," said Stegosaurus. "Thank you. I really appreciate your invitation to your family Christmas celebration. I am honored to be here with you."

"We are pleased to have you Stegosaurus," said Widow Ground Sloth. She then proceeded to say Grace before dinner, and thanked all her family and guests as well for coming to spend Christmas with her.

"We are thankful for this dinner, the time we spend together today to observe the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love and friendship of our beloved family and friends near and far across millions of miles and millions of years. Amen."

Stegosaurus and the Ground Sloths ate copious amounts of Avocados right away, and then when they had their fill, Widow Ground Sloth and Junior Ground Sloth both approached Stegosaurus.

"Remember, Stegosaurus, My in laws would like to introduce you to more of my extended family. Will you come with Junior and me?" asked Widow Ground Sloth.

"Yes, of course, " rejoined Stegosaurus.

"Now Stegosaurus, here are two of Widow Ground Sloth's cousins, Cousin the Younger, and Cousin the Older," said Mother In Laws Ground Sloth.

Then, she exclaimed loudly, to get the attention of two Sloths at the far end of the yard: "Cousins, here is the dinosaur you've heard so much about !! Stegosaurus !!"

Stegosaurus was a little embarrassed to have attention drawn to him in such a manner, for the Sloths rushed as fast as they could ( which was still pretty slow, but ) and they seemed delighted to meet Stegosaurus.

"We are so happy to finally make your acquaintance !!" exclaimed Cousin The Older Ground Sloth.

"Well, we are a few million years apart, or so the mammals say," joked Stegosaurus. "I am very pleased to make your acquaintance. It has been such a delightful Christmas, the Avocados were delightful. Thank you so much for inviting me to spend time with your family."

"You're welcome," said Cousin the Younger Sloth. "We have heard so much about you; you're an icon of the ages please tell us stories of your adventures. Have you ever met Stegosaurus Claus?"

"I have been asked this many times, but yes I have," said Stegosaurus.

Although embarrassed and shy, Stegosaurus attempted to tell the eager Sloths some of his most exciting adventures, but in humility he spent more time talking about the friends he had made and their contributions to his success.

Like Junior Ground Sloth, the Sloth Cousins were still young enough to attend the arrival of Stegosaurus Claus with much excitement and when Junior heard the mention of Stegosaurus Claus he jumped up and down with his Cousins and danced in circles with each other as they celebrated, a rare moment of excitement for a Sloth.

"Now calm down, children," said Widow Ground Sloth. "Calm down and take a moment to reflect upon the true Reason for the Season and be thankful for all that you have. Being still and reflecting upon the beauty of the world and the blessings we are given by almighty God is proper."

"You are so right, Mama," said Junior Ground Sloth. "It is unfortunate that Woolly Mammoth could not be here."

"Yes, he was invited, but Stegosaurus' cousin Kentrosaurus told me that Woolly Mammoth was meditating at the ruins of Tanis, the Biblical city of Zion. He felt this was appropriate given the significance of the Day to be there and is not aware of our invitation. Kentrosaurus advised us to ask again when Woolly Mammoth returns." explained Widow Ground Sloth. "I am sure he will come to us, or we to him, and be enlightened by his Sermon."

After spending the evening visiting with friends new and old, and overstuffed on Avocados, Stegosaurus took his leave of the party, wishing all a Merry Christmas.

"Will you not stay with us through Christmas?" asked Cousin Ground Sloth the Older. Junior and Cousin Ground Sloth the Younger also asked him to stay but he politely declined.

He was exhausted from the day's activities as well as his earlier visit with Dimetrodon and the other synapsids who live in California. He began to long for his cave in Colorado and the peace and quiet that Woolly Mammoth must now be experiencing.

However the Sloths were very persuasive, and finally Stegosaurus agreed to remain in West Virginia with his Sloth friends for the rest of the night and up until Epiphany.

He was sleeping when Stegosaurus Claus arrived, and therefore did not see his Brazilian friend OR Spinosaurus. He knew Stegosaurus Claus had been because the entire party of Sloths had been given presents of Avocado seeds, Groves of Avocado Trees, or even bushels of Avocados, for those who do not live where the trees may grow and thrive.

Stegosaurus expressed to his friends as he departed that he had never experienced a slower, or merrier Christmas in all his millions of years.

In mid December Stegosaurus received a letter from his friend Congressaurus Triceratops.

"I am so delighted to discover a letter from Congressaurus Triceratops," said Stegosaurus. "How nice of him to take the time to write in the middle of Christmas season."

Congresssaurus' Triceratops letter reads thus:

"Dear Stegosaurus,

I hope this letter finds you doing well.

I have, with our friend Steve Beaver, opened my retirement project, S. Beaver and Three Horned Lizard Greenery LLC. It has, so far, been a success the last two and a half months, and I'd like to ask your advice on a matter of great importance, if it does not take any time away from your holiday plans."

Steve and I would like to combine a business trip to the State of California with a vacation. Why California ? You may ask. Well there are specific trees I want to bring back to our shop native to California. Ones that will not grow in the Wyoming climate. Also, Steve would like to come along and meet our friend Dimetrodon at the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Retirement Caves Complex in California. We would be much obliged if you'd come along to introduce him to Dimetrodon his fellow synapsids, and Nyasassaurus. We really enjoy your company, but if it will disturb Holiday plans you already have, we understand. Should you decide to visit California with us, Steve and I are traveling beginning on December 15th inst; We'll meet you in San Diego for dinner, if you'd like, and then we'll proceed to Culver City, and the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Retirement Home.

With kind regards, I am your obedient servant,

Congresssaurus Triceratops WY ~ Ret."

"I did have plans to spend Christmas with Widow Ground Sloth and her son, Junior, but I thought if I stomped forthrightly, I could spend the Holidays with all of my friends. I love a good party." said Stegosaurus.

I arrived in San Diego California on December 17th, it was easy to find Congresssaurus Triceratops as he was eating a grove of Washingtonia filifera with Steve Beaver sitting on his back.

"Hello, Triceratops and Mr. Beaver!" Stegosaurus exclaimed. I stomped up to my friends as fast as I could go, which as we have established is still pretty slow, but we were so delighted to see each other.

"I am overjoyed that your business is doing well," said Stegosaurus to Triceratops and Steve Beaver.

"Yes, things are going very well, " replied Steve Beaver. "Last week we were visited by Corythosaurus; we invited him to look over our finances and confirmed that indeed we were in the black."

"Corythosaurus is a hard working and loyal accountant," Stegosaurus observed. "I am pleased that he has served you well, Mr. Beaver."

"Let us go now to Culver City and visit Dimetrodon," said Triceratops, "If you have had your fill of these delicious trees. Are you sure you don't want any, Mr. Beaver?"

"I am fine with the salad supply I brought from Wyoming, Thank you," replied Steve Beaver.

And with that, Steve Beaver and the dinosaurs set off for Culver City and it was not long before they met Edaphosaurus and Nyasasaurus at the entrance to the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor Guild Retirement Caves.

"Greetings !!" Exclaimed Nyasasaurus as he ran up to them. "Stegosaurus, what brings you to Sunny California this fine day?"

"I am here to visit you and all my friends in California; Triceratops wanted me to introduce our mammal friend Steve Beaver to Dimetrodon," said Stegosaurus.

"Welcome, Stegosaurus, Triceratops," said Edaphosaurus. "Triceratops, who is the mammal on your back?"

Triceratops replied, "This is Steve Beaver, a wise mammal who has helped me build my dream of owning a Greenery in my retirement from Congress. We are doing very well."

"Pleased to meet you, Edaphosaurus," said Steve Beaver. "Is this cave complex the home of Dimetrodon? I should very much like to meet him."

"Yes, it is, " confirmed Edaphosaurus.

"You look a lot like him," observed Steve Beaver.

"I do. We have similar characteristics and we're both synapsids. You will meet him anon; but first be introduced to our friend Moschops, who is also of the synapsid family, and the oldest dinosaur the mammals have discovered, Nyasasaurus."

"Welcome to California, Mr. Beaver. We have heard so much about you from our mutual friends Stegosaurus and Triceratops. It is so nice to finally meet you in person," said Moschops. "I'm a synapsid like Edaphosaurus and Dimetrodon; we all live at the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor Guild Retirement Home because of our advanced ages. Still, don't be fooled; we can be very spry when the situation warrants it!"

Very good to know, Moschops," said Steve Beaver.

"I would like you also to meet Nyasasaurus, one of the oldest Dinosaurs yet discovered," said Moschops.

"Hello, Mr. Beaver, I'm Nyasasaurus, as was advertised I am one of the oldest Dinosaurs from the early Triassic which makes me 240 ~ 260 Million years old; how old are you?"

"I am 62," said Steve Beaver.

"Well, you will catch up to me before long," said Nyasasaurus.

"So, where is Dimetrodon?" asked Steve Beaver.

"He's down by the seashore fishing," said Nyasasaurus. "We'll take you there, all of us, together," continued Nyasasaurus.

"Come climb up on my back," said Stegosaurus to Steve Beaver. "Triceratops will come with us to meet Dimetrodon."

"Let us all go together to the seashore," said Edaphosaurus.

And thus the Dinosaurs and Synapsids stomped forthrightly down to the seashore, as Steve Beaver ably jumped from Triceratops' back to Stegosaurus, and fit himself comfortably between Stegosaurus' spiff, sexy plates.

"I'm originally from South Africa," said Nyasasaurus. "As is Moschops; Dimetrodon came here from Texas while Edaphosaurus originally hails from the United States although he's also been discovered in parts of Europe. "

"None of us come originally from California," said Edaphosaurus though I have adopted the Texas mannerisms because Professor Cope discovered me in the same fossil bed as Dimetrodon only a few years apart."

"When I heard you wanted to meet Dimetrodon I told him you enjoyed fishing," said Triceratops. "Thus, Dimetrodon decided to do something today he knew you would enjoy... fishing," said Triceratops.

"It's nice to have common interests," observed Steve Beaver.

"Dimetrodon tries really hard to find common ground with mammals since he has mammalian characteristics himself."

Dimetrodon was soon in sight catching the sun as he sat on a rock overlooking the ocean tide.

"Hail, Dimetrodon !!" exclaimed Triceratops. "We have brought Steve Beaver to meet you."

"Oh! I am so pleased!" exclaimed Dimetrodon.

"Hi, there !!" waved Steve Beaver from the back of Stegosaurus.

"Don't worry, I won't eat youOR Stegosaurus. I know my teeth look scary, but I'm really a soft - hearted apex predator of the Early Permian Age."

"Um, okay ..." said Steve Beaver, a little uneasily.

"Look, I heard how much you like fishing so I went to the seashore today and caught you something."

"How did you know I like fishing?" asked Steve Beaver.

"I asked Triceratops .... I hope that was okay." said Dimetrodon.

"So why did you want to meet me, out of all the other prehistoric animals around today?"

"Sure, it's all right," said Steve responding to Dimetrodon's first question.

To the second, he said, "I've met a few dinosaurs by now, but I haven't met a synapsid before plus I wanted to go out to see California."

"Well, we are very distant relations, given my mammalian characteristics," said Dimetrodon. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Beaver."

"Likewise," said Steve.

"Come look at what I caught for you, I hope you like them," said Dimetrodon.

"I am sure I will, I enjoy fishing a lot," said Steve Beaver.

"I got you something special," said Dimetrodon. "A real Texas sized gift."

"I'll take you down to the seashore," said Stegosaurus to Steve. "I'd like to get a drink of water."

So, Stegosaurus, Steve Beaver and Dimetrodon went down to the seashore, while Triceratops, Nyasasaurus and the other synapsids followed behind.

Dimetrodon went down to the rock ledge he'd been on just before Steve arrived, and pulled out a large burlap sack which had something moving in it; Dimetrodon quickly opened it with his teeth. Everyone was surprised by the contents as they were expecting fish. Only Stegosaurus missed the reveal, as he was at the seashore drinking water.

To the surprise of everyone, especially Steve Beaver, out of the sack came not fish, but two living surfers.

"Hey man, this monster I am sure, is going to eat us!" the first one exclaimed loudly.

"Help!" said the second, though they were both less alarmed once they saw Steve there, realizing that they were most likely to be saved, even with the arrival of the other dinosaurs and synapsids. A wide eyed Stegosaurus returned from the seashore, too stunned to say anything, but ready to use his cool spiky tail if the surfers were going to be harmed.

"I caught you a special treat," said Dimetrodon to Steve Beaver.

"Please don't let the dinosaurs eat us!" pleaded the second man to Steve.

"I'm not a dinosaur, but I play one on TV, occasionally," said Dimetrodon.

The surfers started screaming in fear.

"Calm down," Steve spoke to them. "No one is going to harm you."

Then, Steve spoke to Dimetrodon, "Thank you Dimetrodon, but please let these surfers go, I am a mammal, I don't eat other mammals. I appreciate your gift, your heart is in the right place, it's just that mammals, well, most mammals anyway, are not cannibals."

"Oh, really?" said Dimetrodon, genuinely surprised.

The surfers were still breathing heavy with fear, but trying to crawl away quietly.

"Please let the surfers go." asked Steve.

"I was thinking maybe I'll keep them, even though I have mammalian characteristics I still like to eat an occasional surfer from time to time even if they get stuck in my teeth."

The surfers lay down in the sand, stopped crawling and lay there, screaming. "We're going to die !!"

Steve went quickly to their side, and spoke to the surfers quietly. None of the prehistoric animals could hear the conversation, but at the end of it, the surfers got up and without looking back, ran as far away from the beach as they could get.

Then, Steve Beaver turned to Dimetrodon and said, "I know you meant well, Dimetrodon; let's spend the afternoon together fishing, I'll teach you about the kinds of fish that mammals eat."

"It's a deal," said Dimetrodon.

So it was that day that Steve Beaver made a new prehistoric friend, and Nyasassaurus turned to Triceratops and asked, "How is it that Steve Beaver is not afraid like the surfers were?"

Triceratops rejoined, "Steve has a great deal of experience in being around dinosaurs. He's also been in the Marine Corps and served in a war. He's not afraid of much, not even Dimetrodon who is very scary looking to other mammals. "

The Dinosaurs, the Synapsids, and Steve Beaver remained there socializing well after sundown.

Stegosaurus bid his farewell then, at sunset as he had to stomp back home before going to West Virginia to visit Widow Ground Sloth and her son Junior for the Christmas Season.