Saturday, April 18, 2015
Fossil Record Shows How Deadly Stegosaurus' Cool Spiky Tail Really Was
How Ankylosaurus Breathed
47-Million-Year-Old Pregnant Mare Sheds Light on Ancient Horses
Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted
Sophie The Most Complete Stegosaurus Fossil Ever Found ( Video )
New Dates Tie Volcanic Flood to Dinosaur Extinction
How Ankylosaurus Breathed
47-Million-Year-Old Pregnant Mare Sheds Light on Ancient Horses
Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted
Sophie The Most Complete Stegosaurus Fossil Ever Found ( Video )
New Dates Tie Volcanic Flood to Dinosaur Extinction
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Today Stegosaurus held a press conference to make a very important announcement.
"Thank you for coming, Ladies and Gentlemen. Very nice to see my adoring public again. Especially the small children, who love me for some reason. I appreciate your friendship and support very much. I have to make a very important statement about my future, one I thought I'd never make."
"A hard decision has been made," said Stegosaurus. "After 7 years I have left my employment as Hokie Bird Protector. Fortunately I still have my second job at the Asplundh Tree Expert Company and they have graciously agreed to increase my hours there. A lot of trees need trimming, and I'm just the dinosaur to do it!"
"I also have my School of Dance and other entrepreneurial endeavors as well. I believe in diversification and the absolute best in the American Spirit. I'm not the quintessential American dinosaur for nothing you know ... I like to think that I embody the best of the American way and tradition. A leader by example."
"I wish the Hokie Bird well; he should not take this decision personally as it had nothing to do with his character or demeanor towards me which has always been pleasant and upstanding. He's a fine individual, and when I evolve I want to be just like him. Either that or maybe a Band-tailed pigeon."
"In the interests of professionalism I will not here go into my reasoning for leaving my job as Hokie Bird Protector, but I will say I find some decisions by upper management to be very disappointing, and in many ways I no longer feel welcome at a place I once treated like home. Nonetheless I wish my former superiors well, and may the choices they have made work out well for them. I have been around for over 140 million years now, and If I can survive climate changes and meteor strikes I will survive this."
"Thank you very much for your time."
"Thank you for coming, Ladies and Gentlemen. Very nice to see my adoring public again. Especially the small children, who love me for some reason. I appreciate your friendship and support very much. I have to make a very important statement about my future, one I thought I'd never make."
"A hard decision has been made," said Stegosaurus. "After 7 years I have left my employment as Hokie Bird Protector. Fortunately I still have my second job at the Asplundh Tree Expert Company and they have graciously agreed to increase my hours there. A lot of trees need trimming, and I'm just the dinosaur to do it!"
"I also have my School of Dance and other entrepreneurial endeavors as well. I believe in diversification and the absolute best in the American Spirit. I'm not the quintessential American dinosaur for nothing you know ... I like to think that I embody the best of the American way and tradition. A leader by example."
"I wish the Hokie Bird well; he should not take this decision personally as it had nothing to do with his character or demeanor towards me which has always been pleasant and upstanding. He's a fine individual, and when I evolve I want to be just like him. Either that or maybe a Band-tailed pigeon."
"In the interests of professionalism I will not here go into my reasoning for leaving my job as Hokie Bird Protector, but I will say I find some decisions by upper management to be very disappointing, and in many ways I no longer feel welcome at a place I once treated like home. Nonetheless I wish my former superiors well, and may the choices they have made work out well for them. I have been around for over 140 million years now, and If I can survive climate changes and meteor strikes I will survive this."
"Thank you very much for your time."
Friday, February 20, 2015
"I have heard of this upstanding group of mammals who formed an organization called Christians Against Dinosaurs and decided to join them when I saw they were looking for celebrities to further their cause," said Kentrosaurus. "My cousins, and even Wooly Mammoth think I am being silly, but my faith and my resolve are solid."
Christians against Dinosaurs spokesman John Robert Decir Gilipolleces, who insisted upon being called by the name "Ha-matzav - khara", was enthusiastic. "We're very pleased to have Kentrosaurus with us!" He said. "It is a sign from The Almighty Lord which proves our point, I think. If a dinosaur joins us and says he doesn't exist it must be so! He ought to know if he exists or not!"
Monday, January 12, 2015
"I spent this weekend at the American Museum of Natural History in New York", said Stegosaurus. "I was there for one of my many public relations initiatives which have been so numerous in the last few hundred years. The job market can really be brutal when you're extinct, you know. There's not much call for work outside of a museum. Anyway there I was standing still for hours. I've received a lifetime achievement award for playing extinct as you might recall. I'm REALLY good at it they say."
"Early in the morning a mammal carrying a suitcase came in followed by 6 children. The children were delighted to see me because they were small, and small children everywhere love me for some reason. I keep making that observation, because its true. Don't know why for sure but I am very thankful for it. It was very interesting observing the actions of this mammal and his children, because he kept lining them up in single file, and then arranging and re arranging them in different order.
On occasion another mammal would stop him and they would converse a little bit. Then, he'd go back to arranging his children in various combinations.
Then, he opened his suitcase and arranged his garments within in different combinations.
This went on for the better part of the day. Finally at the end of the day curiosity got the better of me, and with very few mammals left in the museum before closing, I ventured to ask him what he was doing. To his credit, he did not seem at all surprised that I should speak to him in a museum. That's good. I really hate to frighten mammals like that plus I don't want to lose the reputation that got me my life time achievement award. I'm really proud of that.
"Hi, my name is Stegosaurus," said Stegosaurus.
"Hi," said the mammal. "My name is Julio. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
"If you don't mind my asking what in the world are you doing there, arranging your children in so many different combinations?"
"It is very interesting, how nice of you to ask," said Julio. "Did you know," my interlocutor said enthusiastically, "..... that I can arrange my 6 children, single file, in 720 different ways?"
"How do you know this? How do you arrive at that number?" asked Stegosaurus.
"It is very simple, " observed Julio. "I have used the Fundamental Counting Principle of mathematics. Using that very same principle, I have determined that with the two pair of shoes, five pair of pants and 6 shirts I have in my suitcase that I can expect to have 60 different combinations of garments to wear."
"Very interesting," observed Stegosaurus. "I don't have a good brain for numbers it is only the size of a walnut but I do know a lot of facts about myself in numbers."
"Oh yes," said Julio. "Would you please tell me this information? I am always fascinated with numbers."
"A Stegosaurus has about 300 bones," said Stegosaurus.
"A Stegosaurus has on average about 16 spiff, sexy plates. Sometimes you will see one of us with a few more than that but on average the number is 16."
"A Stegosaurus also has 16 claws, on 4 feet."
"Four is also the number of spikes that I have on my cool, spiky tail."
"Fascinating facts!" observed Julio with glee.
"Would you mind if I re arranged your 300 bones into different combinations?"
"If its all the same I had rather you not do so honestly," said Stegosaurus. "I find myself really attached to my bones the way that they are."
"This is very understandable," observed Julio. "The way they are has served you well for millions of years."
"I will tell you a fact about set theory," Julio continued, "Now there is a formula I will teach you about which can tell us how many subsets a particular set has. The formula is 2 to the power of x. X is representative of the number of elements." Julio paused to clear his throat and then resumed, "The set Stegosaurus has 11 elements in it; That is 2 to the 11th power for a total for 2,048 ."
"I did not know this!" declared Stegosaurus. "You are so smart you can teach a Stegosaurus mathematics!"
"Thank you," said Julio.
"The museum is about to close now," observed Stegosaurus. "What will you do with the rest of your day?"
"Well," said Julio, I must go to the Home Depot hardware store and buy bundles of shingles to re shingle my roof. Then, maybe at night I will solve some quadratic equations before bed."
"I think the quadratic equations are above the understanding capacity of my walnut sized brain," observed Stegosaurus. "I would be very interested in helping you re shingle your roof. If you were to translate the Greek and Latin roots of my name I would be known as a Narrow -faced roof lizard. This is why at The Stegosaurus Construction Company roofing is our specialty. "
"I would be pleased to receive the help of The Stegosaurus Construction Company," said Julio. "Thank you very much."
When we left the museum, Julio and his children decided to ride by Stegosaurus, because we all know fossil fuel is murder. On the way I asked Julio what the square footage of his roof was.
"1800 square feet." responded Julio.
"Let's see, then, " said Stegosaurus. "You must have 18 squares, determined by dividing 1800 into 100. 18 squares times 3 bundles square is 54. We will need 54 bundles."
"I thought you said you were not very good in dealing with numbers!" said Julio with surprise.
"Yes, but also, roofing is the specialty of the Stegosaurus Construction Company you know."
"Oh right," said Julio.
"I just do what I do," shrugged Stegosaurus.
"I called upon my crew which included not only my usual classmates from college but Julio as well. By dusk, we had finished our work."
"Thank you very much! I appreciate the help!" said Julio.
"No problem, glad to do it," said Stegosaurus.
"Look at that sunset," said Julio. "What a beautiful time of the evening to solve quadratic equations."
"The Stegosaurus Construction Company shall leave you to your equations, good friend. How very nice to make your acquaintance. I hope we meet again."
"Oh I'm sure we will," said Julio. "Come back tomorrow. I need to return to Home Depot to buy some paint and a door."
"Early in the morning a mammal carrying a suitcase came in followed by 6 children. The children were delighted to see me because they were small, and small children everywhere love me for some reason. I keep making that observation, because its true. Don't know why for sure but I am very thankful for it. It was very interesting observing the actions of this mammal and his children, because he kept lining them up in single file, and then arranging and re arranging them in different order.
On occasion another mammal would stop him and they would converse a little bit. Then, he'd go back to arranging his children in various combinations.
Then, he opened his suitcase and arranged his garments within in different combinations.
This went on for the better part of the day. Finally at the end of the day curiosity got the better of me, and with very few mammals left in the museum before closing, I ventured to ask him what he was doing. To his credit, he did not seem at all surprised that I should speak to him in a museum. That's good. I really hate to frighten mammals like that plus I don't want to lose the reputation that got me my life time achievement award. I'm really proud of that.
"Hi, my name is Stegosaurus," said Stegosaurus.
"Hi," said the mammal. "My name is Julio. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
"If you don't mind my asking what in the world are you doing there, arranging your children in so many different combinations?"
"It is very interesting, how nice of you to ask," said Julio. "Did you know," my interlocutor said enthusiastically, "..... that I can arrange my 6 children, single file, in 720 different ways?"
"How do you know this? How do you arrive at that number?" asked Stegosaurus.
"It is very simple, " observed Julio. "I have used the Fundamental Counting Principle of mathematics. Using that very same principle, I have determined that with the two pair of shoes, five pair of pants and 6 shirts I have in my suitcase that I can expect to have 60 different combinations of garments to wear."
"Very interesting," observed Stegosaurus. "I don't have a good brain for numbers it is only the size of a walnut but I do know a lot of facts about myself in numbers."
"Oh yes," said Julio. "Would you please tell me this information? I am always fascinated with numbers."
"A Stegosaurus has about 300 bones," said Stegosaurus.
"A Stegosaurus has on average about 16 spiff, sexy plates. Sometimes you will see one of us with a few more than that but on average the number is 16."
"A Stegosaurus also has 16 claws, on 4 feet."
"Four is also the number of spikes that I have on my cool, spiky tail."
"Fascinating facts!" observed Julio with glee.
"Would you mind if I re arranged your 300 bones into different combinations?"
"If its all the same I had rather you not do so honestly," said Stegosaurus. "I find myself really attached to my bones the way that they are."
"This is very understandable," observed Julio. "The way they are has served you well for millions of years."
"I will tell you a fact about set theory," Julio continued, "Now there is a formula I will teach you about which can tell us how many subsets a particular set has. The formula is 2 to the power of x. X is representative of the number of elements." Julio paused to clear his throat and then resumed, "The set Stegosaurus has 11 elements in it; That is 2 to the 11th power for a total for 2,048 ."
"I did not know this!" declared Stegosaurus. "You are so smart you can teach a Stegosaurus mathematics!"
"Thank you," said Julio.
"The museum is about to close now," observed Stegosaurus. "What will you do with the rest of your day?"
"Well," said Julio, I must go to the Home Depot hardware store and buy bundles of shingles to re shingle my roof. Then, maybe at night I will solve some quadratic equations before bed."
"I think the quadratic equations are above the understanding capacity of my walnut sized brain," observed Stegosaurus. "I would be very interested in helping you re shingle your roof. If you were to translate the Greek and Latin roots of my name I would be known as a Narrow -faced roof lizard. This is why at The Stegosaurus Construction Company roofing is our specialty. "
"I would be pleased to receive the help of The Stegosaurus Construction Company," said Julio. "Thank you very much."
When we left the museum, Julio and his children decided to ride by Stegosaurus, because we all know fossil fuel is murder. On the way I asked Julio what the square footage of his roof was.
"1800 square feet." responded Julio.
"Let's see, then, " said Stegosaurus. "You must have 18 squares, determined by dividing 1800 into 100. 18 squares times 3 bundles square is 54. We will need 54 bundles."
"I thought you said you were not very good in dealing with numbers!" said Julio with surprise.
"Yes, but also, roofing is the specialty of the Stegosaurus Construction Company you know."
"Oh right," said Julio.
"I just do what I do," shrugged Stegosaurus.
"I called upon my crew which included not only my usual classmates from college but Julio as well. By dusk, we had finished our work."
"Thank you very much! I appreciate the help!" said Julio.
"No problem, glad to do it," said Stegosaurus.
"Look at that sunset," said Julio. "What a beautiful time of the evening to solve quadratic equations."
"The Stegosaurus Construction Company shall leave you to your equations, good friend. How very nice to make your acquaintance. I hope we meet again."
"Oh I'm sure we will," said Julio. "Come back tomorrow. I need to return to Home Depot to buy some paint and a door."
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Bonjour, je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!
Lorsque j’ai entendu parler que mon cousin Stégosaurus allait faire venir la production du Nutcracker de l’École de Dance de Stégosaurus à Londres durant les fêtes, j’ai dit à ma jolie épouse Loricatosaurus que nous devions aller voir cette production et nous devions passer les fêtes à Londres. Elle était d’accord parce qu’elle était déjà là à Oxford, étudiant pour ses examens pour le semestre. Croyez-le ou non, c’était la première fois que nous avions vu Stégosaurus dans sa production annuelle de cette charmante fable des fêtes. Mon cousin Américain a vraiment fait du rôle de Count Drosselmeyer, son rôle personnel. Il est devenu un expert de bonne grâce à travers les années en faisant pars de cette annuelle production durant beaucoup d’années.
Loricatosaurus a vraiment aimé la perruque de Stégosaurus et elle essaie de me convaincre d’en acheter une pour moi-même. J’hésite à cette proposition, mais je vais y penser de plus. Loricatosaurus est très convaincante.
Après nous avons rencontré Stégosaurus et son entourage pour un délicieux bol de Smoking Bishop et un bon repas de marronniers. Le Smoking Bishop est une tradition à Oxford depuis le début du 19ème siècle, et ceci est de longue date pour les mammifères. Le matin suivant nous avons tous regretter d’avoir bu tant de Bishop, et l’entourage de mammifères du Nutcracker qui a fait le breuvage pour nous nous a envoyé leur excuses, en disant qu’ils avaient oublié de justifier pour nos petits cerveaux ; lorsqu’ils ont préparé le breuvage pour nous. Ils sont pardonnés, mais mon épouse et moi ainsi que Stégosaurus, nous allons nous abstenir de cette tradition d’Oxford à l’avenir.
La veille de Noël nous avions recouvert en tant pour recevoir la visite de Kentrosaurus. Nous avons passé une très belle soirée, parce que Spinosaurus cette année voyageait avec Père Noël Stégosaurus, il n’était pas avec nous pour le repas et nous étions moins nerveux que les années précédentes. Kentrosaurus avec joie a déclaré les mots de Charles Dickens un vrai manifeste, que c’était le temps où la cité et même le monde entier " ....... acceptait d’ouvrir librement leur cœur qui était fermé, et de penser l’un à l’autre et pas à la race de créatures destiné aux autres parcours."
"Que Dieu nous bénisse tous!" déclara Stégosaurus.
Lorsque j’ai entendu parler que mon cousin Stégosaurus allait faire venir la production du Nutcracker de l’École de Dance de Stégosaurus à Londres durant les fêtes, j’ai dit à ma jolie épouse Loricatosaurus que nous devions aller voir cette production et nous devions passer les fêtes à Londres. Elle était d’accord parce qu’elle était déjà là à Oxford, étudiant pour ses examens pour le semestre. Croyez-le ou non, c’était la première fois que nous avions vu Stégosaurus dans sa production annuelle de cette charmante fable des fêtes. Mon cousin Américain a vraiment fait du rôle de Count Drosselmeyer, son rôle personnel. Il est devenu un expert de bonne grâce à travers les années en faisant pars de cette annuelle production durant beaucoup d’années.
Loricatosaurus a vraiment aimé la perruque de Stégosaurus et elle essaie de me convaincre d’en acheter une pour moi-même. J’hésite à cette proposition, mais je vais y penser de plus. Loricatosaurus est très convaincante.
Après nous avons rencontré Stégosaurus et son entourage pour un délicieux bol de Smoking Bishop et un bon repas de marronniers. Le Smoking Bishop est une tradition à Oxford depuis le début du 19ème siècle, et ceci est de longue date pour les mammifères. Le matin suivant nous avons tous regretter d’avoir bu tant de Bishop, et l’entourage de mammifères du Nutcracker qui a fait le breuvage pour nous nous a envoyé leur excuses, en disant qu’ils avaient oublié de justifier pour nos petits cerveaux ; lorsqu’ils ont préparé le breuvage pour nous. Ils sont pardonnés, mais mon épouse et moi ainsi que Stégosaurus, nous allons nous abstenir de cette tradition d’Oxford à l’avenir.
La veille de Noël nous avions recouvert en tant pour recevoir la visite de Kentrosaurus. Nous avons passé une très belle soirée, parce que Spinosaurus cette année voyageait avec Père Noël Stégosaurus, il n’était pas avec nous pour le repas et nous étions moins nerveux que les années précédentes. Kentrosaurus avec joie a déclaré les mots de Charles Dickens un vrai manifeste, que c’était le temps où la cité et même le monde entier " ....... acceptait d’ouvrir librement leur cœur qui était fermé, et de penser l’un à l’autre et pas à la race de créatures destiné aux autres parcours."
"Que Dieu nous bénisse tous!" déclara Stégosaurus.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
"Hi, my name is Stegosaurus Claus!" said Stegosaurus Claus.
"Yes, it is that time of year again, when I leave my cozy workshop in Brazil to bring toys to all the good little girls and boys of the world! I've been watching the news lately, and decided that I might need a companion to protect me from any troublemakers I might encounter on my long journey around the world. After careful consideration, I took a stop by Nigeria and picked up Spinosaurus, who agreed to accompany me in case I should discover any children who have been very naughty this year."
"Hi, my name is Spinosaurus!" said Spinosaurus. "You had better be nice and bring peace and goodwill to all the earth, otherwise I will surely eat you alive in one bite! Don't think that you can hide in the water either! Now that science has determined I can swim, I'm even more dangerous..."
"Wait, wait, wait," said Stegosaurus Claus. "I never said anything about eating anyone. Not in one bite or two, or any bites! I told you that you could whack naughty children with your tail. Constructive lesson, not extinction."
"But, but but..." said Spinosaurus.
"No buts. The last time I checked the wisdom of Thesaurus there was nothing even remotely goodwill about eating children alive. I want you to promise me before we go any further tonight that you will not eat anyone alive."
"But my tail isn't cool and spiky its just...."
"I don't care! Its still the closest thing you have to a whipping rod, and ...."
"There are some dinosaurs that can live on Christmas trees, and dine on Pear trees 12 at a time and even tree shaped cookies," insisted Spinosaurus. "But there are some of us that need more sustenance than that...."
"I'm sorry," said Stegosaurus Claus with a hint of sympathy. "Its just that I can't trust a fellow plant eater with this task and I need a Krampus type to protect me these days. Have you seen the news lately? I mean, come on now. Be reasonable."
"I can't help it! It's my nature really..."
"Control yourself! If I catch you eating even one child alive this Christmas Eve you won't get any more presents for millions of years, maybe never ever again!"
"Aw gee..." said Spinosaurus. "I suppose I'll play along after all."
"Good, because there's a Christmas ham in it for you, if you make it to midnight without eating anyone. Tyrannosaurus Rex really wanted to go, but I knew you already had a reputation of manners by not eating anyone at Lexovissaurus' wedding, or that one year that Kentrosaurus invited you for Christmas dinner. I know you've got courtesy in you, so don't let me down, okay?"
"I'll try my best!" said Spinosaurus. "Peace on Earth to Mammals of Goodwill. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
"Yes, it is that time of year again, when I leave my cozy workshop in Brazil to bring toys to all the good little girls and boys of the world! I've been watching the news lately, and decided that I might need a companion to protect me from any troublemakers I might encounter on my long journey around the world. After careful consideration, I took a stop by Nigeria and picked up Spinosaurus, who agreed to accompany me in case I should discover any children who have been very naughty this year."
"Hi, my name is Spinosaurus!" said Spinosaurus. "You had better be nice and bring peace and goodwill to all the earth, otherwise I will surely eat you alive in one bite! Don't think that you can hide in the water either! Now that science has determined I can swim, I'm even more dangerous..."
"Wait, wait, wait," said Stegosaurus Claus. "I never said anything about eating anyone. Not in one bite or two, or any bites! I told you that you could whack naughty children with your tail. Constructive lesson, not extinction."
"But, but but..." said Spinosaurus.
"No buts. The last time I checked the wisdom of Thesaurus there was nothing even remotely goodwill about eating children alive. I want you to promise me before we go any further tonight that you will not eat anyone alive."
"But my tail isn't cool and spiky its just...."
"I don't care! Its still the closest thing you have to a whipping rod, and ...."
"There are some dinosaurs that can live on Christmas trees, and dine on Pear trees 12 at a time and even tree shaped cookies," insisted Spinosaurus. "But there are some of us that need more sustenance than that...."
"I'm sorry," said Stegosaurus Claus with a hint of sympathy. "Its just that I can't trust a fellow plant eater with this task and I need a Krampus type to protect me these days. Have you seen the news lately? I mean, come on now. Be reasonable."
"I can't help it! It's my nature really..."
"Control yourself! If I catch you eating even one child alive this Christmas Eve you won't get any more presents for millions of years, maybe never ever again!"
"Aw gee..." said Spinosaurus. "I suppose I'll play along after all."
"Good, because there's a Christmas ham in it for you, if you make it to midnight without eating anyone. Tyrannosaurus Rex really wanted to go, but I knew you already had a reputation of manners by not eating anyone at Lexovissaurus' wedding, or that one year that Kentrosaurus invited you for Christmas dinner. I know you've got courtesy in you, so don't let me down, okay?"
"I'll try my best!" said Spinosaurus. "Peace on Earth to Mammals of Goodwill. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
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