Immediately after the Christmas holidays, cold weather set in, and I decided to float on my raft forthrightly to the State of Hawaii and warmer weather. I am very glad that my cousin Lexovissaurus and Loricatosaurus had returned to France before the bitter weather came in. It was not fit for mammal or Stegosaurus. I was very glad to arrive in the hospitable land of Hawaii; I went to Waimea, Hawaii County, Hawaii immediately upon the word that it had the best grazing in the State. A lot of open land for cattle also might leave some space for a visiting Stegosaurus. I stomped right away to Waimea Nature Park – Kamuela, Hawaii, Ulu La‘au, which means "Garden of the trees" in the Hawaiian language. The Nature park is a major cultural asset, and they are attempting to have invasive tree species removed from National Parks after those species escaped cultivation. I was only too happy to oblige them by putting down a stand of Grevillea robusta and a few Falcataria moluccana besides. I began to wish I had brought my classmates with me to share in some of the work as it was so delicious and it also made me feel good to provide a useful service to the mammals who were trying to improve the beautiful condition of their park. I was so glad to put my degree in Horticulture Consumption to use.

In the late afternoon I took a walk to settle all the trees I ate by visiting the volcano Kohala, the oldest volcano in Hawaii; which reportedly recorded the reversal of the magnetic field some 780,000 years ago. Or maybe it was last week I am not sure. I do remember when it happened though such a major event it was. I made a note to tell Loricatosaurus about this place as I found the fossils of sea faring animals there. I thought if she came here to dig she might find herself.

Then I found a nice cloud forest near the summit, which is a kind of rain forest. Many species there are rare so I didn't eat anything out of respect besides I was still full from all my work in the National Park. I did find myself a nice bog to relax in. The weather being subtropical it is much more suitable to a Stegosaurus but this area being very fragile is highly susceptible to invasive species so I am sure that I will be back here working someday soon. Maybe I will bring my classmates and make a party of it. I found some friendly amphibians in the bog, and struck up a conversation with them about when I might start evolving.

In the evening I went back down to the National Park to watch the sunset and made plans with some Paniolo ( the Hawaiian word for cowboys ) to take part in a rodeo at Parker Ranch just for fun. I really like Hawaii, and have made plans to return for the cherry blossom festival some day soon; what a relaxing time it was. When I return to the mainland and Colorado I must return to my college classes. A doctorate in tree diseases does not earn itself, you know!

When the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency had secured safety for the distressed mammals in Texas, USA I took the Moa Birds up on their invitation and floated forthrightly on my raft to New Zealand where I spent the Thanksgiving holidays.

We spent much of our relaxing time on South Island, though we also spent some time grazing on Stewart Island as well. As their guest, I let them choose the place to graze. In my time there, it rained very much, but that isn't unusual in New Zealand; I like it because it makes the verdure grow. 80% of the flora is native. I love the mosses and lichen in New Zealand; it does not taste as good anywhere else.

Every now and again I stood on my hind legs to reach a branch or two from the abundant Fagaceae or Agathis australis trees. But for the most part, I was content with my low hanging vegetation as I remembered my vet's advice regarding large tree consumption. It was such a relaxing time, particularly after all our hard work in Texas.


And then, just when we were content along came a Haast's Eagle, I presume looking for dinner. I alerted my Moa friends to run and hide as quickly as they could; they fled for the safe cover of the deep forests but this left me alone on the plains, and suddenly the primary target of the Haast's Eagle, a determined and vicious hunter. It was a female, which was the largest of the species.

"Hello, dinner! Not only am I hungry, but I also have young to feed!" said the Haast's Eagle.

She latched one claw into one of my spiff, sexy plates, and the other into my right upper side. She was surprised, as she is used to dining on Moas which weigh much less than I do, and she could not carry me off.

"I know you've got to eat, but you're just going to have to find something else!" Stegosaurus said.

"Oh, please." said the Haast's Eagle.

"Don't make me whack you. Please let go!"

"No, you are mine!"

"All right then! You are warned! I don't really want to do this, but you have forced me to react in defense!"

As the eagle attempted to lift me, I swung my cool, spiky tail around aimed at her left wing.

"Oh no you don't!" Stegosaurus exclaimed. The Haast's Eagle is a bird of prey so she was very quick. Thus Stegosaurus missed both her wing and her side. In her surprise though she let his plate go.

"Good luck with your hunting, but you cannot eat me or any of my friends!"

"Not today," she agreed. "I had not anticipated a Stegosaurus here; you are not my normal prey."

"Hunt elsewhere. I will not let you eat my friends!" Stegosaurus declared.

"Very well!" said she, and the Haast's Eagle flew away. When she was gone, the Moas came out from their hiding places.

"It is such good fortune for us that you came to visit friend Stegosaurus!" said Moa.

"The Haast's Eagles have lost the hunt today. We are all lucky to have survived this day. That was a little more bird watching than I had planned, but it is a risk we take in this wonderful land; I
still consider them beautiful birds but I won't let them eat you. You will be safe while I am here." said Stegosaurus.

"You are a true friend, we are thankful for your loyalty to us. Come let us return to relaxing grazing on the plains."


We saw Haast's Eagles in the distance, but ever after they did not bother us, and at the behest of the Moas I remained in New Zealand longer than I had originally planned. I returned home in mid
December, as I was expecting my cousin Lexovissaurus and his wife for the Christmas holiday. But, I love to visit New Zealand. It is my second home. The verdure is great and the hospitality of the
Moas is second to none. I highly recommend it, but I advise you to keep the Haast's Eagles at a distance! They're beautiful but dangerous!

"This semester I decided to go on vacation during Spring Break," said Stegosaurus. " So, when midterm finals were over, I stomped down to Florida's Panama City Beach to relax and see if a Spring Break vacation would live up to its hype. On the beach I enjoyed the weather; it was quite pleasant but there were no trees there, and the place was crowded often with young mammals acting silly and making lots of noise. There was water to drink, but alas, it was very salty."

"The mammals were indeed very friendly. They complimented me and a few tried to ride on my back. Out of kindness I obliged for a little while, but in a short time I began to long for some peace and quiet. Also, I was getting quite hungry. I left the friendly young mammals with a couple complimentary cases of my beer, Stegosaurus Stout, and went on my way to Panama City, Florida.

I immediately fell in love with the subtropical weather which reminded me so well of those bygone days just out of my shell when the world lacked those pesky polar ice caps. Thinking about my youth made me very hungry for some delicious fresh Cycadophyta, so I stomped down forthrightly to the nearest swamp in search of one of my oldest dietary staples. Along the way I also enjoyed a nice meal of Chamaecyparis thyoides. Also I ate a few Toxicodendron vernix; it is fortunate that I do not have any problems being exposed to this plant as many mammals do; the stand I found was in shrub form rather than tree form but either way they are quite delicious."

"I was tempted to eat some nice Carya cordiformis, but then I remembered what my vet told me about my jaw and the tough bark of some trees; how I should just settle for roots and ferns, the way I was designed. I compromised with a good meal of Salix caroliniana instead. I really enjoyed my vacation. I needed some time to enjoy trees I wanted to eat, rather than what academia asked me to identify for a good grade; and once I was in the swamp, I realized how much I needed solitude for a while from the great abundance of mammals that have overspread the Earth in our modern times. It was very pleasant indeed. At the end of the week I returned to class recharged and ready to learn. I was really inspired by Loricatosaurus recent graduation to do well."

"Kentrosaurus and I enjoyed our visit to Oxford and the graduation of Lexovissaurus' wife Loricatosaurus. She has worked hard and deserves all of the emoluments that come her way," said Stegosaurus. "After returning Kentrosaurus to his native land, Nigeria, I floated forthrightly on my raft to the land of New Zealand, in order to commence my birdwatching vacation with the Moa Birds. They are really nice fellows to put up with my watching them all the time. New Zealand is also a very beautiful country. Having arrived there I stomped with haste to the Uplands, and before I came upon a single Moa, there I saw my good friend Western Black Rhino."

"What an unexpected surprise!" Stegosaurus exclaimed. "What brings you to New Zealand?"

"Friend Stegosaurus! I did not expect to see you just now, but I am overjoyed to find you here. The answer is simple. I am here on your recommendation. I had heard you tell of how wonderfully beautiful New Zealand is, and how amiable the Moa Birds, and I decided I had to see for myself just what you love about this land."

"I am happy to see you out and about," said Stegosaurus. "I know adjusting to being extinct has been hard for you."

"Yes, it was," said Western Black Rhino. It is. It has only been three years, after all. But I took the advice many gave me at my funeral and finally got out of Africa to see the rest of the world."

"I just came from Nigeria because I was returning Kentrosaurus to his native land. He and I visited cousin Wuerhosaurus in China and Tibet, and we went from there to England, where we were present when Lexovissaurus' wife Loricatosaurus graduated with her degree in Paleontology."

"Please send her my regards," said Western Black Rhino.

"Surely I will," promised Stegosaurus. "If I had known you were coming here, we could have floated forthrightly on the raft together."

"That would have been pleasant," rejoined Western Black Rhino. "I have been on vacation here for several weeks; you were still in China at the time I arrived. " Then, observing an Upland Moa climbing up over the hill, Western Black Rhino exclaimed, "Look, there arrives a Moa Bird now!"

"Hail, Moa! Well met, friend!" said Stegosaurus.

"AH!" exclaimed Moa. "You startled me! You both ....!!"

"Apologies at once," said Stegosaurus.

"And from me as well," said Western Black Rhino.

"Do you mind if we watch you today?" asked Stegosaurus.

"Not at all, just please be quiet. My friends and I like to graze in peace."

"Are you by yourself?" asked Western Black Rhino.

"At the present; but there are a few more of us coming anon ... be patient and quiet and we will let you watch us."

"So, Moa, how have things been since you returned from working with my Disaster Relief Agency?" asked Stegosaurus.
"Very fine, friend Stegosaurus," said Moa. "Thank you for asking. Life runs pretty slow and pleasant here in New Zealand. We're going to clear this hill up here til the evening, and then spend some time grazing in the canopy forest below. It is a pretty nice life. "

"I'm pretty pleased with my own, as I reflect on turning 140 million and 10 very soon," agreed Stegosaurus. "You remember my new friend Western Black Rhino, don't you?"
"Yes," said Moa, "Pleased to see you again, Western Black Rhino, I hope you have been doing well."
"Thank you," said Western Black Rhino, "Your land of New Zealand is very beautiful."

"Then, we were silent for a very long time," said Stegosaurus. "The other Moas arrived, and it was very relaxing for all of us. We were so taken with the scene that we all took to grazing. I am sure the scene was quite pastoral and bucolic. "

"Western Black Rhino and I spent a good three weeks in the lovely country of New Zealand," said Stegosaurus. "It was so nice to see him get out and about ... it was the first time I had seen him happy since his extinction. Adjustment to change is such a difficult thing. We also spent some time watching the Haast's Eagles, since we didn't want them to become envious or feel any less important. They are really quite beautiful, but I am very uncomfortable with the idea that they eat my friends from time to time."

"In early June we will return each to our own lands; after an extended trip to several places in the last few months it will be nice to return home to my native land of Colorado. I left my business ventures in the capable claws of my accountant Corythosaurus, but being a hands on entrepreneur, it is always good to be at the helm of your own ventures whenever possible."

Stegosaurus went to the internet and checked Ticketmaster on line to see if Ada Jones was giving a concert tour this summer.

"Having left Texas well after my Disaster Relief Agency had helped rebuild some of the damaged areas there, I stomped on over to Long Island New York to see if I could find Ada," said Stegosaurus. "I had a nice meal of Betula Lenta, some really nice and delicious Cercis canadensis, and even some really good Liriodendron tulipifera while I was there visiting New York, but Miss Jones must have been out of town, perhaps to Roanoke,VA under the auspices of the Roanoke Cycle Company. I don't know. She was nowhere to be found."

"I was disappointed," conceded the well traveled Plate Lizard, "But I did stop by the Natural History Museum while I was in the neighborhood and made a little extra money playing extinct for a while. Julio and his children didn't stop by this time, unfortunately."

"Perhaps I'll stomp home to Colorado before the summer is out and visit my old friend and favorite guitarist Nick Lucas; I'm sure he's still popular with the small children today. I don't see how his fame could ever fade."

"Maybe it will be that I'll have better luck trying to attend a concert by Jenny Lind; in her case I might have to get on my raft and float forthrightly to Sweden, but it would be so worth it! She is such a cutting edge popular singer these days!"

"I continued to have a nice visit in Australia during all of May," said Stegosaurus. "Platypus is a very generous and hospitable fellow. My old friend Thylacine even dropped by for tea one afternoon, always a jovial fellow amused at the idea that there are some mammals who haven't yet figured out he's extinct."

"I floated forthrightly on my raft back home to America in three weeks, after thanking Platypus profusely for his many kindnesses. I made it back in time to celebrate my 140 million and 8th birthday on June 1st with yet another cake. I noticed this year that the internet has declared me to be vintage! I sure hope 140 million and 8 qualifies as vintage! I'm very lucky to be stomping around at this age you know; but I feel in great health and so I am sure yet to have many more adventures! Come with me, let's have them together!"

"The Spring semester of College has come to a close, and I have taken some time to float forthrightly on my raft to New Zealand for a bird watching vacation," said Stegosaurus.

"How relaxing it has been! The Moa birds are so happy to see me! Anytime I'm around watching them, my presence scares away the Haast's Eagles. I don't mind the Haast's Eagles, really. They are beautiful too. I just don't want them eating my friends.

Whether I stomp to the coastal dunelands of North Island, The Eastern South Island, The plentiful swamp forests, the canopy forests, or the mountainous subalpine zones, I have Moas to watch, look at and converse with. What a wonderful time I am having, it is such a relief after all the studying for my medical degree. The canopy forests are so delicious, I have to watch that I don't eat too much of my friends' habitat. I also need to be mindful of my weight. I've maintained my figure at a respectable 6 tons, but it is easy to get carried away when you are on vacation."

My birdwatching vacation in New Zealand was very nice," said Stegosaurus. "The Giant Moas and I had some great times. Now I'm updating my blog on my laptop while I'm on a raft. It's just a short trip to London to help my friend Ray Harryhausen celebrate his 89th birthday on June 29th.

July 6th I'll be back in the States for the start of the summer semester.

Earlier today I got an email from my Nigerian cousin Kentrosaurus:

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING THE LAST MILITARY REGIME HERE IN NIGERIA, THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE PRESENT CIVILIAN GOVERNMENT SET UP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA READY FOR PAYMENT.

HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER 2. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY TEL/FAX; 234-1-7740449, YOUR COMPANY'S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY'S NAME.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE TEL/FAX NUMBERS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR CLEMENT OKON

NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

" It looks like he's trying to supplement his military pension again," said Stegosaurus. "He's my cousin and I love him, but Kentrosaurus can sometimes be a real con artist!!"


****************
Yes, this is a joke. For more information on the "Nigerian / 419 Scam visit snopes.com here

From that website here's an important note from Barbara Mikkelson:

The Secret Service asks if you have been victimized by the Nigerian scam to forward appropriate written documentation to the United States Secret Service, Financial Crimes Division, 950 H Street, NW, Washington, D.C. 20223, or telephone (202) 406-5850, or contact by e-mail. Per their automated response system, they no longer want faxed copies of the various Nigerian scams.

However, it needs be pointed out there is only so much the Secret Service or any law enforcement agency can do if the perpetrators of the scam are not within their jurisdiction. Your local police department cannot send officers to Nigeria to arrest the fellows who are attempting to con you out of your life savings any more than Nigerian police could show up on your doorstep to put the handcuffs on you.

Folks angered by Nigerian scam come-ons often want to see justice done and done quickly, yet often there is little that can be done because those behind the thefts are in other parts of the world. Ergo, the best protection is an awareness that the laws of your country are not always enforceable in other lands, so it behooves to you always proceed with caution when dealing with people or business entities in foreign locales.

Barbara "fraud gods" Mikkelson

" After celebrating my 140 million and third birthday in Spain and cutting the ribbon on the Stegosaurus School of Dance there, I stomped on down to New Zealand to spend the rest of my college break birdwatching for The Giant Moa and / or Haast's Eagles," said Stegosaurus. After relaxing it will be time to return to The States for my second semester of college."