"I spent this weekend at the American Museum of Natural History in New York", said Stegosaurus. "I was there for one of my many public relations initiatives which have been so numerous in the last few hundred years. The job market can really be brutal when you're extinct, you know. There's not much call for work outside of a museum. Anyway there I was standing still for hours. I've received a lifetime achievement award for playing extinct as you might recall. I'm REALLY good at it they say."

"Early in the morning a mammal carrying a suitcase came in followed by 6 children. The children were delighted to see me because they were small, and small children everywhere love me for some reason. I keep making that observation, because its true. Don't know why for sure but I am very thankful for it. It was very interesting observing the actions of this mammal and his children, because he kept lining them up in single file, and then arranging and re arranging them in different order.

On occasion another mammal would stop him and they would converse a little bit. Then, he'd go back to arranging his children in various combinations.

Then, he opened his suitcase and arranged his garments within in different combinations.

This went on for the better part of the day. Finally at the end of the day curiosity got the better of me, and with very few mammals left in the museum before closing, I ventured to ask him what he was doing. To his credit, he did not seem at all surprised that I should speak to him in a museum. That's good. I really hate to frighten mammals like that plus I don't want to lose the reputation that got me my life time achievement award. I'm really proud of that.

"Hi, my name is Stegosaurus," said Stegosaurus.

"Hi," said the mammal. "My name is Julio. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"If you don't mind my asking what in the world are you doing there, arranging your children in so many different combinations?"

"It is very interesting, how nice of you to ask," said Julio. "Did you know," my interlocutor said enthusiastically, "..... that I can arrange my 6 children, single file, in 720 different ways?"

"How do you know this? How do you arrive at that number?" asked Stegosaurus.

"It is very simple, " observed Julio. "I have used the Fundamental Counting Principle of mathematics. Using that very same principle, I have determined that with the two pair of shoes, five pair of pants and 6 shirts I have in my suitcase that I can expect to have 60 different combinations of garments to wear."

"Very interesting," observed Stegosaurus. "I don't have a good brain for numbers it is only the size of a walnut but I do know a lot of facts about myself in numbers."

"Oh yes," said Julio. "Would you please tell me this information? I am always fascinated with numbers."

"A Stegosaurus has about 300 bones," said Stegosaurus.
"A Stegosaurus has on average about 16 spiff, sexy plates. Sometimes you will see one of us with a few more than that but on average the number is 16."
"A Stegosaurus also has 16 claws, on 4 feet."
"Four is also the number of spikes that I have on my cool, spiky tail."

"Fascinating facts!" observed Julio with glee.
"Would you mind if I re arranged your 300 bones into different combinations?"
"If its all the same I had rather you not do so honestly," said Stegosaurus. "I find myself really attached to my bones the way that they are."
"This is very understandable," observed Julio. "The way they are has served you well for millions of years."
"I will tell you a fact about set theory," Julio continued, "Now there is a formula I will teach you about which can tell us how many subsets a particular set has. The formula is 2 to the power of x. X is representative of the number of elements." Julio paused to clear his throat and then resumed, "The set Stegosaurus has 11 elements in it; That is 2 to the 11th power for a total for 2,048 ."
"I did not know this!" declared Stegosaurus. "You are so smart you can teach a Stegosaurus mathematics!"
"Thank you," said Julio.

"The museum is about to close now," observed Stegosaurus. "What will you do with the rest of your day?"

"Well," said Julio, I must go to the Home Depot hardware store and buy bundles of shingles to re shingle my roof. Then, maybe at night I will solve some quadratic equations before bed."

"I think the quadratic equations are above the understanding capacity of my walnut sized brain," observed Stegosaurus. "I would be very interested in helping you re shingle your roof. If you were to translate the Greek and Latin roots of my name I would be known as a Narrow -faced roof lizard. This is why at The Stegosaurus Construction Company roofing is our specialty. "

"I would be pleased to receive the help of The Stegosaurus Construction Company," said Julio. "Thank you very much."

When we left the museum, Julio and his children decided to ride by Stegosaurus, because we all know fossil fuel is murder. On the way I asked Julio what the square footage of his roof was.

"1800 square feet." responded Julio.

"Let's see, then, " said Stegosaurus. "You must have 18 squares, determined by dividing 1800 into 100. 18 squares times 3 bundles square is 54. We will need 54 bundles."

"I thought you said you were not very good in dealing with numbers!" said Julio with surprise.

"Yes, but also, roofing is the specialty of the Stegosaurus Construction Company you know."

"Oh right," said Julio.

"I just do what I do," shrugged Stegosaurus.

"I called upon my crew which included not only my usual classmates from college but Julio as well. By dusk, we had finished our work."

"Thank you very much! I appreciate the help!" said Julio.

"No problem, glad to do it," said Stegosaurus.

"Look at that sunset," said Julio. "What a beautiful time of the evening to solve quadratic equations."

"The Stegosaurus Construction Company shall leave you to your equations, good friend. How very nice to make your acquaintance. I hope we meet again."

"Oh I'm sure we will," said Julio. "Come back tomorrow. I need to return to Home Depot to buy some paint and a door."

Bonjour, je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!

Lorsque j’ai entendu parler que mon cousin Stégosaurus allait faire venir la production du Nutcracker de l’École de Dance de Stégosaurus à Londres durant les fêtes, j’ai dit à ma jolie épouse Loricatosaurus que nous devions aller voir cette production et nous devions passer les fêtes à Londres. Elle était d’accord parce qu’elle était déjà là à Oxford, étudiant pour ses examens pour le semestre. Croyez-le ou non, c’était la première fois que nous avions vu Stégosaurus dans sa production annuelle de cette charmante fable des fêtes. Mon cousin Américain a vraiment fait du rôle de Count Drosselmeyer, son rôle personnel. Il est devenu un expert de bonne grâce à travers les années en faisant pars de cette annuelle production durant beaucoup d’années.

Loricatosaurus a vraiment aimé la perruque de Stégosaurus et elle essaie de me convaincre d’en acheter une pour moi-même. J’hésite à cette proposition, mais je vais y penser de plus. Loricatosaurus est très convaincante.

Après nous avons rencontré Stégosaurus et son entourage pour un délicieux bol de Smoking Bishop et un bon repas de marronniers. Le Smoking Bishop est une tradition à Oxford depuis le début du 19ème siècle, et ceci est de longue date pour les mammifères. Le matin suivant nous avons tous regretter d’avoir bu tant de Bishop, et l’entourage de mammifères du Nutcracker qui a fait le breuvage pour nous nous a envoyé leur excuses, en disant qu’ils avaient oublié de justifier pour nos petits cerveaux ; lorsqu’ils ont préparé le breuvage pour nous. Ils sont pardonnés, mais mon épouse et moi ainsi que Stégosaurus, nous allons nous abstenir de cette tradition d’Oxford à l’avenir.

La veille de Noël nous avions recouvert en tant pour recevoir la visite de Kentrosaurus. Nous avons passé une très belle soirée, parce que Spinosaurus cette année voyageait avec Père Noël Stégosaurus, il n’était pas avec nous pour le repas et nous étions moins nerveux que les années précédentes. Kentrosaurus avec joie a déclaré les mots de Charles Dickens un vrai manifeste, que c’était le temps où la cité et même le monde entier " ....... acceptait d’ouvrir librement leur cœur qui était fermé, et de penser l’un à l’autre et pas à la race de créatures destiné aux autres parcours."

"Que Dieu nous bénisse tous!" déclara Stégosaurus.

"Hi, my name is Stegosaurus Claus!" said Stegosaurus Claus.

"Yes, it is that time of year again, when I leave my cozy workshop in Brazil to bring toys to all the good little girls and boys of the world! I've been watching the news lately, and decided that I might need a companion to protect me from any troublemakers I might encounter on my long journey around the world. After careful consideration, I took a stop by Nigeria and picked up Spinosaurus, who agreed to accompany me in case I should discover any children who have been very naughty this year."

"Hi, my name is Spinosaurus!" said Spinosaurus. "You had better be nice and bring peace and goodwill to all the earth, otherwise I will surely eat you alive in one bite! Don't think that you can hide in the water either! Now that science has determined I can swim, I'm even more dangerous..."

"Wait, wait, wait," said Stegosaurus Claus. "I never said anything about eating anyone. Not in one bite or two, or any bites! I told you that you could whack naughty children with your tail. Constructive lesson, not extinction."

"But, but but..." said Spinosaurus.

"No buts. The last time I checked the wisdom of Thesaurus there was nothing even remotely goodwill about eating children alive. I want you to promise me before we go any further tonight that you will not eat anyone alive."

"But my tail isn't cool and spiky its just...."

"I don't care! Its still the closest thing you have to a whipping rod, and ...."

"There are some dinosaurs that can live on Christmas trees, and dine on Pear trees 12 at a time and even tree shaped cookies," insisted Spinosaurus. "But there are some of us that need more sustenance than that...."

"I'm sorry," said Stegosaurus Claus with a hint of sympathy. "Its just that I can't trust a fellow plant eater with this task and I need a Krampus type to protect me these days. Have you seen the news lately? I mean, come on now. Be reasonable."

"I can't help it! It's my nature really..."

"Control yourself! If I catch you eating even one child alive this Christmas Eve you won't get any more presents for millions of years, maybe never ever again!"

"Aw gee..." said Spinosaurus. "I suppose I'll play along after all."


"Good, because there's a Christmas ham in it for you, if you make it to midnight without eating anyone. Tyrannosaurus Rex really wanted to go, but I knew you already had a reputation of manners by not eating anyone at Lexovissaurus' wedding, or that one year that Kentrosaurus invited you for Christmas dinner. I know you've got courtesy in you, so don't let me down, okay?"


"I'll try my best!" said Spinosaurus. "Peace on Earth to Mammals of Goodwill. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

"Earlier this month I stomped forthrightly to Washington, DC. I had been invited by Congresssaruus Triceratops to visit and attend a speech he was giving on December 5th," said Stegosaurus.

"You will be very interested in my speech," said Congresssaurus Triceratops. "If not, it will at least be very nice to see you. We plant eaters must stick together. There are so many bloodthirsty meat eating types in Congress which I must deal with so frequently it will be nice to spend time catching up with a fellow herbivore."

"I would be pleased to hear your speech," said Stegosaurus. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Very glad to do so, but look at that...." said Congresssaurus Triceratops, then suddenly dejected continued .... "Look there is no one else here. Not even other members of the Dinosaur Congressional Caucus."

"Well, it is the Holiday for mammals," said Stegosaurus. "Perhaps even some dinosaurs. I will still be glad to hear your speech."

"Thank you, Stegosaurus," said Congresssaurus Triceratops.


"I speak today," began Congresssaurus Triceratops, "On what manner you should act towards your fellows. Let me ask. Do you want to be treated fairly? Do you want your actions or intent to be viewed positively, and favorably? Then make it so! Bring about honorable intent by making it so in your actions. Lead the example, then all shall see, and speak upon you with favor. Deal fairly and honorably.
Be not of a positive manner to your friend's face, and then negative behind his back. In time the deceit will be discovered! A damaged reputation often cannot be recovered."

"That these negative traits cling and cloud over time we know, so that it may be a palpable stain in society. Make it not so! Just as much you may effect an aura of good will and be upon others a light and guidance. This choice is up to you. Lie not! Do not cheat! Do not manipulate! If you say you will do something, do it! If circumstances arise that prevent you from keeping your word, it is incumbent upon your honor to be up front and explain why you cannot as soon as possible. Beg amends, and it shall be given unto you."

"Leave not your fellows in darkness. If you cannot do this, and your fraud is discovered, you will lose all measure of respect. You will be lower in the sight of your fellows, and of all Nature. A tarnished reputation again, is not easily cleaned. Guard well a good reputation and live by it. This city certainly needs leaders and citizens of integrity. But not just this city. The entire Nation has lost its way and turned its back on decency. Verily, the entire world! Then mammal and dinosaur alike will well wonder, what went wrong can they not know they are part of the problem? You must only take what you can earn honestly. If you have gained illicitly, verily I say even if you think no one is harmed, all shall know in time for nothing can be hidden."

"The law of attraction shall bring to life ten fold that which you create and things will spiral from there forward. It is up to you which direction things will head by what you choose! Make it a spiral that expands love and trust and honor! Integrity! Peace! Fairness! Justice! We see what all this negative behavior hath wrought. It is a cancer of the mind! It is worse than a plague of insects! Worse than a flood! Worse than a meteor shower! Like attracts like and YOU are the creator and controller of your destiny. What will you be? Choose!"

"What matters your moral compass if you do not follow it? What day you break bread or fast from bread? What name you use while your neighbor uses another for the same ritual? To you! So I say, what matters then is the ideal that you hold. Find that common ground, that you present to the world. Live this ideal and set the example. Speak softly and listen much. Talk to find your common ground. For that which you think you create and then, you be! This is the wisdom I have gathered after 70 or so million years in being a part of this legislative body. I beg you to heed! In this time of Holiday season and always! Thank you."

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In spite of the headline, the article makes clear at the end that it is "...a bit speculative to assume all dinosaurs had feathers."