"I passed the Holidays pleasantly at home in my cave," said Stegosaurus. "It was quite relaxing after all the recent traveling I had undertaken. In late January I was delighted to receive word that Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont desired to make my acquaintance. I immediately accepted the invitation, looking forward to the opportunity to discuss our shared Socialist ideals. I warned him it would be a while before I got to Vermont, since I'm a Stegosaurus and we're slow by nature. At best, we can only run 5 miles per hour on average. In mid February I arrived in the State Capitol of Vermont, known as Montpelier, Vermont. I stomped into the North Branch Nature Center, where I hoped to enjoy a nice meal of the local tree specialty before seeking an audience with Senator Sanders.

I started off with a nice meal of Tsuga canadensis, which I was recently familiar with since these trees also grow in the country of Canada. Then I found an Abies balsamea or two, followed by a small grove of Picea abies. Then I was delighted to find one of my favorites, the Acer negundo. After I had had my fill, I explored more of Vermont's capital city. Feeling tired after my meal I found Hubbard Park and slept by a tower in a place called Seven Fireplaces. When I had fully rested I stomped to the Vermont Statehouse to see if I could find Senator Sanders. The communication I had received told me that he'd be in the capitol visiting his constituents.

Of course when I am around, I am hard to miss. I wasn't sure who to ask about Senator Sanders' whereabouts, but as it turned out, he was the one who found me.

It being cold, I was glad to see him bundled up and wearing his mittens.

"I'm very glad to finally meet you, Mr. Sanders, " said Stegosaurus.

I have waited a long time to meet you too," said Bernie Sanders. "You have a mighty reputation that goes back millions of years, and you are loved by everyone, especially small children, everywhere for some reason."

"Yes, a large part of my fan base is made up of very small mammals," said Stegosaurus. "It has been that way for a long while now."

"Furthermore, I understand that in 2008 you ran for Congress on the Green Party ticket," said Bernie Sanders.

"Yes, I did," said Stegosaurus, sighing. "That did not end very well. Not everything is a success."

"Still, I hope we can spend some time together discussing our shared Socialist ideals," said Bernie Sanders.

"One thing I wanted to ask you," said Stegosaurus excitedly, ".....is, do you know a mammal I much admire, Eugene Victor Debs?"

"Ah, no," laughed Bernie Sanders, and then he stopped himself. "I didn't mean to laugh, I'm sorry, Stegosaurus I did not know Mr. Debs, I'm not that old. But, I do admire his contributions to our cause, and share many of his ideals. "

"It's okay, Mr. Sanders, no offense taken. I really feel that Mr. Debs cares about the plight of working mammal and working dinosaur alike that is why every election cycle I stomp to the voting booth and vote for him. I heard that President Harding let him out of prison recently and I really feel that 2024 will be his year .... that is if we can keep that great threat to democracy from running for office again."

"Yes, I know who you mean," said Bernie Sanders. "Donald Trump."

"No, no, I mean that great, true, threat to democracy, Giant Meteor 2024. It was a narrow escape when Giant Meteor 2016 lost the last election," said Stegosaurus.

Bernie Sanders then changed the subject slightly. The elderly Senator and Stegosaurus stenops talked outside the Vermont statehouse about their admiration for Karl Marx, the Castro family of Cuba, Joseph Stalin, and other famous Socialists of America, such as Emma Goldman. They discussed and agreed heartily on methods to successfully bring about a centrally planned economy that worked for everyone. and Then Stegosaurus made a suggestion of going back to the North Branch Nature Center for lunch. Of course, Bernie knew he wasn't going to eat trees, but he liked Stegosaurus and wanted to continue the conversation with his new friend. So, he climbed up on his back and situated himself safely between Stegosaurus' spiff, sexy plates. Stegosaurus stomped forthrightly, and soon returned to the North Branch Nature Center.

Stegosaurus kept offering Bernie trees, but Bernie always declined politely. With Bernie on his back Stegosaurus happily ate Abies balsamea. Acer pensylvanicum, and Fagus grandifolia. Then Stegosaurus was feeling generous and helpful, so he ate some Rhus typhina to help the North Branch Nature Center clear out its weeds. Finally to top off his meal he ate an entire grove of Pinus nigra, which he was surprised to find in Vermont, which is why he eagerly consumed the entire grove. As is the case with the Pinus nigra, it caused Stegosaurus to expound upon sound economic principles.

He abruptly asked Bernie, "Senator Sanders, how would you counter, exactly, the theory of marginal utility? What metric would you use to gauge the satisfaction level of the consumer? What about a proper pricing structure? Every healthy economy needs a method for establishing a pricing structure."

"Well, Stegosaurus, that is silly. They should just be content as we decide what is best, and lower their expectations. We can't end greed until expectations are decreased. Mammals will learn. I've used the example before but there is no good reason why we need more than one shoe company in America. One company is adequate; diversity of choice leads to greed. What would make you think of such a thing all of a sudden ?? You sound like a capitalist."

Stegosaurus sighed. He didn't want to hurt the feelings of the Senator, but whenever he ate Pinus nigra he just couldn't help but become thoughtful about economic matters for some reason. It was too bad that Corythosaurus, his loyal accountant wasn't available to help him articulate something he suddenly knew was a flaw in the Socialist economic model. Why could he never remember this all the time? If only he had a larger brain .........

"I understand now how you lost your Congressional run," said Bernie. "You have a flaw in that your positions are not consistent."

"I blame my brain for being the size of a walnut. Maybe I am only fit for eating trees and digging for roots," admitted Stegosaurus. "This always happens when I eat the Pinus nigra, and today I have eaten an entire grove of them. I hope we can still be friends."

Bernie thought twice about admitting that he was annoyed... for he was worried that if news got out that he disagreed with Stegosaurus, many mammals who loved Stegosaurus would dislike him, and it would cause a scandal. So he said, "Of course we can still be friends, Stegosaurus. No hard feelings. I would advise you to eat less of the Pinus nigra; it would be good for the environment and the future politics of the Country. We can't have a Revolution succeed if people start thinking and questioning things."

Stegosaurus then returned Bernie Sanders to the Vermont Statehouse, and they parted on friendly and cordial terms. Stegosaurus returned to Colorado, having forgotten sensible economic laws by the time he was halfway home.

"Earlier this month I stomped forthrightly to Washington, DC. I had been invited by Congresssaruus Triceratops to visit and attend a speech he was giving on December 5th," said Stegosaurus.

"You will be very interested in my speech," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "If not, it will at least be very nice to see you. We plant eaters must stick together. There are so many bloodthirsty meat eating types in Congress which I must deal with so frequently it will be nice to spend time catching up with a fellow herbivore."

"I would be pleased to hear your speech," said Stegosaurus. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Very glad to do so, but look at that...." said Congresssaurus Triceratops, then suddenly dejected continued .... "Look there is no one else here. Not even other members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."

"Well, it is the Holiday for mammals," said Stegosaurus. "Perhaps even some dinosaurs. I will still be glad to hear your speech."

"Thank you, Stegosaurus," said Congresssaurus Triceratops.


"I speak today," began Congresssaurus Triceratops, "On what manner you should act towards your fellows. Let me ask. Do you want to be treated fairly? Do you want your actions or intent to be viewed positively, and favorably? Then make it so! Bring about honorable intent by making it so in your actions. Lead the example, then all shall see, and speak upon you with favor. Deal fairly and honorably.
Be not of a positive manner to your friend's face, and then negative behind his back. In time the deceit will be discovered! A damaged reputation often cannot be recovered."

"That these negative traits cling and cloud over time we know, so that it may be a palpable stain in society. Make it not so! Just as much you may effect an aura of good will and be upon others a light and guidance. This choice is up to you. Lie not! Do not cheat! Do not manipulate! If you say you will do something, do it! If circumstances arise that prevent you from keeping your word, it is incumbent upon your honor to be up front and explain why you cannot as soon as possible. Beg amends, and it shall be given unto you."

"Leave not your fellows in darkness. If you cannot do this, and your fraud is discovered, you will lose all measure of respect. You will be lower in the sight of your fellows, and of all Nature. A tarnished reputation again, is not easily cleaned. Guard well a good reputation and live by it. This city certainly needs leaders and citizens of integrity. But not just this city. The entire Nation has lost its way and turned its back on decency. Verily, the entire world! Then mammal and dinosaur alike will well wonder, what went wrong can they not know they are part of the problem? You must only take what you can earn honestly. If you have gained illicitly, verily I say even if you think no one is harmed, all shall know in time for nothing can be hidden."

"The law of attraction shall bring to life ten fold that which you create and things will spiral from there forward. It is up to you which direction things will head by what you choose! Make it a spiral that expands love and trust and honor! Integrity! Peace! Fairness! Justice! We see what all this negative behavior hath wrought. It is a cancer of the mind! It is worse than a plague of insects! Worse than a flood! Worse than a meteor shower! Like attracts like and YOU are the creator and controller of your destiny. What will you be? Choose!"

"What matters your moral compass if you do not follow it? What day you break bread or fast from bread? What name you use while your neighbor uses another for the same ritual? To you! So I say, what matters then is the ideal that you hold. Find that common ground, that you present to the world. Live this ideal and set the example. Speak softly and listen much. Talk to find your common ground. For that which you think you create and then, you be! This is the wisdom I have gathered after 70 or so million years in being a part of this legislative body. I beg you to heed! In this time of Holiday season and always! Thank you."

"I've been down south in the U.S., just shy of Atlanta, Georgia with my class this month !" Exclaimed Stegosaurus. "We're trying to determine how we can save the Tsuga canadensis from the Wooly Adelgid. Those selfish insects how I hate them! Eating all of the Tsuga they can find! They could learn a few things about conservation, or at least sharing. If the Wooly Adelgid were any bigger I'd whack it with my cool, spiky tail! That's how much I dislike them!! How I hate insects!! They're so scary!!

Because I'm trying to save the Tsuga canadensis I could not be in D.C. for the hearings regarding my friend Congresssaurus Triceratops and the future of his job. So, I'm sure you've noticed the copy of the letter I sent to Congress last month. Last Friday I received from Triceratops a copy of the official transcript of the proceedings in Congress. I put them here for you to read, too, having skipped all the formalities that mammals find necessary to get right down to the part which involves my friend Triceratops and the other members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."

Save The Tsuga Canadensis

OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT FOR A JOINT SESSION OF U.S. CONGRESS, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 27th, 2010
*************************************************************************************

TO DEBATE THE EXISTENCE OF THE HONORABLE MR. TRICERATOPS OF WYOMING, THE SENIOR MEMBER OF THE DINOSAUR CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS
AND WHETHER HE SHOULD HOLD HIS COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS DUE TO THE QUESTIONS SURROUNDING HIS EXISTENCE.

TIME: 3:00 PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME

OUTSIDE THE US SENATE CHAMBER

NANCY PELOSI: "Now for the matter at hand, being the existence of the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming, the senior member of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus. Since his existence is in question, should he retain his committee assignments and position as leader of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus?"

HARRY REID: "Due to the size of the members of this Caucus, we are all outdoors today. it's a nice day to be outdoors."

NANCY PELOSI: "Sergeant at arms, would you now read the roll call of the members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus, and their invited friends present?"

SERGEANT AT ARMS: "Present and accounted for:

Capitalsaurus, the official State Dinosaur of the District of Columbia.

Astrodon, the official State Dinosaur of Maryland.

Hypsibema, the official State Dinosaur of Missouri.

Hadrosaurus, the official State Dinosaur of New Jersey.

Pleurocoelus, the official State Dinosaur of Texas.

Maiasaura, the official State Dinosaur of Montana.

Coelophysis, the official State Dinosaur of New Mexico.

Saurophaganax, the official State Dinosaur of Oklahoma.

Allosaurus, the official State Dinosaur of Utah.

and the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming.

Also present at the request of Mr. Triceratops, Mr. Torosaurus of Wyoming,

and Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex of Montana.

These are all present.

Lastly I present a letter of support for Mr. Triceratops from Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado."

NANCY PELOSI: " Thank you." [ looks at letter from Stegosaurus briefly and then hands it to Vice President Joe Biden. Joe Biden reads it, to himself, and hands it to Harry Reid, who also reads the letter silently. ]

NANCY PELOSI: "Now Mr. Triceratops, because recent reports claiming that you never roamed the planet were found on the internet during the early days of August 2010, there has been called a joint session of Congress to debate your existence and determine if you should retain your lofty committee assignment as senior member of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."

HARRY REID: "It seems that a fair number of reliable scientists have debated since the late 19th century and at last determined around early August that you do not exist. We will submit to the public record the following proof." [ presents a folder of papers printed off the internet, all of which are news stories about the recent Triceratops discovery. ]

NANCY PELOSI: "Now Mr. Reid, Vice President Biden, and myself have read your letter of support from Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado, and we also submit that to the public record.

[ Joe Biden hands letter from Stegosaurus to Ms. Pelosi, and she submits it to the public record.]

NANCY PELOSI: "While your letter of support from Mr. Stegosaurus is heartfelt, and will indeed be taken into consideration, you will need more proof to convince us. Is there anything you can say in your defense?"

TRICERATOPS: "I am convinced of my own existence certainly and think the record I've presented to the people of Wyoming since I was discovered by mammals in 1889 speaks for itself. But I will ask some of my friends to advocate on my behalf -- to step forward and speak."

HARRY REID: "All right. You may call your first witness, Mr. Triceratops."

TRICERATOPS: "I call into the Senate chamber Mr. Torosaurus of Wyoming."

TOROSAURUS: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mammals and Dinosaurs. I come to you as a friend of Mr. Triceratops, who shares as a home my native State of Wyoming.
I have come as an advocate for the retention of his position as leader of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus.
I am his advocate because I am certain that he is honest and honorable. His record needs no defense. Neither should his existence. That should be obvious, as he does, after all have the largest head of any land animal ever discovered. How could you miss him ?
I am also here because he is my son! Triceratops, I am your father. The scientists have proven it; it should be obvious that we have the family resemblance going for us. I am pleased to call you my son.... and will be glad even as I have enjoyed my individuality to have my name decommissioned and become a Triceratops in name."

TRICERATOPS: "Thank you, Mr. Torosaurus. I would be pleased to next call before the Chamber Senators and Representative members of this body from my State of Wyoming, and members of this body from South Dakota, a State in which I am also loved. I ask to speak in my defense Democratic Senator Tim Johnson, and Republican Senator John Thune Senators of South Dakota. Also South Dakota Representative Stephanie Henseth Sandlin. From Wyoming, Republican Senator John Barrasso, and Republican Senator Michael B. Enzl. Also, Representative Cynthia Lummis,"

[ The Representatives and Senators called rise and walk as a group to the floor of the Chamber. ]

CYNTHIA LUMMIS: " I suppose that we are the Mammal delegation!" [ laughter ] "Very well, though. I am pleased to do so and defend my friend and co worker the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming."

STEPHANIE HENSETH SANDLIN: "And from South Dakota we also speak well of Mr. Triceratops. Although he has chosen to represent Wyoming, we love and appreciate him as well. He advocates environmentally conscious legislation, proving he cares about his own species as well as the planet, and he loves to visit sick children in the hospitals and cheer them up, proving he cares about mammals too."

JOHN BARRASSO: "What trauma would we be causing small children if we told them one day, Triceratops does not exist? What monsters would we be, to make small children cry!
What a great advocate our environment, Mother Earth, would lose if we ejected Triceratops from this venerable deliberative body! We must think before we act, ladies and gentlemen!"

TIM JOHNSON: "We must put aside politics and stop this absurd witch hunt! Triceratops is one of the classic examples of Reptilia Ornithischia Ceratopsidae and that this debate is even underway is astounding. What a monumental waste of time with so many other problems facing us today. Therefore I advocate that we cease this nonsense and leave Triceratops to serve us as he always has."

JOHN THUNE: "How would you feel if after over 120 years of discovery and many millions of years existence you were told you didn't exist, Senator Reid, Representative Pelosi?
How do you think Mr. Triceratops feels? This can't be about the existence of Triceratops! Its obvious that he's right in front of us. The ENTIRE DINOSAUR CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS is in front of us. Are they all myths? This nonsense absolute nonsense is politically motivated, I daresay!"

MICHAEL B. ENZI: "Besides Triceratops is cool! He always has been cool! I loved him before I worked with him. As a little kid I wished I had a pet Triceratops because his horns are so cool and his head so big. Yet for a creature with such a big head he is very humble. Allow your inner children to come out and let Triceratops stay with us. The world needs Triceratops now more than ever!"

NANCY PELOSI: "Very well we have heard the testimony of the self proclaimed mammal delegation. Have you any more witnesses Mr. Triceratops?"

TRICERATOPS: "I would like to call if I could, another of my fellow dinosaurs to testify on my behalf if it please the Congress Assembled, .Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex of Montana."

HARRY REID: "It does. You may speak, Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex. But first, a question. It seems odd that you'd be here as a friend of Triceratops. Are you two not legendary adversaries?"

TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "Absolute nonsense, I tell you, good sir! A complete fabrication perpetuated by Charlie Knight! In fact I do meet with my friend Triceratops quite frequently. Not to eat him, although he is also delicious, ahem... we always meet for tea and cookies every third Thursday of the month. Honest. That's the truth. So help me."

NANCY PELOSI: "How do you know he is delicious.... you say you don't eat him ??"

TYRANNOSAURUS REX: " I am a carnivore. That answer should be obvious; it depends on what your definition of eat is. Let me reiterate... I must insist on what I said before tea and cookies. Tea and cookies."

HADROSAURUS: "I can back that up!"

TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "Thank you, Mr. Hadrosaurus. Say, after this hearing may I meet you in your office for lunch?"

HADROSAURUS: "I'm afraid not, Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex. That could go badly for me."

NANCY PELOSI: [ calls order with her gavel. ] "Please gentlemen. Return to the subject at hand."

TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "To conclude I am an advocate for Mr. Triceratops. We are very old friends and I will eat ... er, have tea and cookies with him anytime."

NANCY PELOSI: " Uh... all right. Mr. Triceratops, have you any more witnesses?"

TRICERATOPS: " I should like to call before the chamber my peers in the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus, who have appointed Capitalsaurus to speak for them as a whole."

HARRY REID: "Mr. Capitalsaurus, what have you to say?"

CAPITALSAURUS: "The Dinosaur Congressional Caucus is very disturbed by the fact that this hearing is taking place, but we are pleased and joyful to see so much support for our leader, the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming. We can only concur, and speak as advocates ourselves for the wonderful things that Mr. Triceratops has done for Wyoming's dinosaurs, mammals, and environment.

I understand the position of the scientists and paleontologists; but while we do not expect special treatment for Mr. Triceratops now no matter how much a legend among us he might be, it is also very much worth pointing out that there are many other dinosaurs on our Caucus, and some who are not, that find themselves in the same position as Mr. Triceratops and Mr. Torosaurus. We may at one time believe ourselves to to be an entirely independent species, and wake up one morning to find that we are juveniles to a venerable legend such as Mr. Triceratops is. And while we value our independence, it is an honor to finally solve that piece of the puzzle of life. Examples of such among those in this Caucus include:

Astrodon and Pleurocoelus as well as Saurophaganax and Allosaurus.

A related conundrum is the fact that Hypsibema and myself are considered "dubious" because we are only partially found. And so I ask you, we all ask you, If Hypsibema and myself are considered dubious and only partially found yet we are allowed to remain in this Caucus without question, how could you declare Triceratops also dubious in the same breath? Clearly HE has been discovered completely! Look at all the work he has done as leader of this Caucus! We can't lose him! His record is exemplary! Please reconsider and leave Triceratops with us. We have never had a finer leader."

NANCY PELOSI: "Very well, thank you Capitalsaurus. Now Mr. Triceratops if you have no further witnesses for your defense we will now call our experts and paleontologists to testify on OUR behalf."

TRICERATOPS: "I have concluded my case, Madame Speaker."


HARRY REID: "We call into the Senate chamber John Scannella and Professor Jack Horner, representing Montana State University. They've published an article in Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology, which gives us reason for these hearings today."

[ John Scannella and Professor Jack Horner enter the chamber and seat themselves before Congress. ]

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "Thank you Senator Reid, Representative Pelosi. Thank you for allowing us to speak to you today about our discoveries regarding Mr. Triceratops and Mr. Torosaurus."

JOHN SCANNELLA: "I would like to make a correction to the record. I observe that it has been noted that our discovery occurred in early August. In truth, our article was published on July 14th, 2010."

NANCY PELOSI: "The record stands corrected."

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "All right. Now, the basic idea of our article, our scientific discovery is not that Triceratops does not exist AT ALL. It is simply to state that he does not exist as a species separate from Mr. Torosaurus. It seems pretty clear to us and easily explainable. I assert that while we stand solidly behind the facts of our scientific discoveries, we also find severe media distortion of the facts."

JOHN SCANNELLA: " Yes, indeed." [ takes a drink from a provided bottle of water ] "Our conclusion is being distorted to imply That Triceratops no longer exists or never existed AT ALL, when the truth is we have only discovered that what we considered for over 100 years to be a separate species was merely a juvenile."

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "We humbly suggest that Mr. Torosaurus submit to having his name decommissioned effective 30 days from the date of this hearing as has been consistent with other recent similar discoveries within the science of Paleontology. That he acquiesce to being henceforth referred to not as Torosaurus, but as Triceratops because he is merely an adult Triceratops according to the laws of science."

JOHN SCANNELLA: "I am concerned that the media distortion has come about to discredit the fine work that Mr. Triceratops has done for the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus over the years. His willingness to stand up to Big Oil and promote non fossil fuel energies I think makes him a target by the corporate powers and they are attempting to discredit him and his attempt to liberate Dinosaurs."

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "Yes there are indeed many who, because of corporate interests are pretending to be on the side of Dinosaurs and care about the issues that they care about because we, that is, John and I, see his work presents a threat to corporate interests."

HARRY REID: "Wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh, aren't you here to defend the position of the full Senate? How could you as scientists question the benevolence of our position?"

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "With all due respect Senator, we must say that as scientists John and I believe in the liberty of Dinosaurs as well as human mammals."

JOHN SCANNELLA: "Yes it is sad and discouraging to see such an honorable creature's intentions distorted. He is at the head of a movement which began with such promise and hope now corrupted and the majority of people believe it stands for things which are the exact opposite of the principles it started with."

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: " And that those who profess to be forward thinking and open minded in this country are so set in their ways that they believe this distortion and lack the willingness to be objective and discover for themselves the truth and realities of the problems that Dinosaurs face, and that mammals face as well."

JOHN SCANNELLA: "It must be made clear that as Americans we believe in personal liberty and that freedom requires individual responsibility, knowledge and involvement, not blind trust in a distant power..... a distant power which is merely a limited number of supposed intelligencia with an improved opinion of their importance treating people and Dinosaurs as if they are stupid and incapable of the responsibility of self governance."

PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "For -- "

NANCY PELOSI: "I think, Gentlemen, pardon me, Professor Horner, but I believe our interview is finished. Thank you for your time."

HARRY REID: "Well, " [ sighs ] It appears that no one is on our side. The debate has concluded. Let a vote be called."


*************************************************************************************

" I am told," said Stegosaurus, "That the vote in favor of Triceratops' existence was honest to goodness unanimous. It was also unanimous that he should retain the emoluments of his office. I am so pleased!"

A Congresssaurus Stegosaurus Press Confrence November 4th, 2008.

9:09pm, MST, Denver, Colorado


"Thank you my friends and supporters. My name is Stegosaurus, and I am coming before you to night to concede regretfully that I will not be your representative in Congress as the 111th session opens. My worthy opponet, Mr. Ken Salazar has handily won the day, and I congratulate him, his campaign and his supporters. I urge you to support him and consider him a friend as he works for all of us who love the state of Colorado.

Right now my future involves retiring to my garden and becoming a farmer scientist," said Stegosaurus. " I have no ambition to govern men. It is a painful and thankless office.

I would sincerely hope that the issues I have raised in this campaign wil not be forgotten. If you have something you believe in, get involved with your representative. Get to know Mr. Salazar and make it happen. Giant leaps start with one step.

I should like to thank all of my supporters, those who contributed to my campaign financially and otherwise. Celebrity endorsements from Stephen Spielberg, Jane Fonda, Whoopi Goldberg, Barbara Striesand, and the late Issac Hayes.

I would like to thank Denny Klein, the inventor of HHO Technology, which will be the future of transportation in America, saving our environment as well as man and dinosaur alike.

I would like to thank my campaign manager Mary Katherine, who kept my finances straight and made sure I didn't eat everything in my campaign chest.

I want to thank my brother Triceratops, and my friend Hadrosaurus of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus. Someday we may still work together.

Last of all, I want to thank you, my friends and supporters, grown ups and children who believed in my vision for a better Colorado.

To anyone else I've forgotten, I appreciate you too.. I hope I haven't but you know I have a brain the size of a walnut so please forgive me.

Thank you and good night. "

On Sunday, October 5th, Stegosaurus held a press confrence to express his opinion of the recent economic situation and particularly of the recent bailout bill passed by the US Congress. Let's listen in...


Stegosaurus: Thank you. Next question, please. Mr. Mattioni, WVTF News.

Rick Mattioni: Yes, Mr. Stegosaurus. It is known that your opponet in the 2008 senate race, Mr. Ken Salazar backed, both times the recent bailout bill that assisted banking interests, but you opposed it. Why?

Stegosaurus: If I were in the Senate, I would not have voted for this bill, and I will tell you why. It seemed very simple to me. Not only was an unconstitutional bill rammed through Congress with very little debate, it was also something which will only be at best a temporary fix.... and will in the long term make things worse.

The bill was unconstitutional because no where in our laws is it allowed to use taxpayer dollars to aid special interest groups.

For example, The top CEOs of Lehman Brothers were making 173 million dollars a year. Now they have made mistakes by overspeculation and malinvestment, and should take responsibility for their incompetence regarding pecuniary matters. It is unreasonable and unconcionable that the taxpayer of America should be responsible for getting wreckless multimillionaires out of holes that they dug themselves into without thinking of the consequences.

Furthermore, the portion of the bill regarding taxes was written by the Senate and then returned to the House. This is unconstitutional, as all tax appopriations must begin in the House of Representatives, according to the law.

Plus the bailout will, as I have stated earlier, if it works at all only bring temporary confidence to American and foreign investors.

It is another effort in a long line of similar efforts by the shady characters at the Federal Reserve Bank to prop up a failing fiat currency which is only going to be devalued further in the longrun, increasing debt to our foreign investors.

The Federal Reserve continues engage in legal counterfeit, printing money out of nothing, increasing the supply of dollars. This, as should be obvious to understand, devalues what already was available, because so much is on the market. In time, it is a very real possibility that our foreign investors will stop taking our dollars, and then we'll be in trouble, because we owe in the trillions.

This bailout bill puts the burden of debt on the children of America and future generations yet unborn. It lowers the standard of living and increases the gap between rich and poor. It puts further strain on a middle class already crushed under the debt of other poor decisions made by the banking interests of the Country, taxing them not through tax laws written into the books, but through the silent tax which is a result of this increase in fiat currency: Hyperinflation. Hyperinflation is, as we know, what raises the cost of goods and services.

Now, what do I mean by fiat currency? fiat currency is something which is declared valuable by Government edict, but not backed by a commodity such as gold or silver. The US dollar became a fiat currency under the Franklin D. Roosevelt administration ( first term ), after May of 1933. The value of money was still set by gold, ( under the Bretton Woods Agreements, after World War II, ) but it was illegal for Americans to convert their dollars into gold.
The US dollar was removed entirely off the gold standard by Richard M. Nixon on August 15th, 1971, as a result of financial difficulties caused by the War in Vietnam. Since 1971, the US dollar has not been backed by anything of value, only the word of the Government.

Now, why do I think this bill is an ineffectual, bad piece of legislation? Because we have tried this before, and it does not work. We have historical precedence.

Let us look at the situation in the 1920's prior to the Great Depression, and the poor decisions that led to that difficult time in American History. The same mistakes were made then, which are being made now.

For example, the economic situation today, the fluctuations in the market seem to be very similar. We have recently experienced situations akin to June and December of 1928, and March and May of 1929.

As in those years, the President, and pro Federalist editorial writers try and reassure us that the fundamental bedrock of our economy will weather the storm; "It takes time for these things to work.", they say. But what did not work then will not magically work now. Why people can't see this is a mystery to me. Fed Chairman Bernanke on September 22nd told members of the Financial Services Committee that he agreed price fixing did not work in the 1930's. He said, "I actually agree with you that price fixing did not work in the 1930's," yet three days later he and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, ( as well as the President ), are off touting the bailout bill as something that needs to be done.

Here is some advice from somebody with a brain the size of a walnut: Memo to the Administration AND Congress. Stop acting like someone with a brain the size of a walnut.

If you do not let the market adjust you will throw a one, two year recession into an extended DEPRESSION... just like we did in the 1930's. Propping up prices and cutting rates is only making things worse. Prices NEED to drop, and the artificial bubble will deflate eventually. Delaying the inevitable will only make things harder and weaken our currency, which is already in a precarious state, and has been for some time.

I recommend a return to commodity backed currency, in gold, or silver, or trees.

My further recommendation is to enact regulation and oversight over the Federal Reserve Bank and also the President's Working Group on Financial Markets. These people are the root cause of our problems today.

I can tell that we are in for some tough times ahead. I don't know about you, but I am going to start saving my ferns and rosebushes for the future, not to mention more trees.

Thank you, for taking the time to attend my press conference today

FACTS OF INTEREST:

Courtesy of Matthew Collins and the Center for Responsive Politics:

LIST OF LOBBYISTS WHO BOUGHT THE 2008 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES:


Top 10 Corporate PAC Contributors:

Obama:

Goldman Sachs $739,521

UBS AG $419,550

Lehman Brothers $391,774

Citigroup Inc $492,548

Morgan Stanley $341,380

Latham & Watkins $328,879

Google Inc $487,355

JPMorgan Chase & Co $475,112

Sidley Austin LLP $370,916

Skadden, Arps et al $360,409

McCain:

Merrill Lynch $349,170

Citigroup Inc $287,801

Morgan Stanley $249,377

Wachovia Corp $147,456

Goldman Sachs $220,045

Lehman Brothers $115,707

Bear Stearns $108,000

JPMorgan Chase & Co $206,392

Bank of America $133,975

Credit Suisse Group $175,503



Sources: Rep. Dr. Ron Paul ( R) 14th TX : Speech "The End of Dollar Hegemony" February 15, 2006


The Center For Responsive Politics

Only Yesterday by Frederick Lewis Allen ( 1st printing Perennial Classics, 2000 )

Since Yesterday by Frederick Lewis Allen ( 7th printing Bantam Matrix, 1965 )

Other Useful links may be found here: The Bailout Reader: Ludwig Von Mises Institute

In a press conference held Sunday, October 5th, Congresssaurus Stegosaurus announced his endorsement of Eugene Victor Debs for President in 2008.

"I understand President Wilson let him out of prison recently," said Stegosaurus.
"I feel that the odds of Mr. Debs being successful this year are very, very good. Debs is my man, because he cares about the little guy, and I care about the little guy too.

Don't think that because I am big, I don't think about the plight of all the hard working mammals in America. I do. That is why I support Eugene Victor Debs for President in 2008. "

National Public Radio Weekend Edition Sunday 9/21/2008

Andrea Seabrook: We are here to discuss the week's political events with NPR's senior News Analyst Daniel Schorr. Good morning, Dan.

Daniel Schorr: Good morning, Andrea.

AS: Okay let's talk about the Stegosaurus phenomenon in Colorado. What seemed like an odd third party style fluke months ago has really taken off, and Senator Salazar is really challenged at this point. What do you think has made Stegosaurus so successful?

DS: Yes, Andrea this is a surprise. Stegosaurus has overcome the ridicule of the people who didn't take his canadacy seriously at the start. He's jumped the hurdles of some early mistakes in his campaign to capture a great cross section of Colorado's voting public. It's a particularly important voting bloc too, which is the fabled Soccer Moms. It might be the Soccer Moms' children having an influence, most likely. Maybe the novelty of a senator with a cool, spiky tail and spiff, sexy plates.

AS: Wow, and months ago we thought all he'd get was one per cent or less, and Ken Salazar would breeze easily back into the Senate. What did Stegosaurus do to endear himself to the Soccer Moms of Colorado?

DS: Well, I think it was when he decided to start saving trees instead of eating them. Stegosaurus went on a diet recently and has only eaten low fat pteridophytes for months, and a lot of trees have been saved. This repairs his reputation wth the base of his party, the Greens, and connects with the environmentally aware, socially concious Soccer Moms of Colorado. I understand Stegosaurus has lost half a ton. It's impressive.

AS: I remember we thought he was doomed early on in his campaign when he was photographed undertaking a clear cutting operation. What can Ken Salazar do? He seems to have an exemplary environmental record, and seniority. There has to be something else to the popularity of Stegosaurus. What can Salazar do ? Anything at this point?

DS: It is to Salazar's credit that he hasn't turned to mudslinging. We're seeing less negative attacks than we used to in the campaign for President this cycle, so perhaps politics has finally learned something: Negative attacks don't work like they used to, and being blatantly negative could be the nail in Salazar's political career if he's not careful. What he can do, I think, is Salazar can stick to his record, and point out his strengths... sticking to his own message could expose Stegosaurus' inexperience without being completely negative.

That is the path I think Salazar needs to take.

AS: Yet it could be that Stegosaurus will pull off a surprise and win. He could be the next Jesse Ventura.

DS: Yes, he might, Andrea. We'll have to wait and see.

AS: It will be quite interesting to see how it plays out in Colorado. Thanks, Dan. Always good to talk to you.

DS: Thank you, Andrea.

AS:NPR's senior news analyst, Daniel Schorr, with insight on the week's political events.

National Public Radio, Sunday, May 18th. 2008. "Morning Edition":

Andrea Seabrook: We turn now to our senior news analyst Daniel Schorr, with some insight on the senate race in Colorado. What do you think, Dan, of the rise of Congressional candidate Stegosaurus?"

Daniel Schorr: Well, Andrea, Its amazing because he started off on such a bad foot, er, claw. He was really down in the polls, and it was more than his penchant for eating trees that was hurting him.

AS: Yes, the popular insult is for at least a senior Senator to be referred to as a dinosaur, and of course Stegosaurus is one.

DS: He is indeed. He is the epitome of big government, and has expressed some big government ideas, when he isn't too hungry and eats the paper they've been written on. As has been noted, Stegosaurus has a love of eating trees which makes him unpopular with the environmental wing of the Green Socialist Party. but his recent embrace of the alternative fuel HHO, invented by Denny Klein has given him a boost that really puts his candidacy in contention.

AS: It seems contradictory, but that's usual for a politician I think.

DS: It is this honesty, Andrea, I agree, that is connecting with the voters.

AS: Plus Stegosaurus is pulling in a lot of celebrity endorsements, such as Whoopi Goldberg, Barbara Striesand, and Jane Fonda.

DS: Yes, they are acting like small children! If small children could vote, the election would already be over. A guaranteed landslide for Stegosaurus. There are already some people looking at ways that the Senate Chamber of the Capitol building can be expanded to accomodate him.

AS: Wow, well, what do you think Ken Salazar can do to stand a chance in the election??

DS: Well, he needs to stick to his message, and his record. Ken Salazar is a very popular senator and he could well pull ahead of Stegosaurus before the election even happens. He has a record to stand on. All Stegosaurus has is some spiff plates and a cool spiky tail.

AS: All right. That's NPR's senior news analyst Daniel Schorr, who joins us for analysis of the days' events. Thanks, Dan!

DS:Thank you, Andrea.

Congresssaurus Stegosaurus has been In Boulder, Colorado since February 1st shaking claws and looking for votes. He held a press confrence today to announce his backing for Denny Klein's HHO technology.




In a prepared statement with Mr. Klein standing beside him, Congresssaurus Stegosaurus said,

"I believe in the investement of alternative fuels, because even with a brain the size of a walnut I know that fossil fuel means extinction ! Not only extinction for dinosaurs, but extinction for the homo sapiens who fight for it in wars.

When it all comes down to it, I think a lot of money and lives could be saved if people just walked everywhere like I do. But, I understand that homo sapiens love their cars, and a good Congresssaurus represents all the people, not just his fellow dinosaurs. Therefore I pledge that if you elect me as your Congresssaurus I will work on a State Environmental Committee which will push for the fiduciary resources to invest large amounts of Federal money into this alternative fuel system.

Remember : fossil fuel is extinction ! Please vote Stegosaurus 2008 !"

A great cheer rose from the gathered populace.

Then, Mr. Klein spoke : " I enthusiastically look forward to expanding the use and knowledge of my HHO technology to the US and the rest of the world. With the influential backing of candidate Congresssaurus Stegosaurus I am sure we can save the lives of American soldiers and dinosaurs alike. Thank you. "

Hydrogen Technology Applications Incorporated

Today, Stegosaurus releases the transcript of his September 22nd 2007 debate with Sen. Ken Salazar, D - Colo., which was held outside the Chautaqua Auditorium in Boulder, Colorado.

Tim Russert : Welcome, and good evening. We are with you outside the Chautaqua Auditorium in Boulder, Colorado and you are about to hear the long awaited debate between Senator Ken Salazar, incumbent Democrat of Colorado, and his challenger, Mr. Stegosaurus... We are outside because one of the candidates in tonight's debate happens to be 9 feet tall and 30 feet long ! I am NBC's Tim Russert, moderator of Meet The Press, and I will moderate this debate this evening. Welcome, Gentlemen. "

Sen. Salazar: Thank you, Tim.

Mr. Stegosaurus: Thank you, Tim

Tim Russert: Okay, we will have the standard debate format this evening. When asked a question, the candidate will have two minutes to respond, and two minutes will be allowed for rebuttal. When you hear the buzzer, your two minutes are up. All right ?"

Sen. Salazar: Yes.

Mr. Stegosaurus: Yes.

Tim Russert:: All right Senator Salazar shall ask the first question.

Sen. Salazar: Mr. Stegosaurus, there seem to be some controversies in your campaign. If I may address one that concerns me most, I want you to know that I have served as Colorado's executive director of Natural Resources and the natural beauty of my State concerns me very much. Can you answer questions that have popped up regarding your environmental record? You claim to be a friend to the environment and its conservation, yet you have been photographed on numerous occassions actually eating trees. Please explain how eating trees preserves the environment.

Mr. Stegosaurus: Let me assure you, Senator, that I mean very well .....I love trees. I am a gardener, and have published a book on gardening. It's just that they taste so good ! I am 6, 801 tons, and a dinosaur has to eat !

Tim Russert: Senator Salazar, your rebuttal ?

Sen. Salazar: I don't want you to starve, but I do love my Colorado with trees. I wrote and championed a constitutional amendment creating Great Outdoors Colorado, and it is the most successful in the history of this State. My question, may I be allowed my question Mr. Russert ?"

Tim Russert: Uh, yes, Senator.

Sen. Salazar ( nods politely ) " Your own record shows that you have eaten trees and in fact gained 601 tons and a degree in HORTICULTURE CONSUMPTION I know you're a member of the Green Party, and they generally have a positive environmental record, but you...can you tell me anything you have done positive for the environment ? I understand that even your party faithful have some questions."

Tim Russert: Mr. Stegosaurus, you have two minutes.

Mr. Stegosaurus: I tried to control myself by eating extinct trees once; I went to Bedford Virginia during finals week before I graduated and tried to eat some trees that the Gypsy Moth had made extinct,, but they really didn't taste good, and, well, I accidentially knocked over some living trees with my tail or stomped on them. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. It takes a lot to fill up a dinosaur when he's 6,801 tons. Fortuantely my failure there wasn't enough to deny my degree.

Tim Russert: Senator Salazar, your rebuttal ?

Sen. Salazar: The road to political disaster is paved with good intentions, Mr. Stegosaurus. I do not see that you have any positive environmental record.

Tim Russert: Your question, Mr. Stegosaurus ...

Stegosaurus looks at his podium

Mr. Stegosaurus Hey, is this podium made of real trees ? Is your podium made of real trees ?


Sen. Salazar: Yes, it is, Mr. Stegosaurus. They both are. So is Mr. Russert's. I don't see where that comes into the que.."

Stegosaurus eats his podium

Mr. Stegosaurus: Yes, kind of processed, but it was real trees.

Sen. Salazar Don't eat my podium, Mr. Stegosaurus ...but do you see what I mean, Mr. Russert ? This only proves my point. My opponet has No positive environmental record to speak of ! He can't even stop eating trees or anything made of wood !!

Tim Russert stands at his podium saying nothing with a grin on his face.

Sen. Salazar: What exactly do you think makes you electable, Mr. Stegosaurus ?

Mr. Stegosaurus I have 17 spiff yellow plates and a really cool spiky tail ! Would you like me to show you how I can use it as a plow ?"

Sen. Salazar:: No, no, that won't be necessary... I am a farmer. I know how to plow.

Mr. Stegosaurus: I also have the love and support of millions of children everywhere !

Sen. Salazar This is because you are our State foss... dinosaur. You have been our state dinosaur for over 20 years. I respect your position and popularity. But, with all due respect, Mr. Stegosaurus, children, I love children, but they can't vote.

Mr. Stegosaurus: I respectfully disagree, Senator. They voted for me. They sent in votes to people like you, and they counted then. If they didn't how else can you explain my status here in Colorado and elsewhere in the world ? It's good to be loved. It's good to be me.

Sen. Salazar: ( taken aback ) Point taken, Mr. Stegosaurus.

Tim Russert: We are nearing the end of time for our debate this evening, Gentlemen. Do you have any closing statements ? Let's begin with Senator Salazar. Senator, you have two minutes.

Sen. Salazar I think my experience and existing record speak for themselves, ladies and gentlemen. While Stegosaurus' lack of record on the environment speaks with a volume as big as he is. I know Stegosaurus is popular and loved here in Colorado, but I just don't think he has the experience to lead. I ask for the consideration of your vote.

Tim Russert: Mr. Stegosaurus, your closing statement, please ?"

Mr. Stegosaurus: I may not have a voting record, but I do have an Opera record ... I promise to work very hard for the people of Colorado. Everyone in Colorado who does not have a spiky tail will be given a plow, and all the trees they can eat. Please vote for me.

Ken Salazar is seen shaking his head

Tim Russert: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Thank you for listening to our debate tonight between Senator Ken Salazar, D. - Colo., and his large, lovable challenger, Mr. Stegosaurus. This is Tim Russert of NBC News signing off from outside the Chautauqua Auditorium in Boulder, Colorado. Good night.

Congressional candidate Stegosaurus has not released a statement on the assasination of Iraq's President Saddam Hussein.

The fact is that since he has a brain the size of a walnut, he lacks the capacity to formulate opinions on political matters.

Please note that this will not prevent him from doing a good job as a Congresssaurus representing the people of Colorado.

VOTE Stegosaurus for Senate : He'll really throw his weight around Washington !!

All 6,000 tons of me, and not a ton to spare, baby !

This message paid for by friends of Stegosaurus ....

I am Stegosaurus, and I approve this message !

Congressional candidate Stegosaurus was this week photographed and videotaped engaging in a clear cutting operation raising questions as to his sincerity regarding issues of the environment.

When approached with the accusation that his environmental record was dismal, Stegosaurus admitted,

" I know it looks bad, given that I'm running on the Green Party ticket," ( Stegosaurus is Green, you know ), adding quote, " I'm sorry liberal hippie types. I love trees I really do. But they are so good to eat. "

What would you do if your Congressman was a Stegosaurus ?

If one were running, would you vote for him ?

VOTE Stegosaurus for Senate : He'll really throw his weight around Washington !!

:-)

All 6,000 tons of me, and not a ton to spare, baby !

This message paid for by friends of Stegosaurus ....

I am Stegosaurus, and I approve this message !


OHMIGOD I can't stop laughing ....


help.... :-)