"At the end of another semester of college, as I was bidding my classmates farewell for another summer, I began to reflect on this amazing life I am living," said Stegosaurus. "I know it does not seem like it, but soon I will be 140 million and 8! 140 million and 8! What a long time to be stomping around, you know?"

"I got to thinking, of all the mammals and other animals that have been around the last few million years... they're really nice and all, but I'm really starting to feel lonesome for somebody I can talk to, who I can relate to that isn't also ..... extinct. Today's animals are interesting in their own way, but I really don't know anyone today who is odd and prehistoric like."

"It took me a few days of thinking, 'Where can I find any kind of animal that is that suitably weird?' ... and then, it hit me. I knew: AUSTRALIA. Thus, I got on my raft and floated forthrightly first to eastern Australia, and then to Tasmania. Once there, within a short time, I met a nice fellow by the name of Platypus."

Platypus waddled up from the river to the shore in order to converse with Stegosaurus. He said, "G'day, friend Stegosaurus! What brings you all the way to Australia?"

"I got to reflecting," said Stegosaurus, "I thought as much as somebody who has a brain the size of a walnut can think, and concluded that I really hadn't talked to anyone who was odd and prehistoric like in a long, long time."

"Well, I am glad that you came to visit me," said Platypus, but you have yet some odd animals in America. What about the Horseshoe Crab? Or in the Indian Ocean, the Coelacanth? They're both older than you, I'd daresay, mate."

"True, true," conceded Stegosaurus. "But alas, they are seafaring animals to such an extent that they aren't around much for conversation."

"I see," said Platypus.

"While you yourself spend some time in water, you are also quite capable of living on land. Can't say that of Coelacanth, particularly. Are you suitably weird and prehistoric like? I hope so!" said Stegosaurus.

"It so happens that I pride myself on being quite odd," said Platypus. "Truth be told, my oddness seems quite normal to me. Perhaps other species of animals are weird and I'm normal."

" A very good point, Platypus," said Stegosaurus. "I suppose I really shouldn't point claws, being a Stegosaurus."

"No offense taken, friend Stegosaurus," said Platypus. "Let me tell you about my characteristics."

"Now when I do swim, I swim with my eyes closed, and use my bill to sense the location of other animals. It has electro - receptors which pick up the movements of those around me. This is a characteristic which is exclusive to me and my friend Echinda; we're a type of animal referred to as monotremes. If you'd like, I can introduce you to him. He's quite the pleasant chap. Another difference that monotremes have from other mammals is that My jaw structure and ear structure is different from other mammals as well."

"I usually dine on things like worms and shrimps. They are very delicious, I think, but I never dine underwater. I gather them in my cheeks, and then surface to eat my meal. My feet are webbed, like a duck's, but when I walk on land, I have a lizard's gait, not unlike you. I have some spurs on my back feet that contain a very strong venom. I don't kill large mammals with it, its just meant to hurt a lot. So don't upset me, otherwise you could be in a lot of pain for several months."

"I'll try not to," said Stegosaurus. "You give me the impression that you are quite mild mannered."

"Generally, I am, you just won't like me when I'm angry," said Platypus.

"Now us male Platypus have these venom spurs, but the females do not. Don't ask me why, they just didn't evolve that way. Our mating season is June through October, and the female is in charge of laying eggs and taking care of the young, which she cares for roughly four to six months. After two years, a Platypus is considered mature."

Then, Platypus paused for a moment and said, "Perhaps you remember my relatives from the Mesozoic, Steropodon, Kollikodon, and Teinolophos, We've been around for quite some time."

"The names sound familiar; I'm sure we've crossed paths at some point," observed Stegosaurus.

"Let me tell you something odd, I'm sorry to say that we Platypus don't care much for your native land America. We have a difficult time in captivity, and haven't really survived well outside of Australia. Nonetheless, there is a holiday started for us in America known as International Platypus Day. I don't have any clue as to why an American would do this, but let me tell you I'm quite flattered by it."

"I think we can agree that mammals are silly a lot of the time," said Stegosaurus. "We're going to get along quite well. You are perfectly odd and prehistoric like! I'm so glad to have made your acquaintance!"

Stegosaurus was so happy to meet an animal that was odd like him, that he decided to spend his summertime in Australia exploring and meeting new friends.

Wooly Mammoth Revival Update!

Eocasea: Dimetrodon's Relative

Bringing Extinct Plants Back To Life

Spiky Stegosaurus 'mated in missionary position to avoid male being castrated'

... and now, another word from everyone's favorite cheese - eating surrender dinosaur, Lexovissaurus!


Bonjour, je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!

"Plus tôt cette semaine durant ma visite aux Etats-Unis, je piétinais directement au Centre des Arts local pour entendre la première nouvelle œuvre par un talentueux mammifère qui s’appelle Steve Brown. Cette œuvre s’intitule la " Blue Ridge Rhapsodie"'.

"Je dois dire que je suis très impressionné; après avoir examiné ses efforts, très étonner, " Je peux dire avec certitude que ce mammifère a bâti admirablement sur la fondation de son œuvre précédente.
Cette rhapsodie, qui est à peu près de 8 minutes de long, commence avec les cuivres qui ont notre attention; qui nous rappelle le chant de séduction de l’Apatosaures. Les cordes d’ouvertures nous donnent un commencement plutôt bucolique. Je pense que c’est parfait pour manger un bon repas de Cyanophytes et fromage dans un pré au début de la matinée. Je me laisse emporter et je mange tout dans le pré. "

"En général c’est une pièce riche en mélodies réflectives, qui donne à n’importe quel dinosaure une donne raison de prendre son temps et de contempler les simples joies d’une existence qui a duré pendant des milliers d’années, comme les Montagnes du Blue Ridge, qui existe depuis aussi longtemps que moi. Les textures à multi couches qui nous rappelle d’un troupeau paisible de Stégosaurus jouissant de leur déjeuné au début de la matinée lorsque un troupeau d’Archæoptéryx est dans les ailes." (Durant le temps que les scientistes permettaient aux Archæoptéryx de voler)

"Une des plus poignante sections de cette œuvre était le solo euphonium qui a été écrit en mémoire d’un mammifère en particulier;
l’ami de Mr. Brown et Joseph Seth Williamson un collègue, qui est disparu malheureusement bien avant son temps. C’était un hommage très émotionnel et approprié"

Une séquence qui me rappelle du temps où mon cousin Stégosaurus avait eu un insecte empoisonnant sous ses écailles pendant que nous jardinions. Je sais combien que mon cousin Américan aimait danser; alors ceci devrait encourager un tel effort enthousiaste."

"J’applaudis une autre fois la compétence et le génie de Mr. Brown, mais je dois le faire sans enlever mon chapeau, parce que je suis un Stégosaurus, et les Stégosaurus ne porte pas de chapeaux."

Lexovissuarus was proud to have his programme autographed by the composer!

"This semester in college I'm taking an elective course in Science," said Stegosaurus.

"Mammals may be surprised to discover that I have a great interest in Science; don't let my walnut - sized brain fool you ... I can be pretty sharp, some of the time. Maybe not as sharp as Einstein or Hawking, sometimes not even as sharp as my cool, spiky tail... but nonetheless I'm really fascinated by Science and the Natural World."

"Now maybe Carl Sagan can finally explain to me how I can get sunshine from a cucumber ...."

"It was a bright sunny day last week when I had a nice discussion with sister Quagga," said Wuerhosaurus. "I've been enjoying an extended vacation in South Africa since arriving for the funeral of Western Black Rhino in November and it occurred to me last week that Chinese New Year was nearly upon us. Being Chinese, this is a big deal for me you know."

"Glad tidings, sister Quagga," said I. Do you know what tomorrow is? Why, tomorrow is Chinese New Year! This is truly one of the largest holidays in my culture."

"Yes, it is," observed Quagga. "You should be proud."

"I am; and I am so appreciative of your hospitality as I enjoy my extended vacation here in South Africa, though I am sorry for the reason which initially brought me here. I hope Western Black Rhino is adjusting well."

"Oh he is," said Quagga. "He appears to be at least. Wooly Mammoth and Kentrosaurus have gone to minister to him."

"Now returning to the topic of the New Year," said Wuerhosaurus. "I am so glad I brought some fireworks with me in my slow boat when I arrived from China. Fireworks are a great tradition in my native land. In this, China's greatest holiday we also wear red clothing -- or in my case my scales are a beautiful crimson. I shall write poems! Will you help me write poems, Quagga? Please?"

"Why, yes, I would be delighted," said Quagga. "I am honored that you asked."

"We will drive away evil and bad luck with crimson, the symbol of fire! Have you a local bamboo grove? Let us stomp forthrightly hither and gather some for the celebration!"

"Yes, I will go with you, Wuerhosaurus," said Quagga. "I am glad to help. You know how festive I am."

"What joy!" enthused Wuerhosaurus. "What fun we shall have when in two days it is the Year of the Stegosaurus!"

"Um, ... " said Quagga.

"Why yes!" exclaimed the overjoyed plate lizard, oblivious to the pause of his interlocutoress. "Stegosaurids are by nature so joyful and funloving. You know how we love to dance, and China has a long history of many varied dances."

"Um, ....." said Quagga.

"We will dance the Dragon Dance, display our scales and our spiff, sexy plates, we'll have a ballet theatre and dance the Sword Dance....."

"Um, ......" said Quagga.

"Let us hold a lantern festival! A grand festival of lights! Let us reunite with our relatives and rejoice in the name of our ancestors! It shall be SO grand! Delightfully grand!"

"Um, ......" said Quagga.

"Yes?" said Wuerhosaurus finally.

"You know, Wuerhosaurus, not to burst your bubble, but it will soon be the year of the HORSE."

"So!" exclaimed Wuerhosaurus without any change in mood. "Whack me with my own cool, spiky tail, but you are right! It is more your year than mine! But, we do have no less than 8 points of similarity, good sister Quagga which is so many ..... I'm so smart I can almost count all the way to 8! Let us celebrate together in any case with love and joy! What a wonderful year it will be!"

"Indeed it will, good friend Wuerhosaurus. Indeed it will," said Quagga.

"The Stegosaurus Construction Company has come to sunny California in order to work on my latest project: an apartment complex for mammals called Stegosaurus Commons! I'm starting the new year by embarking upon a new venture: property management!" said Stegosaurus.

"Stomping here and there over the past few years I've determined that there is a great need to build quality housing for mammals run by competent and efficient property managers. Haven't you always wanted your landlord to be a Stegosaurus??"
"We'll be opening two complexes to start, one in Santa Monica, and the other in Sunnyvale. On a large tract of land extending over twenty - four acres we have built roads into and out of the community."

"We are opening in March, 2014, and are to be located at the corner of Stegosaurus Circle and Pangaea Place in Sunnyvale and in Santa Monica at the intersection of Dinosaur Drive and Mesozoic Lane. Stegosaurus Commons is conveniently located only a short stomp from popular shopping, nightspots and other conveniences! Each apartment is 930 sq. ft, kitchen & dining area, 1 bedroom, full bath with washer and drier hookup."

"If you are a seafaring mammal we will have pool access in the summer, the full gym will have a whirlpool and sauna. Also there will be a thriving garden community you can join, which will encourage you and your neighbors to grow and eat your own trees. If you happen to be a carnivore, you can grow trees for the express purpose of paying your rent, since as with my School of Dance, Stegosaurus accepts payment in trees. Perhaps you'd like to assist me in my quest to extract sunlight from cucumbers?? If you do, and have any success let me know."

"Stegosaurus is mild mannered and courteous in his dealings with tenants. Should maintenance be required at any time, the Stegosaurus Construction company will always be at hand to answer any concern, and to attend any problems that arise efficiently.
Our workers will never enter the apartment complexes unannounced or at unreasonable hours. We will strive to be as unobtrusive as possible; using common courtesy we will be sure never to enter while you are indisposed and will work with you to be as reasonable with any repairs that need to be made."

"Stegosaurus Commons serves the entire mammal community and follows EHO guidelines, but carnivores are politely asked not to eat the other tenants."

Email Stegosaurus for more information at Stegosaurusmail AT gmail DOT com.

"I shall spend Christmas this year in Utah, with my brother Allosaurus," said Stegosaurus. "With the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency we are presently at 1411 S. Redwood Road in Salt Lake working at a soup kitchen to feed the poor and needy. My brother Allosaurus asked to help by preparing dishes for those who are carnivores. I told him he could as long as he promised to be a good dinosaur and not eat us all."

"I'm on good behavior because its Christmas," said Allosaurus. "I want to prove to the world that there is truth to the idea that it is possible for the carnivore to live at peace with the herbivore. There are times that we may work together to help the less fortunate of Utah."

"We do it not just because it is the time of season, but because it is the right thing to do. The fact that it puts us a little higher up on Stegosaurus Claus' "Nice" list is completely incidental," said Stegosaurus. "I know Allosaurus and I have a long history of sibling rivalry; He's been trying to eat me for thousands of years. He can't help it really .... its just his nature. You may think it a pretty high risk on my part, but don't worry, there have been times that I've trusted Spinosaurus at this time of year, and I should have an equal amount of trust for my own brother."

"Our father, Professor O.C. Marsh, would be so proud," said Allosaurus. "Take a look at the menu we're planning on."


Cheese Broccoli soup;
Tomato soup; Kale Tomato soup;
Pumpkin bisque
Butternut squash bisque.

"Stegosaurus is making garden salads which can be eaten with the soups... He's including tomatoes from his own garden."

"These were canned in season," said Stegosaurus. "We're also serving trees on the whole and half, imported! Cycads, ( Cycadaceae), Gingko bilboa, ( Ginkgoaceae)

"Those who know me know I don't eat the Ginkgoaceae out of a deep respect for its age", said Stegosaurus, "Yet I know others may not have imposed that restriction on themselves, so I gathered a few for our menu."

"Then there are those trees native to the Utah area:

Juniperus virginiana
Acer triflorum
Carpinus caroliniana
Aesculus x carnea 'Briotii'"

"For the meat eaters I have prepared a wonderful menu which consists of pastrami, roast beef, and roast ham sandwiches," said Allosaurus.

"Whole cows and pigs available upon request!"

"It's really quite tempting I know to add a Stegosaurus sandwich to the menu, but somehow I don't think Stegosaurus would like that too much."

"You're right," said Stegosaurus. "That would make me uncomfortable. It also would certainly add you right away to Stegosaurus Claus' "Naughty" list!"

"Oh! Right, right!" said Allosaurus. "The peace on earth thing. Working together. I forgot!"

"Remember charity starts at home," said Stegosaurus.

"It is a moral responsibility of the individual. Where ever you are, please think about enhancing your holiday spirit tenfold by doing something in your neighborhood to help the needy. Brightest wishes of the Season to all of you from near and far! On behalf of myself and brother Allosaurus, Merry Christmas!"