Wooly Mammoth Revival Update!

Eocasea: Dimetrodon's Relative

Bringing Extinct Plants Back To Life

Spiky Stegosaurus 'mated in missionary position to avoid male being castrated'

... and now, another word from everyone's favorite cheese - eating surrender dinosaur, Lexovissaurus!


Bonjour, je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!

"Plus tôt cette semaine durant ma visite aux Etats-Unis, je piétinais directement au Centre des Arts local pour entendre la première nouvelle œuvre par un talentueux mammifère qui s’appelle Steve Brown. Cette œuvre s’intitule la " Blue Ridge Rhapsodie"'.

"Je dois dire que je suis très impressionné; après avoir examiné ses efforts, très étonner, " Je peux dire avec certitude que ce mammifère a bâti admirablement sur la fondation de son œuvre précédente.
Cette rhapsodie, qui est à peu près de 8 minutes de long, commence avec les cuivres qui ont notre attention; qui nous rappelle le chant de séduction de l’Apatosaures. Les cordes d’ouvertures nous donnent un commencement plutôt bucolique. Je pense que c’est parfait pour manger un bon repas de Cyanophytes et fromage dans un pré au début de la matinée. Je me laisse emporter et je mange tout dans le pré. "

"En général c’est une pièce riche en mélodies réflectives, qui donne à n’importe quel dinosaure une donne raison de prendre son temps et de contempler les simples joies d’une existence qui a duré pendant des milliers d’années, comme les Montagnes du Blue Ridge, qui existe depuis aussi longtemps que moi. Les textures à multi couches qui nous rappelle d’un troupeau paisible de Stégosaurus jouissant de leur déjeuné au début de la matinée lorsque un troupeau d’Archæoptéryx est dans les ailes." (Durant le temps que les scientistes permettaient aux Archæoptéryx de voler)

"Une des plus poignante sections de cette œuvre était le solo euphonium qui a été écrit en mémoire d’un mammifère en particulier;
l’ami de Mr. Brown et Joseph Seth Williamson un collègue, qui est disparu malheureusement bien avant son temps. C’était un hommage très émotionnel et approprié"

Une séquence qui me rappelle du temps où mon cousin Stégosaurus avait eu un insecte empoisonnant sous ses écailles pendant que nous jardinions. Je sais combien que mon cousin Américan aimait danser; alors ceci devrait encourager un tel effort enthousiaste."

"J’applaudis une autre fois la compétence et le génie de Mr. Brown, mais je dois le faire sans enlever mon chapeau, parce que je suis un Stégosaurus, et les Stégosaurus ne porte pas de chapeaux."

Lexovissuarus was proud to have his programme autographed by the composer!

"This semester in college I'm taking an elective course in Science," said Stegosaurus.

"Mammals may be surprised to discover that I have a great interest in Science; don't let my walnut - sized brain fool you ... I can be pretty sharp, some of the time. Maybe not as sharp as Einstein or Hawking, sometimes not even as sharp as my cool, spiky tail... but nonetheless I'm really fascinated by Science and the Natural World."

"Now maybe Carl Sagan can finally explain to me how I can get sunshine from a cucumber ...."

"It was a bright sunny day last week when I had a nice discussion with sister Quagga," said Wuerhosaurus. "I've been enjoying an extended vacation in South Africa since arriving for the funeral of Western Black Rhino in November and it occurred to me last week that Chinese New Year was nearly upon us. Being Chinese, this is a big deal for me you know."

"Glad tidings, sister Quagga," said I. Do you know what tomorrow is? Why, tomorrow is Chinese New Year! This is truly one of the largest holidays in my culture."

"Yes, it is," observed Quagga. "You should be proud."

"I am; and I am so appreciative of your hospitality as I enjoy my extended vacation here in South Africa, though I am sorry for the reason which initially brought me here. I hope Western Black Rhino is adjusting well."

"Oh he is," said Quagga. "He appears to be at least. Wooly Mammoth and Kentrosaurus have gone to minister to him."

"Now returning to the topic of the New Year," said Wuerhosaurus. "I am so glad I brought some fireworks with me in my slow boat when I arrived from China. Fireworks are a great tradition in my native land. In this, China's greatest holiday we also wear red clothing -- or in my case my scales are a beautiful crimson. I shall write poems! Will you help me write poems, Quagga? Please?"

"Why, yes, I would be delighted," said Quagga. "I am honored that you asked."

"We will drive away evil and bad luck with crimson, the symbol of fire! Have you a local bamboo grove? Let us stomp forthrightly hither and gather some for the celebration!"

"Yes, I will go with you, Wuerhosaurus," said Quagga. "I am glad to help. You know how festive I am."

"What joy!" enthused Wuerhosaurus. "What fun we shall have when in two days it is the Year of the Stegosaurus!"

"Um, ... " said Quagga.

"Why yes!" exclaimed the overjoyed plate lizard, oblivious to the pause of his interlocutoress. "Stegosaurids are by nature so joyful and funloving. You know how we love to dance, and China has a long history of many varied dances."

"Um, ....." said Quagga.

"We will dance the Dragon Dance, display our scales and our spiff, sexy plates, we'll have a ballet theatre and dance the Sword Dance....."

"Um, ......" said Quagga.

"Let us hold a lantern festival! A grand festival of lights! Let us reunite with our relatives and rejoice in the name of our ancestors! It shall be SO grand! Delightfully grand!"

"Um, ......" said Quagga.

"Yes?" said Wuerhosaurus finally.

"You know, Wuerhosaurus, not to burst your bubble, but it will soon be the year of the HORSE."

"So!" exclaimed Wuerhosaurus without any change in mood. "Whack me with my own cool, spiky tail, but you are right! It is more your year than mine! But, we do have no less than 8 points of similarity, good sister Quagga which is so many ..... I'm so smart I can almost count all the way to 8! Let us celebrate together in any case with love and joy! What a wonderful year it will be!"

"Indeed it will, good friend Wuerhosaurus. Indeed it will," said Quagga.

"The Stegosaurus Construction Company has come to sunny California in order to work on my latest project: an apartment complex for mammals called Stegosaurus Commons! I'm starting the new year by embarking upon a new venture: property management!" said Stegosaurus.

"Stomping here and there over the past few years I've determined that there is a great need to build quality housing for mammals run by competent and efficient property managers. Haven't you always wanted your landlord to be a Stegosaurus??"
"We'll be opening two complexes to start, one in Santa Monica, and the other in Sunnyvale. On a large tract of land extending over twenty - four acres we have built roads into and out of the community."

"We are opening in March, 2014, and are to be located at the corner of Stegosaurus Circle and Pangaea Place in Sunnyvale and in Santa Monica at the intersection of Dinosaur Drive and Mesozoic Lane. Stegosaurus Commons is conveniently located only a short stomp from popular shopping, nightspots and other conveniences! Each apartment is 930 sq. ft, kitchen & dining area, 1 bedroom, full bath with washer and drier hookup."

"If you are a seafaring mammal we will have pool access in the summer, the full gym will have a whirlpool and sauna. Also there will be a thriving garden community you can join, which will encourage you and your neighbors to grow and eat your own trees. If you happen to be a carnivore, you can grow trees for the express purpose of paying your rent, since as with my School of Dance, Stegosaurus accepts payment in trees. Perhaps you'd like to assist me in my quest to extract sunlight from cucumbers?? If you do, and have any success let me know."

"Stegosaurus is mild mannered and courteous in his dealings with tenants. Should maintenance be required at any time, the Stegosaurus Construction company will always be at hand to answer any concern, and to attend any problems that arise efficiently.
Our workers will never enter the apartment complexes unannounced or at unreasonable hours. We will strive to be as unobtrusive as possible; using common courtesy we will be sure never to enter while you are indisposed and will work with you to be as reasonable with any repairs that need to be made."

"Stegosaurus Commons serves the entire mammal community and follows EHO guidelines, but carnivores are politely asked not to eat the other tenants."

Email Stegosaurus for more information at Stegosaurusmail AT gmail DOT com.

"I shall spend Christmas this year in Utah, with my brother Allosaurus," said Stegosaurus. "With the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency we are presently at 1411 S. Redwood Road in Salt Lake working at a soup kitchen to feed the poor and needy. My brother Allosaurus asked to help by preparing dishes for those who are carnivores. I told him he could as long as he promised to be a good dinosaur and not eat us all."

"I'm on good behavior because its Christmas," said Allosaurus. "I want to prove to the world that there is truth to the idea that it is possible for the carnivore to live at peace with the herbivore. There are times that we may work together to help the less fortunate of Utah."

"We do it not just because it is the time of season, but because it is the right thing to do. The fact that it puts us a little higher up on Stegosaurus Claus' "Nice" list is completely incidental," said Stegosaurus. "I know Allosaurus and I have a long history of sibling rivalry; He's been trying to eat me for thousands of years. He can't help it really .... its just his nature. You may think it a pretty high risk on my part, but don't worry, there have been times that I've trusted Spinosaurus at this time of year, and I should have an equal amount of trust for my own brother."

"Our father, Professor O.C. Marsh, would be so proud," said Allosaurus. "Take a look at the menu we're planning on."


Cheese Broccoli soup;
Tomato soup; Kale Tomato soup;
Pumpkin bisque
Butternut squash bisque.

"Stegosaurus is making garden salads which can be eaten with the soups... He's including tomatoes from his own garden."

"These were canned in season," said Stegosaurus. "We're also serving trees on the whole and half, imported! Cycads, ( Cycadaceae), Gingko bilboa, ( Ginkgoaceae)

"Those who know me know I don't eat the Ginkgoaceae out of a deep respect for its age", said Stegosaurus, "Yet I know others may not have imposed that restriction on themselves, so I gathered a few for our menu."

"Then there are those trees native to the Utah area:

Juniperus virginiana
Acer triflorum
Carpinus caroliniana
Aesculus x carnea 'Briotii'"

"For the meat eaters I have prepared a wonderful menu which consists of pastrami, roast beef, and roast ham sandwiches," said Allosaurus.

"Whole cows and pigs available upon request!"

"It's really quite tempting I know to add a Stegosaurus sandwich to the menu, but somehow I don't think Stegosaurus would like that too much."

"You're right," said Stegosaurus. "That would make me uncomfortable. It also would certainly add you right away to Stegosaurus Claus' "Naughty" list!"

"Oh! Right, right!" said Allosaurus. "The peace on earth thing. Working together. I forgot!"

"Remember charity starts at home," said Stegosaurus.

"It is a moral responsibility of the individual. Where ever you are, please think about enhancing your holiday spirit tenfold by doing something in your neighborhood to help the needy. Brightest wishes of the Season to all of you from near and far! On behalf of myself and brother Allosaurus, Merry Christmas!"

"My friends," said Wooly Mammoth, "Welcome to the Holy Pentecostal Church of the Pleistocene Revival."

"Today, we join for a sad occasion, our friend Western Black Rhino, has become extinct. We wish to him, and his friends and family the eternal peace and comfort of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

As Western Black Rhino begins his journey to that cold land of extinction, let us extend our prayers of blessing to him through Lord Jesus.

The comfort of the Ages has been given through the Lord's 23rd Psalm of David. Let us read it now.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shalt not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth my beside quiet waters
And he restoreth my soul.

He leadeth me to the path of righteousness for His Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of extinction, I will fear no evil
For thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointeth my head with oil, my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forevermore.

Amen. Let us turn now, my friends, my brothers and sisters to St. John. Let us read 14:2~6.

In My Father's House there are many mansions. If it were not so, I would have told you.
I go there to prepare a place for you, Western Black Rhino, that where I go, ye may be also.

And whither I go, ye know and the way ye know.

His disciples, they questioned him; and Thomas said, "Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how shall we know the way?"

Jesus replied, brothers and sisters, He said, " I AM the way, the truth, and the light. No man cometh onto the Father except by me."

Amen. Amen.

Let us turn now, brothers and sisters to our final reading: some wisdom from the Book of Wisdom. Please turn to chapter three.

"But the souls of the just are in the hand of God.
And no torment shall touch them.

In the sight of the unwise they seemed to become extinct: and their departure taken for misery.
And their going from us to be utter destruction, but they are in peace.

For though they be punished in the sight of mammals, yet is their hope full of immortality.

And having been a little chastised, they shall be greatly rewarded; for God proved them, and found them worthy of Himself."

Brothers and Sisters, our friend Western Black Rhino is Worthy of the Lord and shall be rewarded. Let us all say,

Amen. Amen. Amen.

In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Friends, Brothers and Sisters, let us meet in the Fellowship Hall, where we may share memories and offer our condolences to Western Black Rhino."

The mourners filed out and went single file into the Fellowship Hall, where Western Black Rhino was waiting, obviously feeling down and looking glum.

"Let me be the first to offer my condolences," said Stegosaurus.

"I'm not sure I know how to handle this being extinct thing," said Western Black Rhino. "It really sucks."

"You never get over it, but you learn how to live with being extinct," said Stegosaurus. "If you ever have any questions or need any help don't hesitate to ask me. I'll be glad to help in any way that I can. My cousins are here to offer their condolences as well."

"Peace of the Lord Jesus be with you, Western Black Rhino," said Kentrosaurus. "I want you to know that even though you are a mammal you will be my brother in Christ. I am Stegosaurus' cousin Kentrosaurus, and I work here at Wooly Mammoth's church as a groundskeeper. If you need anything, I am here to help you."

"I am Stegosaurus' Chinese cousin Wuerhosaurus," said Wuerhosaurus. "I have come all the way from China by my traditional method of slow boat. Fortunately it was fast enough to get me here in time to offer my deepest condolences to you upon the sad news of your extinction. I want you to know that I will do anything I can to make you more comfortable. We all have experience in being extinct here, and we can help you adjust in this transitional period of your life."

"Et je suis le cousin de Stegosaurus, Lexovissaurus, de France, Vous avez mes sympathies sur vos récentes nouvelles de votre extinction, et les sympathies de mon épouse, qui ne pouvait pas être ici aujourd'hui car elle étudit pour un examen à Oxford en Angleterre. Veuillez accepter nos condoléances et si nous pouvons faire n'importe quoi pour vous aider, laissez-nous savoir. Peut-être un jour vous aimeriez visiter le beau pays de France. Vous êtes toujours bienvenue."

"I can relate to how you feel," said Quagga. "When I became extinct the mammals didn't know it for more than a decade. Extinction can be difficult, especially at first. I too, offer my support to you at this time. If I can do anything for you at all, please don't hesitate to let me know."

"Western Black Rhino, I am an Upland Moa, a representative of the thirteen extinct Moa species of New Zealand. We are all here for you, friend. Like Quagga, we were killed off by the mammals, so we understand your situation very well. We are all here to help you, and you may visit us in New Zealand any time."

"Thank you all so very much," said Western Black Rhino. "I do not know if I will ever get used to being extinct, but having so many friends around me I cannot feel alone. This will always mean a lot to me. I hope I can find a way to repay such generosity."