September Stegosaurus School of Dance coupon: The Tourdion

The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency arrived in Export, Pennsylvania on July 25th, with guest Ankylosaurus in tow; behind him followed the sauropods Apatosaurus, Diplodocus, Brachiosaurus, and Nigersaurus. Then followed Rhedosaurus, Lady Rhedosaurus, Trachodon, and Agathaumas. Additionally, stomping behind was Western Black Rhino, and Woolly Rhino.

“This is a quaint little town,” said Ankylosaurus to Stegosaurus. “Yes,” replied Stegosaurus. “As of the last census, there are only 893 mammals here, but they still need our help.”

“It is peaceful here, the foliage looks delicious, the only thing that could improve it would be a nice body of water,” said Apatosaurus.

“Alas,” replied Brachiosaurus, “This little borough is only 0.4 square miles,”

“You could stomp right by and miss it,” observed Diplodocus, “I am glad to have visited Export and to help the few mammals that live here.”

“Are any of them policemen?” asked Rhedosaurus. “I'm hungry.”

“Dear husband, please mind your manners! What impression will we make if we eat the populace? Especially when the population is so small! Besides, you promised me that you'd modify your diet!” scolded Lady Rhedosaurus.

“I did,” admitted Rhedosaurus reluctantly.

“Look here,” said Woolly Rhino to Western Black Rhino. “It is an international, ministerial and missionary college for Holiness Pentecostals.”

“We must inform Woolly Mammoth,” said Western Black Rhino. “Perhaps he will come to give them a special sermon.”

“That would bring him great joy,” said Woolly Rhino.

“This town has had a functional post office since 1892, but the coal mines from which the borough has gained its name has shut down,” said Stegosaurus.

“It was known as Westmoreland's Coal Company South #2,” said Ankylosaurus. “It has been abandoned for some time, and the mammals here forgotten much of its history but have, with much fanfare uncovered the entrance in January, 2019.”

As the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency approached the Helltown taproom of Export, Nigersaurus exclaimed happily, “ Even without a body of water I can sing “Up A Lazy River” while we work.”

“Remember, we are not here to drink the beer, only to help wash the cans. The flood waters were cleaned up by the mammals in June,” said Stegosaurus. “With our small brains, it is too easy to become inebriated.”

“We should be fine, Agathaumas and I, since we don't exist.” said Trachodon.

“As should my wife and I,” said Rhedosaurus.

“Maybe so, but we should still proceed with caution since no one has ever yet tested that theory,” advised Stegosaurus. “Maybe we can try some off the clock, if our clients are willing to share.”

As the dinosaurs and megafauna approached Stegosaurus saw a mammal open the door, say, “Come look at this, John.” and shut the door again.

After a moment, the door opened a second time, and two mammals stood in the doorway, looking awe at the sight before them.

“I did not expect the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency to be real dinosaurs,” said John.

“And megafauna,” observed Jeff.

“Of course we are real,” said Stegosaurus. “We are here to help you wash beer cans. A terrible disaster has befallen this establishment.”

“But we can help fix that,” said Agathaumas.

“Come on in. Good to see you,” said John. “Jeff and I have placed our beer outside since the taproom is much too small for animals of your size.”

“Mammals can be so thoughtful,” observed Apatosaurus as the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency set to work.

“We have 100 cases of beer to clean for a very large festival which may attract as many as 10 thousand people, er, mammals.” said John.

“We can help with that gladly,” said Brachiosaurus. “If only there were a nice body of water to lounge about in.”

“We know where a nice body of water is, Brother Brachiosaurus, and we can take you there in a few short days,” said Jeff.

“What is this I hear about a large body of water?” asked Nigersaurus.

“There are two relatively nearby,” continued Jeff. “Coopers' Lake, and Lake Arthur.”

Then John turned to Stegosaurus and asked him, “What do you think of beer?”

“Beer contains alcohol,” said Stegosaurus, “...and unfortunately goes right to my head because my brain is the size of a walnut.”

“I understand, Brother Stegosaurus,” said Jeff, “We can reward you with non alcoholic options.”

“I appreciate that,” said Stegosaurus. “The last thing you want is a drunk Stegosaurus dancing the Torudion at your pub.”

The sauropods were excited about the advertised bodies of water, so the work proceeded very quickly.

Both John and Jeff promised to teach Nigersaurus a song or two other than “Up A Lazy River.”

“I am sorry,” apologized Nigersaurus. “It is the only song I know!”

Pretty soon he was singing “The Leaving of Liverpool,” and “The Old Dun Cow.”

When all 100 cases were professionally cleaned, John wondered how many sqaure feet a camping dinosaur would get at Coopers' Lake, and Jeff regaled Ankylosaurus with the goat story.

The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency enjoyed this strange, mammal festival, remaining for the entire two weeks of the event, and then, took their leave, headed to assist the mammals in Kerr County, central Texas.

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"On July 14th I received word that there had been a flooding incident in the small town of Export, Pennsylvania and decided to do something about it. So I began to mobilize the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency,” said Stegosaurus.

While preparing my raft and packing in my cave, I was surprised by a visit from my friend and distant cousin Ankylosaurus." “Hail, Stegosaurus !!” said Ankylosaurus. “Are you at home?”

“Yes I am,” confirmed Stegosaurus. “How nice to see you! What brings you to Colorado, Ankylosaurus?”

“I woke up a few days ago and felt like going for a walk. I had no real plan when I set out, but I let my feet lead the way, and here I am, in Colorado, visiting you. I hope you are not too bsuy. You look like you are preparing to travel.”

“I am, indeed, but I always have time for a friend, especially when they stomp slowly but surely all the way from Montana.”

“You are so kind.” said Ankylosaurus. “I have no troubles and seek no advice. I simply wanted to drop by and pay a visit to you my distant, ornithischian cousin.”

“How are things going with the partially discovered dinosaur group that you've founded? I know it helps so many.”

“The support group for partially discovered dinosaurs is my greatest accomplishment, but I say this without vanity, because the glory and honor is not mine. I am merely a servant.”

“Humility is a worthy trait which takes some time to develop,” observed Stegosaurus. “Do you know how many partially discovered dinosaurs there are, and how many are in your group presently?”

“This varies,” rejoined Ankylosaurus, also I know of some partially discovered dinosaurs that are not in our group, the most notable of these is Spinosaurus, who was initially discovered reasonably complete, but lost much of himself in the little known Battle of Humboldt Museum during World War II. I am among this number of partially discovered dinosaurs myself, and I can give you an account of my own history, which inspired me to begin this group and help my fellow dinosaurs.”

“I was discovered in the State of Montana, specifically in the Hell creek formation near Gilbert Creek by Barnum Brown in 1906, and he was the same mammal who discovered Tyrannosaurus Rex in 1901.

I was one of the last surviving non avian dinosaurs,my timeline being about 66 – 68 million years ago. I am monotypic, which means that my group is made up of only one immediate taxon. I have cousins more fully discovered than I, but nonetheless I am considered the archetype of the Ankylosaur family. On average, I weigh about 8.8 short tons, and my name means fused or short lizard, specifically, great belly”.

“You know, a walking tank such as yourself would be a great asset to the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency, if you have the time to take off from your duties with the Partially Discovered Dinosaurs Support Group.” suggested Stegosaurus hopefully.

“It would not interfere, particularly as I am on vacation at this time, and I am delighted that you have asked, replied Ankylosaurus.

“When you arrived, I was getting ready to travel to Western Pennsylvania. So you are saying that you are willing to come along and join us?” asked Stegosaurus.

“Yes, I am,” replied Ankylosaurus. “Where do I sign up?”

“Excellent! I will pack extra trees for you, as it is a long trip. To the tiny town of Export, Pennsylvania we go, for the mammals have a brewery which has recently been flooded, and they need help washing their beer.”

“I am very definitely in,” said Ankylosaurus. “Remind me again, who is part of the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency?”

“Let me see,” said Stegosaurus pensively. “We have Rhedosaurus and his wife Lady Rhedosaurus; the sauropods Apatosaurus, Diplodocus, Brachiosaurus, and Nigersaurus. We have our nomen dubium friends Trachodon and Agathaumas; the megafauna Upland Moa birds; Woolly Rhino, and the relatively recently extinct Western Black Rhino. Sometimes others join us, as they are available such as yourself. Welcome. We are delighted to have you.”

“How fortunate I am here to visit now,” said Ankylosaurus, “...so I can be of service to mammal and fellow dinosaurs alike.” rejoined Ankylosaurus.

“I understand that Pennsylvania has an abundance of trees.”

“It does,” said Stegosaurus. “That's one of the best things about it.”

So it was that the two friends worked together to prepare, as two claws together make quick work, they were on their way in no time at all, setting off for Pennsylvania on July 15th.

Doctor Stegosaurus held a press conference in his hometown of Boulder, Colorado Monday afternoon and was very excited to announce some very important news to his friends and neighbors in his adopted city.

“My friends and neighbors, I greet you today with news I hope will be to your benefit."

“After long hours of study I have obtained my medical degree from the University of Colorado School of Medicine with a specialty in tree diseases. This is not new news from my last press conference on May 19th, but it is now time to update you on progress. Effective today, June 23rd 2025, I have opened an office here in Boulder to serve your medical needs, which will be affiliated with the school from which I have graduated.

Now you may say, 'That's very nice, Doctor Stegosaurus, but I can't afford healthcare in this day and age, it is just far beyond my ability to pay the bills; they keep coming and I can't keep up.'

"If this is you, my friend, fear not, I have good news for you. Last year my accountant Corythosaurus informed me that through my mother's wise investment in broadleaf trees, I had become a millionaire, so I have no need for pecuniary gain. If you can manage and feel so inclined, I do love trees and will accept payment in trees, just as with my School of Dance, but with my practice payment will never be required of you."

I am a caring dinosaur and want to help each of you mammal and dinosaur alike, according to socialist principles. This means your healthcare will be free."

Leave your contact information to sign up for my services, as I look forward to solving all your medical issues related to tree diseases.

I will also have a satellite office located in the town of my discovery, Morrison, Colorado, and you may leave your contact information with that office, and it will reach me in short order. I look forward to serving you and being your lifelong family Doctor. Thank you.”

"As of June 1st, It seems I have reached another birthday!" exclaimed Stegosaurus. "140 Milliona and 19! Wow! How delighted I am to share my 140 Million and 19 years of wisdowm with all the world. If only my brain were larger I'd remember at least a witty saying or two. Maybe three. I will certainly reflect once again, as I do every year how pleased I am to be here with you having adventures year after year even though part of me longs for the days when I was just out of my shell, I look forward to every new day and new experience. This year was a milestone year for me as I graduated college with a doctorate in tree diseases, which goes to show that no matter how old you are there is always room for learning something new.

Although I enjoy and relsih new experiences, I have a great deal of respect for the old traditions, and one of these things I respect is cake. Especially when it comes to birthdays as birthday cake is a long standing tradition.

My advice to you this year is firstly to stomp forthrightly everywhere you go. Do it with purpose! Whatever you do, keep learning. A mammmal's education is not complete until he or she becomes extinct.

Always be kind; it costs nothing to be kind. Only use your cool spiky tail in your own defense or the defense of those you love, your family your siblings whom you came out of your shell with; your immediate family. Remember where you came from so that you know where you are going, and do not be distressed. Worry only makes things worse so do what you can to prepare for the unknown but do not obsess over perfection that never was and never will be. Enjoy the moment, and you are sure to have many more relaxing moments in your future."

On May 19th, 2025, Stegosaurus held a press conference and made an exciting announcemennt.

"Thank you for coming out today, wonderful mammals of Boulder, Colorado. I am so pleased that you are here. I have an important announcement to make. Today, May 16th, 2025, after starting a journey that began in 2007, ( or maybe it was last week ), I have graduated from the University of Colorado School of Medicine with a Doctorate specializing in Tree Diseases. I will be hanging up a shingle and opening a Doctor's office here in my adopted city, with a satellite office in the town of my discovery, Morrison, Colorado on Monday, June 23rd, and I want you all to know I care and will practice Universal Socialist Healthcare, so you will get treated at the low cost of "free", though you may barter trees, ferns and other low hanging vegitation if you are so inclined.

There is a high probability that you will be diagnoed with a tree disease, but I want to reiterate that my services are absolutely free. I can afford it; I am worth 44.6 million dollars already so I don't need a Doctor's salary, and want to give back to my community. I will pay off my student loans because I don't believe in socializing things that are my responsibility. Be advised that the same caveat that comes with my School of Dance applies; bring your own legal representation in case an impromptu session of my School of Dance takes place. Thank you so much for your suppport, I look forward to serving you and being your neighborhood Doctor for Millions of Years."