"I shall spend Christmas this year in Utah, with my brother Allosaurus," said Stegosaurus. "With the Stegosaurus Disaster Relief Agency we are presently at 1411 S. Redwood Road in Salt Lake working at a soup kitchen to feed the poor and needy. My brother Allosaurus asked to help by preparing dishes for those who are carnivores. I told him he could as long as he promised to be a good dinosaur and not eat us all."
"I'm on good behavior because its Christmas," said Allosaurus. "I want to prove to the world that there is truth to the idea that it is possible for the carnivore to live at peace with the herbivore. There are times that we may work together to help the less fortunate of Utah."
"We do it not just because it is the time of season, but because it is the right thing to do. The fact that it puts us a little higher up on Stegosaurus Claus' "Nice" list is completely incidental," said Stegosaurus. "I know Allosaurus and I have a long history of sibling rivalry; He's been trying to eat me for thousands of years. He can't help it really .... its just his nature. You may think it a pretty high risk on my part, but don't worry, there have been times that I've trusted Spinosaurus at this time of year, and I should have an equal amount of trust for my own brother."
"Our father, Professor O.C. Marsh, would be so proud," said Allosaurus. "Take a look at the menu we're planning on."
Cheese Broccoli soup;
Tomato soup; Kale Tomato soup;
Pumpkin bisque
Butternut squash bisque.
"Stegosaurus is making garden salads which can be eaten with the soups... He's including tomatoes from his own garden."
"These were canned in season," said Stegosaurus. "We're also serving trees on the whole and half, imported! Cycads, ( Cycadaceae), Gingko bilboa, ( Ginkgoaceae)
"Those who know me know I don't eat the Ginkgoaceae out of a deep respect for its age", said Stegosaurus, "Yet I know others may not have imposed that restriction on themselves, so I gathered a few for our menu."
"Then there are those trees native to the Utah area:
Juniperus virginiana
Acer triflorum
Carpinus caroliniana
Aesculus x carnea 'Briotii'"
"For the meat eaters I have prepared a wonderful menu which consists of pastrami, roast beef, and roast ham sandwiches," said Allosaurus.
"Whole cows and pigs available upon request!"
"It's really quite tempting I know to add a Stegosaurus sandwich to the menu, but somehow I don't think Stegosaurus would like that too much."
"You're right," said Stegosaurus. "That would make me uncomfortable. It also would certainly add you right away to Stegosaurus Claus' "Naughty" list!"
"Oh! Right, right!" said Allosaurus. "The peace on earth thing. Working together. I forgot!"
"Remember charity starts at home," said Stegosaurus.
"It is a moral responsibility of the individual. Where ever you are, please think about enhancing your holiday spirit tenfold by doing something in your neighborhood to help the needy. Brightest wishes of the Season to all of you from near and far! On behalf of myself and brother Allosaurus, Merry Christmas!"
Sunday, November 24, 2013
"My friends," said Wooly Mammoth, "Welcome to the Holy Pentecostal Church of the Pleistocene Revival."
"Today, we join for a sad occasion, our friend Western Black Rhino, has become extinct. We wish to him, and his friends and family the eternal peace and comfort of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
As Western Black Rhino begins his journey to that cold land of extinction, let us extend our prayers of blessing to him through Lord Jesus.
The comfort of the Ages has been given through the Lord's 23rd Psalm of David. Let us read it now.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shalt not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth my beside quiet waters
And he restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me to the path of righteousness for His Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of extinction, I will fear no evil
For thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointeth my head with oil, my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forevermore.
Amen. Let us turn now, my friends, my brothers and sisters to St. John. Let us read 14:2~6.
In My Father's House there are many mansions. If it were not so, I would have told you.
I go there to prepare a place for you, Western Black Rhino, that where I go, ye may be also.
And whither I go, ye know and the way ye know.
His disciples, they questioned him; and Thomas said, "Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how shall we know the way?"
Jesus replied, brothers and sisters, He said, " I AM the way, the truth, and the light. No man cometh onto the Father except by me."
Amen. Amen.
Let us turn now, brothers and sisters to our final reading: some wisdom from the Book of Wisdom. Please turn to chapter three.
"But the souls of the just are in the hand of God.
And no torment shall touch them.
In the sight of the unwise they seemed to become extinct: and their departure taken for misery.
And their going from us to be utter destruction, but they are in peace.
For though they be punished in the sight of mammals, yet is their hope full of immortality.
And having been a little chastised, they shall be greatly rewarded; for God proved them, and found them worthy of Himself."
Brothers and Sisters, our friend Western Black Rhino is Worthy of the Lord and shall be rewarded. Let us all say,
Amen. Amen. Amen.
In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
Friends, Brothers and Sisters, let us meet in the Fellowship Hall, where we may share memories and offer our condolences to Western Black Rhino."
The mourners filed out and went single file into the Fellowship Hall, where Western Black Rhino was waiting, obviously feeling down and looking glum.
"Let me be the first to offer my condolences," said Stegosaurus.
"I'm not sure I know how to handle this being extinct thing," said Western Black Rhino. "It really sucks."
"You never get over it, but you learn how to live with being extinct," said Stegosaurus. "If you ever have any questions or need any help don't hesitate to ask me. I'll be glad to help in any way that I can. My cousins are here to offer their condolences as well."
"Peace of the Lord Jesus be with you, Western Black Rhino," said Kentrosaurus. "I want you to know that even though you are a mammal you will be my brother in Christ. I am Stegosaurus' cousin Kentrosaurus, and I work here at Wooly Mammoth's church as a groundskeeper. If you need anything, I am here to help you."
"I am Stegosaurus' Chinese cousin Wuerhosaurus," said Wuerhosaurus. "I have come all the way from China by my traditional method of slow boat. Fortunately it was fast enough to get me here in time to offer my deepest condolences to you upon the sad news of your extinction. I want you to know that I will do anything I can to make you more comfortable. We all have experience in being extinct here, and we can help you adjust in this transitional period of your life."
"Et je suis le cousin de Stegosaurus, Lexovissaurus, de France, Vous avez mes sympathies sur vos récentes nouvelles de votre extinction, et les sympathies de mon épouse, qui ne pouvait pas être ici aujourd'hui car elle étudit pour un examen à Oxford en Angleterre. Veuillez accepter nos condoléances et si nous pouvons faire n'importe quoi pour vous aider, laissez-nous savoir. Peut-être un jour vous aimeriez visiter le beau pays de France. Vous êtes toujours bienvenue."
"I can relate to how you feel," said Quagga. "When I became extinct the mammals didn't know it for more than a decade. Extinction can be difficult, especially at first. I too, offer my support to you at this time. If I can do anything for you at all, please don't hesitate to let me know."
"Western Black Rhino, I am an Upland Moa, a representative of the thirteen extinct Moa species of New Zealand. We are all here for you, friend. Like Quagga, we were killed off by the mammals, so we understand your situation very well. We are all here to help you, and you may visit us in New Zealand any time."
"Thank you all so very much," said Western Black Rhino. "I do not know if I will ever get used to being extinct, but having so many friends around me I cannot feel alone. This will always mean a lot to me. I hope I can find a way to repay such generosity."
Sunday, November 17, 2013
In Boulder, Colorado today Stegosaurus held a press conference to thank his friends at the Smithsonian Institution for naming him as one of the 101 Objects that made America.
101 objects that made America #15: Stegosaurus
"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for taking the time to come out and listen to my remarks. I am so grateful to the Smithsonian Institution for recognizing the influence that I have had on American culture, and for giving me a wonderful home. They have recognized what my father O.C. Marsh observed last week, (or maybe it was back in March of 1877) that I was " ... one of the most remarkable animals yet discovered." Kind of makes up for my friend Charlie Knight calling me "Hopelessly stupid." But I forgive him, and thank him too, for drawing and painting all those pictures of me and my friends that also contributed to my enduring popularity.
I would like to thank all the small children who love me for some reason, and the toy manufacturers who have made all those toys that the children play with ( even the inaccurate ones ) and all the books and stories small children read that encourage them to become paleontologists when they grow up. I really feel, understandably that paleontology is one of the most important and underrated jobs a mammal can hold.
I'd like to thank the Motion Picture Academy of Arts & Sciences for all the movies and cartoons I have appeared in since 1925. Especially Willis 'O Brien and Ray Harryhausen, my friends at The Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor's Guild Local 14065 for ensuring a safe work environment and fair labor practices for the almost 90 years that I have worked in motion pictures.
I'd like to thank my agent at the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor's Guild Local 14065; She's really big in the industry because she's an Argentinosaurus. She's gotten me most of my gigs over the years and I really appreciate her.
I'd like to thank all the authors throughout history that have written about me, given me adventures and other imaginative things to do in my post extinction life. Especially Edgar Rice Burroughs who let me glide on my spiff, sexy plates; he knows my not so secret dream of evolving wings and flying away.
David H. Koch gives $35M to The Smithsonian Institution
Finally, I'd also really like to thank David H. Koch for giving the Smithsonian Institution $35 million to refurbish my home there. It will be nice to have some remodeling done, and I will say that I approve of it even though the Stegosaurus Construction Company did not get the contract.
Thank you all so very much. I'm flattered and honored to receive this recognition today."
101 objects that made America #15: Stegosaurus
"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for taking the time to come out and listen to my remarks. I am so grateful to the Smithsonian Institution for recognizing the influence that I have had on American culture, and for giving me a wonderful home. They have recognized what my father O.C. Marsh observed last week, (or maybe it was back in March of 1877) that I was " ... one of the most remarkable animals yet discovered." Kind of makes up for my friend Charlie Knight calling me "Hopelessly stupid." But I forgive him, and thank him too, for drawing and painting all those pictures of me and my friends that also contributed to my enduring popularity.
I would like to thank all the small children who love me for some reason, and the toy manufacturers who have made all those toys that the children play with ( even the inaccurate ones ) and all the books and stories small children read that encourage them to become paleontologists when they grow up. I really feel, understandably that paleontology is one of the most important and underrated jobs a mammal can hold.
I'd like to thank the Motion Picture Academy of Arts & Sciences for all the movies and cartoons I have appeared in since 1925. Especially Willis 'O Brien and Ray Harryhausen, my friends at The Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor's Guild Local 14065 for ensuring a safe work environment and fair labor practices for the almost 90 years that I have worked in motion pictures.
I'd like to thank my agent at the Dinosaur and Mythical Creature Screen Actor's Guild Local 14065; She's really big in the industry because she's an Argentinosaurus. She's gotten me most of my gigs over the years and I really appreciate her.
I'd like to thank all the authors throughout history that have written about me, given me adventures and other imaginative things to do in my post extinction life. Especially Edgar Rice Burroughs who let me glide on my spiff, sexy plates; he knows my not so secret dream of evolving wings and flying away.
David H. Koch gives $35M to The Smithsonian Institution
Finally, I'd also really like to thank David H. Koch for giving the Smithsonian Institution $35 million to refurbish my home there. It will be nice to have some remodeling done, and I will say that I approve of it even though the Stegosaurus Construction Company did not get the contract.
Thank you all so very much. I'm flattered and honored to receive this recognition today."
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Bonjour, je m’appelle Lexovissaurus!
Comme vous voyez, mon épouse a été très occupé ces temps si, piétinant autour d’Oxford cherchant pour ses os. Moi-même je n’étais pas si incliné, quoique je supporte ses efforts. Ma seule préoccupation est et sera toujours d’être Français ; lorsque mon épouse a piétiné Oxford pour la première fois et quand j’ai visité Mexico pour la première fois pour manger de la végétation de ce pays. La frontière-là était très violente, donc j’ai piétiné vers les États-Unis et j’ai été visité mon cousin Stégosaurus. Après une très belle visite, je suis retourné dans mon pays, et je suis demeuré depuis, protégeant notre caverne et mangeant du fromage.
Après avoir piétiné à travers Londres avec ses amies, mon épouse est retournée dans notre caverne en France pour passer le reste de sa pause de collège avec moi.
C’était très agréable de l’avoir ici dans la maison. Nous avons piétiné à l’Opéra House du Palais Garnier pour voir la performance du Bourgeois Gentilhomme, qui a été composé par Jean-Baptiste Lully. La performance était excellente; nous l’avons aimé.
Nos autres sorties sont les marches romantiques le long de la Seine et être heureux ensemble chez-nous. J’admire l’intelligence de mon épouse depuis notre rencontre, mais elle est devenue plus intelligente depuis qu’elle est entrée au collège. Nos discours intellectuels se sont améliorés!
Elle est très nerveuse, car son prochain semestre inclut un test sur la datation au carbone, duquel elle n’est pas trop sûre. J’essaie d’augmenter sa confiance du mieux que je peux.
"Qu’est ce qui te rend si mal à l’aise à propos de la datation au carbone?" lui demanda Lexovissaurus.
"La vérité est," répondit Loricatosaurus, ceci est très important pour la réussite de mon degré. D’habitude les choses comme ça ne me dérangent pas. Même quand j’ai découvert, à l’amusement de mes camarades de classe que je n’avais pas des épis d’épaules comme toi et ils se sont tous moqués de moi, j’aurais pu être embarrassée mais je ne l’étais pas. Je veux réussir et une bonne note me donnerait beaucoup de bonheur,"
"Je vais te donner de la confiance" a dit Lexovissaurus. "Dis-moi ce que tu sais de la datation de carbone, peut-être ceci va te donner plus de confiance,"
"Est-ce que je vais t’ennuyer?" demanda Loricatosaurus. "Tu m’a dit que cette affaire de paléontologie est pour les mammifères?"
" Je t’ai dit que pour moi, je le laisserais aux mammifères; mais je te supporterais pour d’importe quoi que tu veux faire et je veux t’aider. Peut-être tu peux donner une présentation comme dans une de tes classes, et tu vas voir que tu connais plus que ce que tu penses en savoir"
"Tu es très mignon," a dit Loricatosaurus. "Laisse-moi voir, où peux-je commencer avec ce sujet impressionnant?"
"Le but est de déterminer l’âge de nos os et d’y arriver à une conclusion satisfaisante, nous devons déterminer combien de carbone 14 (atomes) qu’il y a. Carbone 14 est le troisième isotope de trois, les autres sont carbone 12 et carbone 13. Le carbone 14 est utilisé parce qu’il est fait de 1 partie par million."
"Est-ce que tu parles de radiation?" demanda Lexovissaurus.
"Oui chéri. En effet." répondit Loricatosaurus. "En effet."
"Fascinant."
"Mais attend, il y a autre chose de plus. Un autre facteur doit être considéré"
"D’accord"
"Nous savons que la demie vie du carbone est de 5, 730 années."
"Il y a des jours où je pourrais dormir aussi longtemps" a dit Lexovissaurus.
"Nous devons utiliser cette méthode, c’est une étrange méthode, mais nous devons utiliser les mathématiques."
"Mathématiques. Ça ressemble à une chose mammifère,"
"Oui c’est ça, à peu près ça," a dit Loricatosaurus.
"Maintenant la durée de la vie est de la moitié de son âge, mais la vérité est que le vrai numéro peu seulement être devinée!"
"Je suis très impressionné" a dit Lexovissaurus. "Tu dois manger des facteurs d’arbres pour le déjeuner! Tu as un cerveau la grandeur d’un mammifère!"
"Tu es trop gentil" a dit Loricatosaurus.
"Isotopes, radiation, 1 partie par million de carbone 14, avec toute la connaissance dans ta tête tu ne peux pas échouer. N’est pas peur, je crois en toi."
"Tu es un si bon aide" a dit Loricatosaurus. "Ne nous inquiétons plus à propos de ceci aujourd’hui. Ce soir, mangeons du fromage et buvons du bon vin Français. Un jour je vais savoir pourquoi je suis disparu, mais pour le moment amusons-nous."
Saturday, August 10, 2013
"Let me give you some advice," said Stegosaurus. "Especially designed for mammals, since your lives are so sadly short."
"I spent my summer in college this year, after returning from my bird watching vacation. Summer time courses will accelerate the acquisition of my degree, so there is a silver lining. Some things you have to do in the name of education are just difficult. There's no way around it. This year I spent with my class mostly on the west coast trying to identify the Junglans regia from the native species of Juglans. Of course you know how I feel about walnuts and walnut trees. It was one of those pesky requirements, but I faced my uncomfortable fears and got through it."
"You know, if there's one thing I've learned in over 140 million years stomping around this planet it is that worrying accomplishes nothing. Being nonchalant about the future is shortsighted and foolish; but reasonable preparations will make your later years much more pleasant. That is why, one of the reasons why I did what I did; mammals and others who eat walnuts make me uncomfortable, but I did what I did because the future is important to me, even after so many millions of years."
"The world is what you make of it, and what you present to the world is what you will attract to yourself. If you are bitter, negativity will encircle you like a cloud. If you are jealous, envy will follow you and grow. If you are positive and upbeat, if you are kind and generous, patient and tolerant, these attributes will be returned to you tenfold. Don't let anyone stomp all over you; be firm when you need to be; use your cool, spiky tail only in times when your very life is threatened with extinction, and your life will be much more pleasant."
"Do what you can; and do it as soon as you can. Practice kindness towards your fellow creatures whenever possible but accept the things that cannot be changed; the things that you will not be able to do. You will get the blues. That is unavoidable but you have to know how to handle these kind of situations when they occur. I would like to fly, as I have said a number of times, but I doubt it will happen. I can't just evolve on command, apparently. I would like to play our American Pastime base ball again, if only I could find someone to reinstate me. I would also like to play with children in a bounce house but I can't find one big enough for me, and even if I could I'm just too darn spiky. Bounce houses don't like spikes and claws. Sure I'm jealous of birds with their wings and envious of children with their bounce houses sometimes but it does not consume my life to the detriment of my cheerful demeanor."
"Ultimately you get out of life what you put into it; you cannot change the past nor predict the future. Beyond the reasonable, live in the moment, for meteors may fall at any time. This is my wisdom I leave to you. Putting things into perspective, in relative terms can really help. Count your blessings and keep your beak up and it will all work out for the best."
"I spent my summer in college this year, after returning from my bird watching vacation. Summer time courses will accelerate the acquisition of my degree, so there is a silver lining. Some things you have to do in the name of education are just difficult. There's no way around it. This year I spent with my class mostly on the west coast trying to identify the Junglans regia from the native species of Juglans. Of course you know how I feel about walnuts and walnut trees. It was one of those pesky requirements, but I faced my uncomfortable fears and got through it."
"You know, if there's one thing I've learned in over 140 million years stomping around this planet it is that worrying accomplishes nothing. Being nonchalant about the future is shortsighted and foolish; but reasonable preparations will make your later years much more pleasant. That is why, one of the reasons why I did what I did; mammals and others who eat walnuts make me uncomfortable, but I did what I did because the future is important to me, even after so many millions of years."
"The world is what you make of it, and what you present to the world is what you will attract to yourself. If you are bitter, negativity will encircle you like a cloud. If you are jealous, envy will follow you and grow. If you are positive and upbeat, if you are kind and generous, patient and tolerant, these attributes will be returned to you tenfold. Don't let anyone stomp all over you; be firm when you need to be; use your cool, spiky tail only in times when your very life is threatened with extinction, and your life will be much more pleasant."
"Do what you can; and do it as soon as you can. Practice kindness towards your fellow creatures whenever possible but accept the things that cannot be changed; the things that you will not be able to do. You will get the blues. That is unavoidable but you have to know how to handle these kind of situations when they occur. I would like to fly, as I have said a number of times, but I doubt it will happen. I can't just evolve on command, apparently. I would like to play our American Pastime base ball again, if only I could find someone to reinstate me. I would also like to play with children in a bounce house but I can't find one big enough for me, and even if I could I'm just too darn spiky. Bounce houses don't like spikes and claws. Sure I'm jealous of birds with their wings and envious of children with their bounce houses sometimes but it does not consume my life to the detriment of my cheerful demeanor."
"Ultimately you get out of life what you put into it; you cannot change the past nor predict the future. Beyond the reasonable, live in the moment, for meteors may fall at any time. This is my wisdom I leave to you. Putting things into perspective, in relative terms can really help. Count your blessings and keep your beak up and it will all work out for the best."
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Reviving The Wooly Mammoth: Can De-Extinction Become A Reality??
Cloning Wooly Mammoths: It's The Ecology, Stupid!
Jurassic Park at 20: How Science Has Evolved
Ichthyosaurus Vomit
Bizarre 500-Million-Year-Old Cambrian Creature Unearthed
Brunostegos: Knobby Skull Roof
A 700,000 Year Old Horse Gets Its Genome Sequenced
Home Renovations For Stegosaurus And His Friends
Cloning Wooly Mammoths: It's The Ecology, Stupid!
Jurassic Park at 20: How Science Has Evolved
Ichthyosaurus Vomit
Bizarre 500-Million-Year-Old Cambrian Creature Unearthed
Brunostegos: Knobby Skull Roof
A 700,000 Year Old Horse Gets Its Genome Sequenced
Home Renovations For Stegosaurus And His Friends
Friday, June 7, 2013
"I had myself a delightful 140 million and 7th birthday earlier this week," said Stegosaurus. "I spent the afternoon on a relaxing birdwatching trip with a flock of Passenger Pigeons and Carolina Parakeets. I also ate a nice meal of that miracle of modern technology, grass, and of course this cake. My sincere wish is that when you reach the age of 140 million and 7 you will have as great a day and as great a time in your life as I have had in mine."
"I don't want you to think my life has always been easy by any means. I very much dislike insects which annoy me considerably, and there was this one time that a meteor slammed into the Yucatán Peninsula, that was a pretty bad day. But overall for the last 140 million and 7 years my life has been blessed. I really can't wait to see what each day brings me; I have tons of fun where ever I go."
Friday, May 10, 2013
From New Zealand today, Stegosaurus held a press conference to express the profound grief he feels upon hearing the news of the extinction of his friend Ray Harryhausen on May 7th, 2013.
"You will have to forgive me, I have been so distraught that I can barely move," said Stegosaurus with tears in his eyes. "I've been here enjoying my vacation with the Moas, and ever since we heard this news earlier today we have been absolutely devastated. It is such misfortune that Mammals' lives are so short !! Only 92!! Ray Harryhausen, like his friend Ray Bradbury, was an ardent supporter and advocate for dinosaurs and the megafauna of prehistory. I personally have the distinction of being the first dinosaur he worked with, in 1935, and I was also pleased to work with him in 1956. I'm very proud of that."
"I will always remember his generous compliments, praising my beauty. The 8th point of similarity I share with my brother horse. I will also miss floating forthrightly on my raft to London every June to celebrate his birthday.The Moas and I will travel to London one more time to attend the memorial for our dear friend. As I understand it, Rhedosaurus has left Wall Street in New York, USA, to join his wife who is already in London. The Moas and I will also join the entire Dinosaur Congressional Caucus there."
"It is a good time for us to be together to share our memories and love for the bright soul and wonderful mammal that Ray Harryhausen was. My condolences, the condolences of the Moa Birds, and all prehistoric and fantastic creatures everywhere go out to his lovely wife Diana and family; We all owe him and his wild, wonderful imagination a debt of gratitude for restoring the life to our fossils and his lifelong enthusiasm for all that we are and have been."
"What he has done for us, in recalling us and remembering us, we will also do. Always. His memory and great body of work will ensure his immortality, but his physical presence will be missed for millions of years beyond counting."
"You will have to forgive me, I have been so distraught that I can barely move," said Stegosaurus with tears in his eyes. "I've been here enjoying my vacation with the Moas, and ever since we heard this news earlier today we have been absolutely devastated. It is such misfortune that Mammals' lives are so short !! Only 92!! Ray Harryhausen, like his friend Ray Bradbury, was an ardent supporter and advocate for dinosaurs and the megafauna of prehistory. I personally have the distinction of being the first dinosaur he worked with, in 1935, and I was also pleased to work with him in 1956. I'm very proud of that."
"I will always remember his generous compliments, praising my beauty. The 8th point of similarity I share with my brother horse. I will also miss floating forthrightly on my raft to London every June to celebrate his birthday.The Moas and I will travel to London one more time to attend the memorial for our dear friend. As I understand it, Rhedosaurus has left Wall Street in New York, USA, to join his wife who is already in London. The Moas and I will also join the entire Dinosaur Congressional Caucus there."
"It is a good time for us to be together to share our memories and love for the bright soul and wonderful mammal that Ray Harryhausen was. My condolences, the condolences of the Moa Birds, and all prehistoric and fantastic creatures everywhere go out to his lovely wife Diana and family; We all owe him and his wild, wonderful imagination a debt of gratitude for restoring the life to our fossils and his lifelong enthusiasm for all that we are and have been."
"What he has done for us, in recalling us and remembering us, we will also do. Always. His memory and great body of work will ensure his immortality, but his physical presence will be missed for millions of years beyond counting."
Saturday, May 4, 2013
"The Spring semester of College has come to a close, and I have taken some time to float forthrightly on my raft to New Zealand for a bird watching vacation," said Stegosaurus.
"How relaxing it has been! The Moa birds are so happy to see me! Anytime I'm around watching them, my presence scares away the Haast's Eagles. I don't mind the Haast's Eagles, really. They are beautiful too. I just don't want them eating my friends.
Whether I stomp to the coastal dunelands of North Island, The Eastern South Island, The plentiful swamp forests, the canopy forests, or the mountainous subalpine zones, I have Moas to watch, look at and converse with. What a wonderful time I am having, it is such a relief after all the studying for my medical degree. The canopy forests are so delicious, I have to watch that I don't eat too much of my friends' habitat. I also need to be mindful of my weight. I've maintained my figure at a respectable 6 tons, but it is easy to get carried away when you are on vacation."
"How relaxing it has been! The Moa birds are so happy to see me! Anytime I'm around watching them, my presence scares away the Haast's Eagles. I don't mind the Haast's Eagles, really. They are beautiful too. I just don't want them eating my friends.
Whether I stomp to the coastal dunelands of North Island, The Eastern South Island, The plentiful swamp forests, the canopy forests, or the mountainous subalpine zones, I have Moas to watch, look at and converse with. What a wonderful time I am having, it is such a relief after all the studying for my medical degree. The canopy forests are so delicious, I have to watch that I don't eat too much of my friends' habitat. I also need to be mindful of my weight. I've maintained my figure at a respectable 6 tons, but it is easy to get carried away when you are on vacation."
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Bonjour je m’appelle Loricatosaurus!
C’est maintenant le temps pour les Vacances du Printemps ici à l’Université d’Oxford, et pour moi un repos de mes études de paléontologie, J’ai décidé d’aller à Londres pour une soirée entre filles. J’ai invité sœur Quagga, qui est venu de Nigéria, et Dame Rhedosaurus, qui est entrée en piétinant de New York City, aux États-Unis.
J’ai rassemblé mes filles et leurs aient demandé "Où allons-nous allez? Nous allons avoir du fun dans la Grande Ville de Londres, en Angleterre!
"Je veux visiter Scotland Yard!" a déclaré Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Et le Centre des Zones Humides de Londres ?" demanda Quagga.
J’ai suggéré " Les Jardins Botanique Royal et les Jardins Kew".
"Oh" dit Quagga, " J’espère que nous n’allons pas rencontrer Jack The Ripper!"
"Je leurs est dit que je croyais que nous étions en sécurité, parce qu’il n’attaque que des humains mammifères,
"Où allons nous allez premièrement ?"
" J’ai faim, après avoir galopé des plaines Africaines, je suis affamée." dit sœur Quagga
"Si je vois Jack The Ripper je vais le mangé, mais je veux visiter Scotland Yard avant!!" dit Dame Rhedosaurus.
J’ai suggéré "Premièrement aller aux Zones Humides de Londres, et puis aux Jardins Kew, et après on improvisera."
"Pouvons-nous aller à Scotland Yard?" demanda Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Pourquoi Scotland Yard?" demanda Quagga.
"Mais à cause de la Police Métropolitaine de Scotland Yard!" déclara Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Ma chère Dame Rhedosaurus, vous savez que nous aimons votre compagnie. Mais vous ne pouvez pas manger des agents de police. Ça ne se fait pas et cela endommage votre réputation." Je lui ai dit.
"Eh bien, les agents de police SONT délicieux, je ne peux pas m’en empêché. Mais ils peuvent nous aider. Peut-être ils peuvent nous donner des conseils pour éviter Jack The Ripper."
"C’est vrai," dit nerveusement Quagga.
"Eh bien, rappelez-vous ce que j’ai dit, je crois qu’il attaque seulement les humains mammifères. Nous sommes en sécurité." Je leurs ai dit de nouveau.
"Loricatosaurus a une superbe queue piquante et des épaules piquantes, et j’ai des dents qui ont été conçues pour manger les agents de police, Et les meurtriers." A dit Dame Rhedosaurus. "D’accord, peut-être nous pouvons visiter la Reine Victoria?"
"Ou peut-être la Reine Elizabeth II. Tu ne vas pas la manger elle aussi ?"
"Mais non, ma chère. Elle n’est pas un agent de police," a dit Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Merci pour le compliment, Dames Rhedosaurus. Allons faire la noce à Londres avec notre girl power!" j’ai dit.
Et nous avons décidé d’aller au Centre de Zones Humides de Londres !!
Nous avons sauté dans le marais du Peacock Tower où Dame Rhedosaurus et nous avons mouillé nos griffes; Quagga sait mouiller les sabots. Nous nous sommes bien amusées à batifoler dans l’eau. Je veux dire je suis un Stegosaurid et pas un animal de mer, mais je me suis bien amusé avec les filles. Nous avons vues de beaux s’oiseaux ! Le pâturage du marais, le lagon protégé et même un pèlerin.
"Allons-y !" a déclaré Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Oui, allons-y sans détours piétiné les Jardins Botanique Royal et les Jardins Kew " je leurs ai dit.
"Oui, allons-y!" déclara Quagga. Elle galopa immédiatement des marais et Dame Rhedosaurus et moi nous l’avons suivi.
Nous étions très désappointées de trouver que lorsque nous sommes arrivées là, que la Maison d’Évolution était fermée à cause des rénovations; il semblait avoir de délicieuses plantes dans leur serre.
Nous n’avions pas le cœur de manger les vergers de palmiers de Madagascar, parce qu’ils sont près d’extinction. Il n’y a rien de mal avec l’extinction ; beaucoup de mes amis sont disparu. Et nous n’avons décidé de ne pas manger le précieux et rare protea.
Nous avons mangé un bon repas d’une technologie moderne, de l’herbe ! Je suis toujours étonné qu’il y ait de nombreux champs qui poussent. Il y a des millions d’années ceci était très rare. Bien que nous ne pouvions pas entrer cette fois, nous avons visité l’étant des nénuphars, une charmante expérience. Dame Rhedosaurus a mangé des plantes carnivores qui étaient en exposition; Nepenthes truncata, N. rafflesiana, le 'croc' N. bicalcarata, N. vietchii et le récent décris N. robcantleyi,
"Où allons-nous maintenant??" Je leurs ai demandé après nous avions tous mangé à notre faim. Nous trois étions sur la pelouse, buvant près de la mare de nénuphars et nous avons décidé de finir notre excellente soirée en assistant à une performance du ‘’Songe d’une nuit d’été’’ au Théâtre Globe de Shakespeare.
Nous avons passé une très belle soirée ensemble et nous avons décidé de le faire de nouveau prochainement.
C’est maintenant le temps pour les Vacances du Printemps ici à l’Université d’Oxford, et pour moi un repos de mes études de paléontologie, J’ai décidé d’aller à Londres pour une soirée entre filles. J’ai invité sœur Quagga, qui est venu de Nigéria, et Dame Rhedosaurus, qui est entrée en piétinant de New York City, aux États-Unis.
J’ai rassemblé mes filles et leurs aient demandé "Où allons-nous allez? Nous allons avoir du fun dans la Grande Ville de Londres, en Angleterre!
"Je veux visiter Scotland Yard!" a déclaré Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Et le Centre des Zones Humides de Londres ?" demanda Quagga.
J’ai suggéré " Les Jardins Botanique Royal et les Jardins Kew".
"Oh" dit Quagga, " J’espère que nous n’allons pas rencontrer Jack The Ripper!"
"Je leurs est dit que je croyais que nous étions en sécurité, parce qu’il n’attaque que des humains mammifères,
"Où allons nous allez premièrement ?"
" J’ai faim, après avoir galopé des plaines Africaines, je suis affamée." dit sœur Quagga
"Si je vois Jack The Ripper je vais le mangé, mais je veux visiter Scotland Yard avant!!" dit Dame Rhedosaurus.
J’ai suggéré "Premièrement aller aux Zones Humides de Londres, et puis aux Jardins Kew, et après on improvisera."
"Pouvons-nous aller à Scotland Yard?" demanda Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Pourquoi Scotland Yard?" demanda Quagga.
"Mais à cause de la Police Métropolitaine de Scotland Yard!" déclara Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Ma chère Dame Rhedosaurus, vous savez que nous aimons votre compagnie. Mais vous ne pouvez pas manger des agents de police. Ça ne se fait pas et cela endommage votre réputation." Je lui ai dit.
"Eh bien, les agents de police SONT délicieux, je ne peux pas m’en empêché. Mais ils peuvent nous aider. Peut-être ils peuvent nous donner des conseils pour éviter Jack The Ripper."
"C’est vrai," dit nerveusement Quagga.
"Eh bien, rappelez-vous ce que j’ai dit, je crois qu’il attaque seulement les humains mammifères. Nous sommes en sécurité." Je leurs ai dit de nouveau.
"Loricatosaurus a une superbe queue piquante et des épaules piquantes, et j’ai des dents qui ont été conçues pour manger les agents de police, Et les meurtriers." A dit Dame Rhedosaurus. "D’accord, peut-être nous pouvons visiter la Reine Victoria?"
"Ou peut-être la Reine Elizabeth II. Tu ne vas pas la manger elle aussi ?"
"Mais non, ma chère. Elle n’est pas un agent de police," a dit Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Merci pour le compliment, Dames Rhedosaurus. Allons faire la noce à Londres avec notre girl power!" j’ai dit.
Et nous avons décidé d’aller au Centre de Zones Humides de Londres !!
Nous avons sauté dans le marais du Peacock Tower où Dame Rhedosaurus et nous avons mouillé nos griffes; Quagga sait mouiller les sabots. Nous nous sommes bien amusées à batifoler dans l’eau. Je veux dire je suis un Stegosaurid et pas un animal de mer, mais je me suis bien amusé avec les filles. Nous avons vues de beaux s’oiseaux ! Le pâturage du marais, le lagon protégé et même un pèlerin.
"Allons-y !" a déclaré Dame Rhedosaurus.
"Oui, allons-y sans détours piétiné les Jardins Botanique Royal et les Jardins Kew " je leurs ai dit.
"Oui, allons-y!" déclara Quagga. Elle galopa immédiatement des marais et Dame Rhedosaurus et moi nous l’avons suivi.
Nous étions très désappointées de trouver que lorsque nous sommes arrivées là, que la Maison d’Évolution était fermée à cause des rénovations; il semblait avoir de délicieuses plantes dans leur serre.
Nous n’avions pas le cœur de manger les vergers de palmiers de Madagascar, parce qu’ils sont près d’extinction. Il n’y a rien de mal avec l’extinction ; beaucoup de mes amis sont disparu. Et nous n’avons décidé de ne pas manger le précieux et rare protea.
Nous avons mangé un bon repas d’une technologie moderne, de l’herbe ! Je suis toujours étonné qu’il y ait de nombreux champs qui poussent. Il y a des millions d’années ceci était très rare. Bien que nous ne pouvions pas entrer cette fois, nous avons visité l’étant des nénuphars, une charmante expérience. Dame Rhedosaurus a mangé des plantes carnivores qui étaient en exposition; Nepenthes truncata, N. rafflesiana, le 'croc' N. bicalcarata, N. vietchii et le récent décris N. robcantleyi,
"Où allons-nous maintenant??" Je leurs ai demandé après nous avions tous mangé à notre faim. Nous trois étions sur la pelouse, buvant près de la mare de nénuphars et nous avons décidé de finir notre excellente soirée en assistant à une performance du ‘’Songe d’une nuit d’été’’ au Théâtre Globe de Shakespeare.
Nous avons passé une très belle soirée ensemble et nous avons décidé de le faire de nouveau prochainement.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
"Yesterday I stomped forthrightly to Virginia Tech's Department of Large Animal Clinical Sciences for my annual check up," said Stegosaurus.
"Apart from a sore jaw, I have been very well, but I just needed a check up, I assure you. In addition to the usual, you know, its the season for de worming ... I also needed my teeth floated and what I really wanted was for the veterinarian to see if she could do something or anything about my weak bite."
" I spoke to my vet; I said, 'Oh, Ms. Virginia Buechner-Maxwell, I am sure you've seen the recent news about the study done on my bite. I am thoroughly upset with this revelation! Although it probably explains why my jaw is often so sore, I am really perplexed, since I was under the impression that my bite was a lot stronger than it has been for these last few million years. Is there anything you can do to improve it? Anything at all?"'
"I hate to be the one to inform you, Stegosaurus," said Buechner-Maxwell carefully. "But I have looked over all the studies and reports on the matter in the last few days and I can tell you exactly why your jaw is sore."
"You can? Can you help fix it?" asked Stegosaurus.
"Let me explain," said Buechner-Maxwell. "All the studies that I have read show me that you are a plant eater of the class which is concerned chiefly with low hanging vegetation. Sometimes you may stand on hind legs like brother horse to reach specific branches of a certain diameter, but there is nothing I can do. I shall not usurp the power of Nature itself. I cannot even if I wanted to. So my suggestion is, if you want to know what is making your jaw sore the reality is broadleaf trees. Yes, those trees which you so admire. I am sorry to be the one to bring it to you. You need to cut back on the bigger trees and keep focused and content on the low hanging branches, ferns, mosses and other foods for which your teeth are designed."
"This is profoundly disappointing," observed Stegosaurus glumly.
"In time you will find this corrects, and when it does you can treat trees as treats instead of a full diet," said Buechner-Maxwell.
I thanked the vet for her time and expertise and stomped home in a disappointed yet enlightened frame of mind. It will certainly bring a few unexpected and unwelcome changes to my diet. However, we are all given obstacles to overcome in life. I will succeed and adjust to this one in relatively no time at all. Especially with the love and support of such loyal and dedicated friends and fans."
"Apart from a sore jaw, I have been very well, but I just needed a check up, I assure you. In addition to the usual, you know, its the season for de worming ... I also needed my teeth floated and what I really wanted was for the veterinarian to see if she could do something or anything about my weak bite."
" I spoke to my vet; I said, 'Oh, Ms. Virginia Buechner-Maxwell, I am sure you've seen the recent news about the study done on my bite. I am thoroughly upset with this revelation! Although it probably explains why my jaw is often so sore, I am really perplexed, since I was under the impression that my bite was a lot stronger than it has been for these last few million years. Is there anything you can do to improve it? Anything at all?"'
"I hate to be the one to inform you, Stegosaurus," said Buechner-Maxwell carefully. "But I have looked over all the studies and reports on the matter in the last few days and I can tell you exactly why your jaw is sore."
"You can? Can you help fix it?" asked Stegosaurus.
"Let me explain," said Buechner-Maxwell. "All the studies that I have read show me that you are a plant eater of the class which is concerned chiefly with low hanging vegetation. Sometimes you may stand on hind legs like brother horse to reach specific branches of a certain diameter, but there is nothing I can do. I shall not usurp the power of Nature itself. I cannot even if I wanted to. So my suggestion is, if you want to know what is making your jaw sore the reality is broadleaf trees. Yes, those trees which you so admire. I am sorry to be the one to bring it to you. You need to cut back on the bigger trees and keep focused and content on the low hanging branches, ferns, mosses and other foods for which your teeth are designed."
"This is profoundly disappointing," observed Stegosaurus glumly.
"In time you will find this corrects, and when it does you can treat trees as treats instead of a full diet," said Buechner-Maxwell.
I thanked the vet for her time and expertise and stomped home in a disappointed yet enlightened frame of mind. It will certainly bring a few unexpected and unwelcome changes to my diet. However, we are all given obstacles to overcome in life. I will succeed and adjust to this one in relatively no time at all. Especially with the love and support of such loyal and dedicated friends and fans."
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
"I met with my old friend Dimetrodon yesterday," said Stegosaurus.
"You might remember him; he's not a dinosaur but he plays one on TV. Dimetrodon is enjoying his retirement, and has recently met a new friend that he wanted to introduce me to. Let me relate this meeting to the readers of my blog."
"Welcome to my retirement home, Stegosaurus. I'd like you to meet my new friend Nyasasaurus." said Dimetrodon.
"Pleased to meet you," said Nyasasaurus.
"He's younger than I am," began Dimetrodon.
"I'm a spry 245 million years old." concluded Nyasasaurus.
"He is the oldest of Dinosaurs yet to be discovered," said Dimetrodon.
"I'm very impressed and doubly pleased to make your acquaintance," said Stegosaurus.
"I live on a retirement pension too," said Nyasasaurus, "I am however very active for my age. At least now that I'm off the shelf."
"Very good," rejoined Stegosaurus. "Where are you from, originally?"
"I was found in Lake Nyasa, South Africa."
"Interesting! Very interesting! I have a cousin, Kentrosaurus in Nigeria. Have you met?"
"Not as of yet; though I met a fellow who claims to be a good friend of his. A sauropod named Nigersaurus."
"Nigersaurus is a swell fellow. You'll meet my cousin soon I expect; I was pleased to hear he got a new job with Wooly Mammoth recently now he'll have a new friend too!!
Speaking of other Dinosaurs you might meet, I think you will want to be wary of Spinosaurus. He means well but he's a meat eater."
"Well, I'm not too concerned," said Nyasasaurus. "Science is pretty sure I eat meat too and if not, my buddy Dimetrodon will protect me! He has my back!"
"That's right, I sure do," said Dimetrodon.
"Well, after that I felt just a little bit uncomfortable and thought it might be a good plan to politely exit and enjoy the company of fellow herbivores," said Stegosaurus.
"Still not wanting to be rude I remained amicable. Realizing I could use my cool, spiky tail for defense if I really had to, I said, "Nice to meet you Nyasasaurus! Please come by and visit me or my cousins anytime. And you too Dimetrodon! You already know how much we enjoy your company!"
"You might remember him; he's not a dinosaur but he plays one on TV. Dimetrodon is enjoying his retirement, and has recently met a new friend that he wanted to introduce me to. Let me relate this meeting to the readers of my blog."
"Welcome to my retirement home, Stegosaurus. I'd like you to meet my new friend Nyasasaurus." said Dimetrodon.
"Pleased to meet you," said Nyasasaurus.
"He's younger than I am," began Dimetrodon.
"I'm a spry 245 million years old." concluded Nyasasaurus.
"He is the oldest of Dinosaurs yet to be discovered," said Dimetrodon.
"I'm very impressed and doubly pleased to make your acquaintance," said Stegosaurus.
"I live on a retirement pension too," said Nyasasaurus, "I am however very active for my age. At least now that I'm off the shelf."
"Very good," rejoined Stegosaurus. "Where are you from, originally?"
"I was found in Lake Nyasa, South Africa."
"Interesting! Very interesting! I have a cousin, Kentrosaurus in Nigeria. Have you met?"
"Not as of yet; though I met a fellow who claims to be a good friend of his. A sauropod named Nigersaurus."
"Nigersaurus is a swell fellow. You'll meet my cousin soon I expect; I was pleased to hear he got a new job with Wooly Mammoth recently now he'll have a new friend too!!
Speaking of other Dinosaurs you might meet, I think you will want to be wary of Spinosaurus. He means well but he's a meat eater."
"Well, I'm not too concerned," said Nyasasaurus. "Science is pretty sure I eat meat too and if not, my buddy Dimetrodon will protect me! He has my back!"
"That's right, I sure do," said Dimetrodon.
"Well, after that I felt just a little bit uncomfortable and thought it might be a good plan to politely exit and enjoy the company of fellow herbivores," said Stegosaurus.
"Still not wanting to be rude I remained amicable. Realizing I could use my cool, spiky tail for defense if I really had to, I said, "Nice to meet you Nyasasaurus! Please come by and visit me or my cousins anytime. And you too Dimetrodon! You already know how much we enjoy your company!"
Friday, February 22, 2013
Russian Meteor Largest In A Century: With Video
More Details of Russian Meteor Emerge
"I heard of the meteor that struck Russia last week," said Stegosaurus, "....and it frightened me so terribly that I hid under the bed all weekend!"
"Nothing could coax me out; not even a Marilyn Maxwell movie marathon. I have post traumatic stress from meteor strikes."
More Details of Russian Meteor Emerge
"I heard of the meteor that struck Russia last week," said Stegosaurus, "....and it frightened me so terribly that I hid under the bed all weekend!"
"Nothing could coax me out; not even a Marilyn Maxwell movie marathon. I have post traumatic stress from meteor strikes."
Sunday, January 27, 2013
"I am so proud today!" exclaimed Kentrosaurus. "With my sister Quagga's help, I have finally obtained an honest job! What joy it is, a blessing from the Lord, to finally be honestly and gainfully employed! No longer will I be attempting to earn money through fraudulent emails!"
"Now I am here in Johannesburg, South Africa, where Wooly Mammoth has determined to open a church: The Holy Pentecostal Church of the Pleistocene Revival. Thanks to the intercession, advice and encouragement of my sister Quagga and the Will of the Lord, beginning on February 2nd I will officially be the church groundskeeper!"
"I must prepare a special thank you for my sister, who has helped me so much to see the light in regards to my future on earth, and to Wooly Mammoth, who assures my future in the hereafter. First let me relate to you how the interview went, I was more than a little nervous about it at first."
*************************************************
"Good morning, Kentrosaurus; welcome to my Holy Pentecostal Church of the Pleistocene Revival. Blessings of our Lord Jesus be upon you," said Wooly Mammoth.
"Thank you sir, pleased to meet you," said Kentrosaurus.
"Now you are interested in the groundskeeper position, correct?"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you any experience ? What is your previous job record?"
"Well, sir, yes, sir. I am a Stegosaurid, and therefore by nature am a herbivore. I have a great deal of experience as a plant eater, and would, I feel, make an excellent groundskeeper for your church. I excel at trimming lawns and especially hedges."
"If I plant some flowers, will you promise not to eat them?"
"Yes sir, I will do my best, sir."
"Your resume here says that you are a veteran."
"Yes, I am; my sister Quagga and I both served in the Battle of Humboldt Museum during World War II, in April, 1945. I lived on a military pension given to me after I survived the bombing of the Museum's East Wing, and then, in the 1990's I found employment to supplement that income."
"I understand the circumstances of that employment were less than honest, however."
"I have come to understand that myself through your teachings, sir. You have helped me see the light of honesty through the Word of Christ Jesus, and since I repent of my earlier choices, I pray you to give me consideration."
"It says, in the Good Book, Leviticus 19:36: "Just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin, shall you have: I am the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt." replied Wooly Mammoth; "Verily, if you have learned this lesson, it will be the better for you."
"I endeavor to prove I have learned my lesson by following the Wisdom of the Rock of Ages sir."
"Well, have you any references?"
"My sister Quagga is one of my biggest advocates; she helped me write up a resume; my cousins Stegosaurus, Lexovissaurus, and Wuerhosaurus would speak well of me, as well as my friend Nigersaurus .... even Spinosaurus said he'd put in a good word for me. Their contact information can be supplied upon request."
"Well, I have spoken to both Quagga and Nigersaurus recently, who spoke very highly of you and based upon their estimations of your talent and character, in addition to the honesty I have seen today, I believe that I will give you an opportunity here."
"Thank you, sir! Thank you! I appreciate it so much!"
"Very well! The job starts on February 2nd; if you can start then ...."
"Oh, yes, sir! Gladly!"
"Then let us go to lunch; we shall discuss benefits and pay rate over a nice meal."
*********************************************
"This is the story of the beginning of my new life as an honestly employed Stegosaurid," said Kentrosaurus. What joy and happiness I feel today! Through prayer the Lord has provided all that he has promised and all praise is due to the Lord Jesus Christ."
"Now I am here in Johannesburg, South Africa, where Wooly Mammoth has determined to open a church: The Holy Pentecostal Church of the Pleistocene Revival. Thanks to the intercession, advice and encouragement of my sister Quagga and the Will of the Lord, beginning on February 2nd I will officially be the church groundskeeper!"
"I must prepare a special thank you for my sister, who has helped me so much to see the light in regards to my future on earth, and to Wooly Mammoth, who assures my future in the hereafter. First let me relate to you how the interview went, I was more than a little nervous about it at first."
*************************************************
"Good morning, Kentrosaurus; welcome to my Holy Pentecostal Church of the Pleistocene Revival. Blessings of our Lord Jesus be upon you," said Wooly Mammoth.
"Thank you sir, pleased to meet you," said Kentrosaurus.
"Now you are interested in the groundskeeper position, correct?"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you any experience ? What is your previous job record?"
"Well, sir, yes, sir. I am a Stegosaurid, and therefore by nature am a herbivore. I have a great deal of experience as a plant eater, and would, I feel, make an excellent groundskeeper for your church. I excel at trimming lawns and especially hedges."
"If I plant some flowers, will you promise not to eat them?"
"Yes sir, I will do my best, sir."
"Your resume here says that you are a veteran."
"Yes, I am; my sister Quagga and I both served in the Battle of Humboldt Museum during World War II, in April, 1945. I lived on a military pension given to me after I survived the bombing of the Museum's East Wing, and then, in the 1990's I found employment to supplement that income."
"I understand the circumstances of that employment were less than honest, however."
"I have come to understand that myself through your teachings, sir. You have helped me see the light of honesty through the Word of Christ Jesus, and since I repent of my earlier choices, I pray you to give me consideration."
"It says, in the Good Book, Leviticus 19:36: "Just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin, shall you have: I am the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt." replied Wooly Mammoth; "Verily, if you have learned this lesson, it will be the better for you."
"I endeavor to prove I have learned my lesson by following the Wisdom of the Rock of Ages sir."
"Well, have you any references?"
"My sister Quagga is one of my biggest advocates; she helped me write up a resume; my cousins Stegosaurus, Lexovissaurus, and Wuerhosaurus would speak well of me, as well as my friend Nigersaurus .... even Spinosaurus said he'd put in a good word for me. Their contact information can be supplied upon request."
"Well, I have spoken to both Quagga and Nigersaurus recently, who spoke very highly of you and based upon their estimations of your talent and character, in addition to the honesty I have seen today, I believe that I will give you an opportunity here."
"Thank you, sir! Thank you! I appreciate it so much!"
"Very well! The job starts on February 2nd; if you can start then ...."
"Oh, yes, sir! Gladly!"
"Then let us go to lunch; we shall discuss benefits and pay rate over a nice meal."
*********************************************
"This is the story of the beginning of my new life as an honestly employed Stegosaurid," said Kentrosaurus. What joy and happiness I feel today! Through prayer the Lord has provided all that he has promised and all praise is due to the Lord Jesus Christ."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
