Stegosaurus and his classmates stomped forthrightly to Texas in early June accompanied by Rhedosaurus and his lovely wife Lady Rhedosaurus to help as part of the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency. A flock of Upland Moa birds also felt compelled to join them in their rescue efforts.

"I saw that my friends in Texas needed some help, so I called upon my classmates and a few others who enjoy helping those in need to stomp to their aid," said Stegosaurus.


"I started this service because I am very experienced in dealing with the problems that disasters can cause. Just ask me about Chicxulub some time!"

"Houston dealt with 11 inches of rain just prior to this disaster, and other parts of Texas, particularly those places along the Trinity River are facing the prospect of additional rainfall so we sent the Moa Birds up there to help out," said Lady Rhedosaurus.

"Yes, honestly, this place right now looks worse than the time I stomped through New York in '53," said Rhedosaurus.

"I'm glad you're here to help," said Stegosaurus. "A small contingent of my classmates have gone up the Trinity River to help the Moas resolve problems and aid victims of Nature's excessive deluge."


"We're working together with ( the native mammals of Texas as well, ) to prove to the World that voluntary action is not only the most efficient, but the least intrusive method to public liberty that can be devised by mammal or prehistoric animal," said a Moa Bird emphatically.

"Small children love to see us too! Why, yesterday I paused to give some small children some levity by letting them ride on my back between my plates," said Stegosaurus. "It pleased me to see them so happy."

"And if the Moas are building up a dam, or the Rhedosaurids are helping to rebuild mammal homes, we know we are doing our part in the community. Everyone knows us and loves us, everywhere we stomp," the loquacious plate lizard concluded.

"No one is afraid, and they are grateful to work with us as Texans particularly, of all North American mammals, have an independent streak," said Lady Rhedosaurus. "Not one is afraid. Even of my husband!"

"I'm glad Rhedosaurus is repairing his reputation with figures of mammal authority," said Stegosaurus. "Keep working with us, and in time you'll find mammals will eventually remember you more for the good deeds you have done, the permanence of the silver screen aside," said Stegosaurus.

"You have such remarkable faith in the better parts of mammal nature," observed Rhedosaurus. "It is very admirable."

"Thank you friend," said Stegosaurus. "I've lived 140 million and 9 years focusing on the positive. Good advice for anyone. It really helps you live a happier and more productive life."

"Can you believe it? Another year has gone by and I recently celebrated my 140 million and 9th birthday. It seems like only yesterday that I was 140 million and 8. Here I am with my cake. Birthday cakes are a tradition on birthdays started by mammals."

"Every year my birthday wish is the same: That the world would once again become devoid of polar ice caps, just as it was in my youth, when I was just out of my shell. That may not be good weather for a mammal, but its perfect for a Stegosaurus."

"Even better than a cake this year was the gift of an aloe plant! Whenever I get nervous I always consume aloe plants because of their soothing properties. How very delicious! Its not every day a dinosaur turns 140 million and 9, so I stomped out forthrightly and properly celebrated the day of my birth by eating at one of my favorite dining establishments: The Community Garden Center."

"We are on the cusp of summer! Let us go and see what kind of grand adventures we can have together!"

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Today Stegosaurus held a press conference to make a very important announcement.

"Thank you for coming, Ladies and Gentlemen. Very nice to see my adoring public again. Especially the small children, who love me for some reason. I appreciate your friendship and support very much. I have to make a very important statement about my future, one I thought I'd never make."

"A hard decision has been made," said Stegosaurus. "After 7 years I have left my employment as Hokie Bird Protector. Fortunately I still have my second job at the Asplundh Tree Expert Company and they have graciously agreed to increase my hours there. A lot of trees need trimming, and I'm just the dinosaur to do it!"

"I also have my School of Dance and other entrepreneurial endeavors as well. I believe in diversification and the absolute best in the American Spirit. I'm not the quintessential American dinosaur for nothing you know ... I like to think that I embody the best of the American way and tradition. A leader by example."

"I wish the Hokie Bird well; he should not take this decision personally as it had nothing to do with his character or demeanor towards me which has always been pleasant and upstanding. He's a fine individual, and when I evolve I want to be just like him. Either that or maybe a Band-tailed pigeon."

"In the interests of professionalism I will not here go into my reasoning for leaving my job as Hokie Bird Protector, but I will say I find some decisions by upper management to be very disappointing, and in many ways I no longer feel welcome at a place I once treated like home. Nonetheless I wish my former superiors well, and may the choices they have made work out well for them. I have been around for over 140 million years now, and If I can survive climate changes and meteor strikes I will survive this."


"Thank you very much for your time."

"I have heard of this upstanding group of mammals who formed an organization called Christians Against Dinosaurs and decided to join them when I saw they were looking for celebrities to further their cause," said Kentrosaurus. "My cousins, and even Wooly Mammoth think I am being silly, but my faith and my resolve are solid."

Christians against Dinosaurs spokesman John Robert Decir Gilipolleces, who insisted upon being called by the name "Ha-matzav - khara", was enthusiastic. "We're very pleased to have Kentrosaurus with us!" He said. "It is a sign from The Almighty Lord which proves our point, I think. If a dinosaur joins us and says he doesn't exist it must be so! He ought to know if he exists or not!"

"I spent this weekend at the American Museum of Natural History in New York", said Stegosaurus. "I was there for one of my many public relations initiatives which have been so numerous in the last few hundred years. The job market can really be brutal when you're extinct, you know. There's not much call for work outside of a museum. Anyway there I was standing still for hours. I've received a lifetime achievement award for playing extinct as you might recall. I'm REALLY good at it they say."

"Early in the morning a mammal carrying a suitcase came in followed by 6 children. The children were delighted to see me because they were small, and small children everywhere love me for some reason. I keep making that observation, because its true. Don't know why for sure but I am very thankful for it. It was very interesting observing the actions of this mammal and his children, because he kept lining them up in single file, and then arranging and re arranging them in different order.

On occasion another mammal would stop him and they would converse a little bit. Then, he'd go back to arranging his children in various combinations.

Then, he opened his suitcase and arranged his garments within in different combinations.

This went on for the better part of the day. Finally at the end of the day curiosity got the better of me, and with very few mammals left in the museum before closing, I ventured to ask him what he was doing. To his credit, he did not seem at all surprised that I should speak to him in a museum. That's good. I really hate to frighten mammals like that plus I don't want to lose the reputation that got me my life time achievement award. I'm really proud of that.

"Hi, my name is Stegosaurus," said Stegosaurus.

"Hi," said the mammal. "My name is Julio. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"If you don't mind my asking what in the world are you doing there, arranging your children in so many different combinations?"

"It is very interesting, how nice of you to ask," said Julio. "Did you know," my interlocutor said enthusiastically, "..... that I can arrange my 6 children, single file, in 720 different ways?"

"How do you know this? How do you arrive at that number?" asked Stegosaurus.

"It is very simple, " observed Julio. "I have used the Fundamental Counting Principle of mathematics. Using that very same principle, I have determined that with the two pair of shoes, five pair of pants and 6 shirts I have in my suitcase that I can expect to have 60 different combinations of garments to wear."

"Very interesting," observed Stegosaurus. "I don't have a good brain for numbers it is only the size of a walnut but I do know a lot of facts about myself in numbers."

"Oh yes," said Julio. "Would you please tell me this information? I am always fascinated with numbers."

"A Stegosaurus has about 300 bones," said Stegosaurus.
"A Stegosaurus has on average about 16 spiff, sexy plates. Sometimes you will see one of us with a few more than that but on average the number is 16."
"A Stegosaurus also has 16 claws, on 4 feet."
"Four is also the number of spikes that I have on my cool, spiky tail."

"Fascinating facts!" observed Julio with glee.
"Would you mind if I re arranged your 300 bones into different combinations?"
"If its all the same I had rather you not do so honestly," said Stegosaurus. "I find myself really attached to my bones the way that they are."
"This is very understandable," observed Julio. "The way they are has served you well for millions of years."
"I will tell you a fact about set theory," Julio continued, "Now there is a formula I will teach you about which can tell us how many subsets a particular set has. The formula is 2 to the power of x. X is representative of the number of elements." Julio paused to clear his throat and then resumed, "The set Stegosaurus has 11 elements in it; That is 2 to the 11th power for a total for 2,048 ."
"I did not know this!" declared Stegosaurus. "You are so smart you can teach a Stegosaurus mathematics!"
"Thank you," said Julio.

"The museum is about to close now," observed Stegosaurus. "What will you do with the rest of your day?"

"Well," said Julio, I must go to the Home Depot hardware store and buy bundles of shingles to re shingle my roof. Then, maybe at night I will solve some quadratic equations before bed."

"I think the quadratic equations are above the understanding capacity of my walnut sized brain," observed Stegosaurus. "I would be very interested in helping you re shingle your roof. If you were to translate the Greek and Latin roots of my name I would be known as a Narrow -faced roof lizard. This is why at The Stegosaurus Construction Company roofing is our specialty. "

"I would be pleased to receive the help of The Stegosaurus Construction Company," said Julio. "Thank you very much."

When we left the museum, Julio and his children decided to ride by Stegosaurus, because we all know fossil fuel is murder. On the way I asked Julio what the square footage of his roof was.

"1800 square feet." responded Julio.

"Let's see, then, " said Stegosaurus. "You must have 18 squares, determined by dividing 1800 into 100. 18 squares times 3 bundles square is 54. We will need 54 bundles."

"I thought you said you were not very good in dealing with numbers!" said Julio with surprise.

"Yes, but also, roofing is the specialty of the Stegosaurus Construction Company you know."

"Oh right," said Julio.

"I just do what I do," shrugged Stegosaurus.

"I called upon my crew which included not only my usual classmates from college but Julio as well. By dusk, we had finished our work."

"Thank you very much! I appreciate the help!" said Julio.

"No problem, glad to do it," said Stegosaurus.

"Look at that sunset," said Julio. "What a beautiful time of the evening to solve quadratic equations."

"The Stegosaurus Construction Company shall leave you to your equations, good friend. How very nice to make your acquaintance. I hope we meet again."

"Oh I'm sure we will," said Julio. "Come back tomorrow. I need to return to Home Depot to buy some paint and a door."