Thursday, December 23, 2010
"I am spending Christmas in Kentucky with my class," said Stegosaurus. "We will be at the Ashland estate in Lexington trying to protect the Fraxinus quadrangulata from the nasty Emerald Ash Borer Beetle. I have mentioned before my extreme dislike of insects! They are such selfish creatures! How could they not consider the consequences of their actions ? What will happen if they make the Fraxinus quadrangulata extinct? Trust me, I know by experience that extinction is forever!"
"Two of the Fraxinus quadrangulata on the grounds of the estate are more than 300 years old," observed the extroverted plate lizard. " I hope that I can control my own appetite long enough to save them."
"Two of the Fraxinus quadrangulata on the grounds of the estate are more than 300 years old," observed the extroverted plate lizard. " I hope that I can control my own appetite long enough to save them."
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I am sure that you will recall that during my failed Senate campaign of 2008 I heartily endorsed the work of Dennis J. Klein, said Stegosaurus. "His HHO technology was advertised as an alternative to fossil fuel. Naturally, as a dinosaur I feel fossil fuel is murder so I gladly embraced it, and Mr. Klein came out to Colorado and spoke at my rallies. I really admired him for his care and concern about the future of the environment and of dinosaurs.
Now I have returned from my cousin's wedding in France, and I find in my mail a letter from my friend Cory who enlightened me about the kind of business that Mr. Klein is running. I am indebted to my friend for enlightening me. With his permission I will share his letter to me with you.
Dear Mr. Stegosaurus,
"Denny Klein is a con man. This scam has been around for a long time, unfortunately. The concept with the automotive application is particularly ridiculous. The idea is that the engine is used to power an electrolysis device to break water into hydrogen and oxygen, which is then combusted in the engine to increase the fuel economy. The problem is that the equation is balanced, and therefore zero-sum. 2H2O + ? ? 2H2 + O2 If you burn the hydrogen and oxygen that you create from the electrolysis process, you will only get back the amount of energy you put into the components during electrolysis. Since the energy comes from the same engine in which the fuel is then burned, all you are doing is creating a closed-loop system. While the electrolysis part of the system is pretty efficient, none of the other parts is. Every time the energy cycles through the system, you get huge energy losses from friction, heat, etc. What this guy is selling is scientific-sounding lies. He uses technical words to describe his process that often don't even make sense. For example, he says that his gas "sublimates". Sublimation is when a solid converts directly into a gas without first becoming a liquid. Therefore, a gas by its very definition cannot sublimate. Now, this guy claims that his gas is HHO, as opposed to water, which is HOH. I'm going to play devil's advocate and pretend that his gas can actually exist (it can't). The process of rearranging the bonds in the molecule would again require the same amount of energy that would be liberated during combustion. Secondly, this guy claims that his gas will burn without the presence of additional oxygen. If the gas could self-combust as he claims, it would have to be extremely volatile. It would either break down into water again almost immediately, or worse, given his claims of how much energy is liberated during the combustion process it would explode."
"If you want to see a real and truly amazing alternate fuel technology, check out thermal depolymerization. Look on YouTube for some really cool videos about it."
your friend, Cory
"When I saw that I was so upset! How could Mr. Klein take advantage of my trust like that? He knows my brain is the size of a walnut. I became so angry that the first thing I wanted to do was stomp on him forthrightly .... and for good measure whack him with my cool, spiky tail !
Only problem with this plan was that Stegosaurus Claus heard about it before I had carried it out and told me in no uncertain terms that if I harmed Mr. Klein he would not leave me even one present for Christmas. Therefore I relented my anger but I am deeply disappointed. Thank goodness for my friend Cory who has saved my reputation from further embarassment. "
Now I have returned from my cousin's wedding in France, and I find in my mail a letter from my friend Cory who enlightened me about the kind of business that Mr. Klein is running. I am indebted to my friend for enlightening me. With his permission I will share his letter to me with you.
Dear Mr. Stegosaurus,
"Denny Klein is a con man. This scam has been around for a long time, unfortunately. The concept with the automotive application is particularly ridiculous. The idea is that the engine is used to power an electrolysis device to break water into hydrogen and oxygen, which is then combusted in the engine to increase the fuel economy. The problem is that the equation is balanced, and therefore zero-sum. 2H2O + ? ? 2H2 + O2 If you burn the hydrogen and oxygen that you create from the electrolysis process, you will only get back the amount of energy you put into the components during electrolysis. Since the energy comes from the same engine in which the fuel is then burned, all you are doing is creating a closed-loop system. While the electrolysis part of the system is pretty efficient, none of the other parts is. Every time the energy cycles through the system, you get huge energy losses from friction, heat, etc. What this guy is selling is scientific-sounding lies. He uses technical words to describe his process that often don't even make sense. For example, he says that his gas "sublimates". Sublimation is when a solid converts directly into a gas without first becoming a liquid. Therefore, a gas by its very definition cannot sublimate. Now, this guy claims that his gas is HHO, as opposed to water, which is HOH. I'm going to play devil's advocate and pretend that his gas can actually exist (it can't). The process of rearranging the bonds in the molecule would again require the same amount of energy that would be liberated during combustion. Secondly, this guy claims that his gas will burn without the presence of additional oxygen. If the gas could self-combust as he claims, it would have to be extremely volatile. It would either break down into water again almost immediately, or worse, given his claims of how much energy is liberated during the combustion process it would explode."
"If you want to see a real and truly amazing alternate fuel technology, check out thermal depolymerization. Look on YouTube for some really cool videos about it."
your friend, Cory
"When I saw that I was so upset! How could Mr. Klein take advantage of my trust like that? He knows my brain is the size of a walnut. I became so angry that the first thing I wanted to do was stomp on him forthrightly .... and for good measure whack him with my cool, spiky tail !
Only problem with this plan was that Stegosaurus Claus heard about it before I had carried it out and told me in no uncertain terms that if I harmed Mr. Klein he would not leave me even one present for Christmas. Therefore I relented my anger but I am deeply disappointed. Thank goodness for my friend Cory who has saved my reputation from further embarassment. "
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Stegosaurus was pleased to stomp forthrightly over to Paris, France so that he could attend the wedding of his cousin Lexovissaurus to his girl friend, Loricatosaurus which was on November 14th. Now back home in the States, he will be glad to relate to the readers of his blog the joy of this occasion."
"The wedding was held in the delicious Tuilleries gardens. The guest list was extensive; the bride and groom spared no expense and we were all so happy to share this special day with them. Upon my arrival in the country I went straight away to the Tuilleries, and the first dinosaur I saw was my cousin Kentrosaurus. We spoke of our shared joy for the happiness of our French cousin, and the exceptional flowers of France," said Stegosaurus.
"These roses are a nice treat," observed Kentrosaurus.
"I must admit the cuisine is excellent in France," said Stegosaurus.
''I've never seen a couple who looked so happy together, and Loricatosaurus is stunning and more refined than ever after her summer spent in Switzerland at l’Institut Villa Pierrefeux Finishing School.''
"Have you noticed the care with which Lexovissaurus has taken to sharpen his shoulder spikes?!" exclaimed Kentrosaurus. "How stunning his plates are!"
"Indeed!" agreed Stegosaurus. "I cannot wait to congratulate them; they're a perfect couple. All of our best friends have turned out to wish them well! Look at the guest list!"
"My sister Quagga came with me from Nigeria." said Kentrosaurus; "The bride and groom were feeling generous and invited our friend Spinosaurus. All because he was good last Christmas and did not eat us so it couldn't cause any harm to let him celebrate the wedding. "
"How fine," said Stegosaurus; "The more the merrier. I thought I saw Nigersaurus here too?"
"Yes, he is," said Kentrosaurus. "He is helping prepare the wedding feast of Fagaceae family trees with cheese for the couple of the hour. He's working with Brachiosaurus.
Now look! There I see our friend Congresssaurus Triceratops. If you'll excuse me I think I'll go congratulate him."
"I see there's a nice herd of eleven Moa birds. I'll go say hi to them. I love bird watching," said Stegosaurus.
"I watched the Moa birds for several minutes, and then one of them looked up and saw me."
"Who is that watching us?" asked Moa.
"It is I, Stegosaurus," said Stegosaurus. "How are you doing?"
"Very fine," said Moa. "The cuisine here is indeed excellent and breathtakingly beautiful. The Moa delegation got here a little bit early and took a nice walk on the Pont Alexandre III before coming over here. It has been very nice. We have all heard rumors that Spinosaurus is here so we're kind of nervous but he is the only carnivore on the guest list so I guess there is safety in numbers."
"He's a nice enough fellow. I saw him last time I spent Christmas with my cousin Kentrosaurus." said Stegosaurus. "Still, given his nature, I agree there is safety in numbers. Do you mind if I watch you some more?"
"Oh, we don't mind at all," said Moa.
" I sat and watched the Moa birds, dreaming my impossible dream of someday turning into a bird and flying away. I know the Moas don't have any wings, but still, I dreamed. Then, my cousin Wuerhosaurus came up to say hi."
"Hey there, cousin Stegosaurus," said Wuerhosaurus.
"I'm glad to see you made it!" said Stegosaurus.
"I'm still traveling by slow boat, as is my tradition, but l was careful to leave enough time. I didn't want to miss Lexovissaurus' wedding. We missed you at the Stegosaurus Races in Kentucky this year."
"Yes, I was sorry to have missed that," confessed Stegosaurus. "I had gotten a splinter in my claw but its all better now."
"Good to hear," said Wuerhosaurus. "Have you heard that I actually won the Stegosaurus Races this year?"
"No, I had not! Congratulations!" Stegosaurus exclaimed.
"Thank you. So, I see you are watching the Moa birds."
"Why yes I am. They are very nice fellows, birds without wings."
"Yes they were born without them. You know, its a pity that paleontologists in England are seriously considering grounding Archaeopteryx.
"I agree," said Stegosaurus. "He's a nice guy and I hate to see him down."
"Say, is Stegosaurus Claus here?" Stegosaurus asked.
"He was invited I am told," remarked Wuerhosaurus. "But regretfully declined. It's the busiest time of the year for him right now."
"Then Ms. Quagga came up to us, and said hello."
"Pleased to see you," Stegosaurus, Wuerhosaurus." she said.
"This is going to be such a lovely wedding. I have just spoken to Loricatosaurus. She's anxious but looks lovely."
"Nice to see you, Ms. Quagga. I'm sure the wedding will be delightful. We're already having a wonderful time. How are things on the African plains?"
"Very pleasant. I am very much looking forward to Kwannzaa next month."
"If I may say so you always look ready to celebrate, Ms. Quagga, what with your stripes and all," said Stegosaurus.
"My attractive and festive hide is indeed something in which I take great pride," said Quagga. "If you will excuse me, I must return to assist Loricatosaurus. Have a nice day!"
"Thank you, you too!" said Wuerhosaurus.
"Ms. Quagga took her leave."
"Well now let us go talk to Nigersaurus and Brachiosaurus to see how the preparation for the wedding feast is going." said Stegosaurus.
"Very well, good cousin." rejoined Wuerhosaurus.
"It did not take us long to find Nigersaurus and Brachiosaurus, as they are sauropods. Nigersaurus greeted us heartily."
"Nice to see you both," he said, "...but I must ask you not to partake of the food until we are finished preparing the feast."
"We will be patient," Stegosaurus assured him.
"Tell them the menu so that they know what to expect," said Brachiosaurus.
"I'd be glad to." said Nigersaurus. "Tell me what you think."
Potato gratin a la Normande
Cauliflower gratin
Potato olive - ragout
Crème vichyssoise glacée
Buttersquash soup
Pear - Apple Compote with Honey
Jarlsberg, Apple & Mushroom Salad
Spiced apples & Pears on Brioche à tête
Fagaceae au gratin
Flourless Chocolate Cake
"That all sounds so delicious! I can hardly wait!" exclaimed the Stegosaurids in unison.
"Naturally, said Stegosaurus we begged Nigersaurus for a taste, but he refused, saying, 'It won't be long before dinner is served!'"
"I eventually tired of the effort, and left Wuerhosaurus, who was still trying to get a pre dinner snack. I went back out to the flowers and munched on some of those for a while.
While I was engaged in this effort, I saw Spinosaurus approaching, and thought it might be in my best interests to hide, so I did. I didn't mean to be anti social, I was just more interested in eating dinner than becoming it. "
"I heard him say, 'Stegosaurus? Where are you? I thought I saw you ...."'
"Spinosaurus looked around for a while and then said, 'More's the pity. There's nothing on the menu for carnivores.' and then he went on his way."
"I wanted to wait a little while, because I didn't want to run into a hungry Spinosaurus, so I kept under cover. This is when Lexovissaurus showed up."
"Hi, cousin! You look well ! Are you hiding from Spinosaurus too?"
Lexovissaurus dit, "Actuellement non, je ne l’ai pas vue .... Je vous cherchais parce que je suis nerveux."
Stegosaurus rejoined, "Do you have a case of cold claws? I hope not ! I'm sure...."
Lexovissaurus interrompe, "Non, non ce n’ai pas ça. Pas du tout ça. Je suis nerveux parce que je réalise que j’ai laissé Nigersaurus en charge du menu."
Stegosaurus said, "Where's the problem? I'm sure he'll do fine; I was just over in the kitchen with Wuerhosaurus and he wouldn't let us snack. I haven't tasted it yet, but I'm sure it will be great."
Lexovissaurus dit, "Nigersaurus est gentil, mais il n’est pas Français! Il.. je suis inquiet qu’il ne sera pas servir un repas Français qui convient à la réputation de mon pays! Comment est la nourriture de l’Afrique? Est-elle bonne?"
"You've been there. You know it is," Stegosaurus said.
"Ah oui, vous avez raison. Je suis très nerveux." dit Lexovissaurus.
"What's the real problem, cousin?" asked Stegosaurus. "Relax. Your shoulder spikes and tail spikes are sharp. Your plates are spiff and sexy. You look just fine."
"Non, ce n’est pas ça. Je suis assez confiant de mon apparence. Le problème est, honnêtement, je suis nerveux à propos du pasteur. Ça m’a pris du temps pour en trouvé un, que Congresssaurus Triceratops a offert n’emprunter un chapelain du Sénat Américain."
"I don't understand much about religion," said Stegosaurus. "I go to church on Palm Sunday for the food, but .... what's to be nervous about? Will you please eat some aloe plants? Everything is going to be okay. Trust me."
"Oui mon cousin tu as raison." dit Lexovissaurus.
"Have you practiced your presentation?" asked Stegosaurus.
"Ah, oui, en effet je l’ai. J’espère que Loricatosaurus l’aimera."
" Oh, I'm sure she --- there it is! That I have found why you are so nervous. Relax. Loricatosaurus will love your presentation. Now here comes the minister. Be nice and try not to stomp forthrightly on him by accident."
"Are you the groom, a Mr. Lexovissaurus? I'm the Reverend Barry C. Black. Sent on the recommendation of The Honorable Congressaurus Triceratops."
"Enchanté de vous connaitre, Révérend." dit Lexovissaurus.
"I'm sorry, my cousin in nervous," said Stegosaurus.
"Oh come now, I suppose its natural to be a little nervous on your wedding day. Try eating some aloe plants. It should help. Have you finished practicing your presentation?" asked Reverend Black.
"Oui, je l’ai, Révérend." confirme Lexovissaurus.
"Now about the rings. In my chruch, The Seventh Day Adventist, we traditionally do not exchange rings. However modern times have allowed it as an option left to the bride and groom. Do you and Loricatosaurus have.... rings?"
"Non, Révérend. On dit que les Stegosaurids ne portent pas de chapeaux, et ceci est vrai. Nous ne portons ni des chapeaux ou des dagues. Les dagues sont difficiles à mettre sur nos doigts parce que nos griffes y font obstacle."
"All right. That answers that question," said Reverend Black.
"Very well. Let us then go over the Bible verses you want. . "Now..."
"If you will excuse me, Reverend, I will leave you to consult with my cousin in private." said Stegosaurus.
"All right, Mr. Stegosaurus."
"Please be wary of my spiky tail; I do not mean to whack you with it."
"We'll keep a look out," promised Reverend Black.
"I got to watch the Moa Birds a little more as all the guests arrived and the time for the ceremony approached." said Stegosaurus.
After Lexovissaurus talked to the Reverend, he ate a quick meal of aloe plants, and then the time had arrived. Everyone was there, and even Spinosaurus was on his best behavior.
Lexovissaurus arrived and stood before the Reverend. And then there she was. Loricatosaurus in all her glory, escorted by her dear elderly father. Before she could speak, or even before the Reverend said a thing Lexovissaurus began to sing
"Tenez-moi prêt et tenez -moi vite
La formule magique que vous faites
C’est La vie en Rose
Et quand tu m’embrasse le ciel pousse un soupir
Et même si je ferme les yeux
Je voie La vie en Rose
Quand tu me pousse contre ton cœur
Je suis dans un Monde Appart
Un Monde Où les Roses Fleurissent
Et quand tu me parle les anges chantent du haut
Les mots de tous les jours semblent se changer en chansons d’amour
Donne-moi ton cœur et ton âme
Et la vie sera toujours
La vie en Rose"
"C’est adorable," dit Loricatosaurus. "Je vais tomber dans les pommes."
There was applause from all of us. Lexovissaurus looked relieved.
"This will be a new experience for me, as I have never before married two dinosaurus." remarked Reverend Black. Then he began the ceremony.
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today before God to join in the bonds of holy matimony two Stegosauridae who have pledged their love to each other. "
"The bride and groom heartily welcome those they love, their family and friends to share in this joyous moment with them as they embark on a life together as dinosaur and wife."
"It has been requested that this verse be read from the scripture." said Reverend Black. "From the book of Ruth:
"I will not abandon or forsake you; where ever you shall go, I shall go; where you lodge I shall lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God."'
"And now I say onto you, Lexovissaurus and Loricatosaurus, "May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another."
"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years, May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."
"Such is the blessing that we are pleased to share with you both today. Lexovissaurus, do you take Loricatosaurus as your lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until extinction do you part?"
"Oui je le veux," proclame Lexovissaurus.
"And do you, Loricatosaurus, take Lexovissaurus as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until extinction do you part?"
"Oui je le veux," Loricatosaurus aussi le proclame.
"Then by the power vested in me by the hand of Providence, I now pronounce you man... er, ... dinosaur and wife." announced Reverend Black. "You may kiss the bride."
"After this point the guests all cheered and stomped forthrightly in celebration," said Stegosaurus. "We all gathered to eat the meal, which of course by now was finished with great pride by Nigersaurus and Brachiosaurus. It was served by my friend Apatosaurus.
"When we had eaten our fill, the cooks were congratulated, and the guests toasted the bride and groom. Then, as had previously been agreed, I led everyone in dancing the lindy hop most of the night. At midnight, Lexovissaurus called for attention so that he could make an announcement."
"Chers amis. Loricatosaurus et moi, nous avons aimés partager ce jour avec vous tous. La soirée a été merveilleuse. Merci à tous pour être venue. Mon épouse et moi maintenant allons partir pour notre voyage de noces."
Loricatosaurus continue, "Nous aimons l’observation des oiseaux, et nous espérons d’être capable de voir plusieurs oiseaux quand nous serons en Turquie (Turkey)!"
"De plus, j’ai toujours voulu rencontré le Caliph de l’Empire Ottoman!" a déclaré Lexovissaurus. "Je suis sûr que le voyage sera un plaisir!"
"With that, my cousin and his bride took their leave, and after I led the crowd in a few more dances, we departed in great joy." said Stegosaurus. "I'm so glad I could be a part of it."
************************************
This Stegosaurusblog post dedicated to the memory of Phyllis M. Campbell, who was a friend of Stegosaurus.
the song "La Vie en Rose" written by Mack David ( english lyric ), and Louis Gugliemi
"The wedding was held in the delicious Tuilleries gardens. The guest list was extensive; the bride and groom spared no expense and we were all so happy to share this special day with them. Upon my arrival in the country I went straight away to the Tuilleries, and the first dinosaur I saw was my cousin Kentrosaurus. We spoke of our shared joy for the happiness of our French cousin, and the exceptional flowers of France," said Stegosaurus.
"These roses are a nice treat," observed Kentrosaurus.
"I must admit the cuisine is excellent in France," said Stegosaurus.
''I've never seen a couple who looked so happy together, and Loricatosaurus is stunning and more refined than ever after her summer spent in Switzerland at l’Institut Villa Pierrefeux Finishing School.''
"Have you noticed the care with which Lexovissaurus has taken to sharpen his shoulder spikes?!" exclaimed Kentrosaurus. "How stunning his plates are!"
"Indeed!" agreed Stegosaurus. "I cannot wait to congratulate them; they're a perfect couple. All of our best friends have turned out to wish them well! Look at the guest list!"
"My sister Quagga came with me from Nigeria." said Kentrosaurus; "The bride and groom were feeling generous and invited our friend Spinosaurus. All because he was good last Christmas and did not eat us so it couldn't cause any harm to let him celebrate the wedding. "
"How fine," said Stegosaurus; "The more the merrier. I thought I saw Nigersaurus here too?"
"Yes, he is," said Kentrosaurus. "He is helping prepare the wedding feast of Fagaceae family trees with cheese for the couple of the hour. He's working with Brachiosaurus.
Now look! There I see our friend Congresssaurus Triceratops. If you'll excuse me I think I'll go congratulate him."
"I see there's a nice herd of eleven Moa birds. I'll go say hi to them. I love bird watching," said Stegosaurus.
"I watched the Moa birds for several minutes, and then one of them looked up and saw me."
"Who is that watching us?" asked Moa.
"It is I, Stegosaurus," said Stegosaurus. "How are you doing?"
"Very fine," said Moa. "The cuisine here is indeed excellent and breathtakingly beautiful. The Moa delegation got here a little bit early and took a nice walk on the Pont Alexandre III before coming over here. It has been very nice. We have all heard rumors that Spinosaurus is here so we're kind of nervous but he is the only carnivore on the guest list so I guess there is safety in numbers."
"He's a nice enough fellow. I saw him last time I spent Christmas with my cousin Kentrosaurus." said Stegosaurus. "Still, given his nature, I agree there is safety in numbers. Do you mind if I watch you some more?"
"Oh, we don't mind at all," said Moa.
" I sat and watched the Moa birds, dreaming my impossible dream of someday turning into a bird and flying away. I know the Moas don't have any wings, but still, I dreamed. Then, my cousin Wuerhosaurus came up to say hi."
"Hey there, cousin Stegosaurus," said Wuerhosaurus.
"I'm glad to see you made it!" said Stegosaurus.
"I'm still traveling by slow boat, as is my tradition, but l was careful to leave enough time. I didn't want to miss Lexovissaurus' wedding. We missed you at the Stegosaurus Races in Kentucky this year."
"Yes, I was sorry to have missed that," confessed Stegosaurus. "I had gotten a splinter in my claw but its all better now."
"Good to hear," said Wuerhosaurus. "Have you heard that I actually won the Stegosaurus Races this year?"
"No, I had not! Congratulations!" Stegosaurus exclaimed.
"Thank you. So, I see you are watching the Moa birds."
"Why yes I am. They are very nice fellows, birds without wings."
"Yes they were born without them. You know, its a pity that paleontologists in England are seriously considering grounding Archaeopteryx.
"I agree," said Stegosaurus. "He's a nice guy and I hate to see him down."
"Say, is Stegosaurus Claus here?" Stegosaurus asked.
"He was invited I am told," remarked Wuerhosaurus. "But regretfully declined. It's the busiest time of the year for him right now."
"Then Ms. Quagga came up to us, and said hello."
"Pleased to see you," Stegosaurus, Wuerhosaurus." she said.
"This is going to be such a lovely wedding. I have just spoken to Loricatosaurus. She's anxious but looks lovely."
"Nice to see you, Ms. Quagga. I'm sure the wedding will be delightful. We're already having a wonderful time. How are things on the African plains?"
"Very pleasant. I am very much looking forward to Kwannzaa next month."
"If I may say so you always look ready to celebrate, Ms. Quagga, what with your stripes and all," said Stegosaurus.
"My attractive and festive hide is indeed something in which I take great pride," said Quagga. "If you will excuse me, I must return to assist Loricatosaurus. Have a nice day!"
"Thank you, you too!" said Wuerhosaurus.
"Ms. Quagga took her leave."
"Well now let us go talk to Nigersaurus and Brachiosaurus to see how the preparation for the wedding feast is going." said Stegosaurus.
"Very well, good cousin." rejoined Wuerhosaurus.
"It did not take us long to find Nigersaurus and Brachiosaurus, as they are sauropods. Nigersaurus greeted us heartily."
"Nice to see you both," he said, "...but I must ask you not to partake of the food until we are finished preparing the feast."
"We will be patient," Stegosaurus assured him.
"Tell them the menu so that they know what to expect," said Brachiosaurus.
"I'd be glad to." said Nigersaurus. "Tell me what you think."
Potato gratin a la Normande
Cauliflower gratin
Potato olive - ragout
Crème vichyssoise glacée
Buttersquash soup
Pear - Apple Compote with Honey
Jarlsberg, Apple & Mushroom Salad
Spiced apples & Pears on Brioche à tête
Fagaceae au gratin
Flourless Chocolate Cake
"That all sounds so delicious! I can hardly wait!" exclaimed the Stegosaurids in unison.
"Naturally, said Stegosaurus we begged Nigersaurus for a taste, but he refused, saying, 'It won't be long before dinner is served!'"
"I eventually tired of the effort, and left Wuerhosaurus, who was still trying to get a pre dinner snack. I went back out to the flowers and munched on some of those for a while.
While I was engaged in this effort, I saw Spinosaurus approaching, and thought it might be in my best interests to hide, so I did. I didn't mean to be anti social, I was just more interested in eating dinner than becoming it. "
"I heard him say, 'Stegosaurus? Where are you? I thought I saw you ...."'
"Spinosaurus looked around for a while and then said, 'More's the pity. There's nothing on the menu for carnivores.' and then he went on his way."
"I wanted to wait a little while, because I didn't want to run into a hungry Spinosaurus, so I kept under cover. This is when Lexovissaurus showed up."
"Hi, cousin! You look well ! Are you hiding from Spinosaurus too?"
Lexovissaurus dit, "Actuellement non, je ne l’ai pas vue .... Je vous cherchais parce que je suis nerveux."
Stegosaurus rejoined, "Do you have a case of cold claws? I hope not ! I'm sure...."
Lexovissaurus interrompe, "Non, non ce n’ai pas ça. Pas du tout ça. Je suis nerveux parce que je réalise que j’ai laissé Nigersaurus en charge du menu."
Stegosaurus said, "Where's the problem? I'm sure he'll do fine; I was just over in the kitchen with Wuerhosaurus and he wouldn't let us snack. I haven't tasted it yet, but I'm sure it will be great."
Lexovissaurus dit, "Nigersaurus est gentil, mais il n’est pas Français! Il.. je suis inquiet qu’il ne sera pas servir un repas Français qui convient à la réputation de mon pays! Comment est la nourriture de l’Afrique? Est-elle bonne?"
"You've been there. You know it is," Stegosaurus said.
"Ah oui, vous avez raison. Je suis très nerveux." dit Lexovissaurus.
"What's the real problem, cousin?" asked Stegosaurus. "Relax. Your shoulder spikes and tail spikes are sharp. Your plates are spiff and sexy. You look just fine."
"Non, ce n’est pas ça. Je suis assez confiant de mon apparence. Le problème est, honnêtement, je suis nerveux à propos du pasteur. Ça m’a pris du temps pour en trouvé un, que Congresssaurus Triceratops a offert n’emprunter un chapelain du Sénat Américain."
"I don't understand much about religion," said Stegosaurus. "I go to church on Palm Sunday for the food, but .... what's to be nervous about? Will you please eat some aloe plants? Everything is going to be okay. Trust me."
"Oui mon cousin tu as raison." dit Lexovissaurus.
"Have you practiced your presentation?" asked Stegosaurus.
"Ah, oui, en effet je l’ai. J’espère que Loricatosaurus l’aimera."
" Oh, I'm sure she --- there it is! That I have found why you are so nervous. Relax. Loricatosaurus will love your presentation. Now here comes the minister. Be nice and try not to stomp forthrightly on him by accident."
"Are you the groom, a Mr. Lexovissaurus? I'm the Reverend Barry C. Black. Sent on the recommendation of The Honorable Congressaurus Triceratops."
"Enchanté de vous connaitre, Révérend." dit Lexovissaurus.
"I'm sorry, my cousin in nervous," said Stegosaurus.
"Oh come now, I suppose its natural to be a little nervous on your wedding day. Try eating some aloe plants. It should help. Have you finished practicing your presentation?" asked Reverend Black.
"Oui, je l’ai, Révérend." confirme Lexovissaurus.
"Now about the rings. In my chruch, The Seventh Day Adventist, we traditionally do not exchange rings. However modern times have allowed it as an option left to the bride and groom. Do you and Loricatosaurus have.... rings?"
"Non, Révérend. On dit que les Stegosaurids ne portent pas de chapeaux, et ceci est vrai. Nous ne portons ni des chapeaux ou des dagues. Les dagues sont difficiles à mettre sur nos doigts parce que nos griffes y font obstacle."
"All right. That answers that question," said Reverend Black.
"Very well. Let us then go over the Bible verses you want. . "Now..."
"If you will excuse me, Reverend, I will leave you to consult with my cousin in private." said Stegosaurus.
"All right, Mr. Stegosaurus."
"Please be wary of my spiky tail; I do not mean to whack you with it."
"We'll keep a look out," promised Reverend Black.
"I got to watch the Moa Birds a little more as all the guests arrived and the time for the ceremony approached." said Stegosaurus.
After Lexovissaurus talked to the Reverend, he ate a quick meal of aloe plants, and then the time had arrived. Everyone was there, and even Spinosaurus was on his best behavior.
Lexovissaurus arrived and stood before the Reverend. And then there she was. Loricatosaurus in all her glory, escorted by her dear elderly father. Before she could speak, or even before the Reverend said a thing Lexovissaurus began to sing
"Tenez-moi prêt et tenez -moi vite
La formule magique que vous faites
C’est La vie en Rose
Et quand tu m’embrasse le ciel pousse un soupir
Et même si je ferme les yeux
Je voie La vie en Rose
Quand tu me pousse contre ton cœur
Je suis dans un Monde Appart
Un Monde Où les Roses Fleurissent
Et quand tu me parle les anges chantent du haut
Les mots de tous les jours semblent se changer en chansons d’amour
Donne-moi ton cœur et ton âme
Et la vie sera toujours
La vie en Rose"
"C’est adorable," dit Loricatosaurus. "Je vais tomber dans les pommes."
There was applause from all of us. Lexovissaurus looked relieved.
"This will be a new experience for me, as I have never before married two dinosaurus." remarked Reverend Black. Then he began the ceremony.
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today before God to join in the bonds of holy matimony two Stegosauridae who have pledged their love to each other. "
"The bride and groom heartily welcome those they love, their family and friends to share in this joyous moment with them as they embark on a life together as dinosaur and wife."
"It has been requested that this verse be read from the scripture." said Reverend Black. "From the book of Ruth:
"I will not abandon or forsake you; where ever you shall go, I shall go; where you lodge I shall lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God."'
"And now I say onto you, Lexovissaurus and Loricatosaurus, "May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another."
"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years, May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."
"Such is the blessing that we are pleased to share with you both today. Lexovissaurus, do you take Loricatosaurus as your lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until extinction do you part?"
"Oui je le veux," proclame Lexovissaurus.
"And do you, Loricatosaurus, take Lexovissaurus as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until extinction do you part?"
"Oui je le veux," Loricatosaurus aussi le proclame.
"Then by the power vested in me by the hand of Providence, I now pronounce you man... er, ... dinosaur and wife." announced Reverend Black. "You may kiss the bride."
"After this point the guests all cheered and stomped forthrightly in celebration," said Stegosaurus. "We all gathered to eat the meal, which of course by now was finished with great pride by Nigersaurus and Brachiosaurus. It was served by my friend Apatosaurus.
"When we had eaten our fill, the cooks were congratulated, and the guests toasted the bride and groom. Then, as had previously been agreed, I led everyone in dancing the lindy hop most of the night. At midnight, Lexovissaurus called for attention so that he could make an announcement."
"Chers amis. Loricatosaurus et moi, nous avons aimés partager ce jour avec vous tous. La soirée a été merveilleuse. Merci à tous pour être venue. Mon épouse et moi maintenant allons partir pour notre voyage de noces."
Loricatosaurus continue, "Nous aimons l’observation des oiseaux, et nous espérons d’être capable de voir plusieurs oiseaux quand nous serons en Turquie (Turkey)!"
"De plus, j’ai toujours voulu rencontré le Caliph de l’Empire Ottoman!" a déclaré Lexovissaurus. "Je suis sûr que le voyage sera un plaisir!"
"With that, my cousin and his bride took their leave, and after I led the crowd in a few more dances, we departed in great joy." said Stegosaurus. "I'm so glad I could be a part of it."
************************************
This Stegosaurusblog post dedicated to the memory of Phyllis M. Campbell, who was a friend of Stegosaurus.
the song "La Vie en Rose" written by Mack David ( english lyric ), and Louis Gugliemi
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
"I've been down south in the U.S., just shy of Atlanta, Georgia with my class this month !" Exclaimed Stegosaurus. "We're trying to determine how we can save the Tsuga canadensis from the Wooly Adelgid. Those selfish insects how I hate them! Eating all of the Tsuga they can find! They could learn a few things about conservation, or at least sharing. If the Wooly Adelgid were any bigger I'd whack it with my cool, spiky tail! That's how much I dislike them!! How I hate insects!! They're so scary!!
Because I'm trying to save the Tsuga canadensis I could not be in D.C. for the hearings regarding my friend Congresssaurus Triceratops and the future of his job. So, I'm sure you've noticed the copy of the letter I sent to Congress last month. Last Friday I received from Triceratops a copy of the official transcript of the proceedings in Congress. I put them here for you to read, too, having skipped all the formalities that mammals find necessary to get right down to the part which involves my friend Triceratops and the other members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."
Save The Tsuga Canadensis
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT FOR A JOINT SESSION OF U.S. CONGRESS, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 27th, 2010
*************************************************************************************
TO DEBATE THE EXISTENCE OF THE HONORABLE MR. TRICERATOPS OF WYOMING, THE SENIOR MEMBER OF THE DINOSAUR CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS
AND WHETHER HE SHOULD HOLD HIS COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS DUE TO THE QUESTIONS SURROUNDING HIS EXISTENCE.
TIME: 3:00 PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME
OUTSIDE THE US SENATE CHAMBER
NANCY PELOSI: "Now for the matter at hand, being the existence of the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming, the senior member of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus. Since his existence is in question, should he retain his committee assignments and position as leader of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus?"
HARRY REID: "Due to the size of the members of this Caucus, we are all outdoors today. it's a nice day to be outdoors."
NANCY PELOSI: "Sergeant at arms, would you now read the roll call of the members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus, and their invited friends present?"
SERGEANT AT ARMS: "Present and accounted for:
Capitalsaurus, the official State Dinosaur of the District of Columbia.
Astrodon, the official State Dinosaur of Maryland.
Hypsibema, the official State Dinosaur of Missouri.
Hadrosaurus, the official State Dinosaur of New Jersey.
Pleurocoelus, the official State Dinosaur of Texas.
Maiasaura, the official State Dinosaur of Montana.
Coelophysis, the official State Dinosaur of New Mexico.
Saurophaganax, the official State Dinosaur of Oklahoma.
Allosaurus, the official State Dinosaur of Utah.
and the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming.
Also present at the request of Mr. Triceratops, Mr. Torosaurus of Wyoming,
and Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex of Montana.
These are all present.
Lastly I present a letter of support for Mr. Triceratops from Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado."
NANCY PELOSI: " Thank you." [ looks at letter from Stegosaurus briefly and then hands it to Vice President Joe Biden. Joe Biden reads it, to himself, and hands it to Harry Reid, who also reads the letter silently. ]
NANCY PELOSI: "Now Mr. Triceratops, because recent reports claiming that you never roamed the planet were found on the internet during the early days of August 2010, there has been called a joint session of Congress to debate your existence and determine if you should retain your lofty committee assignment as senior member of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."
HARRY REID: "It seems that a fair number of reliable scientists have debated since the late 19th century and at last determined around early August that you do not exist. We will submit to the public record the following proof." [ presents a folder of papers printed off the internet, all of which are news stories about the recent Triceratops discovery. ]
NANCY PELOSI: "Now Mr. Reid, Vice President Biden, and myself have read your letter of support from Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado, and we also submit that to the public record.
[ Joe Biden hands letter from Stegosaurus to Ms. Pelosi, and she submits it to the public record.]
NANCY PELOSI: "While your letter of support from Mr. Stegosaurus is heartfelt, and will indeed be taken into consideration, you will need more proof to convince us. Is there anything you can say in your defense?"
TRICERATOPS: "I am convinced of my own existence certainly and think the record I've presented to the people of Wyoming since I was discovered by mammals in 1889 speaks for itself. But I will ask some of my friends to advocate on my behalf -- to step forward and speak."
HARRY REID: "All right. You may call your first witness, Mr. Triceratops."
TRICERATOPS: "I call into the Senate chamber Mr. Torosaurus of Wyoming."
TOROSAURUS: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mammals and Dinosaurs. I come to you as a friend of Mr. Triceratops, who shares as a home my native State of Wyoming.
I have come as an advocate for the retention of his position as leader of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus.
I am his advocate because I am certain that he is honest and honorable. His record needs no defense. Neither should his existence. That should be obvious, as he does, after all have the largest head of any land animal ever discovered. How could you miss him ?
I am also here because he is my son! Triceratops, I am your father. The scientists have proven it; it should be obvious that we have the family resemblance going for us. I am pleased to call you my son.... and will be glad even as I have enjoyed my individuality to have my name decommissioned and become a Triceratops in name."
TRICERATOPS: "Thank you, Mr. Torosaurus. I would be pleased to next call before the Chamber Senators and Representative members of this body from my State of Wyoming, and members of this body from South Dakota, a State in which I am also loved. I ask to speak in my defense Democratic Senator Tim Johnson, and Republican Senator John Thune Senators of South Dakota. Also South Dakota Representative Stephanie Henseth Sandlin. From Wyoming, Republican Senator John Barrasso, and Republican Senator Michael B. Enzl. Also, Representative Cynthia Lummis,"
[ The Representatives and Senators called rise and walk as a group to the floor of the Chamber. ]
CYNTHIA LUMMIS: " I suppose that we are the Mammal delegation!" [ laughter ] "Very well, though. I am pleased to do so and defend my friend and co worker the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming."
STEPHANIE HENSETH SANDLIN: "And from South Dakota we also speak well of Mr. Triceratops. Although he has chosen to represent Wyoming, we love and appreciate him as well. He advocates environmentally conscious legislation, proving he cares about his own species as well as the planet, and he loves to visit sick children in the hospitals and cheer them up, proving he cares about mammals too."
JOHN BARRASSO: "What trauma would we be causing small children if we told them one day, Triceratops does not exist? What monsters would we be, to make small children cry!
What a great advocate our environment, Mother Earth, would lose if we ejected Triceratops from this venerable deliberative body! We must think before we act, ladies and gentlemen!"
TIM JOHNSON: "We must put aside politics and stop this absurd witch hunt! Triceratops is one of the classic examples of Reptilia Ornithischia Ceratopsidae and that this debate is even underway is astounding. What a monumental waste of time with so many other problems facing us today. Therefore I advocate that we cease this nonsense and leave Triceratops to serve us as he always has."
JOHN THUNE: "How would you feel if after over 120 years of discovery and many millions of years existence you were told you didn't exist, Senator Reid, Representative Pelosi?
How do you think Mr. Triceratops feels? This can't be about the existence of Triceratops! Its obvious that he's right in front of us. The ENTIRE DINOSAUR CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS is in front of us. Are they all myths? This nonsense absolute nonsense is politically motivated, I daresay!"
MICHAEL B. ENZI: "Besides Triceratops is cool! He always has been cool! I loved him before I worked with him. As a little kid I wished I had a pet Triceratops because his horns are so cool and his head so big. Yet for a creature with such a big head he is very humble. Allow your inner children to come out and let Triceratops stay with us. The world needs Triceratops now more than ever!"
NANCY PELOSI: "Very well we have heard the testimony of the self proclaimed mammal delegation. Have you any more witnesses Mr. Triceratops?"
TRICERATOPS: "I would like to call if I could, another of my fellow dinosaurs to testify on my behalf if it please the Congress Assembled, .Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex of Montana."
HARRY REID: "It does. You may speak, Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex. But first, a question. It seems odd that you'd be here as a friend of Triceratops. Are you two not legendary adversaries?"
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "Absolute nonsense, I tell you, good sir! A complete fabrication perpetuated by Charlie Knight! In fact I do meet with my friend Triceratops quite frequently. Not to eat him, although he is also delicious, ahem... we always meet for tea and cookies every third Thursday of the month. Honest. That's the truth. So help me."
NANCY PELOSI: "How do you know he is delicious.... you say you don't eat him ??"
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: " I am a carnivore. That answer should be obvious; it depends on what your definition of eat is. Let me reiterate... I must insist on what I said before tea and cookies. Tea and cookies."
HADROSAURUS: "I can back that up!"
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "Thank you, Mr. Hadrosaurus. Say, after this hearing may I meet you in your office for lunch?"
HADROSAURUS: "I'm afraid not, Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex. That could go badly for me."
NANCY PELOSI: [ calls order with her gavel. ] "Please gentlemen. Return to the subject at hand."
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "To conclude I am an advocate for Mr. Triceratops. We are very old friends and I will eat ... er, have tea and cookies with him anytime."
NANCY PELOSI: " Uh... all right. Mr. Triceratops, have you any more witnesses?"
TRICERATOPS: " I should like to call before the chamber my peers in the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus, who have appointed Capitalsaurus to speak for them as a whole."
HARRY REID: "Mr. Capitalsaurus, what have you to say?"
CAPITALSAURUS: "The Dinosaur Congressional Caucus is very disturbed by the fact that this hearing is taking place, but we are pleased and joyful to see so much support for our leader, the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming. We can only concur, and speak as advocates ourselves for the wonderful things that Mr. Triceratops has done for Wyoming's dinosaurs, mammals, and environment.
I understand the position of the scientists and paleontologists; but while we do not expect special treatment for Mr. Triceratops now no matter how much a legend among us he might be, it is also very much worth pointing out that there are many other dinosaurs on our Caucus, and some who are not, that find themselves in the same position as Mr. Triceratops and Mr. Torosaurus. We may at one time believe ourselves to to be an entirely independent species, and wake up one morning to find that we are juveniles to a venerable legend such as Mr. Triceratops is. And while we value our independence, it is an honor to finally solve that piece of the puzzle of life. Examples of such among those in this Caucus include:
Astrodon and Pleurocoelus as well as Saurophaganax and Allosaurus.
A related conundrum is the fact that Hypsibema and myself are considered "dubious" because we are only partially found. And so I ask you, we all ask you, If Hypsibema and myself are considered dubious and only partially found yet we are allowed to remain in this Caucus without question, how could you declare Triceratops also dubious in the same breath? Clearly HE has been discovered completely! Look at all the work he has done as leader of this Caucus! We can't lose him! His record is exemplary! Please reconsider and leave Triceratops with us. We have never had a finer leader."
NANCY PELOSI: "Very well, thank you Capitalsaurus. Now Mr. Triceratops if you have no further witnesses for your defense we will now call our experts and paleontologists to testify on OUR behalf."
TRICERATOPS: "I have concluded my case, Madame Speaker."
HARRY REID: "We call into the Senate chamber John Scannella and Professor Jack Horner, representing Montana State University. They've published an article in Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology, which gives us reason for these hearings today."
[ John Scannella and Professor Jack Horner enter the chamber and seat themselves before Congress. ]
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "Thank you Senator Reid, Representative Pelosi. Thank you for allowing us to speak to you today about our discoveries regarding Mr. Triceratops and Mr. Torosaurus."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "I would like to make a correction to the record. I observe that it has been noted that our discovery occurred in early August. In truth, our article was published on July 14th, 2010."
NANCY PELOSI: "The record stands corrected."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "All right. Now, the basic idea of our article, our scientific discovery is not that Triceratops does not exist AT ALL. It is simply to state that he does not exist as a species separate from Mr. Torosaurus. It seems pretty clear to us and easily explainable. I assert that while we stand solidly behind the facts of our scientific discoveries, we also find severe media distortion of the facts."
JOHN SCANNELLA: " Yes, indeed." [ takes a drink from a provided bottle of water ] "Our conclusion is being distorted to imply That Triceratops no longer exists or never existed AT ALL, when the truth is we have only discovered that what we considered for over 100 years to be a separate species was merely a juvenile."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "We humbly suggest that Mr. Torosaurus submit to having his name decommissioned effective 30 days from the date of this hearing as has been consistent with other recent similar discoveries within the science of Paleontology. That he acquiesce to being henceforth referred to not as Torosaurus, but as Triceratops because he is merely an adult Triceratops according to the laws of science."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "I am concerned that the media distortion has come about to discredit the fine work that Mr. Triceratops has done for the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus over the years. His willingness to stand up to Big Oil and promote non fossil fuel energies I think makes him a target by the corporate powers and they are attempting to discredit him and his attempt to liberate Dinosaurs."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "Yes there are indeed many who, because of corporate interests are pretending to be on the side of Dinosaurs and care about the issues that they care about because we, that is, John and I, see his work presents a threat to corporate interests."
HARRY REID: "Wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh, aren't you here to defend the position of the full Senate? How could you as scientists question the benevolence of our position?"
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "With all due respect Senator, we must say that as scientists John and I believe in the liberty of Dinosaurs as well as human mammals."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "Yes it is sad and discouraging to see such an honorable creature's intentions distorted. He is at the head of a movement which began with such promise and hope now corrupted and the majority of people believe it stands for things which are the exact opposite of the principles it started with."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: " And that those who profess to be forward thinking and open minded in this country are so set in their ways that they believe this distortion and lack the willingness to be objective and discover for themselves the truth and realities of the problems that Dinosaurs face, and that mammals face as well."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "It must be made clear that as Americans we believe in personal liberty and that freedom requires individual responsibility, knowledge and involvement, not blind trust in a distant power..... a distant power which is merely a limited number of supposed intelligencia with an improved opinion of their importance treating people and Dinosaurs as if they are stupid and incapable of the responsibility of self governance."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "For -- "
NANCY PELOSI: "I think, Gentlemen, pardon me, Professor Horner, but I believe our interview is finished. Thank you for your time."
HARRY REID: "Well, " [ sighs ] It appears that no one is on our side. The debate has concluded. Let a vote be called."
*************************************************************************************
" I am told," said Stegosaurus, "That the vote in favor of Triceratops' existence was honest to goodness unanimous. It was also unanimous that he should retain the emoluments of his office. I am so pleased!"
Because I'm trying to save the Tsuga canadensis I could not be in D.C. for the hearings regarding my friend Congresssaurus Triceratops and the future of his job. So, I'm sure you've noticed the copy of the letter I sent to Congress last month. Last Friday I received from Triceratops a copy of the official transcript of the proceedings in Congress. I put them here for you to read, too, having skipped all the formalities that mammals find necessary to get right down to the part which involves my friend Triceratops and the other members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."
Save The Tsuga Canadensis
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT FOR A JOINT SESSION OF U.S. CONGRESS, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 27th, 2010
*************************************************************************************
TO DEBATE THE EXISTENCE OF THE HONORABLE MR. TRICERATOPS OF WYOMING, THE SENIOR MEMBER OF THE DINOSAUR CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS
AND WHETHER HE SHOULD HOLD HIS COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS DUE TO THE QUESTIONS SURROUNDING HIS EXISTENCE.
TIME: 3:00 PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME
OUTSIDE THE US SENATE CHAMBER
NANCY PELOSI: "Now for the matter at hand, being the existence of the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming, the senior member of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus. Since his existence is in question, should he retain his committee assignments and position as leader of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus?"
HARRY REID: "Due to the size of the members of this Caucus, we are all outdoors today. it's a nice day to be outdoors."
NANCY PELOSI: "Sergeant at arms, would you now read the roll call of the members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus, and their invited friends present?"
SERGEANT AT ARMS: "Present and accounted for:
Capitalsaurus, the official State Dinosaur of the District of Columbia.
Astrodon, the official State Dinosaur of Maryland.
Hypsibema, the official State Dinosaur of Missouri.
Hadrosaurus, the official State Dinosaur of New Jersey.
Pleurocoelus, the official State Dinosaur of Texas.
Maiasaura, the official State Dinosaur of Montana.
Coelophysis, the official State Dinosaur of New Mexico.
Saurophaganax, the official State Dinosaur of Oklahoma.
Allosaurus, the official State Dinosaur of Utah.
and the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming.
Also present at the request of Mr. Triceratops, Mr. Torosaurus of Wyoming,
and Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex of Montana.
These are all present.
Lastly I present a letter of support for Mr. Triceratops from Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado."
NANCY PELOSI: " Thank you." [ looks at letter from Stegosaurus briefly and then hands it to Vice President Joe Biden. Joe Biden reads it, to himself, and hands it to Harry Reid, who also reads the letter silently. ]
NANCY PELOSI: "Now Mr. Triceratops, because recent reports claiming that you never roamed the planet were found on the internet during the early days of August 2010, there has been called a joint session of Congress to debate your existence and determine if you should retain your lofty committee assignment as senior member of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."
HARRY REID: "It seems that a fair number of reliable scientists have debated since the late 19th century and at last determined around early August that you do not exist. We will submit to the public record the following proof." [ presents a folder of papers printed off the internet, all of which are news stories about the recent Triceratops discovery. ]
NANCY PELOSI: "Now Mr. Reid, Vice President Biden, and myself have read your letter of support from Mr. Stegosaurus of Colorado, and we also submit that to the public record.
[ Joe Biden hands letter from Stegosaurus to Ms. Pelosi, and she submits it to the public record.]
NANCY PELOSI: "While your letter of support from Mr. Stegosaurus is heartfelt, and will indeed be taken into consideration, you will need more proof to convince us. Is there anything you can say in your defense?"
TRICERATOPS: "I am convinced of my own existence certainly and think the record I've presented to the people of Wyoming since I was discovered by mammals in 1889 speaks for itself. But I will ask some of my friends to advocate on my behalf -- to step forward and speak."
HARRY REID: "All right. You may call your first witness, Mr. Triceratops."
TRICERATOPS: "I call into the Senate chamber Mr. Torosaurus of Wyoming."
TOROSAURUS: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mammals and Dinosaurs. I come to you as a friend of Mr. Triceratops, who shares as a home my native State of Wyoming.
I have come as an advocate for the retention of his position as leader of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus.
I am his advocate because I am certain that he is honest and honorable. His record needs no defense. Neither should his existence. That should be obvious, as he does, after all have the largest head of any land animal ever discovered. How could you miss him ?
I am also here because he is my son! Triceratops, I am your father. The scientists have proven it; it should be obvious that we have the family resemblance going for us. I am pleased to call you my son.... and will be glad even as I have enjoyed my individuality to have my name decommissioned and become a Triceratops in name."
TRICERATOPS: "Thank you, Mr. Torosaurus. I would be pleased to next call before the Chamber Senators and Representative members of this body from my State of Wyoming, and members of this body from South Dakota, a State in which I am also loved. I ask to speak in my defense Democratic Senator Tim Johnson, and Republican Senator John Thune Senators of South Dakota. Also South Dakota Representative Stephanie Henseth Sandlin. From Wyoming, Republican Senator John Barrasso, and Republican Senator Michael B. Enzl. Also, Representative Cynthia Lummis,"
[ The Representatives and Senators called rise and walk as a group to the floor of the Chamber. ]
CYNTHIA LUMMIS: " I suppose that we are the Mammal delegation!" [ laughter ] "Very well, though. I am pleased to do so and defend my friend and co worker the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming."
STEPHANIE HENSETH SANDLIN: "And from South Dakota we also speak well of Mr. Triceratops. Although he has chosen to represent Wyoming, we love and appreciate him as well. He advocates environmentally conscious legislation, proving he cares about his own species as well as the planet, and he loves to visit sick children in the hospitals and cheer them up, proving he cares about mammals too."
JOHN BARRASSO: "What trauma would we be causing small children if we told them one day, Triceratops does not exist? What monsters would we be, to make small children cry!
What a great advocate our environment, Mother Earth, would lose if we ejected Triceratops from this venerable deliberative body! We must think before we act, ladies and gentlemen!"
TIM JOHNSON: "We must put aside politics and stop this absurd witch hunt! Triceratops is one of the classic examples of Reptilia Ornithischia Ceratopsidae and that this debate is even underway is astounding. What a monumental waste of time with so many other problems facing us today. Therefore I advocate that we cease this nonsense and leave Triceratops to serve us as he always has."
JOHN THUNE: "How would you feel if after over 120 years of discovery and many millions of years existence you were told you didn't exist, Senator Reid, Representative Pelosi?
How do you think Mr. Triceratops feels? This can't be about the existence of Triceratops! Its obvious that he's right in front of us. The ENTIRE DINOSAUR CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS is in front of us. Are they all myths? This nonsense absolute nonsense is politically motivated, I daresay!"
MICHAEL B. ENZI: "Besides Triceratops is cool! He always has been cool! I loved him before I worked with him. As a little kid I wished I had a pet Triceratops because his horns are so cool and his head so big. Yet for a creature with such a big head he is very humble. Allow your inner children to come out and let Triceratops stay with us. The world needs Triceratops now more than ever!"
NANCY PELOSI: "Very well we have heard the testimony of the self proclaimed mammal delegation. Have you any more witnesses Mr. Triceratops?"
TRICERATOPS: "I would like to call if I could, another of my fellow dinosaurs to testify on my behalf if it please the Congress Assembled, .Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex of Montana."
HARRY REID: "It does. You may speak, Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex. But first, a question. It seems odd that you'd be here as a friend of Triceratops. Are you two not legendary adversaries?"
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "Absolute nonsense, I tell you, good sir! A complete fabrication perpetuated by Charlie Knight! In fact I do meet with my friend Triceratops quite frequently. Not to eat him, although he is also delicious, ahem... we always meet for tea and cookies every third Thursday of the month. Honest. That's the truth. So help me."
NANCY PELOSI: "How do you know he is delicious.... you say you don't eat him ??"
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: " I am a carnivore. That answer should be obvious; it depends on what your definition of eat is. Let me reiterate... I must insist on what I said before tea and cookies. Tea and cookies."
HADROSAURUS: "I can back that up!"
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "Thank you, Mr. Hadrosaurus. Say, after this hearing may I meet you in your office for lunch?"
HADROSAURUS: "I'm afraid not, Mr. Tyrannosaurus Rex. That could go badly for me."
NANCY PELOSI: [ calls order with her gavel. ] "Please gentlemen. Return to the subject at hand."
TYRANNOSAURUS REX: "To conclude I am an advocate for Mr. Triceratops. We are very old friends and I will eat ... er, have tea and cookies with him anytime."
NANCY PELOSI: " Uh... all right. Mr. Triceratops, have you any more witnesses?"
TRICERATOPS: " I should like to call before the chamber my peers in the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus, who have appointed Capitalsaurus to speak for them as a whole."
HARRY REID: "Mr. Capitalsaurus, what have you to say?"
CAPITALSAURUS: "The Dinosaur Congressional Caucus is very disturbed by the fact that this hearing is taking place, but we are pleased and joyful to see so much support for our leader, the Honorable Mr. Triceratops of Wyoming. We can only concur, and speak as advocates ourselves for the wonderful things that Mr. Triceratops has done for Wyoming's dinosaurs, mammals, and environment.
I understand the position of the scientists and paleontologists; but while we do not expect special treatment for Mr. Triceratops now no matter how much a legend among us he might be, it is also very much worth pointing out that there are many other dinosaurs on our Caucus, and some who are not, that find themselves in the same position as Mr. Triceratops and Mr. Torosaurus. We may at one time believe ourselves to to be an entirely independent species, and wake up one morning to find that we are juveniles to a venerable legend such as Mr. Triceratops is. And while we value our independence, it is an honor to finally solve that piece of the puzzle of life. Examples of such among those in this Caucus include:
Astrodon and Pleurocoelus as well as Saurophaganax and Allosaurus.
A related conundrum is the fact that Hypsibema and myself are considered "dubious" because we are only partially found. And so I ask you, we all ask you, If Hypsibema and myself are considered dubious and only partially found yet we are allowed to remain in this Caucus without question, how could you declare Triceratops also dubious in the same breath? Clearly HE has been discovered completely! Look at all the work he has done as leader of this Caucus! We can't lose him! His record is exemplary! Please reconsider and leave Triceratops with us. We have never had a finer leader."
NANCY PELOSI: "Very well, thank you Capitalsaurus. Now Mr. Triceratops if you have no further witnesses for your defense we will now call our experts and paleontologists to testify on OUR behalf."
TRICERATOPS: "I have concluded my case, Madame Speaker."
HARRY REID: "We call into the Senate chamber John Scannella and Professor Jack Horner, representing Montana State University. They've published an article in Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology, which gives us reason for these hearings today."
[ John Scannella and Professor Jack Horner enter the chamber and seat themselves before Congress. ]
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "Thank you Senator Reid, Representative Pelosi. Thank you for allowing us to speak to you today about our discoveries regarding Mr. Triceratops and Mr. Torosaurus."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "I would like to make a correction to the record. I observe that it has been noted that our discovery occurred in early August. In truth, our article was published on July 14th, 2010."
NANCY PELOSI: "The record stands corrected."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "All right. Now, the basic idea of our article, our scientific discovery is not that Triceratops does not exist AT ALL. It is simply to state that he does not exist as a species separate from Mr. Torosaurus. It seems pretty clear to us and easily explainable. I assert that while we stand solidly behind the facts of our scientific discoveries, we also find severe media distortion of the facts."
JOHN SCANNELLA: " Yes, indeed." [ takes a drink from a provided bottle of water ] "Our conclusion is being distorted to imply That Triceratops no longer exists or never existed AT ALL, when the truth is we have only discovered that what we considered for over 100 years to be a separate species was merely a juvenile."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "We humbly suggest that Mr. Torosaurus submit to having his name decommissioned effective 30 days from the date of this hearing as has been consistent with other recent similar discoveries within the science of Paleontology. That he acquiesce to being henceforth referred to not as Torosaurus, but as Triceratops because he is merely an adult Triceratops according to the laws of science."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "I am concerned that the media distortion has come about to discredit the fine work that Mr. Triceratops has done for the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus over the years. His willingness to stand up to Big Oil and promote non fossil fuel energies I think makes him a target by the corporate powers and they are attempting to discredit him and his attempt to liberate Dinosaurs."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "Yes there are indeed many who, because of corporate interests are pretending to be on the side of Dinosaurs and care about the issues that they care about because we, that is, John and I, see his work presents a threat to corporate interests."
HARRY REID: "Wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh, aren't you here to defend the position of the full Senate? How could you as scientists question the benevolence of our position?"
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "With all due respect Senator, we must say that as scientists John and I believe in the liberty of Dinosaurs as well as human mammals."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "Yes it is sad and discouraging to see such an honorable creature's intentions distorted. He is at the head of a movement which began with such promise and hope now corrupted and the majority of people believe it stands for things which are the exact opposite of the principles it started with."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: " And that those who profess to be forward thinking and open minded in this country are so set in their ways that they believe this distortion and lack the willingness to be objective and discover for themselves the truth and realities of the problems that Dinosaurs face, and that mammals face as well."
JOHN SCANNELLA: "It must be made clear that as Americans we believe in personal liberty and that freedom requires individual responsibility, knowledge and involvement, not blind trust in a distant power..... a distant power which is merely a limited number of supposed intelligencia with an improved opinion of their importance treating people and Dinosaurs as if they are stupid and incapable of the responsibility of self governance."
PROFESSOR JACK HORNER: "For -- "
NANCY PELOSI: "I think, Gentlemen, pardon me, Professor Horner, but I believe our interview is finished. Thank you for your time."
HARRY REID: "Well, " [ sighs ] It appears that no one is on our side. The debate has concluded. Let a vote be called."
*************************************************************************************
" I am told," said Stegosaurus, "That the vote in favor of Triceratops' existence was honest to goodness unanimous. It was also unanimous that he should retain the emoluments of his office. I am so pleased!"
Sunday, September 19, 2010
"It has been hard work fighting fires in Colorado," said Stegosaurus.
"I've been a little scared too ... you know like my brother horse I'm really nervous around flames. In my film The Lost World I spent a lot of time running away from fires you know so this is a way of facing my fears. I'm so proud of the local mammals; they're so brave! With one fire out, and the second 65 % contained, I've recieved permission to stomp forthrightly back to medical school, which starts Monday."
"Recently, I have received a request for assistance from my brother and friend the Honorable Congresssaurus Triceratops of Wyoming, who is the senior member and spokesman of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus. It seems that Congress has plans to hold hearings which will determine if he should continue in his position and retain his committee assignment. This was brought about because of his recent appearance in the news; it seems his very existence is now up for debate so he has asked his friends to advocate for him. I cannot appear in person, but I will write him a letter of support! I hope all this gets worked out; mammals argue over the silliest things."
"I've been a little scared too ... you know like my brother horse I'm really nervous around flames. In my film The Lost World I spent a lot of time running away from fires you know so this is a way of facing my fears. I'm so proud of the local mammals; they're so brave! With one fire out, and the second 65 % contained, I've recieved permission to stomp forthrightly back to medical school, which starts Monday."
"Recently, I have received a request for assistance from my brother and friend the Honorable Congresssaurus Triceratops of Wyoming, who is the senior member and spokesman of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus. It seems that Congress has plans to hold hearings which will determine if he should continue in his position and retain his committee assignment. This was brought about because of his recent appearance in the news; it seems his very existence is now up for debate so he has asked his friends to advocate for him. I cannot appear in person, but I will write him a letter of support! I hope all this gets worked out; mammals argue over the silliest things."
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"My summer job in Eureka Springs, Arkansas was a lot of fun!" said Stegosaurus. "Bringing my favorite opera, Scott Joplin's Treemonisha to life was a great experience! My supervisors were determined to present a purist production, so they didn't agree to my suggestion of replacing the dancing bears with dancing Stegosaurids, but I still enjoyed myself immensely. My job has given me enough resources to return to medical school, when the next semester opens on September 20th. "
"Right now I am updating my blog from my native state. I'm in Boulder, Colorado, to try my claw at being a firefighter. I stomped up here forthrightly after my summer job ended, for as soon as I heard about the terrible fires I wanted to do what I could to help the valiant and brave mammals of my homeland."
"I've been appointed to eliminate fuel for the blaze by eating away the brush."
"Right now I am updating my blog from my native state. I'm in Boulder, Colorado, to try my claw at being a firefighter. I stomped up here forthrightly after my summer job ended, for as soon as I heard about the terrible fires I wanted to do what I could to help the valiant and brave mammals of my homeland."
"I've been appointed to eliminate fuel for the blaze by eating away the brush."
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Study: Climate Change Affects Geographical Range of Plants
Triceratops Never Existed
Torosaurus Never Existed
First Method For Directly Measuring Body Temperatures of Extinct Vertebrates
First complete skeleton of Typothorax found!
NEW DINOSAURS:
Medusaceratops
( check back in 119 years to see if he's just another Triceratops )
Coahuilaceratops
( unless he's just another Triceratops )
Triceratops Never Existed
Torosaurus Never Existed
First Method For Directly Measuring Body Temperatures of Extinct Vertebrates
First complete skeleton of Typothorax found!
NEW DINOSAURS:
Medusaceratops
( check back in 119 years to see if he's just another Triceratops )
Coahuilaceratops
( unless he's just another Triceratops )
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Stegosaurus held a press conference this afternoon in Eureka Springs, Arkansas to express the profound sorrow he feels upon the extinction of his friend Daniel Schorr.
"It is with deepest solemnity I express my condolences to the Schorr family," said the bereaved plate lizard. "Mr. Schorr's coverage of my failed 2008 Colorado Senate campaign was, as with all of his work, fair and just, and his manner of reporting news as fact is in the modern age rare. The modern news climate seems so toxic to civility and truth! It is regrettable that Mr. Schorr's method of reporting is not more common as it should be, since we need objectivity more than ever."
"I can remember the day he began his career, which was not really that long ago, if you measure time as dinosaurs do.... but even to me it seems like he's always been there for us all. As if he could have reported the day that Eusthenopteron crawled out of the sea for the first time. How sad it will be never to hear his voice again! How deeply he will be missed by all his friends and all the world."
"It is with deepest solemnity I express my condolences to the Schorr family," said the bereaved plate lizard. "Mr. Schorr's coverage of my failed 2008 Colorado Senate campaign was, as with all of his work, fair and just, and his manner of reporting news as fact is in the modern age rare. The modern news climate seems so toxic to civility and truth! It is regrettable that Mr. Schorr's method of reporting is not more common as it should be, since we need objectivity more than ever."
"I can remember the day he began his career, which was not really that long ago, if you measure time as dinosaurs do.... but even to me it seems like he's always been there for us all. As if he could have reported the day that Eusthenopteron crawled out of the sea for the first time. How sad it will be never to hear his voice again! How deeply he will be missed by all his friends and all the world."
Saturday, July 24, 2010
"I've stomped forthrightly into Arkansas for my summer job," announced Stegosaurus.
"I have a summer internship at Opera in the Ozarks in Eureka Springs as chief landscaper and set designer. I hope its not too much to ask as I've just begun, but I've got my heart set on suggesting they add a performance of my favorite opera Scott Joplin's Treemonisha, to their 2010 calendar.
In addition to my landscaping duties, I've humbly suggested one small change to the story. In place of the dancing bears scene I've suggested there be a dancing Stegosaurus! I've become well known for my dancing skills; I'm sure it will take off and be a big hit!"
"I have a summer internship at Opera in the Ozarks in Eureka Springs as chief landscaper and set designer. I hope its not too much to ask as I've just begun, but I've got my heart set on suggesting they add a performance of my favorite opera Scott Joplin's Treemonisha, to their 2010 calendar.
In addition to my landscaping duties, I've humbly suggested one small change to the story. In place of the dancing bears scene I've suggested there be a dancing Stegosaurus! I've become well known for my dancing skills; I'm sure it will take off and be a big hit!"
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Bonjour je m’appelle Loricatosaurus!
Depuis le mois de Novembre, 2009, je suis très occupé avec mes préparations de mon mariage à ma chérie Lexovissaurus. En ce moment je me prépare à entreprendre avant mon mariage un des plus importants rituels. Nous allons nous marier en France, mais aujourd’hui je marche d’un pas lourd à travers le pays de la Suisse.
En particulier en Montreux. Peut-être vous vous demandez pourquoi je suis ici en Suisse quand je suis entrain de faire mes plans pour mon mariage en France. Quoique nous appréciions nos amis internationaux, nous sommes tous au courant que la France est supérieure à beaucoup d’autres pays. Nous avons la Seine, le Louvre, l’Arc de Triomphe, et la Tour Eiffel. Nous avons une merveilleuse cuisine et les plus romantiques couchers du soleil. Mais il est très important que je vienne à Montreux avant mon mariage et ceci doit être fait pour assurer le succès de mon mariage.
Pourquoi maintenant? Vous vous demandez. Eh bien, ceci est embarrassant à admettre, mais je n’ai jamais gradué du Lycée d’ Art et d’Agrément. Je ne suis pas sûr de tous les protocoles dans tous les convenables endroits et je dois vous dire que je faisais semblant de tout savoir pour au moins les dernières 165 million d’années. Parce que j’adore ma fiancée et je veux que notre mariage réussisse, je vais joyeusement prendre ce cours à l’Institut Villa Pierrefeux pour une période de 6 mois. J’espère de vraiment apprendre quelque chose des classes intitulées: "Vos Dagues et Difficiles Situations Sociales." et "Entrer dans une Salle Pleine de Porcelaine Quand Vous Avez Une Super Piquante Queue."
Je suis très nerveux, souhaitez-moi bonne chance!
Depuis le mois de Novembre, 2009, je suis très occupé avec mes préparations de mon mariage à ma chérie Lexovissaurus. En ce moment je me prépare à entreprendre avant mon mariage un des plus importants rituels. Nous allons nous marier en France, mais aujourd’hui je marche d’un pas lourd à travers le pays de la Suisse.
En particulier en Montreux. Peut-être vous vous demandez pourquoi je suis ici en Suisse quand je suis entrain de faire mes plans pour mon mariage en France. Quoique nous appréciions nos amis internationaux, nous sommes tous au courant que la France est supérieure à beaucoup d’autres pays. Nous avons la Seine, le Louvre, l’Arc de Triomphe, et la Tour Eiffel. Nous avons une merveilleuse cuisine et les plus romantiques couchers du soleil. Mais il est très important que je vienne à Montreux avant mon mariage et ceci doit être fait pour assurer le succès de mon mariage.
Pourquoi maintenant? Vous vous demandez. Eh bien, ceci est embarrassant à admettre, mais je n’ai jamais gradué du Lycée d’ Art et d’Agrément. Je ne suis pas sûr de tous les protocoles dans tous les convenables endroits et je dois vous dire que je faisais semblant de tout savoir pour au moins les dernières 165 million d’années. Parce que j’adore ma fiancée et je veux que notre mariage réussisse, je vais joyeusement prendre ce cours à l’Institut Villa Pierrefeux pour une période de 6 mois. J’espère de vraiment apprendre quelque chose des classes intitulées: "Vos Dagues et Difficiles Situations Sociales." et "Entrer dans une Salle Pleine de Porcelaine Quand Vous Avez Une Super Piquante Queue."
Je suis très nerveux, souhaitez-moi bonne chance!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
"I recently celebrated my birthday on June 1st, " remarked Stegosaurus happily. "I feel that I'm in really good shape and quite active for someone who has attained the age of 140 million and 4. It must be a combination of my diet and mild mannered demeanor which contrubutes to my longevity. Truth be told, I don't like cake too much, but the term "birthday conifer" doesn't have the right ring to it. Birthday cake is the established tradition. As an ancient animal, I am particularly fond of ancient tradition and don't change my ways easily."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
"I am pretty sure I met Marilyn Maxwell the other day!" declared Stegosaurus. "I wasn't sure at first, and I wish I had thought to ask her to sing, but I was so surprised and nervous I wasn't myself. She has aged well. Marilyn is stunning for a mammal who is 89 years old!"
"I told her," swooned the love struck dinosaur, 'Golly gee, Miss Maxwell its nice to finally meet you! I'm your biggest fan! I know that's probably obvious because I'm 9 feet tall and 30 feet long, but Oh my gosh....'"
"Then," continued the smitten plate lizard, "She kissed me, and I forgot all about singing, dancing, eating plants, anything else that had been important to me up to that point. I'm so sure its her !! "
"When I told my cousin Lexovissaurus, ( which I couldn't wait to do, since he once thought her extinct, ) I heard him tell his fiancé Loricatosaurus: "Je pense qu'il est fou de courir après les mammifères,", but I don't care! I'm in love, and I'm pretty sure after that kiss Marilyn loves me too! "
"I told her," swooned the love struck dinosaur, 'Golly gee, Miss Maxwell its nice to finally meet you! I'm your biggest fan! I know that's probably obvious because I'm 9 feet tall and 30 feet long, but Oh my gosh....'"
"Then," continued the smitten plate lizard, "She kissed me, and I forgot all about singing, dancing, eating plants, anything else that had been important to me up to that point. I'm so sure its her !! "
"When I told my cousin Lexovissaurus, ( which I couldn't wait to do, since he once thought her extinct, ) I heard him tell his fiancé Loricatosaurus: "Je pense qu'il est fou de courir après les mammifères,", but I don't care! I'm in love, and I'm pretty sure after that kiss Marilyn loves me too! "
Friday, April 30, 2010
"I celebrated my favorite holiday of the year - Arbor Day - by enjoying a nice meal of Pinus Strobus," said Stegosaurus.
"It was great consolation for the fact that I cannot attend the Stegosaurus Races this year because I got a splinter in my left rear claw, and its a little sore! For that reason I was scratched from the race. Oh well. There's always next year!"
"It was great consolation for the fact that I cannot attend the Stegosaurus Races this year because I got a splinter in my left rear claw, and its a little sore! For that reason I was scratched from the race. Oh well. There's always next year!"
Monday, April 12, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
"With the economy in the situation it is in I've had to drop out of medical school for the time being," said Stegosaurus. "Consequently this has given me the time to stomp forthrightly into the State of California. Later today I'm going to stop by the home office of the Dinosaur & Mythical Creature Screen Actors' Guild in Hollywood.
I'm going to talk to the board of directors and see if I can act as an advocate for my friend Dimetrodon, who is in need of a pension.
You see, Dimetrodon is in a bit of a quandry because he's done the work; he's appeared in all kinds of movies and TV shows; but he is neither mythical nor a dinosaur. That's right, he's not a dinosaur. A lot of mammals think he's a dinosaur because we dinosaurs let him hang out with us a lot but Dimetrodon isn't a dinosaur.... he's a synapsid !
As a result he doesn't have a pension. Dimetrodon is starting to get on in years now; he's 120 million years older than I am, and I believe we dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures should look out for each other. Our elders particularly are deserving of care. Dimetrodon is a little odd, with his mammalian characteristics, but he's a really nice guy. He's a true friend with all he was met and I'd really like to give him a helping claw."
I'm going to talk to the board of directors and see if I can act as an advocate for my friend Dimetrodon, who is in need of a pension.
You see, Dimetrodon is in a bit of a quandry because he's done the work; he's appeared in all kinds of movies and TV shows; but he is neither mythical nor a dinosaur. That's right, he's not a dinosaur. A lot of mammals think he's a dinosaur because we dinosaurs let him hang out with us a lot but Dimetrodon isn't a dinosaur.... he's a synapsid !
As a result he doesn't have a pension. Dimetrodon is starting to get on in years now; he's 120 million years older than I am, and I believe we dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures should look out for each other. Our elders particularly are deserving of care. Dimetrodon is a little odd, with his mammalian characteristics, but he's a really nice guy. He's a true friend with all he was met and I'd really like to give him a helping claw."
Sunday, February 14, 2010
"I'm thrilled!" said Stegosaurus. "My cousin Lexovissaurus is getting married to his girl friend Loricatosaurus! They've been dating for 6 months, and that's an unusually short period to jump from courting to marriage; It's not even mating season for another three months! Its customary to wait at least a million years or two, but they have a special relationship, and I'm sure it will last. I'm so happy I think I'll go out to a garden center and dance the lindy hop!"
Bonjour je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!
Il y a longtemps que je n’ai pas posté sur mon blog parce ce que, bien, j’ai passé beaucoup de temps avec Loricatosaurus, et nous avons fait des choses qui ne doivent pas être mentionnées en société.....
Cependant, je veux faire une très spéciale déclaration. Loricatosaurus et moi avons passé beaucoup de temps ensemble, en buvant du vin, mangeant du fromage, allant à l’opéra et en aiguisant mutuellement nos supers piquantes queues. Nous avons semé des gardiens, planté des arbres, et nous les avons mangé. Nous avons passé un agréable 6 mois ensemble.
Finalement, durant une de nos soirées, j’ai amené Loricatosaurus au village de Saint Paul de Vence, où après un délicieux repas d’érables avec du fromage nous avons regardé le couché du soleil. Et puis à la faible lumière du jour, comme le soleil se donne à la nuit, j’ai demandé à Loricatosaurus sa griffe en mariage. J’étais fou de joie quand elle a accepté et nous avons fixé la date pour le 14 Novembre, 2010. Il me semble que c’est loin, mais nous avons beaucoup des amis et de la parenté et nous voulons être sure qu’ils peuvent tous venir et passer une spéciale journée avec nous.
Bonjour je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!
Il y a longtemps que je n’ai pas posté sur mon blog parce ce que, bien, j’ai passé beaucoup de temps avec Loricatosaurus, et nous avons fait des choses qui ne doivent pas être mentionnées en société.....
Cependant, je veux faire une très spéciale déclaration. Loricatosaurus et moi avons passé beaucoup de temps ensemble, en buvant du vin, mangeant du fromage, allant à l’opéra et en aiguisant mutuellement nos supers piquantes queues. Nous avons semé des gardiens, planté des arbres, et nous les avons mangé. Nous avons passé un agréable 6 mois ensemble.
Finalement, durant une de nos soirées, j’ai amené Loricatosaurus au village de Saint Paul de Vence, où après un délicieux repas d’érables avec du fromage nous avons regardé le couché du soleil. Et puis à la faible lumière du jour, comme le soleil se donne à la nuit, j’ai demandé à Loricatosaurus sa griffe en mariage. J’étais fou de joie quand elle a accepté et nous avons fixé la date pour le 14 Novembre, 2010. Il me semble que c’est loin, mais nous avons beaucoup des amis et de la parenté et nous voulons être sure qu’ils peuvent tous venir et passer une spéciale journée avec nous.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
"A very special thank you to the 21,000 mammals who came out to see me and my friends at the Walking With Dinosaurs Arena show in Virginia!" said Stegosaurus. "Although I was so pleased to see you all, I had heard that Marilyn Maxwell was going to be there so I put a lot of extra effort into sharpening my cool, spiky tail, and making sure my spiff, sexy plates were really spiff and sexy ... but she didn't show. Marilyn didn't arrive. I was so disappointed. She must be a very patriotic person to go on so many USO tours."
"There were pictures taken," continued Stegosaurus, regaining a cheerful demeanor. "Here's one of me engaging in one of my favorite pastimes, eating plants and roots."
"Here is another great picture of me; I must admit I look really good for somebody just over 140 million. Do you see that crazy mammal who is also in the picture? He's lucky he wasn't stomped on forthrightly by accident because he insisted upon walking about and talking about us. For some reason he kept insisting we were extinct which is silly! We're standing right in front of him! In fact, one of the Velociraptors almost ate our mammalian narrator. I'd have liked to speak for myself, but it wasn't in my contract. It really frustrates me that I never get enough speaking roles."
"The last photo is of my brother Allosaurus chasing me. He's pretending he wants to eat me again. Sigh. This kind of sibling rivalry has been going on for millions of years."
"Thank you again everyone for coming out to see us! I had a great time with you and all of my friends."
"There were pictures taken," continued Stegosaurus, regaining a cheerful demeanor. "Here's one of me engaging in one of my favorite pastimes, eating plants and roots."
"Here is another great picture of me; I must admit I look really good for somebody just over 140 million. Do you see that crazy mammal who is also in the picture? He's lucky he wasn't stomped on forthrightly by accident because he insisted upon walking about and talking about us. For some reason he kept insisting we were extinct which is silly! We're standing right in front of him! In fact, one of the Velociraptors almost ate our mammalian narrator. I'd have liked to speak for myself, but it wasn't in my contract. It really frustrates me that I never get enough speaking roles."
"The last photo is of my brother Allosaurus chasing me. He's pretending he wants to eat me again. Sigh. This kind of sibling rivalry has been going on for millions of years."
"Thank you again everyone for coming out to see us! I had a great time with you and all of my friends."
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