Stegosaurus built a raft and left Colorado, USA on November 1st, with a plan to float forthrightly to New Zealand to spend time watching his friends, the Moa Birds. He was a little bit concerned, because he knew his good friends were among those who usually took part in his Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency, and yet they did not answer the call at all this summer, for the trips that the Agency took to Pennsylvania, OR Texas. With deep concern, and yet hoping for the best, he floated as fast as he could ( that is, forthrightly ), to the land of New Zealand.

When he arrived in the steep, mountainous upland hills of one of his favorite bird watching spot, he did not see the usual herd of Moas in their accustomed spot; he did observe a Haast's Eagle circling the sky above, but it was too far away to notice him and engage in conversation. He paused to eat two or three Podocarpus totara which hit the spot as he had not eaten since leaving Colorado, and in his concern for his friends he'd left abruptly, not bringing any food for travel. The totara were delicious, he had to admit, even though his mind was occupied with concern for his friends. He began to search up and down, far and wide calling out for the Moas, and it was not until he returned the upland hills in which he'd started and first arrived late on the 4th day, when he found the usual herd of upland Moas in their usual grazing spot, and he called out a hearty greeting in relief at the sight of his friends.

“Hail! My friends, the Moa Birds!” Stegosaurus called. I am so glad to see you!”

“Stegosaurus! Nice to see you again! Come graze with us, upon the upland hills!” the Moa called back heartily.

Stegosaurus stomped closer so that he didn’t have to shout, and asked the leader of the Moa herd.

“I was worried about you this summer. You did not answer the call when the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency went into action in Pennsylvania and Texas."

“Yes, I know, Stegosaurus, “ said Moa,

“I am so sorry, but we had some important business to attend to with the mammals at Colossal Biosciences. As you are aware, we Moa have been extinct for 600 or so years, somewhere around 1445 AD and when we heard that Colossal Biosciences was planning to de-extinct us, we thought it best to contact them and offer some fresh DNA to bring their project some success. We are really excited about the prospect of becoming de-extinct.”

“I am not upset, but just concerned,” assured Stegosaurus. “What delightful news, I’ve heard how well De-extinction went for Dire Wolf.”

“I am glad you are not upset,” said Moa.

“Now please, come graze with us, you can watch us as you usually do, we will have a grand time, looking all bucolic, and all that.”

So Stegosaurus grazed together with his friends, sometimes stomping back to a distance, to watch his friends enjoy their meals and dream of day when he too, would be a bird, and even though the Moa could not fly, that he would someday soar among the Heavens, as he had seen birds do in the modern times. Oh, how he wished evolution would hurry up and make his dreams come true.

Stegosaurus followed as the Moa herd migrated to a slightly lower, swampy area. And he struck up a conversation, curious as to know the mammals’ motives for wanting to de-extinct the Moas.

“Can you tell me, if you know, what are the motives of the mammals who want to help you become de-extinct? Is there a specific reason that you have been chosen now, or is the decision entirely random?”

“The mammals want not only to help us, Dire Wolves and Mammoths, but they also have big grandiose plans for preserving the environment of the planet,” explained Moa. The details are rather involved and confusing to us, but we have our own reasons for wanting to be de-extinct; as you know being extinct is a real drag, and collectively we had the idea to help the mammals by giving them some of our DNA directly, rather than having them use one of our fossils, or mummies of our extinct brothers and sisters which may be found here in New Zealand caves and marshes which used to exist here like we did.” explained Moa.

“It is not just because of what health we might return to the planet’s ecosystem, repopulating the highlands and marshes here, not just what the return of the Dire Wolves and Mammoths might do, but also how existing endangered species of animals might be saved the indignity of extinction as the earth’s natural spaces are restored to their full, wild, natural glory and we thrive accordingly.”

“It is a bold effort,” observed Stegosaurus. “The mammals always have grandiose plans, and I admit many of them sound worthy and good. The things one can do with a larger brain!”

“The mammals have a lot of dreams and ambitions, and these ambitions can be easily distorted, and lead them astray if they are not careful. I know there are terrible consequences if this effort is derailed, but it also has so much potential for good, for us, for all animals and the Earth itself. We are all hopeful of the future, and know that you, as our friend, share this hope, that the plans these mammals plan, and the dreams these mammals dream come true just as they were concieved.” Rejoined Moa.

Stegosaurus relaxed and watched his Moa friends for a while, and then joined them in grazing on marsh grasses and they also ate more Podocarpus totara. Stegosaurus then brought the Moa Birds some aloe plants which he had stored on his raft for travel, which the grateful Moa Birds had never tried. They were delighted and thankful. After a restful few weeks with his friends in the beautiful country of New Zealand, Stegosaurus bid farewell to his friends who promised not to abandon the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency when he called again. Stegosaurus wished them luck in their de-extinction efforts with Colossal Bio sciences, and then, slowly but surely floated forthrightly home. He was back at his cave in Colorado by November 16th.

Latest Project: Bring The Moa Back To Life!

Doctor Stegosaurus returned to his office Cave in Boulder Colorado on October 1st.

He had opened his practice in June, but as emergencies required the services of the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency. He had not been at home long enough to see or treat any patients. Now he had a line of needy patients lined up outside the entrance of his Office cave, but this did not alarm him; being a socialist, Stegosaurus saw long lines as a normal feature of healthcare.

“My first patients in line were Widow Ground Sloth and her son Junior,” said Doctor Stegosaurus.

“What is wrong, Widow Ground Sloth, that you and Junior should come all the way from South Africa to see me?”

“Oh, Doctor Stegosaurus,” said a very worried Widow Ground Sloth, “Junior and I are very hale and hearty. We are just fine, but the problem is many of the trees in our grove! They are developing black spots on them! I wonder, is it safe for the tree? Will the trees so afflicted live or die? Are their leaves and bark safe to eat? I’m very worried about Junior; he’s a growing sloth, and I worry about the negative impact on his long term health! Please help!”

“Do you have a sample for me to inspect?” asked Doctor Stegosaurus.

“I do,” confirmed Widow Ground Sloth, a very distressed mother. “I didn’t eat any of it on the way here; I figured it would be useful for you to make an accurate diagnosis.”

“Good move,” affirmed Doctor Stegosaurus, who inspected the leaf intently upon its being presented by Widow Ground Sloth.

“Very interesting,” said Doctor Stegosaurus. “it appears that the trees of your grove suffer from a case of fungi, which may be a form of parasitic alga such as (Cephaleuros virescens).”

“Oh dear,” said Widow Ground Sloth. “This sounds fatal to our beloved grove. Are the leaves safe to eat, Doctor Stegosaurus?”

“Has it been cool and rainy in South Africa lately?” inquired Doctor Stegosaurus.

“Yes, it has,” confirmed Widow Ground Sloth.

“This is what has caused the fungus to grow and multiply so quickly. It is unsightly, but will not harm you or your son Junior. It will not kill any tree in your grove.”

“Thank you Doctor Stegosaurus. I have had a long journey to get here, but this news and peace of mind is worth the long journey.”

“Fear not and be well,” said Doctor Stegosaurus, as Widow Ground Sloth and Junior departed happily back to South Africa.

Then, Doctor Stegosaurus called in his second patient, and it was Iguanodon, who had also come a long way, from Maidstone, England.

“Iguanodon!” exclaimed Doctor Stegosaurus. “Another visitor from a distant shore! You have traveled far! What malady brings you to the shores of America?”

“Ah, friend Doctor Stegosaurus, I am doing very well, and my family has been blessed by the grace of God with good health as well. The problem is with our hardwood trees within my wife’s garden.”

“What is the matter with them? Did you bring leaves for me to inspect?” asked Doctor Stegosaurus.

“Yes, I fear we will shortly have a less ornamental garden in our backyard if this disease is allowed to progress. Here they are, leaves of the Birch trees.

Iguanodon presented his leaves to Doctor Stegosaurus for inspection, and Doctor Stegosaurus peered at them closely and nibbled at one of the leaves after sniffing it.

“Hmmmm….” said Doctor Stegosaurus. “It appears your backyard’s trees are suffering from a fungal disease common to hardwoods known as Anthracnose. This disease primarily affects the leaves, but can also from time to time affect the tree’s stems. The damage may be moderate or severe, but in any case there is little we can do to save this delicious duo of trees in or near your yard. Brown spots and blotches are common and are also known by the name leaf blight.

While this is usually only a cosmetic issue, twig dieback may occur, and if allowed to progress in an extreme state, may be fatal to your trees. The remedy here may be eating of the leaves that have fallen, pruning back the dead twigs, and water your trees regularly. This disease is not fatal to you and yours; send my regards to your lovely wife, please, but fear not for her yourself or your children. Your family will not become extinct in eating of these leaves.”

"I am relieved, Doctor Stegosaurus. Thank you and God bless you.”

As Iguanodon left happily to return to his home in England, Doctor Stegosaurus awaited his next patient, which he found, much to his surprise, was his brother Allosaurus !!!

“Brother Allosaurus! What brings you here today?” asked Doctor Stegosaurus. “Please be kind and don’t eat me today!”

“Ah, Doctor Stegosaurus, for some reason you always think I am hungry and going to eat you but I am completely innocent and just stomped by to see how you are and congratulate you on your recent graduation and opening of your medical practice. I am innocent and a mere, humble, meat eating theropod just trying to get by in the world.” rejoined Allosaurus.

“In that case, I accept your compliment, but you have to understand your history and our longstanding sibling rivalry. It is hard to believe you when you have in your possession such sharp claws and teeth as you do. Remember, I may be a herbivore with only 64 teeth designed for roots and low hanging vegetation, “ but I do have a cool, spiky tail and I will not hesitate to use it if I feel I need to defend myself.”

“I heard how you became a millionaire, Doctor Stegosaurus. I am proud of you and your mother. Have you seen her or our father Professor Marsh lately?” asked Allosaurus.

“I have not seen my mother in some time. I know she loves me, though she left me a 44.6 million dollar trust fund, by being an early investor in broadleaf trees; our mutual father, Professor O.C. Marsh I have not seen at all since March 18th, 1899; I am not sure what he has been up to lately, but he must be very busy discovering dinosaurs and Ice Age megafauna.”

“Indeed,” said Allosaurus.

“You aren’t going to try and convince me that you have a problem with a grove of trees or ornamental shrubbery, are you? Because, being a skeptic after more than 140 Million years experience with you, I must say I do not believe you in all honesty.” said Doctor Stegosaurus.

“What can I do to convince you I am merely stopping by to wish you well?” asked Allosaurus.

“Eat less red meat,” suggested Doctor Stegosaurus.

“Awwwww, gee, but I don’t have the teeth for being a vegetarian. I’m innocent, I tell you. I won’t even have a mid life crisis and think about becoming a plant eater. I like meat too well.” rejoined Allosaurus.

“Don’t tell me your favorite meat is….Stegosaurus ribs.”

“How did you guess??”

“You are impossible!” exclaimed Doctor Stegosaurus. “Please, let me get back to my patients, Allosaurus it has been nice to see you and thank you for your good wishes.”

“Well, if I can’t have Stegosaurus ribs, can I at least have a Stegosaurus hip?”

“No, you may not! I’m proud of my ornithischian hips, they prove that someday I’m going to evolve into a Red Tailed Hawk, so I am sure to need all the bird-hips I can get. Sorry.”

“Well, okay, then. I guess I’ll go see if Brontosaurus will let me eat him for a while. Let me part by saying I am sure you won’t be a Red Tailed Hawk when you evolve you are more likely to be a band tailed pigeon.”

“I will take the high road and not be angry with you if you leave now and let me attend to my patients. If you see Brontosaurus, tell him I said hi.” said Doctor Stegosaurus

Thus, Allosaurus departed, and Doctor Stegosaurus spent the rest of the day treating the tree diseases brought to his attention.

A Stegosaurus Meme

The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency arrived in Kerr County, Texas on August 13th. Although the flooding had occurred in early July, July 4th & 5th, there was still plenty of work to be done, and mammals that needed help.

Stegosaurus and Ankylosaurus stood beside the Guadalupe River, which was still running higher than normal.

“It is important to consider, “ said Stegosaurus, “....that there are still mammals in need, even after their news

departments have moved onto other things.”

“I agree,” said Ankylosaurus, “I am so glad to have had this experience with you and the rest of the Agency. This has been hard work, but very uplifting.”

The Sauropods were in the river, quite happy, but also working to drink some of the water to reduce the flood conditions. Since they were large enough to do so they made bridges out of themselves where necessary, and all the while Nigersaurus was now singing “The Old Dun Cow.”

Brachiosaurus observed to Apatosaurus and Diplodocus that the Guadalupe River rose 26 feet in 45 minutes, and in this tragedy 135 mammals became extinct, including 20 children.”

“How very sad,” observed Stegosaurus, overhearing this grim statistic. “The children who love me so, for some reason. We must save and help whomever we can.” Stegosaurus began to work more quickly , appearing to become even more determined as he wept openly for the small mammal children.

“This river is too high yet, we must stop singing and drink more!” declared Nigersaurus.

“Along the Texas Hill Country area on July 5th the equivalent of 4 months of rain fell in one day,” observed Woolly Rhino. “How terribly tragic,” said Western Black Rhino. “I wish we had been here to save them.”

“What is done is done. Tragically, extinction is forever, but they are in a better place now with their God.” said Trachodon.

“A wise observation,” said Woolly Rhino. “Tonight we must pray for their souls to have found comfort in the arms of their Savior. We must also inform Woolly Mammoth and Kentrosaurus so they too, can pray for the souls of these lost mammals.”

Agathaumas and Trachodon proceeded together to the shore, where they helped Rhedosaurus and Lady Rhedosaurus carry dirt and sand in order to work on shoreline stabilization.

“We have come to help you,” called Agathumas.

“Glad to have you in on this project!” declared Lady Rhedosuarus. “Many claws make short work.”

“You’ll be proud of me,” Rhedosaurus told his beloved wife. “I got hungry before work, but I did not eat a policeman.”

“I am proud of you, my beloved.” responded Lady Rhedosaurus.

“Do you remember that armored vehicle we saw when we first entered the State of Texas?” asked Rhedosaurus.

“Yes,” his wife confirmed hesitantly.

“I ate the two armed guards, and they almost tasted like policemen. I felt it was a nice compromise.”

Lady Rhedosaurus sighed and shook her head.

Stegosaurus and Ankylosaurus climbed up on a hill beside the Guadalupe River where they rested and found a nice patch of Salvia pentstemonoides. Which they heartily dined upon.

“I thought the work we performed in Export, Pennsylvania was exhausting,” said Ankylosaurus but the work here is much harder and heartbreaking. Though I am certainly glad to be involved.”

“We’re glad to have you and hope you will return to help us when the emergencies of our times have need for our services,” said Stegosaurus.

“I will try to when I can, but when we have completed here I must return to Montana and my support group for partially discovered dinosaurs.”

“I understand,” said Stegosaurus. The work you do there is equally important.”

Then, Ankylosaurus exclaimed in surprise, "Stegosaurus, we've been here before."

"Why yes, I have visited Texas before," said Stegosaurus. "You sound alarmed, what is wrong?"

"I ma not alarmed, but rather, surprised. Look what I have found. Dinosaur Footprints. These are not recent, from our time here now, they are much older."

"Interesting," said Stegosaurus, who stomped over forthrightly to have a look.

"You're right," he confirmed."There are sauropod prints here, but these prints are not from Apatosaurus, Diplodocus, or any of the sauropods with the Disaster Relief Agency at the moment. These are about 65 - 70 mllion years old, before the metor fell from the sky."

"The mammals who study science tell us that we walked around the State of Texas a lot in the time before the meteor, and before Pangea split into multiple continents." rejoined Ankylosaurus.

Then Stegosaurus gasped.

"Look!" Stegosaurus exclaimed. "The prints of meat eating theropods!"

"Uh oh!" said Ankylosaurus, immediately assuming a defensive posture. "Do you think we are in any danger?"

"No." assured Stegosuarus.

"These prints do look like they might be prints of my brother Allosaurus, or maybe even Tyrannosaurus Rex, but they're also prints just as old as the sauropod prints that you found. We are likely safe, but if Brother Allosaurus shows up, or Tyrannosaurus Rex, we have our tails to protect us, and safety in numbers."

"I will go tell the mammals of our discovery, they like to preserve our ancient prints."

"...and since it happens to be muddy here," said Stegosaurus, "I will make some new prints for them to enjoy now or sometime in the distant future."

The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency remained in Kerr County, Texas from mid August to the end of September, the mammals there were grateful to have received their help in their recovery efforts.

September Stegosaurus School of Dance coupon: The Tourdion

The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency arrived in Export, Pennsylvania on July 25th, with guest Ankylosaurus in tow; behind him followed the sauropods Apatosaurus, Diplodocus, Brachiosaurus, and Nigersaurus. Then followed Rhedosaurus, Lady Rhedosaurus, Trachodon, and Agathaumas. Additionally, stomping behind was Western Black Rhino, and Woolly Rhino.

“This is a quaint little town,” said Ankylosaurus to Stegosaurus. “Yes,” replied Stegosaurus. “As of the last census, there are only 893 mammals here, but they still need our help.”

“It is peaceful here, the foliage looks delicious, the only thing that could improve it would be a nice body of water,” said Apatosaurus.

“Alas,” replied Brachiosaurus, “This little borough is only 0.4 square miles,”

“You could stomp right by and miss it,” observed Diplodocus, “I am glad to have visited Export and to help the few mammals that live here.”

“Are any of them policemen?” asked Rhedosaurus. “I'm hungry.”

“Dear husband, please mind your manners! What impression will we make if we eat the populace? Especially when the population is so small! Besides, you promised me that you'd modify your diet!” scolded Lady Rhedosaurus.

“I did,” admitted Rhedosaurus reluctantly.

“Look here,” said Woolly Rhino to Western Black Rhino. “It is an international, ministerial and missionary college for Holiness Pentecostals.”

“We must inform Woolly Mammoth,” said Western Black Rhino. “Perhaps he will come to give them a special sermon.”

“That would bring him great joy,” said Woolly Rhino.

“This town has had a functional post office since 1892, but the coal mines from which the borough has gained its name has shut down,” said Stegosaurus.

“It was known as Westmoreland's Coal Company South #2,” said Ankylosaurus. “It has been abandoned for some time, and the mammals here forgotten much of its history but have, with much fanfare uncovered the entrance in January, 2019.”

As the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency approached the Helltown taproom of Export, Nigersaurus exclaimed happily, “ Even without a body of water I can sing “Up A Lazy River” while we work.”

“Remember, we are not here to drink the beer, only to help wash the cans. The flood waters were cleaned up by the mammals in June,” said Stegosaurus. “With our small brains, it is too easy to become inebriated.”

“We should be fine, Agathaumas and I, since we don't exist.” said Trachodon.

“As should my wife and I,” said Rhedosaurus.

“Maybe so, but we should still proceed with caution since no one has ever yet tested that theory,” advised Stegosaurus. “Maybe we can try some off the clock, if our clients are willing to share.”

As the dinosaurs and megafauna approached Stegosaurus saw a mammal open the door, say, “Come look at this, John.” and shut the door again.

After a moment, the door opened a second time, and two mammals stood in the doorway, looking awe at the sight before them.

“I did not expect the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency to be real dinosaurs,” said John.

“And megafauna,” observed Jeff.

“Of course we are real,” said Stegosaurus. “We are here to help you wash beer cans. A terrible disaster has befallen this establishment.”

“But we can help fix that,” said Agathaumas.

“Come on in. Good to see you,” said John. “Jeff and I have placed our beer outside since the taproom is much too small for animals of your size.”

“Mammals can be so thoughtful,” observed Apatosaurus as the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency set to work.

“We have 100 cases of beer to clean for a very large festival which may attract as many as 10 thousand people, er, mammals.” said John.

“We can help with that gladly,” said Brachiosaurus. “If only there were a nice body of water to lounge about in.”

“We know where a nice body of water is, Brother Brachiosaurus, and we can take you there in a few short days,” said Jeff.

“What is this I hear about a large body of water?” asked Nigersaurus.

“There are two relatively nearby,” continued Jeff. “Coopers' Lake, and Lake Arthur.”

Then John turned to Stegosaurus and asked him, “What do you think of beer?”

“Beer contains alcohol,” said Stegosaurus, “...and unfortunately goes right to my head because my brain is the size of a walnut.”

“I understand, Brother Stegosaurus,” said Jeff, “We can reward you with non alcoholic options.”

“I appreciate that,” said Stegosaurus. “The last thing you want is a drunk Stegosaurus dancing the Torudion at your pub.”

The sauropods were excited about the advertised bodies of water, so the work proceeded very quickly.

Both John and Jeff promised to teach Nigersaurus a song or two other than “Up A Lazy River.”

“I am sorry,” apologized Nigersaurus. “It is the only song I know!”

Pretty soon he was singing “The Leaving of Liverpool,” and “The Old Dun Cow.”

When all 100 cases were professionally cleaned, John wondered how many sqaure feet a camping dinosaur would get at Coopers' Lake, and Jeff regaled Ankylosaurus with the goat story.

The Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency enjoyed this strange, mammal festival, remaining for the entire two weeks of the event, and then, took their leave, headed to assist the mammals in Kerr County, central Texas.

A Tiny Dinosaur And A Big Discovery

First Americans may have been Neanderthals 130,000 years ago

Posttraumatic chronic osteomyeltis in Stegosaurus dermal spikes

Link to PDF article. Posttraumatic chronic osteomyeltis is a persistent bone infection which may occur after a severe injury.

Traces of ancient rainforest in Antarctica point to a warmer prehistoric world

Evolutionary adaptation helped cave bears hibernate, but may have caused extinction

Possible Dinosaur DNA Has Been Found